Back in September we found out when ye olde Wii U would be released here in the States—a date that surprised nobody—and GameStop immediately started taking pre-orders. About 24 hours later, they stopped taking pre-orders, and other stores just weren’t taking them at all. Because I associate GameStop with gas chambers and medieval torture rooms, I made my peace with the fact that I would be standing outside Fred Meyer for five hours or so, just as I did in 2006. 

I spent the next several weeks accruing gear for the endeavor. A giant parka, good to -40 degree Fahrenheit; snow pants with suspenders; bunny boots; long johns; sock liners and wool socks; tight-fitting  gloves overlaid with lobster gloves; face warmer; hat; hand and foot warmers. The coup de grace was something I didn’t have in 2006: a propane heater. You just plug a propane bottle onto the bottom of the thing, turn on the gas, light a match and BOOM—lots of heat. I expected temperatures to dip to somewhere between zero and twenty, so I may have over prepared, but too warm is better than too cold in Alaska.

Then, the incident with the car happened.

I was driving down the road, minding my own business, when a rock flew off the back tire of a truck in front of me and smacked right into my windshield, directly in front of my face. It sounded like a bullet, and I swear I went deaf for half a second. And while rattled, I pressed on toward… wherever I was going. The rock didn’t come through the windshield, but it left a crater the size of a 50-cent piece. This crater would doubtlessly spider outward and ruin the windshield in the cold. A decision was made at the executive level in my house (my wife) to replace the windshield. The cost would wipe out my Wii U account—$338.00. I was crushed.

I took to drinking whiskey in the empty guest bedroom, checking the steady stream of Wii U news on my iPod Touch and crying into an empty glass. My life was OVER. I considered jumping off our one-story roof, waving goodbye to this cruel world as I plummeted past the computer room windows and probably bruising something upon landing. I tried teaching our corgi how to snap my neck, but his legs were too short, and he just ended up licking my face. I sat outside on a camp chair without any of my gear on, praying for frozen release, but it wasn’t really cold enough to be wholly uncomfortable.

My wife, feeling something was amiss, reminded me that it IS my birthday this month, and 30 is a big number—especially for a CF patient. She asked what I wanted for my birthday.

“A Wii U!” I yelled, throwing the empty glass at the wall and watching it harmlessly bounce off and fall to the floor.

“Well, we’ll move some money around and you can get one.” My spirits renewed, I began dancing merrily through our house, which excited the dog and caused him to start barking. He has a very loud bark, so I stopped dancing. But I could tell he was happy, too.

Confident in my financial security, I trekked to the Fred Meyer near my house to get groceries, meds, and ask about the midnight launch. Keep in mind, this is like two days ago, five days before the system launches.

“So how do you guys do midnight launches? There’s not really a place for people to line up outside the door since your remodel.”

“Which midnight launch?”

“The Wii U.”

“Hey, you want us to just put your name down? We can hold it for you.”

“That would be… amazing.”

“Here, which kind do you want? The Deluxe or Basic?”

“Deluxe, please.”

“Oh, you’re lucky—it’s our last one.”

“So here’s what we’ll do: you buy a $75 gift card as a down payment, write your name here, and then just come in on Saturday night at like 11:00.”

“Wait, I don’t have to wait outside?”

“What? No. We don’t do that anymore.”

“Let me get this straight. You’re holding the thing for me; I just have to get here around 11:00 on Saturday night, and I get to wait INSIDE and play 3DS for an hour with a bunch of other Nintendo nerds?”

“Yep. We did the same thing for Halo 4. Oh, and if this is anything like that, we’ll probably have a Wii U for people to play while they wait.”

I left with three things stapled together: a Deluxe Wii U voucher, a $75 gift card, and a receipt. This really could not have gone any better.

My lovely wife is in Florida for a communications conference right now. She’s staying in a Disney World hotel. She gets back home on Saturday night at 11:05. I told her (and this is completely true) that she’d better hope her baggage takes a while to come around, because I’ll be at Fred Meyer until at least midnight. She seemed okay with that.

Saturday’s gonna be a good night.