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Messages - Crimm

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Seeing a lot of interest in my NFT collection.

Market values skyrocketing. $0.02 is the new asking price.

No no, that's just the image. I own the NFT. Which is the above leger item.

I will sell you this NFT for $0.01

Podcast Discussion / Episode 752: This Ain't No Ice in a Glass
« on: December 26, 2021, 03:56:00 PM »

A new meaning for "Happy Boxing Day."

It's the final episode of 2021, but with the ongoing holidays Jon isn't able to join what ultimately was a bit of an impromptu episode.

James is the only person with New Business this week, ending his nearly month-long sabbatical on the subject. He's been playing Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth. It's a lot of name, and as a Castlevania-like you'd be understandably skeptical at James' praise for the game. The completely unbiased author of this article thinks he is very trustworthy, and also ruggedly handsome, and a great businessman.

After James concludes talking, we dive straight into Listener Mail. Three emails to close out the year: provide the inside scoop on Kirby's anniversary party, talk about self-imposed challenges in games, and revive HD Rumble. You can try to get us to answer your question by sending us an email. Even if we pick it, no promise we answer it!

If you need something else to listen to during our upcoming time off, Gui appeared on TYP's Radio Trivia last week and the crew will have published three new Patreon-exclusive episodes by the end of the month.

Thanks to everyone for listening this year. I hope you're enjoying the holidays.

We will never apologize.


I'm here to get paid.

Screw Mario Kart; let me own Pikachu.

You heard me.

I will not be stifled by concerns of unclean language. Screw Mario. I don't want his kart, or his dinosaur, or even his brother. I want to own Pikachu. It's that simple. In the immortal words of Dave “Batista” Bautista, “GIVE ME WHAT I WANT! [Mario?] THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT!” I want to own Pikachu. Not at WrestleMania, but broadly.

Back in late October, Bloomberg Wealth published an article trying to explain what the Metaverse is to business types who aren’t serious enough to read the Harvard Business Review. There was a passage that caught a lot of Internet heat, which is of course the most important metric for judging how right you are about something. They made a hamfisted attempt to explain NFTs in the context of “owning” Mario and his eponymous kart in Mario Kart. One could earn “Mariocoins” for their ownership, and the purchase and ultimately sale of Mario and his kart would be registered on the Blockchain.

For completeness sake, I should explain NFTs beyond calling them the latest trend for grifters and griftees. NFTs (Non-fungible tokens), the latest trend for grifters and griftees, are digital signatures that "authenticate ownership" of a digital asset, such as a picture or 1/47 of a Radio Free Nintendo Patreon Exclusive. Ownership transactions are verified on the Blockchain, and at this point its clear that continuing to define terms will get us nowhere. While none of this prevents the digital asset from being infinitely reproduced, the "ownership" is unaltered by this duplication. Just know that unless you're the actual owner of Part 22, your enjoyment of it is completely illicit.

There were a few issues with the Bloomberg Wealth article.

First was the handmaiden work Bloomberg was doing for “Meta,” the rebranded whitewash of perpetual bad actor Facebook. When not allegedly busy propagating Russian agitprop, allegedly promoting conspiracy theories, allegedly knowingly undermining the self-worth of teens, allegedly providing venues for all the things that are too hot for Nextdoor, and other worthwhile business ventures; Facebook is also interested in throwing up smokescreens to distract from Congressional testimony. The rebrand’s timing was so obvious that it should have led the piece. On the bright side, it did give us this Meta ad, which is so horrendously awful that one of the actors literally could not hide their contempt.

His pain is incalculable.

Second is the real problem with describing “Metaverse,” which is that it can mean whatever the hell you want it to mean. It’s a word made up by marketers and their ilk to rebrand existing technologies as something new and revolutionary, which is of course just a way of getting money for existing ideas. VR Chat is the ultimate expression of Metaverse by Bloomberg Wealth’s definition. Except, it lacks the necessary implementation of NFT technology. Without it, how can you get people to give you real currency in exchange for fake currency that you created literally from thin air so that they can buy “content” that you let the audience create for you?

