Topic: Funhouse Poetry Slam

[Crimm]

Sit down, get out your bongos, and let loose missives of the heart.

[Shaymin]

I had a cat named Snowball
She died, she died
Mother said she was sleeping
She lied, she lied
Why, oh why is my dear cat dead?
Couldn't that Chrysler have hit me instead?

[Morari]

My alluring, supple skin.
My toned legs and shapely hips.
My giggle and girlish grin.
Your stare upon my pouting lips.

Your arms around my waist.
Your lips pressed against mine.
Your soul devouring the taste.
Our bodies suspended in time.

Our lust fueling the fire.
Our kinks; fulfilling pain.
Our bodies dripping with desire.
Their mistrust, I want all the blame.

[Stogi]

*Drum Rolll*

Ganjaaaaaaaaaa!


*Swing RnB (think Temptations)*

You make feel sooo goood,
It's because you're a lay-day,

With your smell sooo sweeet,
You remind me of pay-day,


*Break Down*

I can't stand when I'm far apart from youuuuu,
It twists my mind in twoooooo, (in two)


*Back to the beat*

Whether smoked or in a treat,
You fill me with loooove,

Whether rain or shinnnee,
I feel like heaven is all mine (mine, mine, mine)

*Break Down*

Ya baby, don't you knooooow
Yooouuuuu fill my sooouuuul

Now......don't you go! (Don't you go)
Now.......don't you go! (Don't you go)
Nooooo don't you go! (Don't you go)
WHOoooOOOOO! (Don't you go)
*Fade out*
You know I love ya! (Don't you go)
You know I need ya! (Don't you go)

[BlackNMild2k1]

*snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap*

[EasyCure]

Let's give it some... feeling.

He just did. A funny feeling

*snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap*

Now THAT'S something I can dance erotically to!

[BlackNMild2k1]

Abducted

Words, thoughts, text on the page
I typed them, I did, my fingers hit the keys
I saw them show up on the screen
they were my words... I was pleased.

Words, thoughts, text on the page
that was me I was sharing with the world wide web
but now all that has been abducted
and replaced with nothing instead

I laugh out loud (Hahaha)
then I shout CONSPIRACY at the screen
now I hide text in post
I'm not trying to cause a scene

Conspiracy dammit...
my words have been Abducted again
My name is neither Mulder nor Scully
so where do I begin?

I make a new thread
dedicated to the cause
but they shut that down quick
hiding the truth of their flaws.

You're all probably wondering
"what's he goin on about"
but they've covered their tracks to well
I have no evidence to cause doubt.

They don't want you to know this stuff
and I know I sound crazy as hell
But the truth is out there
this time I have hidden it well

[Stogi]

*snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap**snap*

*Congas start playing slowly*

I saw a girl walking the other day....
I stopped her and she looked like what is he about to say....
I said "Girl, our genitals should do a high five"

I saw a girl at the club the other night....
I walked up to her, it was loud, but she could hear me alright....
I said "Girl, you should donate your body to science. Hi, my name is Science."

I saw a girl at the grocery store picking out some wine....
She was wearing a flowery dress, and yes, she was looking fine....
I said "Girl, by the end of the night you're going to look up at two things and smile. The stars and my belly-button."

*Congas fade out*

[BlackNMild2k1]

I did a dramatic reading of this thread for my girl a few hours ago.

She was more than amused...except for the last line of Stogi's last Poem.

[nickmitch]

She told me to shoot her a text.
But I really wanted to call her.
I wanted to see if I could make her laugh see if my words would let me hear the sound of her smiling at me
in real time.
I remember the first time she said I should call her.
I knew she was joking.
But what I really wanted to say was, "Girl, I will call you UP and lick you down."
But I bit my tongue.
My timing would have been off anyway.
She wanted me to shoot her a text.
Just send her some quick facts so she can check to see if she was free to meet with me
Later
But I wanted to call her.
So maybe I could spit some game and get a chance to tame her wild side.
And that back side.
But I couldn't really talk because tongue still hurts from a few lines up like **** so I grabbed my phone
****
I'm scrolling around and around my thumb moving twice as fast. . .
****
I'm checking my pockets for a piece of paper to be my savior not unlike the ones to get me up but this one would be holding me down
****
She told me to shoot her a text.
I wanted to call her.
But I forgot to get her number.

[Stogi]

I did a dramatic reading of this thread for my girl a few hours ago.

She was more than amused...except for the last line of Stogi's last Poem.

hahaha how did she react to that?

[NWR_insanolord]

I'm going to come up with some dirty limericks about Crimm and post them here, and I encourage everyone else to do the same.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I call this one "A Strangers Bed"

She said last night was grrrreat
and I would have to agree
I was ex-cel-lent as usual
but someone remind me... who was she?

