Author Topic: jokes (Read 13433 times)

peewee321 · « **on:** August 22, 2003, 08:59:59 PM »

your mamma is like a big mac full of fat and only worth a buck

why cant a blonde dail 911.... she cant find the 11

one day a blonde named sally was puting together a puzzle. she was really stumped and very frustrated so she decided to ask her husband for help. "its supposed to be a tiger!" Sally creid. "Honey,"said dan, "Put the frosted flakes back in the box.

your mama's so fat, when she steped on the dogs tail we had to change hes name to beaver. (she flaten the tail)

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common...theyre both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, your dead

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #1 on:** August 22, 2003, 09:22:58 PM »

Third and last are good, but you're going to have to come up with something better than that. If it weren't 1:30 in the morning, I would.

NinGurl69 *huggles · « **Reply #2 on:** August 22, 2003, 10:56:27 PM »

When "some person" posted/gossipped that Nintendo would buy Sega, without citing a source.

aoi tsuki · « **Reply #3 on:** August 22, 2003, 11:57:26 PM »

spong.com exclusives

PIAC · « **Reply #4 on:** August 23, 2003, 12:13:22 AM »

no no professional666, they did post a source, if i remember correctly it was mariodoesntknowshit@neitherdoespiac.com but i digress..

someone on ebay demanding 50 US$'s to post chronotrigger to me, THATS a joke

S-U-P-E-R · « **Reply #5 on:** August 23, 2003, 02:36:59 AM »

Does this smell like chloroform to y

yellowfellow · « **Reply #6 on:** August 23, 2003, 08:04:25 AM »

here's one:

poor guy meets a rich guy on the street. both are buying christmas presents for their spouses. poor guy asks the rich guy, "what'd you buy your wife?". rich guy goes, "got her a diamond ring and a mercedes". poor guy asks, "why both?". rich guy replies "well, i got her the diamond ring, and if she doesn't like it she can drive to the store, and get something bigger, in the mercedes".
rich guy asks the poor guy "what'd you get your wife?". poor guy responds "a pair of slippers and a vibrator". rich guy asks "why both?". porr guy says, "well, i got her the pair of slippers and if she doesn't like them she can go screw herself".

>X< Kitten >X< · « **Reply #7 on:** August 23, 2003, 01:52:43 PM »

Nice joke yellowfellow.... I like your signature too; you're speaking my language.

Man dirty jokes are the best. I also enjoy dead baby jokes. Anyone got any?

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #8 on:** August 23, 2003, 02:01:34 PM »

Dirty jokes can be funny, but too often the only reason people laugh is ebcause someone said fart or butt- I prefer funny clean jokes not because they're clean but because they show the person who wrote it is more creative and doesn't have to fall back on bodily functions or swear words. In other words, I don't like it when jokes have to rely on shock value for a laught, although I'll still laugh at then.

I don't know have too many jokes I like, either- I prefer true stories, ala The Darwin Awards.

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #9 on:** August 23, 2003, 07:30:38 PM »

And those are clean?

Dirty and clean jokes are both funny. Like people, it depends on the joke, not the category.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #10 on:** August 23, 2003, 07:45:27 PM »

No, they're *real*.

They aren't augmented with words like dick and fart to get you to laugh more- they're funny on their own.

rpglover · « **Reply #11 on:** August 24, 2003, 04:08:13 AM »

personally i like jokes and all- but a funny book is always a good find- i really like this one author- Christopher Moore- he rights some good books- the one book that i found hilarious was "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal"- if anyone would take the time to find that book, it is a jewel to behold- i loved it, it has an interesting comedy to it i would say- i highly suggest picking it up and reading it if you can

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #12 on:** August 24, 2003, 07:36:00 AM »

I just got the chloroform joke. I just skimmed over it the first time. Funny

You'll see the Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bear joke from me soon. When I stop being lazy.

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #13 on:** August 24, 2003, 07:42:30 AM »

Ha ha. Dangit.

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #14 on:** August 24, 2003, 07:57:44 AM »

Mouse Clicker, the english language has a massive vocabulary, but I really fail to see why anyone would wish to ban certain words from their speech for the sake of being more politically correct. Adding profanity to a sentence is like adding a bit of Jalepeno to a chili. I really do not know why you would deliberately reduce your vocabulary.

To me, profanity is a very essentially part of our language. Without profanity, one cannot properly voice extreme viewpoints.

In the context of a dirty joke, vulgarity will often put people off guard, and make the joke that much more funny. Because a joke is dirty doesn't make it any less funny without the dirtiness taken out. It can just often add an extra edge or level of meaning. If you think that a joke is inherently unfunny because it's dirty or racist, then I think you seriously need to reevaluate your logic.

Now, on another subject:

TO ANYONE WHO SPEAKS/UNDERSTANDS GERMAN: Do any of you have any clue what the World's Funniest Joke is? I suppose that a translation exists somewhere on the internet, but as it was only said in German on the show, I have no clue what it is. It's no doubt something completely silly, but I would really like to know what the joke is anyways, as that was always my favorite Monty Python sketch.