But most pointedly, the biggest failure of Bloomberg Wealth isn’t their thin grasp of why Facebook is doing this now, or the inherent pyramidal shape of the Metaverse business model as described in their article. The true failure was the selection of Mario Kart as the example. It was inherently so ghastly to fans of Nintendo games—and more largely to the gaming community—that it poisoned any potential conversation they could have about NFT in games.

Technically speaking, Meta makes their own hardware and electricity, so I remind, this is an illustration.

This is where the NFT-supporting commentariat will jump all over me and accuse me of not seeing the revolutionary value of truly owning your “content” in games. They ignore that for this to actually do more than existing “inventory” models do in online games, it would require the NFT—which ultimately is just a pointer saying who owns a URL—be implemented in other products. Great, your super cool gun is backed by NFT instead of just being inventory on a game server, but you aren’t going to be able to use the gun in another game unless the developers implement it. This is where the commentariat calls me dumb, but they’re the ones claiming automatically generated jpegs of sub-Garbage Pail Kids quality art are "worth" $300k, so I feel like I’m pre-vindicated.

Bloomberg’s example of Mario and his Kart Friend being only accessible to the single owner of the related NFT would render Mario Kart unplayable almost instantly. Unless Nintendo wanted to get into the business of automatically creating kart+driver combinations, they’d never be able to feed the grift mill enough content that everyone could have a kart, let alone a desirable one.

An artfully-crafted character.

I’m being informed that it is entirely possible that Nintendo is already automatically generating Mario Kart characters.

Be that as it may… if Bloomberg Wealth wanted to better illustrate their point, what game should they have chosen? We need something that justifies the limitation of a single owner having access, that has “user generated content” where playing the game increases the perceived value of the in-game asset, where there’s enough supply to keep the wheels of the game lubricated, and where it is reasonable to assume that the asset will be valuable in other games in the future.

To revisit the words of America’s greatest slab of human granite: you know what it is, give me what I want! I want to own Pikachu. I’ve been asking for it for years, you’re going to give me what I want or I’m going to continue to hurt you by writing this article.

Pokémon is the answer to the NFT/Metaverse/investor-bait question that no one needed to ask, and yet I will answer. Let’s take it point by point. I identified four key criteria we have to meet: justified scarcity, sufficient supply to make the game playable for a broad audience, potential for “play to earn” to increase the value of the asset, and expectation that the asset will be valuable in future games.

To start with, I’m going to stop calling it “the asset.” This is entirely too boring, and as was Bloomberg Wealth’s intent in choosing Mario Kart, I need a beloved property that will generate rage clicks. From this point forward “the asset” is “Vulpix.” Sorry everyone else, I own Vulpix. If you want to see him you’ll have to pony up. Please spread the word that NWR is saying Vulpix should be an NFT, the clicks give me strength.

That's "Nintendo World Report dot com." Tell your friends!

How can I justify the scarcity of Vulpix? As we covered in the most recent Indie World Showcase, all foxes are dead. But even in the context of Pokémon, I can justify the limited supply of Vulpixes: when you play Pokémon or watch Pokémon or… sleep Pokémon you don’t see a ground teeming with Vulpix. If you’re lucky, you might see a single Vulpix in an hour. They’re not especially common. But there is more than one, you cry out—afraid that you’ll never get to own Alolan Vulpix. And indeed there is, which takes me to the second point…

“Limited” does not mean “singular.” The game can still be playable, even if NFT ownership of specific Pokémon is implemented. Pokémon as NFTs can be “minted” at a frequency commensurate with their in-universe rarity. The GTS marketplace would be awash in Rattata and Zubat NFTs, but my Vulpix is a much more valuable commodity. It is possible you could “mint” one by crawling around in the grasses, much like one would mint any other cryptocurrency, but it isn’t especially likely. You can still beat the Elite Four, or fight online, or do other Pokémon gameplay without a Vulpix, but if you must have one, the GTS Marketplace will always be able to provide—for a price.

