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Messages - Crimm

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1
Missed opportunity for a "DLC Dropped Them Fighting Turds" in the abstract.

2
RFN is an AAAA podcast

That's why every episode costs $19m USD.

3
Podcast Discussion / Episode 859: Switch U Marketing
« on: January 28, 2024, 02:51:30 PM »

Sometimes a good idea comes back around.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/66093/episode-859-switch-u-marketing

This week it's predictions another episode Jon missed, delaying predictions!

First, we cursed more Smash spirits into existence, and then email! This week: why so many GBA remakes, more GBA Switch remakes, and will the Switch successor kill the music all over again?

As always emails go here.

Gui also has a little New Business:  EGGCONSOLE SILPHEED PC-8801mkIISR and the Tekken 8 demo.


4

The worst thing said about an RFN Co-host is uttered this week.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/66040/episode-858-dalle-draw-anime-lea-thompson-holding-a-rectangle-sword

I hope you didn't miss it, because Smash came back with four new spirits last week. Greg and James have claimed Rarau, Noah and Mio, Deep Cut, and Oatchi to preserve their status as "collection complete" gamers. 1517 spirits means their company is elite... in terms of free time. Greg also spent some time with the demo for Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown. It's 2D like the old-old-old-old Prince of Persia games, not 3D like the old-old-old Prince of Persia games. No word if the final game will contain Godsmack, like the old-old Prince of Persia game or not like the old-old-old Prince of Persia game. James is still playing a bit of The Legend of Heroes: Trails from Zero. By a bit, I mean nearly 20 hours. The mission-based structure is scratching a dopamine receptor in his brain in a very dangerous way. Guillaume is now exploring the depths of the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC Wave 2, having played all of the tracks in reverse. He'll have to do 200cc on his own; it's just too chaotic for Karen.

After the break, we attempt to probe the inbox. Sadly, we're almost instantly knocked off-center by a "collaboration" between former host Jonny Metts and Mad Catz.

Also this week: unhinged elemental systems (looking at you Kingdom Hearts) and Nintendo's [bad] way with words.


5

I demand a pay raise for this.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/65951/episode-856-we-are-not-calling-the-game-hitlers-resurrection-top-secret-stop-asking

Welcome to 2024. We're back, except Jon.

This week Gui leads 2024's New Business with his holiday exploits. Included are conversations about Switch Sports replacing Wii Sports Club, the Jackbox series, Tears of the Kingdom, and Tents and Trees. Greg spent the holiday with old favorite Super Mario Galaxy, now no longer available on Switch.

After a break, James demands emails and then the crew picks games for: stuff to emulate on a Steam Deck and the next "hey you need to play this" now that Ghost Trick is out.


6
Podcast Discussion / Re: Episode 854: Keep Super Mario RPG Weird
« on: December 27, 2023, 08:54:16 PM »
Jon

5. Tears of the Kingdom
4. Metroid Prime: Remastered
3. Vampire Survivors
2. Super Mario RPG
1. Super Mario Bros. Wonder
HM: Ghost Trick, Final Fantasy Pixel Remsasters, Starfield, Forza, Diablo 4, Monster Hunter World


Greg

5. Bayonetta Origins: Cereza and the Lost Demon
4. Cocoon
3. Super Mario Bros. Wonder
2. Pikmin 4
1. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
HM: Patrick's Parabox, Metroid Prime: Remastered, Ghost Trick, Advance Wars, Super Mario RPG, Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed


James

5. Ghost Trick
4. Super Mario Bros. Wonder
3. Dave the Diver
2. Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed
1. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
HM: Pikmin 4, Fire Emblem Engage (I GUESS), Anonymous;Code


Gui

5. Super Mario Bros. Wonder
4. Suika Game and Vampire Survivors
3. Pikmin 4
2. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
1. Chained Echoes
HM: We Love Katamari, The Outer Wilds

7
None were prepared.

8

Jonathan Swift could never!

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/65652/episode-851-for-sale-baby-hands-never-worn-and-gator-skin-headwear

Week two of Jon's Sojourn kicks-off with New Business. James skips, but Guillaume and Greg have plenty to cover.

Guillaume has some impressions of WarioWare: Move It!, but mostly he's been playing Super Mario Bros. Wonder and Castlevania Advance Collection.

Greg is focused on the just-released remake of Super Mario RPG, but he saves some time for the just-updated F-Zero 99.

