Topic: Community Funhouse Playhouse - "The Only Pleasure Treasured is in Map Relief"

[Khushrenada]

Synopsis

Alright. This should be good. 

Here's an idea I've had kicking around for awhile and decided to finally throw it out here on the Funhouse Forum to see what happens.

The idea is simple enough, I think. Basically, the idea is that everyone posting in this thread is helping to write a script/play for the Funhouse with our posts. It is similar to the idea we've had in other threads of making a sentence with one word posts at a time or making a story one line at a time. In this case, there is no limit as to how much or how little you want to write.

You can write yourself in and out of the story anyway you wish. You can be any character or role play as you wish but, like a bit of improve, the rest of us will have to roll along with what other users jump in with and add to the story. Let's see what happens. I'll guess I'll try to get the ball rolling and give you an idea of what I'm thinking.


The Only Pleasure Treasured is in Map Relief

Starring:

Khushrenada as Treize "Kingpin" Khushrenada
Lady Une as Trixie "Kisses" Khushrenada
NotKhushrenada as Barney the Dinosaur
Evan_B as Zechs "The Swindler" Merquise
pokepal148 as The Mysterious Floating Whip


Act 1

The Scene: The curtain rises on the interior of a large log cabin. It is a stereotype of a hunting lodge-type cabin. A large stone fireplace is built in to the wall with various mounted animal heads above it. There is a spacious living room set all made of wood surrounding the middle of the stage to the left of the fireplace. On the left of the living room furniture is an open faced kitchen of many shelves with a small dining table and chairs around it. There are wooden stairs and a wood railing leading up to a second floor in the background behind the living room as well as a front entrance doorway to the right of the base of the stairs.

(STARRING KHUSHRENADA AS TREIZE "KINGPIN" KHUSHRENADA)

(The play begins as Khushrenada enters through the front doorway by the stairs. He is wearing a grey fedora with a grey and white pinstripe suit. He looks like a gangster from the 1930's. He takes off his fedora and puts it on the hat rack behind the door.)


Khushrenada:(shouting through the house) Hey Baby! I'm back! Me an' the boys finished buryin' the stoolie! Ya in here, dollface?

[Lady Une]

(Suddenly there are rustling sounds and hurried footsteps coming from offstage. There are some bumps and bangs occurring)

(STARRING LADY UNE AS TRIXIE "KISSES" KHUSHRENADA)

Trixie: (from offstage) Be right there, honey-bun! I'm, uh, just fixing myself up here! You sure, uh. got back fast. What happened?

[NotΚhushrenada]

(There is more banging and footsteps occurring off stage. Suddenly, a big purple dinosaur comes tumbling down the stairs landing at "Kingpin" Khushrenada's feet who has still been standing in the entrance)

(STARRING NOTKHUSHRENADA AS BARNEY THE DINOSAUR)

Barney: (looking up at Khushrenada) He ho! Well, isn't this just super-dee-duper!

[Khushrenada]

(stares at Barney for a few seconds then pulls out a gun and points at Barney's head and then yells up the stairwell)

Trixie!!! What the hell is this?! Is this what I think it is?! Are youse cheating on me with this purple sac' o' crap?!

[Lady Une]

(Trixie enters the scene by walking down a few steps from the top of the stairwell. Her wardrobe is that of a '20's flapper girl. She takes in the sight she sees at the bottom of the stairs.)

Oh,... poo!

(She clenches her fists and stamps her foot.)

[NotΚhushrenada]

(still staring down the barrel of a gun)

Hey, listen, man. I love you. You love me. We're best friends like friends should be...

[Khushrenada]

Don't even start with me, Barney! I thought we were friends and now I find you messing with my girl, Trixie! What have you two been up to? Is there any reason I shouldn't plug botha youse mugs right now?!


Hopefully this example shows you how this premise works. Feel free to jump in and enter the play as you see fit as we see where this story will lead.

[Lady Une]

(shifts her weight and strikes up a thoughtful pose)

Well, if you do, there's going to be an awful lot of blood all over this place and you are supposed ta be meetin' that Senator here in 90 minutes. I don't think you're gonna wanna explain to the Senator why he's walkin' in on a crime scene.

[Khushrenada]

(stares down at Barney some more while his face twists from thinking over what Trixie has said. Finally, he pulls the gun away and puts it in his pocket)

Alright. I won't shoot ya's. At least, not right now. But that doesn't mean youse gotta be around to see the Senator either.

(walks over and opens the front door)

Hey, boys! Get in here! A gots a filthy rat I needs you to take care of for awhile.

(closes the door and turns to Trixie)

As for you, my dear little hussy, I expects youse ta be working your feminine wiles on the Senator when he gets here instead of some two-bit stooge here like you've been doin' apparently. So, go try and look pretty for a change and don't think I'm through dealing with you about this whole...(pauses and spins his hand in a circle for a moment) ...whatever this is.

[Evan_B]

(The door opens, revealing a shrubby, needling hedgehog of a man, wearing a metal helmet)

(WITH EVAN_B AS ZECHS "THE SWINDLER" MERQUISE)

What's the sizzle, boss? Ya know that us Hodgepegs love filthy rats.

