Author Topic: 2000 reasons your are one who butchers the English Language (Read 28795 times)

Stratos · « **Reply #75 on:** December 19, 2009, 04:21:52 AM »

1952)

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #76 on:** December 19, 2009, 04:26:24 AM »

1951) Ummmm, Teachers teach and Preachers preach....
but I understand you point (even if it was copy/pasted)

Stratos · « **Reply #77 on:** December 19, 2009, 04:30:38 AM »

I found that one while I was actually looking for one more like this I recalled:

Quote

We all know that English is quite a difficult languageto master what with all the double meanings and the extra-ordinarypronunciations. But the aspect of the English language that is the mostdifficult to grasp is the spelling. And blame it on the French! (thelanguage, I mean, not the people esp. not the hot French girls) I meanwhy is ren-dez-vous pronounced like how a Canadian would say round-a-bout. Apparently,it is this influence that egged the English to pronounce the wordsirrespective of how they were spelled. And this can be very annoyingfor a novice at the language. It is in the hope to simplify this aspectthat I present the following suggestions.

One of the things inthe English spelling that has trouble me are the double letters. Imean, they don't make any difference while pronouncing the word. So whykeep them? So, we can do away with the double leters. Another anoyingthing are the silent leters. Like there is no 'b' in doubt or debt, and the extraneous 'e' at the end of most of the words such as there, tableetc serves no purpose whatsoever. It definitely does not provideend-suport to those words. So of course, the silent leters ar out to.Now, yu can notic how esy evrything is now.

Now, another anoyingthing about th languag is th use of vowels for rong sounds. Thisdefinitly provids a lot of confusion. So we eliminat th problem byfixing th vowel sounds as thus:
a wil hav th sound as in cut, but etc.
e wil hav th sound as in fret, det etc.
i wil hav th sound as in fish, mis etc.
o wil hav th sound as in cot, froth etc.
u wil hav th sound as in put, good etc.
aa wil hav th sound as in car, park etc.
ee wil hav th sound as in cat, that etc.
This wil obviasli teek taaim tu get iusd tu, bat it wil carteenli bi isiar in tha long ran. (Not: tha dabal vowals bing iusd hiar aar onli diu tu tha presenc of onli faaiv vowals in Inglish. If iu wont, iu ceen ius α in plec of aa and ε in plec of ee.)

Inglisholso hees ridandent letars. For exaampal, tha letar 'c'. Haaf thataaim, it hees tha saaund of 'k' end et athar taaims, it is pronaauncdes 's'. Tha sem problam is with 'v' end 'w' bing tha sem saaund. So, wiceen riplec 'c' with it's epropriet saaund end olso riples 'w' with'v'. On tha sem laains, 'th' keen bi riplesd baai 'd'. End iu mast hevolredi notisd deet vi hev dan ave vid da letar 'y' tu.

'X' keen olso bi sabstitiuted vid 'ks', 'ph' vid 'f' etc. Samtaaims, 'g' meks da saaund of 'j' ees in garaag. Dis keen bi solvd baai speling it ees garaaj. End'z' hees da sem saaund es 'j' tu. So, vi eliminet 'z' oltugedar. Iukeen faaind meni sach sabstitiutians on ior on. Naau, ol dis maait simveri difikalt et da fast gleens, bat vid propar prektis, aai em siurdat enivan vil bi ebal tu maastar it.

If iu kam ap vid mor ves tu simplifaai Inglish es a lenguej, iu keen let mi no in da kaments sekshan (tion hees bin riplesd baai shan). Thenk iu for ior taaim.

PS: MS Ward gev mi a hel lot of trabal vid dis aartikal.

EasyCure · « **Reply #78 on:** December 19, 2009, 11:58:21 AM »

1950. If pro isis the opposite of con, is congress the opposite of progress??

UltimatePartyBear · « **Reply #79 on:** December 20, 2009, 02:05:40 AM »

1949. The opposite of pro is noob.

vudu · « **Reply #80 on:** December 20, 2009, 04:23:56 PM »

Quote from: BlackNMild2k1 on December 19, 2009, 04:26:24 AM

1951) Ummmm, Teachers teach and Preachers preach....
but I understand you point (even if it was copy/pasted)

It said taught, not teach. The past tense of TEACH is TAUGHT, but the past tense of PREACH is PREACHED.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #81 on:** December 20, 2009, 06:02:04 PM »

actually i realized what it was saying after I re-read it(1:30am), but thanks for pointing it out anyway.

1948) Because someone will always try to step in and correct you.

vudu · « **Reply #82 on:** December 20, 2009, 06:43:15 PM »

1947) You shouldn't start a sentence with the word 'because'.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #83 on:** December 20, 2009, 06:57:58 PM »

1946) And I is correct again.

Mop it up · « **Reply #84 on:** December 20, 2009, 07:24:44 PM »

1945) Loosen and unloosen mean the same thing.

BlackNMild2k1 · « **Reply #85 on:** December 20, 2009, 08:07:59 PM »

1944) I didn't even know unloosen was a word.

UncleBob · « **Reply #86 on:** December 20, 2009, 10:28:31 PM »

1943) It's not. It's like the people who say "unthaw".

Mop it up · « **Reply #87 on:** December 21, 2009, 03:34:37 AM »

1942) Because "irregardless" is in the dictionary despite the fact that it isn't a word.

EasyCure · « **Reply #88 on:** December 21, 2009, 06:32:32 PM »

1941. Cuz there's tons of stupid **** in the dictionary that gets added for no reason

EasyCure · « **Reply #89 on:** December 21, 2009, 07:08:00 PM »

1940. cuz you say "sister and law"

nickmitch · « **Reply #90 on:** December 22, 2009, 11:17:23 PM »

1939) You say "Then" when you mean "Than"

EasyCure · « **Reply #91 on:** December 23, 2009, 07:27:04 PM »

1938. Cuz you "axe" questions

Kairon · « **Reply #92 on:** December 26, 2009, 05:58:25 PM »

1937. 'Cause of " 'Cuz " Cous'

stevey · « **Reply #93 on:** December 26, 2009, 06:44:07 PM »

1936) Because I can't cant cannot can not figure out theses stupid rules for proper grammar

Mop it up · « **Reply #94 on:** December 27, 2009, 12:12:56 AM »

1935) Because if I say something stupid I can just point to my signature.

Mop it up · « **Reply #95 on:** December 30, 2009, 12:13:05 AM »

1934) You confuse Decoyman with EasyCure.

EasyCure · « **Reply #96 on:** December 31, 2009, 12:05:42 PM »

When did this happen?

1933. Because "I, C, U, P" is still funny

Mop it up · « **Reply #97 on:** December 31, 2009, 06:43:19 PM »

1932) Because words with the same spelling can be pronounced two different ways (read, tear, etc).

Quote from: EasyCure on December 31, 2009, 12:05:42 PM

When did this happen?

Unless I'm missing something, Kairon was replying to Decoyman with this post:

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/forums/index.php?topic=30221.msg574683#msg574683

EasyCure · « **Reply #98 on:** January 11, 2010, 05:47:35 PM »

1931. Because correcting people makes you feel superior to them

Mop it up · « **Reply #99 on:** January 11, 2010, 10:29:55 PM »

1930) Because correcting people is one way to prevent the English language from evolving into grunts and finger pointing.

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Author Topic: 2000 reasons your are one who butchers the English Language (Read 28795 times)