Author Topic: Gender and Sexual Minorities: An overview and living in the world as ourselves  (Read 14675 times)

0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Hi everyone I am very pleasently surprised to be making this topic on the forum but I got permission from Insanolord that I could so some basic ground rules for the topic. 

This is a topic to learn about those in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum and for those under that umbrella to talk about their experiences as living as themselves in the world today.

Right now until I can get further confirmation from the mods this topic is just going to be about learning and introducing each other to the forum again no matter if you fall within that spectrum or not.  It will also be a topic about our experiences of living as ourselves in the world.

So using the above for now at least we won't be talking about bills and politics that affect the LGBTQIA+ community for now at least.

Also please no jokes about helicopers and such in relation to ones gender or other such trolling. I don't expect this from anyone here but I feel I should still put this out there for the mods sake.

Now you may be asking what are all those letters mean well here is a general overview of those letters.

The L means lesbian and that you are a woman that is attracted to other women.
The G means gay and that you are a man that is attracted to other men.
The B means bisexual and it means you are attracted to at least two genders.
The T means transgender and it means that you identify as a gender different from what you were assigned at birth. This includes no-binary folks. (I'll get to this)
The Q means questioning or Queer.  For Questioning it means you are not entirely sure on your sexual orientation or gender identity. Queer is more of a catch all term for that that are not Heterosexual/straight or cisgender meaning you are comfortable with how you were assigned at birth. Yes Queer has some bad history with it but it is being reclaimed as something that works for the community.
The I means Intersex and that means one had a mixture of anatomy at birth or later on in life or different combonations of chromosomes.
The A means many things but the most common are Ally and Asexual.

The + is everything that isn't listed alongside the above which I will go over below.

Pansexual or Pan for short is someone who is attracted to people of all genders. Typically Bi and Pan are interchangable.
Asexual or Ace for short is someone who isn't interested in Sex, don't feel sexual attraction, Don't want to have sex with people.
Demisexual or Demi for short is someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction with someone until they form a close emotional bond. 

Non-Binary is a term for folks that fall outside of the male and female binary.  So if you can picture an bubble up top with Transgender in it to the left is Transgender Men and the the right is Transgender Women. Right down the middle of those two are Non-Binary.  There are several identities under Non-Binary such as Gender fluid, qenderqueer, bigender and agender.   

 To go over them... Gender Fluid is where someone feels more masculine one day and then feminine the next day. 
Genderqueer is a someone who doesn't really subscribe to traditional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combonation of male and female genders.
bigender is where someone could be two genders at the same time so female and nonbinary for example.
Agender is someone who doesn't identify with any gender at all.

A few other terms....

Assigned gender -- The gender you were assigned at birth, aka whether the doctor/midwife said 'it's a boy!' or 'it's a girl!' when you were born.
AMAB -- assigned male at birth
AFAB -- assigned female at birth
Sex -- generally refers to physical sex, what genitalia and hormone levels you have.
Gender -- generally means who you see yourself as.
Gender identity -- whether you identify as a man, a woman, or neither. Ex. I feel like a woman and I want to be treated by others as a woman, so I identify as a woman.
Gender presentation -- how you present your gender to society. Ex clothing, makeup, hairstyle, etc, as well as whether you tell people you're a man or a woman or neither.
Social gender -- how other people perceive you and what they expect from you based on that. Ex someone who has a beard is perceived to be a man, and is expected to act as such (be strong, stoic, etc)

My personal story.

I will try and keep this brief but when I was about 5 or 6 or so I didn't feel like I had the right body and I started to grow my hair out until I cut it and then suppressed things till I turned 15 and those feelings came back and then I suppressed them for 15 years and in 2013 I started transition to fit who I should be in body. I have been on estrogen for about 5 years now and about 4 months back I started on estrogen injections which I have been told is supposed to be better.   
 I started hair removal around 2014 and I still go monthly when I can afford to. I am looking into ways to pay for bottom surgery but it is difficult but I have a few means lined up that might work.  I am also demi-pan and I have a girlfriend for the past 5 or 6 months now. Currently working on now stuff that isn't directly tied with my transition like community college, jobs and improving the house for even more stability.   

You are free to reintroduce yourself using the above descriptors or just say hi in support. 



Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline ejamer

  • Does he even know Khushrenada?!?
  • Score: 24
    • View Profile
Hello in support!

I'm old and a bit ignorant about the topic, so don't know much of the terminology. I also might be slow to learn, so if I say something weird or stupid or offensive (here or elsewhere) then please call me out on it in a friendly way. I won't be offended and will hopefully learn a lesson.

That said, I think it's really good to have threads like this just so that we can all talk and try to better understand each other. Even when we don't totally understand, hopefully we can at least respect each other.


Bonus question: What pronoun do you prefer we use when talking about you?
« Last Edit: March 30, 2020, 09:10:02 PM by ejamer »
NNID: ejamer

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Thank you for the first post in the thread. Hi there.

Yeah a lot of the terminology has changed in the past 10 years or so but yeah I will be there to kindly correct you.

