Topic: Are you socialy adequet?

[Caterkiller]

One thing that I absolutely love in life is going to conventions! Anime Expo, E3, and Comicon are all I need to fulfill the nerd meter within. I hype myself up by thinking about all the awesome conversations I'm going to have with fellow fans about Nintendo and One Piece. Ultimately I find myself enraged when my fellow fans can barely talk to me beyond one or two word sentences, or worse they are super loud and obnoxious and not in a cute Homer Simpsons/Peter Griffen type of way.
 
I've met only about 2 folks from NWR in person and both of you were a pleasure to be with. So this isn't about you, as a matter of fact I imagine many of you could talk to me in person just as easily as you do on these forums. But I sware I was going to run amuck after I had a small debate with the biggest fadiot ever.
 
I see how people get enraged on the forums due to a person's stubborness, but to have it right in your face with terrible people skills is maddening. Anyone have these type of moments in person?
 
Also I saw so many friends from high school and junior high at AX this year, and I suppose it was always like this, but the majority of them could barely look me in the eye.
 
 

[ThePerm]

I don't know, the last couple of years I don't think I've had a real great connection/exchange with many people. I talk to you for instance on occasion, and you're one of the smarter people I talk to. You're interesting. things move forward in your life, your affable.

 On the opposite end of the scale I have 100 other people who used to be interesting people, but they are so caught up in their ruts that they have nothing to talk about, or won't move past basic small talks. I wonder if they drank to much or did too much drugs.

On the other hand communication is a two way street and I might not be activating their brains to anything more than that. I myself don't really do much. I'm kinda a homebody, on the other hand i probably spend 16 hours a day doing something creative. Whether or not it pleases anybody is not really my concern. In the last couple months I've been playing Minecraft and thats been pretty interesting. When Shyguy is on we chat a bit, we're planning on a water temple replica, or just some really complex build.

I keep planning on working on the script i told you about, ive got one script down, but i haven't had much progress on the second one. I keep getting distracted. I watched limitless and it was pretty funny being somone who writes. As far as people skills go, I think alot of people have them turned off. I've posted threads about how i have terrible social skills, but this is an exaggeration. I'm actually quite capable of being the center of attention, that is if im turned on to it. It comes and goes sometimes, and Im sure its like that for a lot of people. I'm always a good listener, and I have pretty good mental access to trivial info and a huge bullshit detector. However, its sad to hear that at a convention your surrounded by a bunch of asocial nerds. If anything you should have something in common and none of them should be that shy or intimidating. If anything talk to the best looking people, they generally have the best social skills too, its something studies show haha.

[Caliban]

Maybe.

[Stogi]

Is this the first thread you've made, caterkiller? If so, way to pop that cherry.

To answer your question, yes. In fact, I'm sure its happened to everyone. People can be pretentious, presumptuous, and any other 'pre' word that is the equivalent of asshole. Do what I do and ignore them. Walk away. Don't get caught up in their bullshit.

Am I socially adequate? I'd like to think so. I'm not shy when thrown into a new place. Actually, if I know I won't be coming back for sometime, I'm the least shy. I tend to make friends rather easily. It's never hard. But I don't want to be friends with just anyone. Like Perm said, it's a two way street. There are people who talk about things; people who talk about people; and people who talk about ideas. I'm naturally drawn to people who do the latter. They tend to be the most interesting, and always offer the most.

And while Perm maybe technically right, I find that the best looking people are rarely the ones you want to talk to.

[Morari]

Don't worry about it. Most people aren't actually worth speaking with anyway.

[ShyGuy]

Everyone else is inadequate.

[Ceric]

I'm going to weigh in and then read everyone elses.

Personally,  I don't really have a hard time talking to people.  Especially at a conference were I'll probably never see you again.  I'm more overwhelmed from situations that can occur long lasting ripples like talking with co-workers.  Now my biggest problem is not talking with people its much more in engaging conversation with people.

How I think and piece things together and how the rest of the world does this same process seems to be different.  Which can make going back and forth pretty hard.  I'll think I'm being clear enough for a two year old while the otherside thinks I'm talking Rocket Science.  When I do connect with someone its a lot of fun and we can go back of forth quiet a bit.

I type as a Speak, for the most part, so just reading what I've written across the forums can get you a good sense of how I am.  Just remember to read it with a higher voice.  That being said I love to talk with everyone at some point in time or another.  I'm trying to make an arrangement to go to PAX: East 2012 to hunt down NWRers and I think it be a hoot.  I just always seem to miss it.

