So how should I start this off....
Within the last week I met this hook-up. This...hook-up...can get me liquor for ridiculously cheap (as in half off or most likely cheaper). Needless to say I've been drinking myself silly ever since (bah nah na ne na ne nah naaaah, bah nah na ne nah: Tequila!). Anyways last Friday, I went back to my college town to reinforce some bridges (a metaphor). After doing the reunion/pre-game thing, a couple of friends and I went to this party across the street. The party was aiight, but after gaming some girls we decided to take them back across the street.
Then one of the most f*cked up things happened...
I was getting real feely and touchy with one of the chicks, and everything was all good, right? WRONG. I took her up to my friends room and we started to make out and this b*tch started lapping my face as if she was a dog. It was honestly one of the biggest turn offs of my life, especially when I had to spit all the slobber off my lips. I immediately stopped which provoked her to wonder why. I said some bullshit like "my lips are tired" and quickly walked downstairs. And into a fresh bottle of gin I drowned that memory (didn't work).
That was Friday.
Saturday I tripped balls on something called acid.........................
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some drug addict; I really only focus on alcohol and ganja. Still, I believe that there is a time and a place for everything (you may, however, never have those two things together) and Saturday had both. I'm not here to tell you about what crazy sh!t I saw or did; just realize that it was f*cking crazy, one of the craziest, most influential nights of my life.
That was Saturday.
Fast forward to Tuesday. Now I'm just chillen with my brother at home, right? It's Tuesday, so theres a new House M.D. on. It's kinda hot so I open the back door but leave the screen closed so my cats don't run out. Afterwards, I'm kinda thirsty so I start fixing myself something to drink. That's when these two mothaf*ckers kick down my screen door and put guns in our faces. At this point, I'm scared sh!tless, fortunately though, that won't last. One of the dudes keeps yellin at me, barking orders like "Where's the f*ckin' money!" and "If you move, I'll f*cking murder you!" The other one (skinny one) starts telling my brother to pack-up sh!t; that's when the fat one started walking around.
"Ahh...you guys are some ballers huh?!" he said after looking at my newly formed liquor cabinet. "Bag up the Wii man; get those laptops, and get that 360!" I told him I'm not doing a damn thing, but he could take whatever he wants. He started to threaten me like "I know 50 cent got shot 9 times and lived, but you!......You, nigga, I'LL EMPTY A WHOLE CLIP!" That's when I went to my lower cabinet, took out some trash bags, and put it in front of him. Like a little bitch he took them and started packing up my sh!t.
I keep a Samurai Sword in my living room below my projector's screen. I swear, if I could of reached it before he had a chance to turn around, I would have sliced the sh!t out him, Pulp-Fiction style (they later took the sword too!). At that very moment, I saw my brother being pushed into the bathroom. Soon after I started coughing something fierce. It got so bad I thought I might throw up. That's when I saw my brother reemerge with blood-shot eyes and brown sh!t all over his shirt. He was pepper-sprayed. I'm not talking about a simple spritz in the face......this sh!t was all over.
The skinny one tells him to get on his knees.
"Hell no!" My brother replied.
"Get your hands behind your back BITCH!" The skinny dude yelled. He then began to tie my brother with an extension cord he found, then through him in the closest. He then took me and threatened me into the closest. I still had my phone on me (amateurs) , so when this whole next conversation took place, I was calling the police and whispering where I was.
"What's your pin number?!" That skinny dude exclaimed.
"I already told you: 1137" My brother said.
"That's not what you said last time" skinny dude replied.
"What the f*ck? Yes it is" My brother pleaded.
"I'm going to have my boy go to an ATM and see if it's right. If it's not, I'm going to kill you and your little brother!"
"Your going to go through all this trouble for $300?!" (300, because that's the max amount you can pull out the atm)
Soon after that last comment, we noticed the lights were turned off. My brother easily slipped out of his tying and opened the door. Immediately we saw that they had left. My brother threw on his shoes and bolted after them, asking anyone if they saw two black guys carrying white bags and a samurai swords.
Long story short, the cops catch them both with in 30 minutes and get us all our stuff back except for the samurai sword, my brother's phone, and $130 in cash. We later ID'd them and gave these detectives our statements. Once we got back to the crib, we packed up and went home to our parents.
F*cked up right?
Skip to today. I have a huge proposal (multi-million dollars) due tomorrow (Friday). I'm not the only one working on it, but I still spent all day today trying to finish (it's still not finished). Tomorrow I not only have to finish this proposal before 5, but I'm hanging out with my X as well.
To add to the ruckus....I HAVEN"T BEEN ABLE TO PLAY MAFIA, even though ironically IT"S MY FIRST TIME PLAYING.
So let's sum this up. I buy liquor at at least half off (Good!); I made out with a chick that kisses like I dog (Bad!); I tripped balls on acid in the middle of the forest (Good!); I was robbed by armed men (Bad!); I have a multi-million dollar proposal to finish (Bad!); and I'm meeting with this chick I may or may not love for the last time before I go to South Africa in a week (Good!).
Good God.
Topic: The craziest week of my life (Read 7865 times)