Yeah I totally agree just in general to try and meet common ground. 

Pronouns are she/her/ Miss.

Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
So today is Transgender Day of Visibility and for those that don't know it is a day where trans folk like myself go out into the world and show that we are who we are. Since the current situation makes that difficult I will say that the second best alternative is this.   



Yes go ahead and ask me one of those questions and I will answer it and give you an idea of how things have been for me since coming out.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline Khushrenada

  • Take the red-eye
  • NWR Junior Ranger
  • Score: 23
    • View Profile
Some of those questions seem very similar to each other and some you seem to have answered in your first post. I was thinking about 5 since it is so different from the others but I'll ask you question 19 because that intrigues me a bit. After all, what does it mean to be fully transitioned? From the first post, it seems like that idea is different for each person. How does it count or how is one considered fully transitioned?

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Good question.   Basically you are right that to be fully transitioned the person gets to decide what that stage is.

  For me personally though I feel like I am fully transitioned when I have all the surgeries I want done which right now is bottom surgery (GCS) and a few facial surgeries like a rhynoplasty, mandibular angle reduction(reduction of the jaw) and genioplasty(chin width reduction).   For now though I am content with things with my progress hormones, legal info and such but I would like to do the above to feel whole.   

As to being fully transitioned if you are talking personally then fully transitioned is just at a point where someone wants to stop and that is it.

  Legally though it is a little different at least with birth certificates.  Some states require you have bottom surgery to even change ones birth certificate and other states they don't change it and further still some states don't require any surgery.   I was born in Alabama and they require surgery to change the gender marker on my birth certificate.  Now a passport can supercede the birth certificate but those are not as easy to get but it is an option.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline Khushrenada

  • Take the red-eye
  • NWR Junior Ranger
  • Score: 23
    • View Profile
If you want a passport then I might know a guy spambot.... :smug:

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
If you want a passport then I might know a guy spambot.... :smug:
I actually got one in 2017.

But yeah I will reach out if I need one. :P 
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline Kairon

  • T_T
  • NWR Staff Pro
  • Score: 45
    • View Profile
Hello in support BeautifulShy! And thank you for making this thread! I've already learned a lot just reading through your thorough first post, especially as I wasn't aware of many of the latter terms in it.

Is it too late to ask questions from your image? I know I'm two days late but I only now wandered into this thread!

If I may, I was interested in what your answer could be for number 23? I feel a little limited in my understanding because most of the narratives I've been exposed to focus only on the conflict of what you're assigned and what you identify as.

And if it's not too much, I'd love to know your answer to number 5 since that's always been a favorite topic of mine!
Carmine Red, Associate Editor

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Sega and her Mashiro.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
So yeah in a few days normally the Phoenix Pride Parade happens but because of the current pandemic going on they are going to do a virtual AZ Pride starting tomorrow and going through the weekend.  https://www.virtualazpride.org/events/friday-april-3-pre-party/

 In the meantime I just want to talk about how things have been for me since coming out all those years ago.

Basically I asked an online friend about some things and she said I was likely GenderQueer and Bi and as I started to explore those thoughts in my head and all my life there were some signs that I wasn't suppose to be a guy so I wrestled with things till I was comfortable to come out irl and family was supportive but was concerned for my safety.  Understandable I thought and this was back in Cali in the Inland Empire where things were a little rough.  Then I came out to friends and local acquaintances.   It was my choice who I came out to so I could pick and chose who I let know.

After coming out there was a local LGBT center who my mom was friends with the owner who sadly passed on earlier this year.   But yeah I volunteered for the Center from 2014 to early 2016 and it was pretty good.  Also around this time I was going the the Adult School to get my GED and I guess I couldn't really juggle the two and one fell by the wayside and then the other because of things that went down which I will not speak of. They moved to another area and I joined up again but it wasn't the same and then the mom of the owner well she died and the owner well she was devistated and the second center shortly closed after that.   

So around the time of the closing I pretty much had been on hormones since Feb 2015 and about 6 months after being on hormones I changed my legal info.  In the fall of 2016 I moved out here to Phoenix and not only had I adjust to the summer heat.  I also had to adjust to the folks here in AZ who are night and day different from Cali folks.  Here in AZ in my first year here I had to deal with harrassers running after me with knives, calling me slurs and following me around.   I had to get pepper spray and have it on my key chain.  I didn't have to deal with this level of abuse from folk in Cali. So yeah basically the next year after that I just don't acknowledge them and on days where I am feeling couragous I will call them out on it and shame them and make an example of them using my words.   

But yeah I am pretty stable nowadays and I am just trying to put the rest of my life on track since the transition is pretty much on auto pilot.   


Oh a new post. Good to see. I will answer them below. 

Thanks for posting Kairon and no it is not too late.   I am usually an open book with these things.

Lets see... Number 23...Hmm best part of being trans is just feeling as yourself and comfortable in your own skin and it also just having lots of support from folks who are also marginalized.   Personally though I would have to say being creative with outfits and makeup for me at least.