 
 
Some thoughts from reading the other posts:

I don't really make friends.  I make a lot of acquintances but I find I personally have a hard time mainting friends.  I also have a hard time remembering to call my Dad and I haven't called my Grandparents in over 5 years and I've been married and had a child during that time.  Ironically I like my Dad and Grandparents.
 
I may set the bar to high but, my definition of a friend is someone who will come over and help you move furniture if you asked, the abstract consept.  I don't think thats to high.  That being said their are a lot of people on this forum that if they asked I wouldn't mind helping if I'm able.

[Ian Sane]

If anything talk to the best looking people, they generally have the best social skills too, its something studies show haha.

This is probably because really attractive people are probably rarely rejected by anyone, due to their attractiveness, and therefore are more confident.  I used to be quite shy and a big reason for being shy is a fear that people will ignore, reject or act hostile to things you say.  Is this rarely happens to you, you seek out conversation because you never have any need to fear it.
 
I feel I developed my current personality when I was 24 (wish it was earlier).  That's when I went from being shy and anti-social to being "socially adequet".  The biggest change was learning how to respond to the question "how are you?"  When you're a stunned dipshit you just say "fine" and the conversation dies.  The key is to follow up with "... and how are you?"  Once I figured that out I was blown away of how easy it was to maintain conversations with people I barely knew.  At first I had to force myself to do this and now it feels natural.  The best thing about is is once you develop some social skills you can recognize when others don't have them.  Since 90% of my conversations flow easily, the odd time there is awkwardness I no longer associate it with myself.  When I was shy I assumed the awkwardness was my fault.  I no longer do because I can recognize that the other person is giving me one-word answers to every question, and is therefore "at fault" for the conversation dying.  As a result there is no hit on my confidence due to a awkward social encounter and confidence is incredibly important.
 
What's sad is at the same time a close friend of mine has regressed in the opposite direction becoming more and more of a shut-in.  When we become friends, we were both socially awkward nerds.  He's become more of a nerd and I've become less.  On one hand this makes us have less in common which isn't so good for our friendship.  But what really bothers me is that I'm a much happeir person since coming out of my shell.  He has gone further into his and I want him to realize how much more rewarding life is when you branch out.  Maybe he's content with life but he sure seems more depressed.
 
I only have a small group of friends and I used to assume it was because I was not good at making friends.  I have since discovered that I don't really want more friends.  I have tons of acquaintances that I get along with really well and I get along well with most people I meet.  I just have a really close friendship with the friends I have.  To find that sort of connection with anybody is rare so the situation does not lend itself to having a large group of friends.  Most people I meet that have lots and lots of friends, don't have as good of a connection with those friends as I do with mine or they do with only a select group of best friends.  Honestly what I consider to be "acquaintances" might be what other people would count as "friends".
 
One thing I do find odd though is encountering nerds with poor hygiene who smell bad.  Even at my worst I never had poor hygiene.  I don't get where having geeky interests leads to a disinterest in showers, deodorant, brushing your teeth or wearing clean clothes.  I went to Comic Con once and felt I stood out because I DIDN'T smell like B.O.  And the friend I mentioned?  Yeah, that's gone downhill for him too.  As he has became less social he has slacked off huge in hygiene.

[Caterkiller]

Not really my first thread Unagi, but the first actually worth discussion I suppose.

This is the only Nintendo forum I post on, I will occassionaly chime in on the video game section of say an anime forum but here is the only place I really discuss things. For one there are less people that actually post, which means it is condensed to more well thought out arguments or statements. How anyone can stomach IGN's boards is beyond me. Two, no matter how much I oppose the things say Ian or Morari say, I can respect their line of thinking.

What brought this topic up in the first place was basically one guy telling me "no, no, no, no, it can't happen, I've been reading One Piece for 10 years" and then I'd say "well if you look at the progression from here to here, it seems that naturaly such a thing will occure" then he would go "No! I have learned to never predict Oda because you will always be wrong." Several other people were listening and just go "yeah" or "I agree with him."
That's not so bad, but coupled with him being extremely loud and interupting me on almost every sentence without listening to reason I was about to smack him one.  As the day went on I tried striking up conversation and man it was like trying to pull teeth. Thankfully I talked with a professional translater of VIZ and after we were done he told me "thank you for an engaging conversation about One Piece." I could only imagine what he must have had to deal with before me.