Now just apply this scarcity to Legendary, true one-of-a-kind, Pokémon. They’ll be unfathomably valuable. People will pay a lot of virtual currency to be the sole owner of Mewtwo. It’s not just a lucrative way to collect a percentage of the sale price as a “service fee,” or a way to gin-up free PR with each wild sale price, it’s also a way to bring currency speculation to the world of Pokémon; something we’ve always known it was lacking.

Becoming that which you hate: Mewtwo the NFT.

In the canon, "Mewtwo is a Pokémon that was created by genetic manipulation. However, even though the scientific power of humans created this Pokémon's body, they failed to endow Mewtwo with a compassionate heart." This might actually be too on the nose.

If I don’t own the only Vulpix, how do I “play to earn” my way into a more valuable Vulpix? Well, what if I “minted”— a.k.a. “caught”—a shiny Vulpix? That would certainly be more valuable than a generic one on the GTS. But, even if my Vulpix wasn’t shiny, or Alolan, or special at time of capture, I could play to make it more special. EV training, leveling up, teaching it movies via TM/TR/HM/Move Trainer, or by doing that weird Pokémon pageant stuff. All these changes to the composition of my Vulpix potentially make it more marketable. It’s up to me to figure out how to maximize the value of my Vulpix, and make it stand out from the crowd. I’m doing Market Research, this is fun!

The invisible hand of the market.

The last question: how do I know that my Vulpix will be useful in future Pokémon games? This is where NFT acolytes always claim “the future” rests, but they never have real examples. They assume, rather blithely, that of course developers will invest the time to support NFTs from other games, despite the fact it likely earns them nothing. But, with Pokémon that’s already here. You can already trade your Pokémon forward. In fact, it is possible to have taken a Pokémon all the way from the Game Boy Advance to the Switch. Even older generations are accessible via the Virtual Console. Concerned Game Freak is going to pull a Sword and Shield and cut another hundred Pokémon? Now they'd be illegally influencing a financial instrument. Who would have thought the Security and Exchange Commission would be a Pokémon Trainer's biggest ally?

In fact, moving Pokémon to NFTs cleans up the entire trading process! Forget Pokémon Home, now we have Pokémon NFT! Pokémon Company doesn’t even have to pay for the servers that run it, and now there’s no Pokémon duplication to worry about. I can take my Vulpix from Sword and Shield, to Legend Arceus, to the online Trading Card Game, to toothbrush incentivizer Pokémon Smile! Now Vulpix is always with me, in the Metaverse.

Pokémon Smile might actually be in "The Metaverse" already.

So, Pokémon Company, GIVE ME WHAT I WANT! I want to own Vulpix. Other people can own a Vulpix as well, but not my Vulpix.

Nintendo, you can keep your hands clean by blaming Game Freak and The Pokémon Company, while taking your fat cut of each transaction.

Facebook, if you want to smokescreen your malicious behaviors, this is how you do it.

And lastly, Bloomberg Wealth, if you want cheap heat, THIS is the internet equivalent of mugging Ric Flair backstage.



Tokyo deep tissue.

Quick article this week because it's already horrifyingly late, and you don't read it anyway.

New Business:

  • Greg, with Gui: Shin Megami Tensei V
  • Guillaume: Ys Origin
  • James: Forza Horizon 5


  • How we would spend $1 billion on "expanding frameworks?"
  • How does Twitch changes the tubtime game?
  • What to include in a Direct?

A quick programming note, it is likely we'll be taking next week off. If we don't, consider it a surprise. As always, we ask you send us your questions.

TalkBack / Re: James Bond 007: NightFire
« on: November 20, 2021, 08:18:26 PM »

That letter is the most Crimm passage of text I have ever read

There are literally thousands of hours of me talking. It's easy enough to emulate anyone's style with that kind of info. Don't you think it's more than a little on the nose? Pokepal out here telling people its me strikes me as a setup.

Also why is Crimm and TOPHATANT123 latching onto Nickmitch's inital LuigiDude vote.

I voted for LuigiDude because he was also at 2 votes. It was purely defensive. I needed to advance the number on someone else.