(He spots Barney and his eyes narrow.)

Oh. I shoulda knowed it was you, Lucario. Youse always pretendin to be th' boss.

[Khushrenada]

Zechs, my eternal friend. I needs ya to take care of a problem I'm having involving Barney here. Seems he's lost all sense of propriety and boundaries regardin' his place in my organization here. If you and da boys could hide him away some place where he can be reminded of his rightful status by means of some harm being done to him, you would be doin' me a real service. While I know you and ya sister Relena would prefer to see to him kick the bucket out right, I'm not through with him at da moment.

But as ya knows, I'm expecting the Senator to stop by very soon and so I can't pursue this interrogation any further at the moment. However, as soon as the Senator is gone, I want him brought back here alive so that I can pick up from where youse boys leave off. I wants ya ta instruct the men to make sure that this current Barney business is kept hidden from the Senator and his people. After youse gets it sorted with da men, I'd like ya ta select a couple of the boys to come back and join me for the Senator's arrival. I leave it up to you as to whos ya'd like to entrust with these various responsibilities because, as my right hand man, there is nobody that I trust more to handle my business than youse.

On dat subject, are there any new reports on da Chicago situation I need ta be aware of?

[Evan_B]

Wha ha HEY BOSS. I ain't got no idea whose dis "Relena" broad is. I hope you ain't comparin' me to that, erm, lovely princess who sings at the Sanc hotel. There ain't no way we two could be related...!

(Zechs coughs hastily and grabs Barney)

C'mere, ya loot. I know just the place fer you. Don't worry, boss. The boys and I will throw this lug someplace real cozy, yeah. Oh, and uh, regardin' the Chicago sit'a-ation. See, dere's been a bit of a complication. I could, erm, explain it t'ya now, or later. I know youse got an' important meetin', and all...

(Zechs is visibly uncomfortable.)

[Khushrenada]

See? Is this a great guy or what? Zechs, you big, beautiful, blue-haired hedgehog! Ya always looking out for me, makin' sure I don't lose my focus on things, worryin' about how your news might affect me, correctin' me if my facts are a liddle off. I asks ya, Barney, isn't Zechs here what a true friend is all about?

(Treize turns his attention to Barney. Barney nervously glances back and forth at Zechs and Treize a couple times then slowly nods in agreement while clearly fearful at what this response may bring. Treize turns back to Zechs.)

Ya, that's right. I tells ya, I just can't helps but loves ya, Zechs, for all ya do and continue ta do for me. Ya know what? Come here and let Treize give ya a big ol' kiss to shows ya how much I cares about ya!

[pokepal148]

(Enter a mysterious floating whip)

(STARRING POKEPAL148 AS THE MYSTERIOUS FLOATING WHIP)

(shifts her weight and strikes up a thoughtful pose)

Well, if you do, there's going to be an awful lot of blood all over this place and you are supposed ta be meetin' that Senator here in 90 minutes. I don't think you're gonna wanna explain to the Senator why he's walkin' in on a crime scene.

*whip* *whip*

(still staring down the barrel of a gun)

Hey, listen, man. I love you. You love me. We're best friends like friends should be...

*whip* *whip* *whip* *whip*

Wha ha HEY BOSS. I ain't got no idea whose dis "Relena" broad is. I hope you ain't comparin' me to that, erm, lovely princess who sings at the Sanc hotel. There ain't no way we two could be related...!

(Zechs coughs hastily and grabs Barney)

C'mere, ya loot. I know just the place fer you. Don't worry, boss. The boys and I will throw this lug someplace real cozy, yeah. Oh, and uh, regardin' the Chicago sit'a-ation. See, dere's been a bit of a complication. I could, erm, explain it t'ya now, or later. I know youse got an' important meetin', and all...

(Zechs is visibly uncomfortable.)

*whip* *whip* *whip*

See? Is this a great guy or what? Zechs, you big, beautiful, blue-haired hedgehog! Ya always looking out for me, makin' sure I don't lose my focus on things, worryin' about how your news might affect me, correctin' me if my facts are a liddle off. I asks ya, Barney, isn't Zechs here what a true friend is all about?

(Treize turns his attention to Barney. Barney nervously glances back and forth at Zechs and Treize a couple times then slowly nods in agreement while clearly fearful at what this response may bring. Treize turns back to Zechs.)

Ya, that's right. I tells ya, I just can't helps but loves ya, Zechs, for all ya do and continue ta do for me. Ya know what? Come here and let Treize give ya a big ol' kiss to shows ya how much I cares about ya!

*whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip* *whip*

(Exit mysterious floating whip)

[Evan_B]

(Zechs looks towards the recently departed whip, then back to Treize)

Oh, boss. If I was any self-respectin' dame, you know I'd do anythin' for one a those.

(He shoots Trixie a look)

But, eh, I wouldn't want to come home to the missus Noin wit any damnin' evidence, ya know? Can I settle wit a brotherly hug, boss?

[Khushrenada]

(Khushrenada is pacing around and still rubbing his arm from the pain of being whipped so much.)

