Author Topic: B!tch, Don't Correct Me! - The Joke Thread (Read 231897 times)

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #625 on:** October 28, 2011, 09:43:57 PM »

Oh, I didn't know this thread was only for tasteful, insightful jokes that the members make up on their own. Excuse me.

nickmitch · « **Reply #626 on:** October 29, 2011, 07:24:38 PM »

It's ok. No one ever reads the terms of service.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #627 on:** October 29, 2011, 07:43:32 PM »

You all agreed to the ToS when you entered the thread...

I just haven't written them yet.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #628 on:** November 01, 2011, 01:13:20 AM »

Actually, Brandogg's joke was posted a long time ago in this thread.

Stogi · « **Reply #629 on:** November 04, 2011, 02:17:33 AM »

Hence BnM bringing back the quote to prove it.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #630 on:** November 04, 2011, 10:54:47 PM »

I knew it was nothing original, but I didn't realize it was posted 5 years ago either. Apparently neither did someone else...

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #631 on:** July 30, 2012, 12:14:39 PM »

Seriously? No one has posted a joke in 8 months? This isn't original either, but here goes...

I was supposed to go to the local meeting for PEA (Premature Ejaculators Anonymous), but when I showed up no one was there. I guess I came too early.

Crimm · « **Reply #632 on:** July 31, 2012, 12:30:55 AM »

BOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!

Fatty The Hutt · « **Reply #633 on:** July 31, 2012, 11:00:58 AM »

A woman falls in love with her psychiatrist. She pleads with him:
"Kiss me doctor."
"No, I can't kiss you. I'm a doctor. That would be completely unprofessional."
"Come on doctor, just one kiss, please."
"I can't do that, you're my patient."
"Come on, kiss me. I want you to kiss me."
"No, you know I can't kiss you. I shouldn't even be fucking you."

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #634 on:** July 31, 2012, 03:13:50 PM »

I like it.

ThePerm · « **Reply #635 on:** August 23, 2012, 04:46:58 PM »

simple Mitch Hedberg inspired joke I thought of in the store

"A Robot, a Ninja, A Dinosaur, and a Pirate walk into a bar. It was awesome."

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #636 on:** March 11, 2013, 03:27:23 PM »

Oral will make your day...

...but anal will make your hole weak.

pokepal148 · « **Reply #637 on:** March 11, 2013, 05:05:31 PM »

Quote from: Brandogg on March 11, 2013, 03:27:23 PM

Oral will make your day...

oral... you mean the toothpaste brand

Stogi · « **Reply #638 on:** March 11, 2013, 08:45:03 PM »

Learned this one last night. Cracking my **** up.

*On the phone after the conversation is done*

Person 1 :: What has a small dick and hangs down?
Person 2 :: I don't know. What?
1 :: A bat
2 :: Okay
1 :: Now what has a big dick and hangs up?
2 :: I don't know. What?
1 :: *CLICK*

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #639 on:** March 12, 2013, 11:50:02 PM »

Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, ‘Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!The cowboy said, ‘What the heck, bring me an order.' The waiter replied, ‘I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.’

Caliban · « **Reply #640 on:** March 13, 2013, 12:29:20 AM »

Khushrenada · « **Reply #641 on:** March 14, 2013, 06:48:59 PM »

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into an old small western town and stop in front of a saloon on an extremely hot day. Concerned about the horses in the extreme heat he says to Tonto, "Why don't we take shifts with one going into the saloon for refreshments and the other stay out here and run around the horses waving a blanket to keep them cool. Then in ten minutes we'll switch". Tonto responds, "Sounds good to me Kemosabe, why don't you take first shift in saloon". The Lone Ranger agrees and says, "I'll be back in 10 minutes".

The Lone Ranger finds a table and starts slugging down the beers. He spots the cute barmaid across the room and starts up a conversation with her. 10 minutes pass.....30 minutes pass....Finally after an hour the town sheriff walks into the saloon and goes up to the Lone Ranger and asks him, "Howdy Pardner, Them your horses out there?" Bleary eyed, the Lone Ranger looks up and say, "Darn Tootin'". "Well," the sheriff replies, "You left your Injun running."

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #642 on:** March 14, 2013, 08:41:10 PM »

That may be the worst joke of all time.

Fatty The Hutt · « **Reply #643 on:** March 15, 2013, 12:38:38 PM »

AHhahahahahaha
+1, Khush

Khushrenada · « **Reply #644 on:** April 16, 2013, 11:29:26 AM »

Warning. I am going to attempt a Boston Marathon joke. I know it may make me look callous and cruel and insensitive to the suffering endured by others. I get that which made me ponder whether I should even bother posting anything at all. But after being a bit shaken and down about it myself, my thoughts for whatever reason turned to the idea of whether a joke could be made about what had occurred and from that challenge to myself, this was the best I could come up which is sort of tame and edgy at the same time.

I'll leave it for you to judge if it's funny or not. If you think it completely uncalled for, I guess use the report it to the moderator button since that's what it is there for or just chew me out in this thread. So, without further adieu, here it is.

Hey everybody! Don't know about you but I've always liked to run the Boston Marathon even though I'm not very good at it. So yesterday, I'm running it again and it is really gruelling and exhausting. Fortunately, for this time, I've been training everyday for a year and eating right and doing all those little things to stay in shape. And so, as I'm running, I can definitely see that hard work is paying off and I'm staying right in the thick of the race. Normally, I'd have dropped out of it miles ago but this time, I'm keeping up and outpacing some of the other racers around me. Then I see the finish line and so I call on every last ounce of energy in my body to help me move a little bit faster to the goal. Despite the strain it took on my body, it was all worth it because, in the end, I was able to blast by the other racers and placed 37th, 38th and 54th! A new personal best!

Stogi · « **Reply #645 on:** April 16, 2013, 11:58:57 AM »

Eh....kinda gruesome and not very funny.

Should have said something like "Those 'I survived the Boston marathon' shirts now have a whole new meaning".

Or something about how everyone would have been fine if they were Kenyan.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #646 on:** April 16, 2013, 12:26:58 PM »

Fatty The Hutt · « **Reply #647 on:** April 16, 2013, 01:23:25 PM »

I liked it.
And I appreciate the effort to bring the healing power of humour into an otherwise gruesome situation.

Oblivion · « **Reply #648 on:** April 16, 2013, 02:05:01 PM »

I've seen worse jokes about the bombing in other places, and it honesty wasn't very funny. But good try though!

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #649 on:** September 17, 2014, 09:48:44 PM »

A bartender walks into a church, a temple, and a mosque.

He has no idea how jokes work.

News:

Author Topic: B!tch, Don't Correct Me! - The Joke Thread (Read 231897 times)