I unvoted Mop It Up for the reason I said I voted FOR Mop It Up: she voted for me. She moved her vote and so did I. Early voting is completely nonsense randomness so it seemed as good a reason as any.

I'll take the Gray Horse.

I'm going to Vote Luigi Dude just to protect myself.

Since the timestamps in this message board are completely useless, when does the next "Season" start?

I gotta keep building my ark to catch a mate.

Pick 1: Osrich me.
Pick 2: Penguin

I'm assembling an ark

That dream can still be a reality. Just sign the dotted line here and you'll have all the ducks you want.

You're really committed to the bit. Props

un-vote Mop It Up

All I did was pontificate on the fact my one dream as a child was to have a duck pond.

This is not a joke.

Was out yesterday with the game start so I think I can select 3 items right now?

If I'm wrong please let me know.

Brown Horse
Black Shiba

I always wanted a horse, a duck pond, and a shiba. I'm just full-on wish fulfillment right now.

You can except Insanolord has already selected the Duck so you'll have to make a different selection there.


Give me the Black Rabbit and the Baby Boar.

It's going to grow up and mess-up Insanolord's farm.

Was out yesterday with the game start so I think I can select 3 items right now?

If I'm wrong please let me know.

Brown Horse
Black Shiba

I always wanted a horse, a duck pond, and a shiba. I'm just full-on wish fulfillment right now.

It means when the vigilante kills you they'll have killed you while you were at the height of your humanity.

Boring, needs more pyrotechnics.

Exactly. These clearly aren't my rules if that's the result.

My rules would allow the Peak of Art player to ban half the users in the game unless the Hacker rolls a waffle in the random number generator shop.

Please add a rule where I'm the killer next game but also unkillable.

It's not so much Mafia, as it is "slow unrelenting death march"

But I get to have fun

I actually thought 2 3 Switch inevitable.

I blame the cost of fuel.

It means when the vigilante kills you they'll have killed you while you were at the height of your humanity.

Boring, needs more pyrotechnics.

I'm the Qui-Gon Jinn of message board ethics.

NWR NFT Markeplace / Re: Guys, where are you looking for girls?
« on: October 21, 2021, 03:25:33 PM »
The 2D world

Stevey isekai'd to paradise.

I believe everyone dies and the game is restarted.


Yes. The answer is yes.

My shift key is extremely tired; it is a totem of my rage, mechanical and metaphorical. It served as the receptacle for my frustration. The caps lock key is for people who pretend to be angry, the shift key is for patrons of poisoned passion.

What has created such venomed words, and such humored blood? A Pokémon trailer.

I’m hardly the first person to find myself ejected into an escape velocity fueled entirely by enmity from a Pokémon trailer, but I’m the first adult to get upset at a Pokémon trailer. As a pioneer of an unknown world, it is appropriate I document how we arrived at this inauspicious incident.

The Pokémon Company yesterday released a new “found footage” trailer to promote next year’s Pokémon Legends: Arceus, the “more open” Switch game set in a thin proxy for anime feudal-era Japan. It’s an unexplored era for Japanese media, being the setting for only 90% of printed content, 92% of animated content, and 55% of live action content produced by the country.

The game is set in the “Hisui Region,” which The Pokémon Company has helpfully informed us is “the name of the Sinnoh Region while it was being settled.” Sinnoh is, of course, the setting for Diamond and Pearl, which are getting a remake next month. We call this brand synergies, but I call it a brand travesty!

Why? Well, after four paragraphs of pointless exposition, I’ll explain. First and foremost, it is entirely unclear how one would produce a “found footage” trailer of the Hisui region. To be clear, they named the video “Rare footage of the Hisui Region discovered.” This puts us squarely in the feudal era, there should be no video recording devices. Our presenter does try to defang this criticism, calling the camera a “strange device.”

Let’s accept, but purely for the purpose of continuing this criticism, the unacceptable: somehow our feudal era explorer came into possession of a camera of some description. Given this is found footage, the most likely cause is a witch, but that’s immaterial.

A poorly-shot Snowrunt.

