I’d rather crash into a brick wall.
Crash Purple: Ripto’s Rampage is a poor excuse for a game. Within two hours of starting the game I was on the doorstep of its final area. That is just the very start of a laundry list of problems this title has. Crash Purple is not really a game. Rather, it is a collection mini-games disguised as a platforming adventure. While other games can survive on just mini-games (Wario Ware is a great example) the ones here just aren’t compelling and numerous enough to be enjoyable
Here’s a rundown of the basic gameplay flow:
- Run around the pitifully easy “platforming” overworld realms collecting copious amounts of fruit.
- Search out mini-game portals in each realm.
- Buy your way into various mini-games with your large stash of fruit.
- Play each mini-game to earn a purple crystal. Collecting five of these crystals will grant you access to the boss of the realm.
- Enter a boss fight, some of which are basically just harder versions of the mini-games already played, and defeat the boss to gain access to the next realm.
- Repeat the above for the next three realms.
There are five of these realms in total, so you might be wondering why this process is only used in the first four. Well, in fact, it just might be used in the fifth and final realm. The thing is, I will never know because I’m not going to play it. I understand that it’s my job, but I’m not going to put myself through the torture. Let me explain, I’m sure you will side with me.
As mentioned above, beating each mini-game will earn you one purple crystal. But, there is more to these mini-games. Each is littered with boxes. By breaking all of these boxes and, of course, also completing the mini-game, a white crystal is earned. Well, upon beating the fourth boss, I learned that in order to access the fifth and final realm I must go back and earn every single one of these silly white crystals. I refuse. It’s not that the mini-games are horrible; in fact, they’re perfectly mediocre. Sadly, there aren’t enough different types of them to play. Each mini-games require a few tries to get right and complete to earn the purple crystal. To go back to all of them and break every box (there are somewhere between 10 and 40 in each) is nothing more than an exercise in frustration and a poor way to extend an already pitifully short game. This pointless collect-a-thon gameplay infuriates me to the point where I want to snap the cartridge in half. Vicarious Visions has made good games on the GBA, which makes the low quality of this game quite a surprise. It seems they have been taking ideas from “The Rare Guide to Game Design.” Just to clarify, that’s not a good thing.
Crash Purple: Ripto’s Rampage is flawed on such a basic gameplay level that I cannot in good conscience recommend it to anybody. I plead with you not to play this game. At a $30 suggested retail price you’re paying $10 an hour to play a game you won’t even enjoy. I’d be more upset except for the fact that it is so amazingly short, I don’t feel like I wasted too much time playing it.
