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Originally posted by: Svevan
Whether you've posted that or not, it's older than the day is long.
I figured it was, but now its here for all eternity... or until this thread gets deleted.
Here is another one, its so much a joke as it is a story, but its still kinda funny.
A Lesson In Anger Management*When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know. *
I was sitting at my desk when I remember a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Gary. Could I please speak with John Carter?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f#(king number!!” and the phone was slammed down in my ear. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down John’s correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an @sshole!” and hung up the phone. I wrote his number down with the word ‘@sshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bells or had a really bad day, I’d call him and yell “You’re an @sshole!”, it always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘@sshole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”
He yelled “NO!!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an @sshole!” and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed the “For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first @sshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I’d better call the BMW @sshole too. I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
He said, “Yes, it is.”
I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?”
He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oak Street Brooklyn. It’s a yellow rambler, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
I asked, “What’s your name?”
He said, “My name is Don Hansen”
I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you , Don?”
He said, “I’m home every evening after five.”
I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
He said, “Yeah, sure.”
I said, “Don, you’re an @sshole!”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, everytime I had a problem, I had two @ssholes to call.
That’s when I came up with this idea. I called @sshole #1.
He said, ”Hello.”
I said, “You’re an @sshole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)
He asked, “Are you still there?”
I said, “Yeah.”
He screamed, “STOP CALLING ME!!!”
I said, “Make me.”
….
He asked, “Who are you?”
I said, “My name is Don Hansen.”
He said, “And where do you live?”
I said, “ You @sshole, I live at 34 Oak Street Brooklyn in a yellow rambler I have a black Beamer parked in front!”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers!”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, @sshole” and hung up.
Then I called @sshole #2.
He said, “Hello?”
I said, “Hello, @sshole”
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are I’ll…..”
I said, ”You’ll what?”
He exclaimed, “I’ll kick your @ss!”
I answered, “We’ll @sshole, here’s your chance, I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying I lived at 34 Oak Street in Brooklyn, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gey lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going on down in Oak Street in Brooklyn.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Brooklyn. I got there just in time to watch two @ssholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news ‘copter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
Topic: B!tch, Don't Correct Me! - The Joke Thread (Read 241444 times)