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #15 on:** August 24, 2003, 10:20:58 AM »

Grey, they did this thing on the radio about the worlds funniest joke, or something. When it was read, none of the radio people laughed, none of the people in my car laughed. It was completey un-funny. It went somehting like this:

A man was hiking in the woods with his friend. His friend accidently got shot (or something). Panicked, the man called 911. He said the his friend had been shot, what should he do? The voice on the other end said, "well, is he dead yet?" There's silence, and then a gunshot, and the man picks up the phone again and says, "Yeah, he's dead, now what?"

See? Funny? HAHAHAHAHAHA not. I doubt it's the same joke, but who knows?

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #16 on:** August 24, 2003, 10:25:20 AM »

No, the World's Funniest Joke was much shorter than that.

It was a Monty Python sketch about a joke writer who had written the world's funniest joke then died laughing. Everyone who read the joke then died laughing as well. They translated the joke one word at a time into German, then used it against the Nazis in WW2. It was a VERY funny sketch, and they said the world's funniest joke several times in German. I have no idea what the joke was though I suspect it was something REALLY silly.

According to one study though, this is the World's Funniest Joke. (They surveyed a bunch of people or something.)

Quote
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

PS: Proof that dirty jokes are hilarious:

Quote
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.

They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.

The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

To which she responded, "Three years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

To which she replied, "31 years old"

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #17 on:** August 24, 2003, 10:46:56 AM »

I good joke book is "The Pretty Good Joke Book" it's all jokes from the radio show "A Prarie Home Companion" There a MANY good dirty jokes in there, as well, as good clean ones, but mostly dirty.

On the issue of funny, Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Hereld. Go on to www.davebarry.com and click "columns" to read his columns and get a feel for his style of writing. If you like him, the books I have read and enjoyed are "Dave Barry does Japan" and "Dave Barry in Cyberspace" both are VERY funny.

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #18 on:** August 24, 2003, 10:52:56 AM »

Hmmmm... "Dave Barry in Cyberspace", sounds kind of like some chat logs that I showed to the aussie crew once.

They are a little much to put here, but they are funny as hell.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #19 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:09:07 PM »

Quote
Mouse Clicker, the english language has a massive vocabulary, but I really fail to see why anyone would wish to ban certain words from their speech for the sake of being more politically correct. Adding profanity to a sentence is like adding a bit of Jalepeno to a chili. I really do not know why you would deliberately reduce your vocabulary.

I never said anything about political correctness- I hate how politically correct our world has become. I agree with you that swear words are apart of our language, and I DO swear, as I've shown even on this board. In the course of a joke, however, people rely too often on swearing and bodily functions to get people to laugh, and to me that's uncreative. People end up laughing at the word fart rather than the joke itself, which I don't like, and not because they're minds are in the gutter, but because they didn't get the ACTUAL joke. To me, clean jokes are better because you're not falling back on something that will always get a laugh. If swearing was truly apart of our language, though, people wouldn't laugh every time they heard a swear word- it's slowly being integrated, more than ever nowadays, but the fact remains all it takes to make people laugh is to swear or to say words like fart and dick. I don't like those jokes because they're unoriginal and uncreative, not because of their nature.

BTW, your "hilarious" dirty joke wasn't very funny. I still laugh at dirty jokes, but that one was not a good example. I do love Monty Python, though.

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #20 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:11:37 PM »

Mouse Clicker, I don't know a single adult that laughs every time I say fart or dick.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #21 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:16:51 PM »

Man, you can't dissprove the fact that dirty words get laughs- I don't care who YOU know, it's true, and examples of it are everywhere. I don't care if jokes HAVE swearing or bodily fuctions in them, it's just when the whole joke revolves swearing and bodily functions that I don't like it.

And if the English language has hundreds of thousands of words, why must jokes rely on a collection 7 or 8 to get people to laugh?

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #22 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:18:32 PM »

I know examples of it everywhere too, and please don't take offense at this, but everyone that I know that laughs everytime I say fart or dick is 14 or younger, and I could really care less if some 14 year old is giggling while I am while I am ranting about the fart that stunk up my dick.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #23 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:21:27 PM »

Obviously younger (well, immature) people laugh at jokes because of words like dick and fart, but I don't see how that changes the situation any- it's good you have friends who can see beyond petty swearing to get a reaction, but a lot of people can't, and it's sad joke writers cater to them rather than us.

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #24 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:24:30 PM »

Joke writers use dirty words to further enhance their jokes. A dirty joke is usually funnier because the content is so non-commonplace, and people like a good dirty story.

I would consider Stephen King and Edgar Allen Poe to be two of the world's greatest writers. Do you think either of them shied away from using profanity?

I am going to bed.

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Author Topic: jokes (Read 13433 times)