She tried to keep me
but I told her I had to go
I didn't really have anything to do today
but that's not something she needed to know

She said we should hang out.. again
and I said how 'bout some time next week
but who am I kidding
that's a date I have no plans to keep

She told me to call her
and I said I would
but who am I kidding
I never do, even though I should

[BlackNMild2k1]

I did a dramatic reading of this thread for my girl a few hours ago.

She was more than amused...except for the last line of Stogi's last Poem.

hahaha how did she react to that?

she was generally amused at the whole thing as I sort of acted it out
(motioned a high five and then put my hand out for a shake)
while I read it out loud to her, in a poetically dramatic fashion of course.

But then she got look girls give when someone says something that kills their anticipation.
Like when someone ruined the joke by taking it too far, or ruined the moment by breathing hot garbage breath all up in their face.


edit: Actually I think a more accurate way of describing the look, was when a girl is feelin you whispering game in her ear, and then you say something that is far too blunt, forward and perverse and she doesn't want to be thought of as a slut, so she gives that look of "oh no you didn't.... you just fucked it up... and you were this close too".

[Stogi]

hahaha it was a tie between that and "Girl, you look so good you made me forget my pickup line."

[King of Twitch]

I call this one Rage Sails in on The Crimmson Tide

*bongo begins*

Rage sails in on the crimmson tide. *bongo roll, then continues*

I raise my hands to the skies-- *pause in bongo drumming*

--where did I leave that rattle? *percussion egg shake*

I cry out with a loud voice to the ones who gave me life: *cymbal crashing; bongo continues*

Where did you put it? Where is it hiding?

Their long faces show age and disappointment

mine grows impatient and angry.

They deign to hand me a Tonka Trunk.

*cymbal crashing*

WHERE IS MY RATTLE? *cymbal crashing* I bellow again, with the fury of a two year-old voice: WHERE. IS. MY. RATTLE? *cymbal crashing ends, bongo continues*

They care not.

I must return to my editing duty

but I will not stop hunting. *bongo roll, then ends*

*bows* Thank you.

[Stogi]

*Boom Boom, Boom-Ba-Boom Clap**Boom Boom, Boom-Ba-Boom Clap*
*Boom Boom, Clap, Boom-Ba-Boom Clap**Boom Boom, Clap, Boom-Ba-Boom Clap*

Who you scarin',
With that fake chain wearin',
Lookin' like a baby cow,
Niccuh you so veal-inous,

Talkin' bout movies and fame,
Now that you got a name,
But even with that dough,
Niccuh you ain't reel enough,

Fake friends around,
Swearing that they like your sound,
While eyeing your blow,
Niccuh you so peer-ilous

Spittin hot fire,
Ha ha you a liar,
Even if I bestowed you with a flow,
Niccuh you ain't sear-ious,

*Beat speeds up*

If money talked, then you'd be buy-liferous
Steven King is more mist-erious
Rap so wack it's hear-larious
No hoes cuz your face-cetious
Got small fans you're few-rious
Your girl opened her mouth for this dick cuz
All your base are belong to us
All your base are belong to us


Time and time agaiinnnnnnnnnnnnn,
I make rhymes full of pure wiinnnnnnnnnnnnnn,
And no matter where you're from or whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
I'm felt all around the world like the weatherrrrrrrrrr woooooooo!


Time and time againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,
I make rhymes full of pure wiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,
And no matter where you're from or whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
I'm felt all around the world like the weatherrrrr (like the weather yaaa),


*Fade out*

[Stogi]

I'm not letting this thread die because I like it too much. Maybe you guys need an incentive to participate more.

The subject for the next week is....

"If I was a Martian"

So for example here's mine. It follows and ABCBCCC rhyme scheme (though yours does not have to rhyme of course).

"If I was a Martian, I would throw a party on the face of Cydonia. NASA's jealous spies watching me, "haha..you wanna party don't ya?" Next move is to take over the galaxy, so come with me and activate my drive's implausibility."

[BlackNMild2k1]

This one is more of a Rap *duet* inspired by a thread on a different forum that I read just moments ago and the letters I had available to me during my latest turn of Words with Friends.

I call this one PEEFIAH

He always said that chick was HOT
*but now he pee fiah
Wonder what kind of STD he got
*cuz now he pee fiah
Bet he wish he wore a condum
*now that he pee fiah
can't piss without srceamun
*dat nigga pee fiah
He ain't spittin' hot trax
*nigga pee fiah
bet his dick look like struck match
*cuz he pee fiah
He was braggin 'bout bare back
*now he pee fiah
feel like he got hot coals in his nut sack
*cuz he pee fiah
Had to pay the doc a viz-it
*cuz he pee fiah
Doc gave him the q-tip
*cuz he pee fiah

Now he always keep his dick wrapped
*don't wanna pee fiah
And he got that bitch slapped
*for making him pee fiah


It's a work in progress. That was just off the top of my head.