Topic: The Link Soap

[PiGPEN]

Link not gaay? Link is the most homoerotic character Nintendo has ever made (Luigi is an in the closet second)  ...he wheres tights a dress that wierd hat all the girl characters wanta get it on with him but he doesnt take the faintest intrest except to 'be friends'...he's sooo ghey

anyway where was i? oh yeah!

Link and Ingo are in the dungeon sharing horror stories from there adventures...
Link: so then i destroyed all the poofs
Ingo: poofs?
Link: yeah all these pink clouds
Link: then after i destroyed the poofs i jabbed the floating ball
Ingo: err...
Link: yeah a floating eyeball
Ingo: oh

Meanwhile in the princess' quarters...

Zelda: With Link out of the way i can finally gather my evil forces and take over the mushroom kingdom...
Zelda: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*cough*HAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah thats right...Zelda's after World Domination...gotta problem with that!?
Unfortunatley Zelda's secret evil plan for world domination was said out loud and echoed down the cheap plumbing...

Link: Hey Ingo did you hear that?
Ingo: youre not listening to the plumbing again are you?
Link: Listen thats Zelda's voice...
Link: Shes scheming world domination...We have to save the Mushroom Kingdom!
*Cue Hero Music*
Ingo: wait...we?

...to be continued...

[PiGPEN]

Quote
Originally posted by: Hostile Creation
I dunno, but your story is rather. . . lacking in quality.  Go to Newgrounds.com and look for the animation called Link's Quest for @ss 2.  There are stupid sexual parts, but other than that it's funny.  And Link isn't ghey in that one, other characters are.  Dude, you can look at Link and tell he's not ghey.  Just like you can look at Master Chief and tell that he is j/k

I can give you an actually funny script if you want, but for now I'm just going to hang around the report a mod button with PIAC.

ive made a few animations at newgrounds myself...  http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/search.php?terms=PiGPEN&kind=a   ...the red/blue series is pretty good though the first 2 are a little too short...i also have an episode of the Link Soap there (the Link Soap has been around for many years and taken many incarnations...originally a forum story much like this on Nintendojo) Super Smashed Bros. and Surviving Impact are some of my early works.

[Klutzy Girl]

Oh no now the story's getting even worse. Lemme see, Link is ghey and loves gannon, so Zelda sends him to the dungueons. Then Zelda decides to take over the mushroom kingdom since like is out of the way? That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And it's rude to say all of this under Hylian Legeds since everyone here, with the acception of a few, love the Zelda games and here you are making stories about a ghey link and an evil zelda. How about you quit this story while your ahead?

[Shorty McNostril]

But he's not ahead.

[Ocarina_Jedi]

Quote
Originally posted by: Shorty McNostril
But he's not ahead.

I gotta agree with u there shorty.
How many people really want to see the end of this story?  It's just stupid and dosen't belong in a Zelda fan forum.  Go trash Zelda somewhere else.

[Oblivious]

This story is just plain dishonor to the Zelda game series.

[KnowsNothing]

Pigpen, seriously, you should be banned for this.  Shut up.

[PiGPEN]

bah. you all have no sense of humor...I love the Zelda series (My favorite game is LttP right after Earthbound) but poking fun at stuff is...well...fun!  I was gonna poke fun at something so i figured Zelda since the whole Mario thing is a bit overdone. Havent any of you made stories...and not that serious crap by people who want to make video games but dont have the testicles to learn some programming or atleast come up with thier own characters.... anyway where was i?

Uh letsee Zelda wants to take over the world
Link and Ingo have escaped jail

Link: Now lets go find Ganon
Ingo: huh? why?
Link: Well if anyone knows how to stop Zelda Ganon does
Ingo: uh-huh? ...you're just making an excuse to see him aren't you?
Link: well yeah... but he can still help

Our heros battle thier way out of the castle and into the depths of Hylia
While back with Zelda...

Zelda: GET ME ON THE PHONE WITH PRINCESS TOADSTOOL!
(no im not gonna call her Peach)
Guard: here ive fetched the phone for you
Zelda: Princess Toadstool, relieve your Kingdom or i will take it by force!
Toadstool*phone*: Never! my sacred kingdom will be protected by the heroes of N!
Zelda: HA! ive captured Link and Ganon is in hibernation!
Toadstool*phone*: oh no!  ...hold on? hibernation?
Zelda: yes the heroes of N are no more...I will finally obtain the Mushroom Kingdom!
Toadstool*phone*: NO! we still have Mario!
Zelda: you mean fatty?
Toadstool*phone*: uh?
Zelda: you have 24 hours to hand over the Mushroom Kingdom...
Zelda: or i will unleash the Toads!
*Zelda hangs up on Princess Toadstool*

Back with our Heroes...

Link: Where could Ganon be?
Ingo: He's not with the thieves, in the dark realm or at the bar!

Then out from the darkness appears...