After our regularly-scheduled 15 seconds of "Men of Leisure," it's time for Listener Mail. As always, your questions go here.

Topics this week: a mysterious and haunting Kong rendering, the future of PlatinumGames, and the launch date of the next 3D Zelda.

Time is very much close on our next RetroActive, The 7th Guest.

Post your thoughts on the forums or in the NWR Discord.

Your doctor (me) recommends doing it in one sitting.


9
Podcast Discussion / Episode 850: My Name Is Samus WAHran
« on: November 26, 2023, 12:33:44 PM »

The future of the Metroid Prime series is in safe hands.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/65597/episode-850-my-name-is-samus-wahran

Recorded without the presence of Jon Lindemann or Lon Jindemann, and on an American holiday, this episode is a quick inbox cleanser.

This week we get: an apology, name Mario Kart, replace the Joy-Con, fix Prime 4, and put a screen on a thing we don't even know exists.

As always, you can undo our efforts to clean the inbox by sending questions here.

RetroActive: The 7th Guest is just two weeks away. It's short, so you can get through it pretty quick.

Send your comments to the forums or the NWR Discord.


10
Podcast Discussion / RetroActive 53: The 7th Guest
« on: November 22, 2023, 10:02:24 PM »
GET IT IN, WE'RE ROLLIN'

11
Podcast Discussion / Re: Episode 848: Teach the Kangaroo Kontroversy
« on: November 15, 2023, 04:36:05 AM »
We'll take a look

12
Podcast Discussion / Episode 847: Aggressive Worming
« on: November 05, 2023, 06:30:54 AM »

It's a work in progress below the surface.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/65390/episode-847-aggressive-worming

Jon is out this week, so once again we're running a three-man show.

The returning Greg kicks the show off with some post-completion thoughts on Super Mario Bros. Wonder. This is probably pretty close to our definitive segment on the game - you could call it "smooth." We do. About 100 times.

Guillaume is playing Sparklite. It's a roguelike action game available on Switch.

James closes out New Business with Dave the Diver. You're Dave. You're a diver. You hunt fish, you serve sushi, you make money, and you...cheer on an idol? Hey there's more beneath the surface here, if you'll excuse the pun.

A short break gives way to a single Listener Mail segment: could a remake be game of the year? You can send us your questions or fill our last-call for RetroActive suggestions here.


13
Podcast Discussion / Re: Episode 846: The Release Calendar
« on: October 30, 2023, 04:32:55 PM »
YAY! you fixed it! YOU FIXED EVERTYTHING

EXCEPT MY AUDIO

14
I'm still trying to get the feed stuff sorted. Sorry bout that.

Stoked to participate in the upcoming Retroactive! Where is the best place for discussion these days? Discord? Here in the forums?

My top 3 picks for the game in question:

  • Super Mario Bros Lost Levels
  • Gargoyle’s Quest (GB)
  • Ninja Gaiden

Who's with me?!

Discord is more active but here or there, I'll see it. We'll make a thread in both.

15
NWR Forums Discord / Re: Random LOL of the day thread
« on: October 11, 2023, 10:34:51 PM »
I miss the steamed ham twitch feed.

16
NWR Forums Discord / Re: I REMAIN YOUR GOD IN ABSTENTIA
« on: October 09, 2023, 11:08:24 PM »
Who's this Crimm guy anyways?

see topic

18
NWR Forums Discord / I resign from being your God in absentia
« on: October 06, 2023, 06:51:12 PM »
Just listen to Khushrenada. He's got it going on.  8)

19

Correct!

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/editorial/65042/an-explanation-and-a-public-shaming-what-are-things-nintendo-owes-me-after-quest-for-camelot

I just played the first level of Quest for Camelot, the latest addition to the Nintendo Switch Online's Game Boy Color library, and I'm in pain. This addition was so substantial that Nintendo deemed it worthy of being the only English language NSO game in that batch (other titles: Kirby’s Star Stacker, Joy Mech Fight, Downtown Nekketsu March Super-Awesome Field Day!).

This is not meant to serve as a "recommendation" article. And, although it isn't clear that this site still produces that content format, I could conceivably do the most punk rock thing imaginable and do one anyway. But, if I do engage in such an act of teen rebellion it will not be part of this article.