He is clearly already somewhat adroit at using this “strange device,” cleaning the lens, consistently keeping what he’s shooting in frame, despite the constant static and other artifacts obscuring his video. At a minimum he’s figured out what it’s for and how to use it. The question is why bother?

You don’t shoot video to watch it on the camera; even the most primitive home cameras were meant to be shown on a different device. To borrow a phrase that it’s unclear if our feudal era friend would follow: the juice is not worth the squeeze. By his own words, we know he’s trying to “document” this area. He intends to distribute his video into a society with no means to play it.

It’s possible he’s just an idiot, and completely ignorant of videography devices that are common in his era. His designation of a “strange device” could make him the subject of mockery in his own time, but given what The Pokémon Company has told us about Hisui this seems unlikely enough we can ignore this possibility.

This man is dealing with technology he should not have, and if you’ve failed until now to notice who wrote this article you’re probably just realizing that I’m going to continue to prove it.

When this footage was “found” what condition was it in? The Pokémon Company is awfully quiet on this. Given that Hisui is just the old name for Sinnoh, I would expect this kind of artifact to have been discovered some time ago, and yet it is found today, a mere month before the release of Shining Diamond and ...something Pearl and a few months before Pokémon Legends Arceus. Every found footage event has included documentation on the discovery and condition of the footage. The Blair Witch gives us both context of where but also when the footage was discovered, contextualizing both the loss and the discovery.

Was the “strange device” discovered alongside the footage? What if it were some dead-end video format that nothing could play in modern Sinnoh? We just don’t know, and that erodes the ability of the audience to accept what’s being presented.

But clearly, the video is highly degraded. Constant static and other effects break up the narrator’s voice, and video artifacts distort and sometimes completely obscure the view. I’ve seen these artifacts before… in Adobe After Effects. Let’s continue to accept the premise of the found footage as valid, did he also edit his video on the strange device? Is he an experienced video editor? What “strange device” did he use to do it? Does this proxy-camera allow in-device effects? Was he hunting for clout by creating a cryptid video, and knowing nothing was there decided to layer in effects to obscure the nothingness in mystery? Why doesn’t this video have a thumbnail with his face acting surprised, but not in a natural way - in the way no human has ever emoted ever. In history. Ever?

And, of course, what happened to our host? If this is indeed his found footage, right as he discovered this mysterious Pokémon: white fur, yellow eyes, and a red-tipped tail, did it kill him? Did he die? Why did he abandon his footage?

We hear him note that the "adorable" creature was turning this way, a struggle, the sounds of panic, and finally a collapse. The last sounds are the crushing of snow under the feet of an unseen assailant. A murderer.

Was his body discovered next to it, and the discoverer just desecrated his grave? You’re not allowed to do that, unless you go to school for four to twelve years and study grave desecration. The only acceptable answer is that the body was gone. Eaten.

This unknown Pokémon, white maned, yellow eyed, and with a flaming red tail, is a maneater.

A murder set only to sound.

So, we’re arrived at a conclusion. There are two options. The Pokémon Company’s preferred narrative is as follows: A man in the early settlement of Sinnoh, then known as Hisui, discovered a video recording device that was out-of-time - let’s say it was deposited by a time travelling high school girl, something Japan is apparently plagued by. Unsure how to use the device, he spent time practicing before climbing Mt. Coronet to document the “mysterious air.” He’s possibly an idiot, which might reopen our previous theory, because he’s baffled by Snowrunt being present in a cold environment - apparently unable to understand the pun in the name. He would be slapping his head later, if he hadn’t died. He then discovered the above unknown Pokémon, his filming ceased, and was discovered centuries later - presumably separate from his body.

I’ve seen a lot of thinly premised films, but our narrator’s declaration that the camera was a “strange device” gives the game away. This is clearly the voice of the writers’ room. I think we’ve been lied to. This isn’t found footage. This man died making a modern Pokémon commercial and The Pokémon Company goes and tries to recast their shame as found footage. And now? Now there's a killer loose in Sinnoh, and they cover it up.

You monsters.

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