Kirby: Hey boys!
Link/Ingo: WOW ITS KIRBY!!!
Link: youre the reason i became gaay! its great to meet you...
Link: youve inspired me so much and...
Kirby: shut up you poncy bitch!
Kirby: im here to tell you where Ganon is...
Ingo: how would you know that?
Kirby: ive been designated as your guide on this quest
Kirby: i'll pop up from time to time out of nowhere to give you some advice
Link: can i have your autograph?
Ingo: so wheres Ganon?
Kirby: he's in a frozen hibernation in the deserted ice caves of the Hylia to the west
Link: please would you sign my...
Ingo: ieuw! put that away!

...to be continued...

[Mario]

Dude, Kirby is so not 'gaay'.

Kirby owns.

[PiGPEN]

i never said kirby was gaay...i said he was a gaay icon... *mumbles* hes actually a gaay little poofter the pink...*mumbles*  huh- what?

[Ms.Pikmin]

Pigpen, are you writing this for any reason other than to try to get a rise out of people(no pun intended)?  You say it's for fun but it just lame and pointless.  Why don't you take the time to get it out of your system by writing a whole script on your own computer? Then you can send the whole thing to icantwriteforsh*t.com and stop posting these silly bits.

[Shorty McNostril]

Link: please would you sign my...
Ingo: ieuw! put that away!

I think you went a bit overboard there.  Can you sort of show that you have at least a sign of morals and tone it down a bit.  Thanks.

And how do you do that quote thing??

 

[PIAC]

<q> text </q> but replace the <'s with ['s im sure there is a help somewhere with all the codes in it..

[PiGPEN]

Quote
Originally posted by: Shorty McNostril
Link: please would you sign my...
Ingo: ieuw! put that away!

I think you went a bit overboard there.  Can you sort of show that you have at least a sign of morals and tone it down a bit.  Thanks.

And how do you do that quote thing??

...like this...

you're the dirty one cuz Link was saying...
"will you sign my mole infested back?"
to which ingo would say...
"ieuw! put that away!"

assuming makes an ass out of you...
SM: ...and me
yeah i said you  

[PiGPEN]

*ahem*

Link and Ingo begin their quest to the west (hey that rhymes!)...
Link: are we there yet?
Ingo: no
Link: are we there yet?
Ingo: no
Link: are we there yet?
Ingo: no

While back with the princess Zelda...
Zelda: Move in the troops! Isolate all resources!
HylianGeneral: uh? dont you think you should let me handle this?
Zelda: whos been mastering command&conquer for the past year
HylianGeneral: ...you?
Zelda: YES!  Now fall in line!

Princess Zelda rings up Princess Toadstool...
Toadstool: hello?
Zelda: waaaazzzaaapppp
Toadstool: huh?
Zelda: nevermind...
Zelda: my troops are surrounding your castle as we speak...
Toadstool: i'll never surrender my Kingdom!
Zelda: so be it!

At the castle...
A thousand Hylian Soldiers storm the castle looking for Princess Toadstool but to there suprise only find a single mushroom man...
Toad: sorry but my princess is in another castle
HylianSoldier:  awwww  poo

Back on the phone...
Toadstool: nananananana i tricked yoouuu

Back with our heroes...
Ingo: geez this ice cavern place is pretty far
Link: i know what would make this trip fun...
Link: ...another soap opera plot twist!
..............
Ingo: oh no i think im pregnant

...to be continued...

[KnowsNothing]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

That was hilarious!  Pure comic genious!

except not.

[CardBoardBox]

aye

[KnowsNothing]

CardBoardBox, listen, take off your avatar (the picture).  it's too big.  take it off soon.  after that, go to your profile and turn ON private messages, i'll tell you how to resize it.  take heed to my words.  be quick...like wind.  

[Ms.Pikmin]

awww, KnowsNothing, that was kind of you.  What a nice boy you are, saving another wayward avatar user from eternal banning....or at least a stern note from a mod.

[CardBoardBox]

Hes not nice...he is Satan's son  

[The Blue Baron]

hi

[PiGPEN]

ahem....

In Kokori village...
TownGossip: Hey everyone have you heard?
TownGossip: Princess Zelda is finally freeing the toadstool people
TownGossip: of the Mushroom Kingdom from their evil dictator Princess Toadstool
TownsPeople: where's the Mushroom Kingdom?

In Zelda's Royal chambers...
Zelda: ive sent the propaganda machine into full swing
Zelda: we're free to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom!
HylianGeneral: now its we eh?