This is meant to serve as a manifesto. This is the kind of article, crudely hewn using an IBM Selectric, where a person driven mad by modern society makes philosophical proclamations dripping with sophistry and delusions of grandeur. I, unlike those people, am fully in possession of my faculties, and I am the most clear-eyed in the darkness of modern society. Quest for Camelot is a fraud, and by failing to denounce it you help perpetuate it.

Quest for Camelot, no definitive article, is a movie tie-in from the late 1990s. On a handheld. From Titus. There is nothing here to insinuate that this game was going to have redeeming qualities in abundance, but this is a late Middle Ages depiction of famine as a skeletal rider on horseback in game form.

There's no shortage of Zelda clones on the market and this sure is one of them. Possibly the worst of them, which is an accomplishment assuredly worthy of some kind of title belt. Let's examine some of the problems!

The art is poor, even by Game Boy Color standards. The sprites have massive craniums, usually a tactic to make a low-pixel sprite have enough detail to be recognizable. However, in this case our hero looks more like a Mr. Potato Head. The shape of a human head isn't even recognizable. Enemies fair marginally better, except the bosses. They're hilariously worse.

And the dog, oh my word, the dog. There is a dog you have to lead back to his owner, in order to get a shield. You cannot progress any further in the game until you get a shield because Merlin wont let you go into the room where your mother is being held until you do. Depending on the angle, this "dog" looks like either a pig, a gargoyle, or a person in fetish attire. But never a dog. It looks so far from a dog that I'm not convinced the artist had ever seen a dog. It reminds me of early Renaissance nature guides where some Genoese artist drew a giraffe based only on third-hand descriptions from North African merchants.

As an aside, Merlin - the powerful wizard - is standing right outside the door where your mother is held hostage and vaguely encouraging a teenage girl to go and fight the enemy instead. Gandalf the Gray looks on this and thinks it lazy. He should know; he's got at least four more hours before those goblins eat Thorin and co.

What's a map anyway? Or a stage? Or a door? Who can say? I spent a full 30 minutes lost inside a castle because I couldn't figure out where the exit was. It's true that the level layout was confounding but the bigger issue was the door looked exactly like other surfaces on the wall that weren't doors. Better yet, an "opened" crate was covering part of the door's non-door sprite.

The dungeon layout is amateurish, showing less care and logic than a randomly generated Mystery Dungeon stage. Halls twist and turn in on themselves ending in dead-end rooms that serve no purpose but to hide one of the game's many mandatory-kill enemies. Yes, this game is brave enough to replace Zelda-mainstay kill rooms with kill stages. Wander a labyrinth killing every single enemy in it so a door "locked with a ghostly power" will open. Does it tell you to kill all the enemies in the stage? Does it even tell you those enemies are ghosts? Of course not. Does it tell you how many there are? Kind of, after you get the map which is actually the prize behind the door.

And by map, I mean compass. Because the compass is the map. And its an item. Just like the Game Boy Zelda titles, you have two action buttons to work with, and if you desire to see the map you need to pause the game and put compass into one of those slots, un-pause, and then use it. It's baffling they stole Zelda's inventory system but not its map. Oh, and saving is also an item. You have to equip the power to save.

SavingIsAnItem

My God. This is parody. There's no way someone could play Link's Awakening and determine that the map and saving should be items. Imagine a speedrun category where its Compass/Save only. Except then we wouldn't get to experience all the kill stages. What a world.

It's okay, I'm not mad. I have the dulcet tones of the music to calm my frazzled state of mind. By now this is an obvious lie, so let's just say the music sounds like it was composed entirely on two instruments: a Casio drum machine and an ice cream truck. If that seems like it would be unpleasant, you're right. Don't worry, it only runs in an eight second loop, so that probably classifies this game as some kind of MKUltra experiment.

Let's talk fonts. Did you ever see a non-recommendation non-review manifesto proclaim that a video game's font is so poor that the non-recommender had to use emulator rewind to simply read the in-game hints? Video games from past eras were accused of having inscrutable hints, Quest for Camelot explores unintelligible hints. What does this text say? Why is it scrolling? Why is there so much on a single page. Is that an N, D, or V? Have you ever contemplated a character could look like that particular trio of letters? How is that even possible? Thoth is displeased, and rightly so.

So, if this were a recommendation, this is where I'd let out an exasperated sigh and declare "Not Recommended." However, it isn't. It's a manifesto.

