Jack Thompson, the new surrugate mayor, looked at the chained-up MaryJane. “Say, MaryJane, do you have a sister? You look just like this waitress I met….”
MaryJane blew Thompson a kiss.
Thompson frowned. “Yes. Well. Kill away.”
Dasmos raised his gun and fired. When MaryJane fell, a bit of his pants leg was raised, revealing fish-net stocking. MaryJane was the sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.
***
Hostile Creation was hanging by his legs from a bar near the ceiling. His long hair touched the floor. Three orange balls, the orbs of Alafkalaoakal, hovered near his face.
“Nice balls, seer” said Blackfootsteps , who had just burst through the door a moment before. He sniffed the air. “I hate incense.”
Hostile Creation opened his eyes. “Your death will be far more painful than mine.”
Blackfootsteps looked at his pocket watch. “5…4…3…2…1” And with that, his eyes glowed red, his skin grew fur, his teeth grew fangs, and he ripped himself out of his clothes. “I wouldn’t count on it.”
***
Dasmos was practicing twirling his gun when Mario appeared out of the darkness.
“Not one step closer,” said Dasmos, pointing the gun at the approaching werewolf. “This gun isn’t just for twirling.”
Mario smiled, got down on all fours, and started running towards Dasmos full speed.
Dasmos fired. Mario disappeared, and reappeared behind him, breathing down his neck.
Dasmos gasped. “How did you…”
“Oh, I can make time stop around me, didn’t you know? One of the perks of being the monster” Mario sniffed Dasmos. “I hate smelly people.”
And with that, he ripped out Dasmos’s throat.
***
BlackNMild approached MysticGohan.
“Hey, doggie,” MysticGohan squealed, giving BlackNMild a pet.
BlackNMild growled somewhat. “You’ve served me well, Mysty.”
“A fair bit better than I served the vampires,” Mystic replied, giggling maniacally.
“But,” continued BlackNMild, “All maniacal giggles aside, all good things must come to end.”
Mystic screamed as BlackNMild jumped up and ripped a piece out of his chest.
***
A voice came over Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s intercom. “There’s a call from a Ken Kutaragi, sir. Shall a put it through?”
“Yes,” President Ahmadinejad replied. Then: “Ken?”
“Mr. President?” came the reply. “Thank god. Listen, I’ve made a terrible mistake. The PSP Model-T… you know, the combination portable media device and personal transport vehicle…well I test drove it in Transylvania. And there was a virus. A PSP Model-T virus.”
“A T-Virus?”
“Yes. Everyone who received a preview version, turned into a werewolf.”
“I see.”
“There’s all kinds of evidence there,” continued Ken Kutaragi, “I hear Jack Thompson himself went to investigate. He’s planning a massive lawsuit. Listen, I need a favor.”
“What?”
“Well, you know all those Playstations I gave you? For your nuclear program? I need you to return the favor. I need you to nuke Romania. Can you?”
President Ahmadinejad coughed. “Um…no.”
“What? Listen to me…”
“Don’t call here again.”
Click.
***
BlackNMild, Mario, and Blackfootsteps, now in their human forms, lay naked in the woods, covered in the blood of their victims, and laughing.
Blackfootsteps twirled a yo-yo he had made from one of Hostile Creation’s eyeballs.
“Tonight,” began Mario, “is the last night of the moontacular – the month where every night is a full moon.”
“We need to finish everything tonight,” said Blackfootsteps.
“There’s only one thing left to finish,” said BlackNMild, as he adjusted his Burger King crown. “Pryopizm.”
***
Pryopizm stood on the platform at the center of town. He gave off a bluish glow which almost canceled out the torch light and moonlight. Below him were the bloody bodies of MaryJane and Dasmos. Behind him, knocking around in the wind like a giant wind chime of flesh, were five bodies strung up by the necks. They were hanging under a sign which read, in giant red letters, “BEWARE VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES”.
Three pairs of glowing red eyes appeared out of the darkness. And then, a fourth. They started circicling the platform Pryopizm was standing on.
The ghost continued his sword training, barely giving the four werewolves, who were now surrounding him, a second glance. “Ah, BlackNMild…Still getting your fashion from burger king, I see,” Pryopizm began.
BlackNMild snapped his teeth at Pryopizm’s heels.
“And,” continued Pryopizm, “Is that a..fourth werewolf?”
One of the werewolves started giggling maniacally. “BlackNMild liked me so much he made me part of the team.”
“I’d offer you the same, Pryo” said BlackNMild, “But I’d have to rip into your flesh, and you don’t have any of that.”
Prypozim continued his sword training.
Blackfootsteps smiled. “Scared, to finally look death in the face?”
Strike, thrust, block, went Pryo’s sword. “Not really.”
“I knew you when you were still alive, Iwamatsu,” said BlackNMild.
Block, block, block. “I know.”
“You were just as pathetic then as you are now,” said Mario.
Strike, strike, thrust. “Can we get on with this?”
BlackNMild growled. “What were the moves again?”
“It’s just a jump to the left,” said MysticGohan. BlackNMild jumped to the left.
“And then a step to the right,” said Mario.
“Begone, you blight,” whispered Blackfootsteps.
BlackNMild stepped to the right, then screamed, “Begone you blight!”
Pryopizm smiled as he faded away.
BlackNMild, Mario, Blackfootsteps, and MysticGohan howled until morning. The werewolves had won.
**THE END**
The Mafia will return in the next exciting Mafia adventure, Mafia V: In Space
Topic: Mafia IV: The Grand Finale (Read 10295 times)
