And so the trial of Wandering was held secretly. Sadly, the verdict was guilty. Wandering was allowed one last speech to his fellow townspeople.
"Ya'll just a buch o' suckas."
With his last bit of wisdom said, Wandering was sentenced to death by firing squad (the mayor wanted to be as humane as possible, while still retaining some kind of Latino stereotype). They offered him one last cigarette, but Wandering refused, saying, "I don't smoke. . .cigarettes."
The townspeople figured that even though they just killed off a townie, at least they got rid of a pothead. Though, some thought, the death penalty is rather harsh for such a crime.
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Sweet Pete gathered his gang. "Tonight, mateys, we strike! Again! Like we do ev'ry other night."
"But who?" Asked a pirate.
"Wouldn't that be whom?" Asked another.
Sweet Pete responded, "I believe it would be whom. Whom is used whenever it can be related to 'him or her or them,' whereas 'who' is used in relation to 'he or she or . . . Seriously, what the hell men? Don't make me kill you out of hatred.
"Our target be one BlackNMild. He's too smart ter be livin'. I decree him dead!"
"ARRRRR," the Pirates responded in unison.
And so they traveled down into the town. Their hooting and hollering was so frightening, people would cower into their homes (which explains why no one knew who any of them were). They found BlackNMild's sultry cabana and beat down his door with their swords.
"BlackNMild, this be yer death!" Sweet Pete cried as he charged.
"Hold on one damn minute!" BlackNMild yelled. "I got one last request."
"Granted."
With that, BlackNMild mixed a delightful little drink from Blue Coracao, Skyy Vodka, a little Sprite, and a dash of Orange Juice. He proceeded to garnish it with a lime and a Marachino cherry.
"A lime and a cherry?! That's a bit much!"
"Anyone ask you to drink it?"
Sweet Pete and his pirates stood idley as BlackNMild, one of the more upscale townies, proceeded to enjoy his final request. After several minutes, he put down his empty glass and said, "Ready."
"Off with his head!"
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Blue Bangs was prowling the night. As a Ninja-Pirate he was the ultimate killing machine, out for revenge. Revenge against the Ninjas who shunned his master, the pirates who booted him, and the townies for just being alive. The unfortunate townie that got in his way this evening was Vudu.
Vudu had been returning from a beach party, when all of a sudden he died. That's how fast Ninja-Pirates strike. One minute you're alive, the next minute you're dead. It's swift and graceful. Nothing fancy, as Ninja-Pirates are the very model of efficiency.
In three short strikes with the katana, Blue Bangs had cut Vudu down into an unrecognizable mess.