Ian your story reminds me of a friend of mine who kind of got left behind on the social ladder. I knew one guy since Jr High, now he's 27 and i'm 25 but this guy hasn't changed a bit. I got so sick of him doing nothing all day but cosplaying and not going to work that I forced him to train martial arts at my school. You know just to get some kind of real focus in his life. He came to me many times over the years kind of depressed saying no one likes him and such. On several occassions he told me "I act just like you, but everyone adores you and hates me." Everyone who ever knew me knows that I am in love with Pokemon, up until say the beginning of High School I enjoyed making pokemon noises. I crawled around like a monkey and swang from tree's in high school. Plus all I ever really enjoyed talking about from the usual social norms was Nintendo and Pokemon. The difference between us is that I could stop talking about that stuff when I wanted. He draws his own comics and writes his own fanfiction and shoves it into peoples faces.

I don't want to name drop but a celebrity was in the school training during the mid day. My buddy just happened to be there and was amazed to see this person. I told him, "just be cool he's working out, but don't shove your art infront of his face, he's a busy guy." He went to talk to him and praised him on his work, then just like clockwork, he couldn't help himself and ran over to get his folder of artwork and hand made paper figures. Thankfully the guy was super humble and nice and didn't get annoyed I guess he gets used to that kind of thing. Anytime we are around someone like that he has to pull out his crap, as if they are going to wisk him away to stardom! He does have the B.O. as well and it just isnt something most people want to be around.

For the longest I've just been ready to sit him down and let reality hit him. I don't know how he'll react though, but I want to lay it on him hard. Anyone ever try to get a friend out of the super nerd slump that my friend and apparently Ian's is still in?

[Caliban]

What brought this topic up in the first place was basically one guy telling me "no, no, no, no, it can't happen, I've been reading One Piece for 10 years" and then I'd say "well if you look at the progression from here to here, it seems that naturaly such a thing will occure" then he would go "No! I have learned to never predict Oda because you will always be wrong." Several other people were listening and just go "yeah" or "I agree with him."
That's not so bad, but coupled with him being extremely loud and interupting me on almost every sentence without listening to reason I was about to smack him one.  As the day went on I tried striking up conversation and man it was like trying to pull teeth. Thankfully I talked with a professional translater of VIZ and after we were done he told me "thank you for an engaging conversation about One Piece." I could only imagine what he must have had to deal with before me.

Now I want to know what you were discussing about One Piece.

[Ceric]

What brought this topic up in the first place was basically one guy telling me "no, no, no, no, it can't happen, I've been reading One Piece for 10 years" and then I'd say "well if you look at the progression from here to here, it seems that naturaly such a thing will occure" then he would go "No! I have learned to never predict Oda because you will always be wrong." Several other people were listening and just go "yeah" or "I agree with him."
That's not so bad, but coupled with him being extremely loud and interupting me on almost every sentence without listening to reason I was about to smack him one.  As the day went on I tried striking up conversation and man it was like trying to pull teeth. Thankfully I talked with a professional translater of VIZ and after we were done he told me "thank you for an engaging conversation about One Piece." I could only imagine what he must have had to deal with before me.

Now I want to know what you were discussing about One Piece.

Not to totally derail this but I've only gotten through the first bit of One Piece and found it to be pretty predictable and drawn out in a way.  Thats both the manga and anime.  Maybe I should watch more of it.

[Morari]

No, no. That's just most anime and mange.

[bustin98]

There's a slight connection here with the Anime Expo. CNN has a report and pics, thought I'd share:

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-631163?hpt=hp_bn1

Very nice girl with pink hair, though it took a second look to see the color of her hair
 
And a freaky Little Sister...

[ThePerm]

oh and that guy who hasn't climbed the social ladder since jr high? Maybe he's on the autistic spectrum? Its very hard for people on the spectrum to not talk about things other clearly don't care about. Incessantly. Even though i think I am regular, there was a time till I was about.....23 or so that all i talked about was Nintendo and video games, though i think I was trying to keep it on the down-low on being a gamer before then. Now after years of being less of a gamer im back to being more of a gamer, and I'm more comfortable in my own skin.

[Caterkiller]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lrCRQ8EH5KQ
 
I talked to allot of guys like this. Who talk like they know everything and just make you want to punch them.

[Dasmos]

Oh man that voice. I hope he was putting on some sort of accent.

[Stogi]

No one talks like that.

[Urkel]

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