My ideal Nintendo online system:
Each person has an an account tied to their system. It might be number (like current Wii Numbers) or it might be a user name of their choosing. If I want to play with my friend, I just add him to my friends list. If he wants to do the same he can, but he doesn't have to. Everyone has the option to show their online status to people on their friends list. When I see that a friend is online, I can send a request asking them to play a game. During gameplay, if I find an opponent that I like to play against, I can add him/her to my list to play against later. If a parent is concerned about online play, they can use parental controls to only allow play and/or communication between approved friends.
* * *
After reading that, does anything really sound out of the question? Most of my suggestions deal only with how the friends list is maintained. I think that Nintendo's current network could allow all of the above, but their policy stands in the way.
I am not a hardcore online gamer. I owned an Xbox years ago with an Xbox Live subscription and ended up selling the system. I don't need the insults, elitism, or any of the other crap that comes with Xbox Live. Nintendo can create an online system that is as fun and simple as the Wii itself, they just need to think differently.