Hero of Alexandria, also known as Heron, was a man of almost unparalleled genius.

Wait, where are you going? Get back here; I'm going somewhere with this.

Because most of his extensive writings were lost, largely preserved as excerpts and citations in later Greek writings (with some Arabic and Latin writings as well), we don't know a whole lot about the man himself. We aren't even sure what century he was born in - our best evidence was a treatise about an eclipse - but we do know of his extensive inventions. He's best-known for his aeolipile - a sort of primitive steam engine that leveraged jets to turn an axel. He also wrote influential documents on mathematics - particularly geometry - physics, and pneumatics.

I SEE YOU TRYING TO LEAVE, I'M NOT DONE! You're not sneaky.

Anyway, he has a number of inventions to his name. He created a syringe for administering a measured amount of fluid, a kind of pump, a thermometer, and a kind of self-perpetuating fountain that bears his name.

None of this is relevant, I'm just keeping you here longer for my own satisfaction. Suffice to say, he was very smart.

One of his most famous inventions was a kind of automaton, powered by weights and cogs, that performed a fully-automated play about ten minutes in length. It even included sound effects, generating thunder from outside the audience's view, seemingly as if Zeus himself was a participant in the production. He wasn't the first confirmed creator of automatons, the Greeks had been experimenting in this space for centuries at this point, but the elaborate nature of his creation absolutely astounded audiences of the day. The Byzantines would continue this tradition for centuries further - using sophisticated mechanical devices to bewilder diplomatic guests, and astound these guests with the apparent power of their hosts.

Hero of Alexandria would not be impressed by Fire Emblem Shadows. Its nearly-automatic gameplay is absurdly shallow. 90% of the player's interaction is just watching the party slowly walk towards enemies, without the ability to pick their target. This, despite the fact the Fire Emblem weapons triangle is still in effect - and seemingly the AI is unconcerned with the danger.

James begins New Business with this shadow dropped Shadow game. He and Hero would likely agree - Fire Emblem Shadows is a real stinker. Jon has been exploring the newest vehicle for the Saudi Sovereign Wealth Fund: EA Sports FC 25. I suspect Al-Hilal, Al-Nassr, Al-Ittihad, and Al-Ahli players will soon be unbeatable in Ultimate Team. Guillaume is allegedly playing something called PAC-MAN Mega Tunnel Battle: Chomp Champs. This is not a real thing; he talks about it extensively, but I refuse to accept that this is a real product. I think he was just setting up an elaborate tunnelling joke, because his second New Business is Pepper Grinder - a game about drilling (more to come). Greg is looking at the two new Namco GBA games on the NSO: Klonoa: Empire of Dreams and Mr. Driller 2. I told you there was more drilling to come. Lastly, he has impressions of Yuzo Koshiro's Earthion, a 16-bit shooter from Ancient, just recently ported to Switch.

After a break we talk about a bunch of stuff. Some of it is Listener Mail, some of its news, some of it is just travel advice to all our Tuvaluan granny listeners. Nintendo of America has a new president and CEO - they're different people this time - but don't expect much to change. We are asked what a 64DD NSO would look like, and we regret to inform you that you ask the impossible. We also talk about the pain of traveling the many fine airports of California, which in my personal experience is currently a list of one: John Wayne. We even suggest how, in a post-Silksong era, we can crush your hopes and dreams going forward.

It's another fine service we offer. You have emails, even if you don't realize it. Honor Hero of Alexandria and send them.

• (00:01:48) New Business - Fire Emblem Shadows.
• (00:19:30) EA SPorts FC 26.
• (00:29:57) PAC-MAN Mega Tunnel Battle: Chomp Champs.
• (00:37:29) Pepper Grinder.
• (00:43:44) Klonoa: Empire of Dreams and Mr. Driller 2. Earthion.
• (01:06:11) Nintendo of America has a new prez.
• (01:16:07) Digressions on flying, "The Cheese Incident".
• (01:27:33) Listener Mail - The 64DD.

This episode was edited by Guillaume Veillette. The "Men of Leisure" theme song was produced exclusively for Radio Free Nintendo by Perry Burkum. Hear more at Perry's SoundCloud. The Radio Free Nintendo logo was produced by Connor Strickland. See what he's up to at his website.

This episode's ending music is "Sacred Ocean Tunnel" from Shiren the Wanderer: The Mystery Dungeon of Serpentcoil Island. It was requested by K-S-O. All rights reserved by Spike Chunsoft Co., Ltd.