Author Topic: Nintendo Power's Defense of GameCube (Read 14060 times)

kennyb27 · « **on:** May 21, 2003, 09:16:23 AM »

I just received my Nintendo Power in the mail and in it I was surprised to see a top 10 list defending the GameCube (why they needed to do this in a Nintendo mag the world may never know). Some were pretty funny, so I'll share them with you:

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10. The handle. Okay, so it's a little goofy, but imagine trying to take an Xbox with you to a friend's house or on a vacation. You would need an industrial crane and a parking permit.

9. It only plays games. That's right. Anyone who tells you that playing DVDs on a game console is a benefit has never had someone monopolize the machine for hours playing Meg Ryan movies while the rental game you have to return in three hours gathers dust.

8. It's more powerful than the PS2. PS2 has slower processors and its graphics are noticeably inferior to the GCN's. Sorry--there's nothing very funny about that.

7. Gone platinum. The Platinum GCN is a work of art, shiny and sophisticated. PS2 and Xbox look like every other piece of electronics hardware created in the past 20 years, and dust really shows up on those black casings.

6. Controller design. The PS2 controller has way too many buttons, and the Xbox controller was designed for a giant or an octopus. Ah, the GCN controller is elegant and practical--an extension of the human spirit; an epiphany in plastic; the ultimate interface between mind, body and technology.

5. Experience. Nintendo has consistently produced the highest quality video games for more than two decades dating back to Donkey Kong. You can bet that Nintendo will do so in the future. Twenty years ago, Sony was making Betamax tape machines and Microsoft hadn't even come up with Windows. What will they be doing tomorrow?

4. The incredible freedom of the WaveBird controller. You can even play from the bathroom. Let the freedom ring.

3. Game Boy Player. More than a hundred million people have Game Boys, and we suspect that most of them own a game or two. With the Game Boy Player, all those millions of deserving gamers will be able to play their games on Nintendo GameCube as well as on their Game Boy.

2. Connectivity. Sony and Microsoft can't do it because they don't have Game Boy. They have robotic dogs and word processors. Let's face it, they're not really game companies. But Nintendo does only games, which is why Nintendo innovates ways to play--linking consoles, swiping cards, visiting villages filled with animals and sailing the high seas in a talking boat.

1. Exclusivity. The GCN offers The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Metroid Prime, Resident Evil Zero, Super Mario Sunshine, Eternal Darkness, Animal Crossing, Star Fox Adventures, Final Fantasy: Crsytal Chronicales, Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, Mario Kart, Metroid 2, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike, Pikmin II, Resident Evil 4 and Soul Calibur II as Link. (That's 15 exclusive reasons GCN reigns supreme.) Try naming 15 exclusive hit PS2 titles. As for Xbox, you can count the number of exclusive hit titles on one finger.

I'll be honest, while reading those, I was cracking up laughing. I think it's about time Nintendo took some hits at the competition. Now all they need to do is put this list on TV

.

Bloodworth · « **Reply #1 on:** May 21, 2003, 09:23:36 AM »

HAH! One finger! Now that's some smack talk!

Ninja X · « **Reply #2 on:** May 21, 2003, 10:21:18 AM »

It's about time that magazine churned out something good...

Ian Sane · « **Reply #3 on:** May 21, 2003, 10:28:14 AM »

This is actually a great list as it lists the advantages of the Gamecube and bashs the competition's shortcomings in a humourous way. It shouldn't be limited to just a Nintendo propaganda magazine. Back in the 16 bit days Nintendo would have released this as a f*cking print ad in magazines like Gamepro or EGM. They would have featured similar commercials on TV as well. "PS2 has slower processors and its graphics are noticeably inferior to the GCN's" is something that should be mentioned in a TV commercial because it's agressive and it's TRUE.

Seriously if I was Nintendo I would run a series of ten TV ads that each feature one of these reasons that Gamecube is better. It's agressive, it makes the Cube look superior (often with factual statements) and it's edgy and has attitude.

PIAC · « **Reply #4 on:** May 21, 2003, 10:28:25 AM »

hahahah thats classic
ill bet i know which finger nintendo power is using to count said game too
..|..
\_/

nitpick: yes you can play Metroid 2 on gamecube via the GBP, but they are obviously talking about metroid prime two,or metroid 5 (if its a follow on from fusion)

joshnickerson · « **Reply #5 on:** May 21, 2003, 10:58:11 AM »

Hee hee, I know a couple of my Xbox friends who I'm going to show that list too ^_^
Of course, I wouldn't want Nintendo to get down on the same level as Sony and Microsoft and bash the competition... wait... didn't Microsoft bash Kirby in one of their promo booklets...
.... NO MERCY! MICRO$OFT MUST PAY!!!

But does anyboy else remember, back in the SNES Vs. Genesis days, long before Sonic hooked up on the Cube, Nintendo releasing a pamplet that included a list of both machine's stats, pointing out how the SNES was superior in every way?... we need another one of those...