As to number 5 fave dinosaur would pterodactyl. I just love how it is able to fly and soar in the skies. It also was so majestic and how it did everything.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline Kairon

  • T_T
  • NWR Staff Pro
  • Score: 45
    • View Profile
Thanks for coming back to share more and answer my questions! That's a good point that there's lots of communities who are marginalized in different ways and you could go all your life without getting in touch with all the common struggles you might share with other people.

Sounds fun to actually be engaged with makeup and clothing. I'm a stereotypical person who sorta just throws on whatever clean shirt is at the top of the stack, but at least in videogames I've decided that I can do better than boring beiges and blues and blacks. I guess I find the only place I feel I can experiment safely with aesthetics is in a virtual space.

Neat answer with Pterodactyl! Despite what Blathers says of the pterosaurs in Animal Crossing, I think even the way they walked on land was majestic, especially the biggest pterosaurs whose winglength was as wide as a T-Rex was long! And thank god we've finally put to rest the theory that they only glided. No, these reptiles soared!
Carmine Red, Associate Editor

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Sega and her Mashiro.

Online Steefosaurus

  • I wonder how many players will see this message...?
  • Score: 25
    • View Profile
Not to turn this into an interview, but if you're willing to share, I'm curious whether you experience(d) gender dysphoria and if so, how it manifests?
Is it mostly a mental distress caused by a disconnect from your physical self? Or does it manifest as physical pain? Is it constant, or does it occur periodically? Does it lessen the more you transition to your real self?

I had to deal with harrassers running after me with knives, calling me slurs and following me around.   I had to get pepper spray and have it on my key chain.

This sounds terrifying and makes me livid.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Hey I'll let you know if it is getting too personal. Right now it is not Steefosaurus. I have actually been interviewed for being someone with a disability and someone having unique challenges(Being trans) to go along with that.

But yeah dysphoria... For me personally it manifests at times with my body hair and certain parts of my body down below.  Not only those areas on some days just looking at my face in the mirror and seeing the shape of my face causes it. It typically doesn't cause physical pain but more mental anguish which thankfully hasn't come to physical pain from my own hands.  It doesn't happen often but when it does my day is typically is less than pleasant and I have some ways to combat it depending on what type of dysporia I am having. eg body hair(shave) down low(I typically nap or try to focus on some goal I have going on) Face shape(I try and do my hair a little to make my face shape not so unbearable to look at.) But yeah dysphoria isn't fun but I manage it as well as I can.



Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
So yeah this past week or so I was pretty dysphoric but I was able to talk about it some with some friends of mine of FB messages and Zoom and that helped.  Mainly the hair and I was thinking about FFS(Facial Femization Surgery) and how all types of surgeries of friends are being halted because of COVID-19.   It is not a good place to be in mentally.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Little update on me since being in quarantine  since my last post. Pretty much in Phoenix things shut down on March 11th.  The place where I got hair removal I had to reschedule from March 2nd to The following month to April 13th.  That got rescheduled to  May 25th at 1:30pm to 2:30 pm and this one should be a go since restiction have been listed slightly on May 15th so tomorrow in AZ.   

In the past 2 and a half months have been difficult with my dysphoria which falls under body hair, shoulder width and my jaw line.   I can do some things to mitigate the body hair like shaving every other day because it isn't much since I have been doing hair removal since 2014 once a month because of my income. Still it is like the turtle and the hare race. Sometimes slow and steady works.  For my shoulder width if I have my hair a certain length the dysphoria is lessened; I have my length just below my shoulder so that helps. My jaw line I can't do much about in this time but it is going to be a process to get that done.

As for support Zoom meetings has been helpful for my mental health and just talking with friends.  I actually had 3 yesterday.  As to what I have been doing in quarantine I have been trying to stay active with self care and different projects around the house and just doing chores to keep my mind less in tune with news on the virus but still being informed.   I pretty much reorganized my room, Been playing New Horizons not only because it is a fun game but also since it is so calming. I am helping around the house with different projects while balancing things with me doing too much at a time. That is one of the things about me that is hard to change because I like to set goals and map things out on projects and that takes mental health.   

To sum things up I am coping but things can improve for me and into the future.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.

Offline nickmitch

  • You can edit these yourself now?!
  • Score: 74
    • View Profile
    • FACEBOOK!
Glad you're doing alright.  I hope things get better.

May I ask question 4?
TVman is dead. I killed him and took his posts.

Offline BeautifulShy

  • Shifting my body across the galaxy
  • Score: 75
    • View Profile
    • My streaming page.
Thanks Nickmitch.  Number 4 is how I picked my name. I wanted a name that embodied the type of person I am and that is helper and defender and I ran across a site that is behind the name dot com.  I looked through the names and found Alexis.
Maxi is dead. I killed him and took his posts and changed genders.
Alexis, she/her/Miss

Quote by Khushrenada in Safe Words 15.
Quote
I'm happy with thinking pokepal148 is just eating a stick of butter. It seems about right for him. I don't need no stinking facts.