Story Post
With the Self-Destruction sequence activated, MASB, aka Motherbrain And Space Bartender, immediately turned its full attention to the threat at hand. Using the circuity that was running throughout the Space Pirate base of operations, Mother Brain was able to quickly identify the threat of Dark Samus and its location. It began issuing orders to the remaining Space Pirates on how to track Dark Samus down. In the meantime, Dark Samus had broken through a cracked wall at the end of the pathway it followed and entered the Command Center. The glowing Crystalline Structure was giving light to the room in a way the closely resembled moonlight. Dark Samus began walking towards it in order to find the rift it had come through and leave. Suddenly, there was a loud rush of wind. Dark Samus stopped and began scanning around to locate the source. From above, a pair of glowing red eyes appeared and they immediately grew in size as they rushed towards Dark Samus. D.S. fired a couple blasts of Phazon but was a bit off the mark. The shots only illuminated the figure rushing towards D.S. letting it know that it was Ridley! With a tremendous impact, Ridley knocked Dark Samus across the room and into a wall while also snatching the Metroid away from it.
““I fooled you, I fooled you, I got pig iron the metroid, I got pig iron the metroid, I got allll pig iron the metroid,” Mecha-Ridley-Programmed-By-Lucario cried out as he then made a bigger hole from the one which Dark Samus had used to enter the room. Then he flew off down the corridor back to Kraid’s Lair to end the self-destruct. He passed a couple Space Pirates on the way and told them that Dark Samus was all theirs.
“Oi. Unbelievable,” the Space Pirate called RABicle said, “You see that, mate? Once again, the higher-ups here only want the easy jobs of transporting a Metroid while we have to do the actual hard work of eliminating the real threats. How much you wanna bet as to how much he’s getting paid to carry that Metroid around compared to what we’re earning by putting our lives on the line?”
The Space Pirate that Rabicle was talking to, Nickmitch, answered, “I hear you. You’re absolutely goddamn right. The Space Pirates were created to oppose the Federation but lately the whole thing is becoming too bureaucratic with ineffective leaders at the top. Look how many Space Pirates have died these past few days.”
The two Space Pirates entered the Command Center. Dark Samus was struggling to move toward the Crystalline Structure because its body was falling apart. The synthetic Phazon it had taken from the Omega Pirate was having a strange effect on its chemical makeup and actually causing its body to war within itself. The result was that Dark Samus seemed to be melting as it used all its remaining strength to leave.
The two Space Pirates took in the sight of Dark Samus’s struggles. Then they turned their heads to face each other, gave each other a nod and then turned their heads back to Dark Samus as they took out their laser rifles.
“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you,” shouted nickmitch as the two Space Pirates began to fire furiously at Dark Samus. The laser fire began spattering bits of Dark Samus all over the room. The bits would then began to solidify and dry up. Soon, the room was covered in splotches of dried Phazon. The inbalance of real and synthetic Phazon had prevented Dark Samus from being able to reform and thus ended its existence.
“Nice speech, comrade,” RABicle remarked after it was over.
“I been sayin' that **** for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass,” nickmitch explained.
“When is that corrupt bourgeois pig Ridley going to shut off this alarm already?” RABicle asked in annoyance.
Suddenly there was crackling of static and then Mother Brain’s voice rang out through the intercom system. “Attention! Space Pirates RABicle and nickmitch. Please proceed down Corrider 3-X5 to assist Commander Ridley. It appears he has gotten stuck while returning the Metroid to Kraid’s Lair. I’m afraid he can’t enter because he’s too big,” Mother Brain reported. Woo! I got a "Ridley's too big" joke in after all. Bet you didn't see that coming. High five!
“Unbelievable. This is just want I’ve been saying, comrade. Just because someone is actually large in size doesn’t mean they are bigger than anyone else here. No one should be getting a larger slice of profits because of their physical size. It should be about the contribution to the effort,” RABicle argued as they headed off to help Ridley.
Sometime later after the self-destruct sequence was turned off and the Space Pirates were gathered in Mother Brain’s Chamber, Mother Brain made the announcement that because of the great victory they had in repelling the Federation and Hunters, the Space Pirates would now be unionized and all would get an equal share of the profits as well as an incredibly generous health and dental program. The fact that this was possible because a whole bunch of Space Pirates had died in the fight thereby creating a smaller pool to divide this among was not mentioned. The Space Pirates, except for Ridley who was taking a big cut in pay from this news, began to celebrate. That celebration was short lived as all around them the Space Pirate Base of Operations and planet began to change with different elements appearing and disappearing. Suddenly, it was all gone and the Space Pirates were on the surface of the planet. Not only that, they were surrounded by thousands and thousands of Metroids which immediately attacked them and began sucking away their life force. It was an instant wipe out of the Space Pirates. It turns out that killing Dark Samus and preventing it from going back to the timeframe it had emerged from altered the timeline resulting in this dark future where the entire galaxy had begun to be overrun by Metroids who had begun evolving into incredibly resilient and deadly species. Soon all planets were infested with them and they were the only life remaining. With the conquest of the galaxy completed, it was now finally at peace.
The End.