Perrin Caplan for Nintendo of America President!
She will take instant revenge by booting out Iwata, and take Nintendo into the direction of games for girls only, with DS units in the colors of only Pink and Lime green, Wii units in colors of only White and Pink, move the entire company back to Redmond, employ soft porn models for light cleaning duties everywhere, and open a Hair saloon in the back of the basement where the only customer is Matt Cassamassina, who will drop by twice every week, and stay for several hours. In the beginning, noone dares to enter the room while they´re inside, except several Paparazzi photographers who will secretly embed themselves in the walls on the inside, concealed as paintings from Super Mario 64.
A month after taking over Nintendo, she will be on the front cover of all the Fashion Magazines in America, showing with a Mario hairpin, a Peach dress, and a Sky Blue lollipop reminiscent of the color she sees when looking Matt in the eyes. Behind her several colorfull square chicken-like figures appear that actually look suspiciously like someone who were yanked out of a square frame, dipped in tar, and large peacock-feathers, and next painted by the pros at Pimp My Ride in MTV in all the colors Perrin could imagine, and next dragged to the photo session for all the world to see.
Nintendo stocks soar as investors everywhere hotly anticipates a new Nintendo that is so popular that it doesn´t need to use any money for advertsing anymore as this is gained free from the exposure of the company in the media. Which money will then be channelled to their pockets instead. And where they can meet their favorite porn stars in the lobby at Nintendo HQ, while they drink coffee with Reggie and discuss the future plans for the company and watch Perrin and Matt as they both hover several inches from the ground each time they leave the hairsaloon.
Long live Perrin Kaplan! The new iron-armed strong-woman of Nintendo, America. And I who thought Reggie was tough.
Topic: An Ode to Perrin Kaplan (Read 4852 times)