With our heroes...
Link: Ganon's crib isnt far off now
Ingo: its called a lair
Link: aw you dont what you're saying
Link: you're a delirious pregnant shemale
Ingo: HEY i may be pregnant but im still a man!
Link: hmmm... wonder how the baby's gonna come out

Hylian Troops Surround another Toadstool Castle...
Inside...
Mario: Go fish!
Bowser: Uno!
Mario: full-house!
HylianTrooper: what are you playing?
Bowser: multi-card...the winner gets a kiss from Princess Toadstool
Mario: i get 5 continues
(uncomfortable silence)
HylianTrooper: well i guess we'll kill you now
...Hylian Troops kill Mario and Bowser

Back with our heroes...
Ingo: stop i need to use the bathroom
Link: again! just hold it for a second we're nearly there
Our Heroes arrive at Ganons Lair...
GeruduGuard: come this way we've been expecting you
The Gerudu Guard lead Link and Ingo to Ganon's throne...
Ganon: Tremble Before My Might!!!
(Ingo pisses himself)
Ingo: i told you i couldnt hold it
Link: how did you know we were coming?
Ganon: Kirby told me
Link: what else did he tell you?
Ganon: just that we need to join forces to take down Zelda
Link: oh so i guess you havent been told that i-

Back with Zelda...
HylianTattle: Princess Zelda! ive gotton news that Link and Ingo
HylianTattle: have joined forces with Ganon!
Zelda: hold on arent they in jail?
HylianGeneral: what did i tell you about our revolving door prison system
Zelda: oh shut up you!
:Warning:Incoming Plot Twist:
Zelda: lets just hope Link doesnt find out that Ganon's my son

...to be continued...

HylianTattle: hold on that doesnt make any sense
(Zelda shoots Hylian Tattle dead)
HylianGeneral: guess that stress ball i gave you isnt working

[Hostile Creation]

Quote
bah. you all have no sense of humor...

No, we have a good sense of humor, there's a difference.

I actually read a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 style script once.  The person who did it hated WW, so I had to loathe him for that, but his script was, in fact, occassionally funny.  I'd offer a few suggestions which would greatly improve it (don't try to parodize every line, Mojo Jojo imitations are NOT funny), but it was kind of funny.

[KnowsNothing]

Ganon? son?  toadstool? ghey?  pregnant? shemale? link?

ZWAHHH?!?!?!?!

You've got it ALL mixed up, there.

[PiGPEN]

Ganon: PIG ARMY!!! Come to my service
An army of Pig Minions march out of the depths of Ganon's Ice Lair
Ganon: We shall march to Zelda's Castle
Ganon, Link and Ingo enter a rickshaw pulled by a Young Pig Minion
YoungPM: where to boss?
Link: hey i know this place on 5th...
Ganon: No, the castle like i said

While at Princess Zelda's Castle...
Zelda: yes thats right Ganon is my son...
Zelda: when i was just a young girl i had a relationship with...
Zelda: well i dont know who he was what with the amnesia...
HylianGeneral: amnesia?
Zelda: but i was young and in love and...
HylianGeneral: you have amnesia?
Zelda: and stupid enough to think you couldnt get pregnant the first time
Zelda: always use a condom kids (sponsered by Nythanel Death Chemicals)
Zelda: and i gave birth to Ganon when i was just a teenager
Zelda: i love Ganon like a son or atleast a nephew...
Zelda: but now i must destroy him
HylianGeneral: dont care, dont care, dont care

Back with our heroes in the rickshaw...
Ganon: we'll aproach the castle from the south...
Ganon: with a decoy regiment at the north and we'll ambush em
Link: wow you're so smart, so strong...i feel so close to you
Ganon: you're sitting on my tail
Link: i know
Ingo: aghhh... the baby's kickin like a karate/soccer/footballer
Link: yah yah whatever...so Ganon-
Out of nowhere appears Kirby
Kirby: very good youve made it this far
Link: hey munchkin
Kirby: shut up you...youre all going the wrong way though
Ganon: But we're going to the castle to defeat Zelda
Kirby: this is a quest you cant go straight to the end!
Kirby: first you have to go save Princess Peach
Ganon: ohhhh...EVERYONE TURN AROUND!!!
YoungPM: but mister Ganon sir im developing a hernia
Ganon: but you dont have it yet right?
YoungPM: no but-
Ganon: Alright EVERYONE HEAD FOR THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!!
Hundreds of thousands of Pig Minions about-face at the same instant

At the toadstool Castle Hylian Troops storm the castle...
and find themselves falling down holes for hours...

Zelda: we're coming close world domination is on the the tip of my tounge
HylianGeneral: want me to get it off
Zelda: we've been through this...i only think of you as a friend

Ingo: hey theres a green sewage pipe...
Ganon: yes that could lead us to the Mushroom kingdom!
Ganon: good job Ingo
Ingo: well actually i was thinkin we could find some pickles in there
Link: why do you want pickles?
Ingo: im pregnant...i want pickles for everything
Ganon's Army and rickshaw enter the dark underground pipe...
Link: Ganon theres been something ive been wanting to tell you...
Link: Ganon...i....lo-lo-lo...Ganon i love you!

What will Ganon say? What will become of the toadstool kingdom?
Who is Ganon's father? Why do i not care?
Find out next time on the Link Soap

...to be continued...