So Nintendo, what in the fresh hell is Quest for Camelot doing on this service? 25 years ago Nintendo of America opted to publish this feted imitation of your own products because Titus either couldn't or wouldn't. I wont demand answers for that clearly flawed decision, but why would you remind us of your own bad decision-making? It's frightful from the bootup screen, and the situation degrades from there. Did someone find this in a filing cabinet and get it up on the service without playing it?

Quest for Camelot is subtraction by addition. It's inclusion in the service just goes to show how little the product is being maintained. Nobody cares when other digital services add garbage, because they are consistently adding new and interesting content to deep backlogs. Here, Nintendo exalted Quest for Camelot as the rare Game Boy release on the service. They proclaimed "Look at this product that you have paid for." I have thought more about how much is missing from the Game Boy selection of NSO after Quest for Camelot than before it.

If you have to give us a Zelda-like for GBC, why not your own port of Crystalis? I know it is functionally inferior to the NES original, what with enemies shooting at you from off screen and other downgrades, but it's better than Quest for Camelot. And I get that the superior NES version is already on the NSO service, but there's already about eleven versions of some Kirby games on the service.

I never contemplated adding a game would actually make the service worse, and yet it has. Thankfully Nintendo never published any other Titus developed games, or we'd be looking down the barrel of Blues Brothers 2000 for the N64 or God forbid Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.


20
Podcast Discussion / Episode 833: Olimar Is Caked Up
« on: July 30, 2023, 01:53:00 PM »

Brother been hitting those those squats.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/64389/episode-833-olimar-is-caked-up

Jon remains out this week, but that doesn't deter us from starting the show with Listener Mail. In the first segment we answer two questions: why does Super Mario RPG Remake cost so much, and why are modern games so heavy with collecting. After a break we answer one more question: "Jon, what will it take for you to play Pikmin 4." Of course, Jon isn't here, so we answer for him.

After solving that mystery, we transition to Gui and Greg talking about Pikmin 4.

As always, emails go here.


21

Guaranteed to promote so my thyroid health you'll grow extra thyroids!

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/64344/episode-832-alex-jones-shelf-stable-1-2-switch-bucket

Iron Man is out this week, but that doesn't prevent James, Greg, and Guillaume from recording a 10 minute segment on robophilia in Sly Stallone's directorial oeuvre.

This week in New Business, James starts the show with a frighteningly long segment discussing authentic Horace Showpony masks. He then actually has New Business, having played turn-based space strategy game Chaos Galaxy. Sadly the game is lacking the drama he needs to get juiced up. Greg has some early impressions of Pikmin 4, owing entirely to his time zone advantages over the rest of his co-hosts. Guillaume closes out New Business talking Ridge Racer 6 (on Xbox) and his desire to see Ridge Racer make its way to Switch.

After a break, Listener Mail erupts into a giant ball of fire. Stay tuned after the end music to hear all of that. It doesn't get dramatically better after we recover the show. This week we talk about word salad eShop titles and good character design. You can send us your SEO-driven questions here.


22
TalkBack / Re: 100 Classic Books Review
« on: July 07, 2023, 11:08:52 PM »
Does it have Pride and Prejudice? I know someone who's been meaning to read that.

...GOOD NEWS

23
TalkBack / Re: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective (Switch) review
« on: June 27, 2023, 02:12:29 PM »
Over 10 years later, still a 9.5.

What a game...

24
TalkBack / Re: A Warriors Warrior Warriors for Warriors' Warriors.
« on: June 16, 2023, 11:18:17 PM »
hah it's all good

25

Move over, Paul Marketing! It's Paul Jon-keting's time to shine.

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/rfn/63922/episode-826-chief-marketing-officer-jon-lindemann

If I literally put his name in the title, do you think he'll listen to an episode he isn't on?

Place your bets in the comments.

Without the ironman, we focus on building an email-centric show this week. Topics covered: Nintendo's cardboard future, Nintendo's failure future, and Nintendo's Nic Cage future.

I don't know either, at this point. Emails go here, I guess...

We wrap the show up with a little bit of New Business. All of us played Kirby Tilt 'n' Tumble, recently added to the Nintendo Switch Online service. Guillaume has been playing Space Invaders Gigamax 4 SE, part of the Space Invaders Invincible Collection, as well as the time-limited multiplayer-only demo for Puzzle Bobble Everybubble!


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