Arrgh! I hate that damn whip! Wasn't we supposed ta have some kinda ghost hunter come by and exorcize dat thing already?

(Khushrenada stops pacing as he is suddenly hit with the memory of something. He swivels to face Barney.)

Yes! You! Youse was the one who was ordered ta get the ghost buster to get rids of da whip! I suppose ya dropped da ball on dat one, huh? Too busy tryin' to get fresh with my Trixie ta remembers ta do your duty?

[Lady Une]

Ohhhhh, listen to you! My Trixie, my girl, my doll! You don't love me! You just love the idea of owning me!

(Trixie begins to descend the stairs and walk into the living room)

Your always too busy with your organization rubbing out a rival, bribing a flatfoot, blackmailin' a Senator! You always say ya never has time for me but I see yus got plenty a time to hug and kiss your friends! You sure use ta treat me differently before we were married. Oh, those were the days. Holding hands while walkin' thru the park in the sunset, tender kisses peppered with your expressions of undying love for me, and kindness. You showed such wonderous kindness to me. Opening doors, wrapping your jacket around me in the cool night breeze, and listening to me.

(Trixie pauses as she basks in the memories she is recalling. Then she turns to Khushrenada)

Ya used to listen so patiently to me and ya cared, ya really cared about what I had to say and valuing my opinion. And now? Ha! It's Trixie do this. Trixie do that. Shaddup, Trixie. You think I'm just another one a' your boys to order around. Another cog in your organization's machinery. Well, I'm not! I'm your wife and it's about time you started treatin' me with the love and respect like ya promised to the preacha!

(Trixie sits down on a couch and crosses her arms across her chest while giving Khushrenada a look of defiance)

[Khushrenada]

Oh, dis is rich. Dis is just what I need right now. Dames givin' me orders. Well, I remember stuff too, ya know! I remember how we used ta do it. A lot! What happened to that? But now ya never in the mood. Apparently, I need ta look like a big purple blob like Grimace over there ta gets ya all hot and bothered!

[Evan_B]

A course I remember those days, boss, but now that I gots Noin and you gots Trixie...

...Oh, you was talkin' about her.

Maybe I should just... remove the aggressor and youse two can sort this out like a responsible married couple? I just hopes ya both know how all the boys look up to youse, y'know? We all hopes one day, when we have accomplished all we can in this crazy, mucked up, respectable career we're all in, that we can meet a nice dame like the boss did and settle down wit her. Have two-point-five Tall Geeses, y'know? Maybe get them into the family business.

Just somethin' to think about, youse two.

(Zechs grabs Barney by the collar and jerks him out of the apartment. He slaps a hand over Barney's gaping maw and puts an ear to the door, hoping to still listen)

[Khushrenada]

Great! Now youz gone and driven away Zechs, that shining beacon of a man, with ya complainin'. I tells ya, women is a sucker's game.

(Treize walks over to where Trixie is sitting and paces in front of her in the middle of the living room)

You play sweet and innocent until ya've drawn us into ya trap and then, once ya've got them claws of yours stuck into us, ya true nature is revealed and ya demand and complain and never stop using dat mouth o' yours ta get what ya want. But there's no bendin' or comprimisin' on yo' end of it at all. If I ask for something, then ya wants this or that or ta explain how its wrong and I should be askin' for or doin' dis or dat. I tells ya, if ya think I've become distant or uncarin', it's because you've driven me away by yoz lack o' love towards me!

(Treize emphatically gestures this last line by tapping his thumb to his chest while the rest of his hand is clenched in a fist. Trixie snorts and turns away from looking at him. Treize waves his hands dismissively at her and heads to the kitchen.)

Ah, dames. Yo all alike. Even when ya're wrong and yo know it, youse won't admit it. I can tells ya already looking for a new tactic to argue against me with where youse can look right and I look wrong so youse can get back on ya high horse. If this is how its gonna be today with ya then I wants a drink. Where's the help gone around heres anyways?

[Lady Une]

Heh! Barney was supposed ta be the help today. Ya wanted him to take care of the shindig for the Senator today 'n' now you've got him gettin' put through the wringer with the boys. Just another example of how you been slippin' lately.

[Khushrenada]

Youse tellin' me we'z got no one else who can take care of servin' some drinks around here but Barney?

[Lady Une]

You're the one that wanted to keep this meeting low-key and secret like the Senator asked. So, don't blame me that ya don't have a lot of options out here. I don't know why we couldn'ta done this in the city but you wanted to come out here to this precious cabin o' yours.

[Khushrenada]

Dis cabin is special ta me. It holds a special place in my heart, ya woodn't understand. Don't question me any further on dis.

(Treize crosses his arms around his chest as he thinks for a moment)

I wonder if I should gets Zechs to look afta da caterin' wit' da Senator. I'd just hates ta burden dat big lug wit' too much responsibility. He does so much for me already. Yet, Barney can make some pretty mean drinks and seems pretty gifted when it comes to puttin' on the ritz for a shindig like this. Maybe I should check with Zechs as to what he thinks...

[Lady Une]

Oh, listen to you. Zechs! Zechs! Zechs! That's all you think about anymore!