MEGA UPDATE:
(I usually don't double post but it's been a caraaaazy night.)
So me and my other roommate are helping out my dad with moving some furniture last (this?) night. We end up being there until after 1:00 in the morning 'cause he had us starting so late. I get frustrated since after we finish moving the furniture pieces into his room my dad demands that we start putting it all together (nuts and bolts and what not). It's 1 in the fucking morning, and he damn well doesn't need us to do that, I signed on for the heavy lifting 'cause he legitimately needed the help. We end up getting in a fight about it (a physical fight). I am distraught as my father has never laid a hand on me in all of my 20 years on the planet. Me and my roommate flee from the scene to return home.
When we arrive, the roommate I so wished to remove from my house is laying on the couch in no shirt and his pajamas eating beans out of a bowl on the couch. My other roommate which was with me at my dad's sees this gruesome scene and flips out. As he is already riled up from the events prior, his adrenaline was off the charts and he just snapped on him. They get into a shouting match at the top of their lungs, and the roommate I intended to let go decides it's a good idea to show my other roommate just how crazy he is and why he shouldn't be fucked with. It worked. He acquires a giant serrated steak knife from the kitchen and begins to wave it around furiously as he shouts back at my other roommate. At this point my other roommate backs down and begins to repeat "put the knife down". The crazy mcfucknuts roommate then proves his crazy mcfuckness by approaching the other roommate with the knife and slitting his own wrist with it to prove a point about how crazy mcfucknuts he is. He thens swings the blade cutting through my living room wall. My roommate runs outside and Crazy McFuckNuts follows him. There he continues to scream and shout about how he shouldn't be fucked with while furiously attacking my outside light with the knife, blood spewing from his forearm. He swings the knife furiously once more, this time breaking the blade out of the hilt.
With him now disarmed, I try my best to settle them both down and get them to shut the **** up. I just had a traumatic experience with my father and this guy is stealing all my thunder by being a crazy mcfucknut. I can't allow that to happen. Once McFuckNut is calm, my other roommate takes off. Freaked out of his mind. My patio is covered in blood. I get a couple towels for McFuckNut so he can put some pressure on his self-inflicted wound. It's a really deep cut, definitely requires stitches. I saw little tubes poking out of the gash, it was rather gross.
I take this time to inform him that even though my other roommate was wrong for snapping on him and starting the fight, that he crossed way over the line into crazytown and that he is no longer welcome in my house. He must leave for tonight, and come for his things sometime this week. Since he has no insurance and cannot afford to get stitches, I take him to the nearest gas station where he procures some bandages and ghetto-rigs his wound. We return home, and he collects a few things to last him for a couple days, and departs.
I have now spent the last several hours cleaning blood stains out of my carpet and off my patio, calling a locksmith to come change the locks immediately, and staring at the huge cut in my wall with utter rage. It is now 6:20 in the morning, and I cannot sleep. I have been so hyped on adrenaline that I find it impossible.
So in the end, MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDIn the craziest and scariest way possible.