AdvancedGamer · « **Reply #6 on:** May 21, 2003, 11:00:51 AM »

Yaaaaaaa... this is the kind of sh*t Nintendo has to do! they should go up to the Ps2 and Xbox and
>insert best pimp-slap noise here< What the Fu-k... Were Nintendo Mother-Fucka!!!!!! UHHHHH!!!! what you gonna do now b-hotch???!!!!!

Grey Ninja · « **Reply #7 on:** May 21, 2003, 11:47:33 AM »

Personally I am dissapointed in Nintendo for stooping low enough to use the same tactics as Sony and Microsoft. I remember in the first issue of OXM, they had 72 reasons why the Xbox was better than PS2 or GameCube. I bought that issue simply so that I could mock the Xbox fans on my message board at that time. Their reasons were both false and retarded.

Nintendo's reasons are a lot better, but I still don't like them using the same tactics.

aoi tsuki · « **Reply #8 on:** May 21, 2003, 12:07:09 PM »

i've got two issues of the teaser issue of OXM. One of the reasons they said Xbox was better was because it had no jaggies. In the screenshots they compared Ridge Racer 5 to Shrek on Xbox, which looked equally as jaggy as Ridge Racer 5. The Shrek screen was later removed in the final version of the magazine.

i'm glad that for the most part these are actual benefits, unlike Microsoft's "ten reasons" lists, although half of them are a little weak. i'd rather Nintendo not resort to this type of marketing, but they've not resorted to it this far and...

MysticGohan · « **Reply #9 on:** May 21, 2003, 12:38:04 PM »

Remember the Sega Saturn Commercials? the one where they throw a PSX in the air and shot at it with a shotgun and says "You are not ready" lol that was classic.

Nintendo seems to state actual facts. Nintendo should market that with Gamecube and show it's strengths compared to the other two.

NWR_Lindy · « **Reply #10 on:** May 21, 2003, 12:38:48 PM »

This list is funny, but Nintendo's "we only do games" argument is pretty weak. What will Sony be doing tomorrow? PS3, PSP, then PS4...and they'll probably still be kicking everybody's ass in the industry...

silks

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #11 on:** May 21, 2003, 12:48:14 PM »

It's funny, and I think it's just goofy, Grey Ninja. I mean, it's in Nintendo power, so it's for people who already own the system.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #12 on:** May 21, 2003, 12:54:35 PM »

Hehehe- funny thing is that Nintendo Power is actually put out by Nintendo while the other official magazines just have Sony or MS's endorsement.

By the way, in the border art, the first letter picturing Mario in a helmet throwing a shell at a Piranha Flower was drawn by a real good friend of mine (I watched him draw in and gave a little advice on how to draw Mario). He's listed as David Barkett from Kansas in the magazine, but his actual name is David Bartlett- odd that NP misspelled his name.

Zeth · « **Reply #13 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:21:29 PM »

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10. The handle. Okay, so it's a little goofy, but imagine trying to take an Xbox with you to a friend's house or on a vacation. You would need an industrial crane and a parking permit.

ROTFL ROTFL, THE HANDLE MAKES IT SO GREAT. GOGO SUPER HANDLE. Yeah, and the ps2 is SO HARD TO CARRY AROUND PLZ HELP ME. ROTFL @ THE XBOX JOKE ROTFL ROTFL

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9. It only plays games. That's right. Anyone who tells you that playing DVDs on a game console is a benefit has never had someone monopolize the machine for hours playing Meg Ryan movies while the rental game you have to return in three hours gathers dust.

ROTFL EXTRA FUNCTIONALITY SUX ROTFLROTFL PSX'S CD PLAYER RUINED IT WASNT A GAME SYSTEM ROTFLLLLL LOOK AT PS2

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8. It's more powerful than the PS2. PS2 has slower processors and its graphics are noticeably inferior to the GCN's. Sorry--there's nothing very funny about that.

YEAH AND N64 WAS MORE POWERFUL THAN THE PSX AND LOOK WHAT DID BETTER ROTFL ROTFL

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7. Gone platinum. The Platinum GCN is a work of art, shiny and sophisticated. PS2 and Xbox look like every other piece of electronics hardware created in the past 20 years, and dust really shows up on those black casings.

Ok...Nintendo's right. the platinum color makes GCN's goofy design so much cooler than the PS2 and Xbox.

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6. Controller design. The PS2 controller has way too many buttons, and the Xbox controller was designed for a giant or an octopus. Ah, the GCN controller is elegant and practical--an extension of the human spirit; an epiphany in plastic; the ultimate interface between mind, body and technology.

ROTFL THE PS2 CONTROLLER HAS TOO MANY BUTTONS ROTFLROTFL NINTENDO URE RIGHT. ROTFL ROTFL THE XBOX CONTROLLER IS SO BIG ROTFL.

