Nintendo revealed its Q1 release calendar yesterday. As you might imagine, I was fairly disappointed. The list covers January through March, and while there are a few things I’m genuinely looking forward to, I’m more puzzled by the obvious exclusions and titles that STILL don’t have release dates.I mean, the very first thing on the list—Aliens: Colonial Marines—is still listed as simply “Q1.” How does that not have a solid release date yet? It just makes me think the game, which has already been in development since 2001 (sort of) or 2006 (in earnest), will just get delayed again. It's not even being developed by Gearbox. Nope, the Wii U port is being handled by Demiurge Studios, a studio who, notably, ported Mass Effect to Windows in 2008. That fills me with confidence! Now, the game DOES have an actual release date of February 12, 2013 on other consoles, so what’s the holdup with the Wii U version? Gearbox isn’t saying, which itself makes me nervous. Continuing down the Wii U list, Rayman: Legends is the singular title that sparks my interest. Lego City: Undercover got a big push at E3 last year, but I couldn’t care less, largely because it’s a Lego game, and all Lego games are the same, whether they’re open world-y or not.

On the Wii U eShop list, The Cave looks mildly interesting, but nothing else does. Down on the Wii, the coming of Pandora’s Tower (in “spring”) is interesting only in that it’s coming to North America legitimately. I probably won’t pick it up, though.

Things are actually looking much better on the 3DS. Castlevania: Blank of Blank: Blank of Blank, which needed work at E3, could actually be good on March 5. And while I’m not particularly interested in Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon, it IS a high-profile Nintendo game that’s actually making the Q1 schedule, which is sadly noteworthy. I’m actually more excited about Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate, not because I like the Monster Hunter games, but because it will surely bring about the release of the Circle Pad Pro XL, which I can use to play MGS3DS and Kid Icarus again. And on the 3DS eShop, we’ve got a bunch of crap, digital versions of retail games, and a new Nano Assault title. After loving the hell out of Nano Assault Neo on Wii U, I may jump on it.

Wait, is that it? Aren’t there supposed to be some really big Wii U releases coming out in the “launch window?” I seem to recall a Pikmin sequel, something about a Wonderful 101, and another Wii Fit game, for starters. Oh, and isn’t there supposed to be an Animal Crossing game on 3DS? What happened to all of those?

This is still a thing, right?

Well, Bobby, they’ve been pushed back beyond the abstract borders of the “launch window.” They will now come out within the “first half” of 2013. Of course, because they’re not listed anywhere on the Q1 release calendar, that really means within the “second quarter” of 2013. And I doubt they will all magically appear in that brief window, given how Nintendo historically spaces out their “big releases.” The cynical, red-skinned, scantily-clad vixen on my left shoulder is whispering to me that Pikmin 3 will be delayed until the fall (at least), while the optimistic, luminous, scantily-clad angel on my right shoulder is saying it will come out before E3. When I ask both what they think of the Wonderful 101 situation, they just shrug. None of us care about Animal Crossing or Wii Fit U.

Most interesting to me is that neither eShop lists any Virtual Console games. This is suspect because previous release calendars HAVE included them, and I’m beginning to suspect that Virtual Console—as we currently understand it—simply isn’t coming to the Wii U. We may get GameCube games, but that’ll be a separate thing. “GameCube Classics” or something, apart from the Virtual Console. I’m more disturbed by the lack of 3DS Virtual Console games. We got Kirby Star Stacker today, which was a complete surprise, and I get the feeling Nintendo of America doesn’t actively plan or schedule what games to release and when on the Virtual Console. Recall that we got Wario Land II at the bitter end of 2012, almost as if somebody over there exclaimed “Oh shit, we almost forgot about this one!”

I commented on Twitter today how it’s unusual we’re getting every handheld Kirby game ever made except, seemingly, Kirby’s Dream Land 2. Fellow staffer Justin Berube suggested it’s because game is on the Dream Collection, and they don’t want to hurt sales of that Wii game. But remember that every OTHER game on the Dream Collection is on one Virtual Console service or another, so the lack of Dream Land 2, this late in the game, is puzzling. I also find it odd that Shantae (here we go with Shantae) isn’t on the 3DS VC yet, because we were told at E3 it had already been submitted. Another Twitter follower of mine, F-Zero Boyo, made the completely reasonable assertion that Nintendo is hoarding its Virtual Console games for another “8-Bit Summer.” While this makes sense, it doesn’t make me happy. But the very fact that VC games are not listed on the 3DS eShop list makes me think Nintendo of America is completely winging it with Virtual Console.

Anyway, the list of Q1 games I’m actually interested in can be tallied on one hand, and the ones I’m likely to actually purchase can be counted on one maniraptor hand.* So I guess I’ll be spending the next three months perfecting my Nano Assault Neo score, grinding to 100 percent in Darksiders II, and playing more Picross 3D. Isn’t it great when companies don’t support the systems they launch?

*Maniraptors have three fingers. Yup, even alvarezsaurs.