Boner-chanbara is Dynasty Warriors meets The House of the Dead. An arcadey zombie splatter beat'em-up with an introductory budget price of USD$30. Call within the next 2 minutes and our operators will give you a box of tissues FREE with two easy payments of $4.95 plus shipping.
In Dynasty Warriors, you're mainly required to tap a button, allowing you to fall asleep. In Boner-chanbara, this is not the case. Attacking is performed by rigorously shaking your Wii instrument vertically ("vertical waggle"), which means you will always be alert and at the same time exhausted. It's a perfect companion to Wii Fit for maintaining a healthy Wii.
Remember to take breaks often, stay hydrated, and avoid using male enhancement supplements to aid your experience. Known side effects include dizziness, soreness, increased heartrate, stroke, and cardiac arrest. Ask your pharmacist for a brochure and see if this is right for you.
Here is a brief summary based on actual customer testimonial:
- Japanese voices only (hawt) w/ English subtitles
- Boob fizziks
- Rock solid 60fps, looks and moves better than most PS2 and Wii games.
- Focuses on straightforward mass-carnage gameplay featuring a couple dozen enemies in one room, while looking leagues better than Dead Rising: Chop till you Drop
- The zombies are visually a cross between Dead Rising 360 zombies and Castlevania 64 vampires.
- Default blood color is red (others: white, purple, green), main characters slowly get covered in bloody textures, and blood splatters on the screen which is a nice thought
- Better value than a used copy of Soul Calibur Legends
- Levels are divided into room-to-room checkpoints
- Character stats upgradable via point distribution system
- 2-player co-op is available for competitive scoring based on stages you've already played
- Includes Z-Lock-on, not always accurate if a trash bin or mailbox is between you and the enemy, preventing attacks from registering despite animating
- Fancier/better combos achieved by specific timing of waggle (still fairly rapid), analog stick direction also changes preset combo type (like Zelda)
- Enemies swing at you every other minute
- Some enemies block, you can kick with a Nunchuk waggle to break said block
- A traditional special attack is available which consumes some health
- Main characters have two stances, one requiring Remote-only waggle, the 2nd requiring Remote+Nunchuk dual-wielding simultaneous waggle, for greater wrist workout and bicep development. Aya will use 2 swords instead of 1, for example.
- Main characters moves fast (slightly floaty?) and the framerate is fluid, leading you into a trance-like state where you're constantly waggling, covering yourself in blood, then immediately running looking for more targets to waggle in front of (until you need to catch your breath) -- this is the rythm of the game; because it's physical, it's somewhat like jogging where once you start, you don't seem to stop until you've run out of enemies. The way the main characters animate and the way enemies explode (getting out of your way) minimizes delay, so there's little wait/effort in starting the next wave of waggle. Previous beat'em-ups clearly differ when a crowd of enemies pose a credible threat to your health bar prompting you to run away and regroup a bit, or the walking animations are simply slow -- they provide moments to take a breather, and being button-based allows for that. In Boner-chanbara, like Muramasa: The Demon Blade (where enemies seem to hardly hit you as well), you are a constant meat slicer. If you're standing around waiting, you're simply not getting anywhere.
- "Ricky Bobby's not a thinker, he's a driver."
- For the critically-thinking-impaired, the game is ultra repetitive. Also, it's a video game. Also, video games are repetitive. People play video games because there's certain kinds of repetition they like without faulting it or realizing it. And this game burns calories.
- I could've described it as Soul Calibur Legends meets Dead Rising, but that would've given them too much credit.
This product is recommended in short bursts. Beware of your glucose levels.
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