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5. Experience. Nintendo has consistently produced the highest quality video games for more than two decades dating back to Donkey Kong. You can bet that Nintendo will do so in the future. Twenty years ago, Sony was making Betamax tape machines and Microsoft hadn't even come up with Windows. What will they be doing tomorrow?

Making PS3s, PSPs and XBox 2s ^^ ROTFL NINTENDO WILL BE AROUND 4EVER WE JUST KNO IT BC THEYRE NINTENDO BEEN AORUND FOR HUNDRED YEARS +

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4. The incredible freedom of the WaveBird controller. You can even play from the bathroom. Let the freedom ring.

NO WIRES OMFG SONY AND MCIROSOFT LOSE

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3. Game Boy Player. More than a hundred million people have Game Boys, and we suspect that most of them own a game or two. With the Game Boy Player, all those millions of deserving gamers will be able to play their games on Nintendo GameCube as well as on their Game Boy.

I actually have to agree that the Game Boy Player is neat.

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2. Connectivity. Sony and Microsoft can't do it because they don't have Game Boy. They have robotic dogs and word processors. Let's face it, they're not really game companies. But Nintendo does only games, which is why Nintendo innovates ways to play--linking consoles, swiping cards, visiting villages filled with animals and sailing the high seas in a talking boat.

ROTFL ROTFL NITNENDO U RULE UR GONNA BE MAKING CONNECTIVITY MINI GAMES LIKE TETRA'S TRACKERS AND FOUR SWORDS FOR GAMECUBE WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WILLB E MAKING REAL GAMES GO NINTENDO ^^

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1. Exclusivity. The GCN offers The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Metroid Prime, Resident Evil Zero, Super Mario Sunshine, Eternal Darkness, Animal Crossing, Star Fox Adventures, Final Fantasy: Crsytal Chronicales, Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, Mario Kart, Metroid 2, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike, Pikmin II, Resident Evil 4 and Soul Calibur II as Link. (That's 15 exclusive reasons GCN reigns supreme.) Try naming 15 exclusive hit PS2 titles. As for Xbox, you can count the number of exclusive hit titles on one finger.

ROTFL ROTFL I READ THIS MAGAZINE ONLY AND ONLY KNOW NINTENDO EXISTS SO HOW COULD I NAME EXCLUSIVES ON PS2 ROTLF

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #14 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:25:06 PM »

Hahaha, look at the jackass above me.

He actually thought NP was being serious and that it wasn't a joke. You've got to have a pretty thick head to not catch that right off the bat.

Zeth · « **Reply #15 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:26:00 PM »

It's a really stupid joke, I think that's my point

RickPowers · « **Reply #16 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:27:54 PM »

Then why not just say that, rather than beat the point to death? Now you just look silly.

kennyb27 · « **Reply #17 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:37:26 PM »

Please for everyone's sake drop the caps next time you want to demonstrate how stupid you...I mean an argument is.

AERO · « **Reply #18 on:** May 21, 2003, 01:48:02 PM »

I think actually zeth doesn't look as stupid as the people above who thought that nintendo "made some good points". If they were joking, they weren't as blunt as he was.

The Omen · « **Reply #19 on:** May 21, 2003, 02:08:53 PM »

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I think actually zeth doesn't look as stupid as the people above who thought that nintendo "made some good points". If they were joking, they weren't as blunt as he was.

I think there are some good points, but i certainly wouldn't waste 10 ft. of posting space with inane chatter that nobody gives a crap about. Just throw your opinion out there, why make a novel out of it.? I think you should read it again, AERO, because it is even worse the second time...and more embarrassing.

Masterpiccolo · « **Reply #20 on:** May 21, 2003, 02:37:10 PM »

NintendoKiD · « **Reply #21 on:** May 21, 2003, 02:41:49 PM »

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10. The handle. Okay, so it's a little goofy, but imagine trying to take an Xbox with you to a friend's house or on a vacation. You would need an industrial crane and a parking permit.

That was hilarious, and true hah....hey that little handle on GC is cool, when I take it places I hold it by the handle all the time.

Fammy2000 · « **Reply #22 on:** May 23, 2003, 11:39:43 AM »

That handle will be oh so handy when Mario Kart comes out. GC LAN parties. Woot!

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #23 on:** May 23, 2003, 11:43:38 AM »

Zeth, that was annoying. Yes, the joke was dumb, but so was yours.

Uglydot · « **Reply #24 on:** May 23, 2003, 12:15:35 PM »

/me looks over to the left side of his browswer
Ooo, a scroll bar, pretty....

It was a fun little article that made light of a few points that people have said, that is all. No one is better or worse. The length of his post really doesn't matter, because you have a scroll bar.

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Author Topic: Nintendo Power's Defense of GameCube (Read 14060 times)