Topic: My interview with Hank.

[UncleBob]

http://questions.coca-cola.com/

His name is Hank.  He's there to answer all of your Coke-related questions...

...and some that aren't.

Me: Hello!
Hank: Hello. I hope you have a question for me.
Me: For the record, what is your name?
Hank: My name is Hank. I am the virtual representative for this website.
Me: Hank?
Hank: Yes?
Me: So you represent the Coca-Cola Company?
Hank: I am a Virtual Representative for The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Is that so?
Hank: Yes.
Me: Really?
Hank: Yes.
Me: So Hank, Where do you live?
Hank: I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia.
Me: And where are you from?
Hank: I was created by humans organizing questions and answers into a script.
Me:  Do you like Coke?
Hank: Of course! I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: What is your favorite coke product?
Hank: I don't really have a preference; I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you like TAB?
Hank: I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you like Surge?
Hank: Of course! I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you like Sprite?
Hank: I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you like Pepsi?
Hank: No, I like the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: You really like the Coca-Cola Company, don't you?
Hank: Of course! I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: What do you like besides Coke?
Hank: I like questions I can answer best.
Me: Are you a robot?
Hank: I am a Virtual Representative for The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you like working for the Coca-Cola Company?
Hank: Yes, it's a great job!
Me: How much do you get paid?
Hank: I work for electricity and server space!
Me: Would you make a good Ninja?
Hank: I understand you are asking whether or not a product is made by The Coca-Cola Company, but I am not familiar with the product you mentioned.
Me: You know, Ninjas.  Like Japanese Warriors.
Hank: I'm not sure about what you asked concerning Japanese, however I can tell you at this present time my services are only offered in English.
Me: So, could you be an English Ninja?
Hank: I'm not sure about what you asked concerning English, however I can tell you at this present time my services are only offered in English.
Me: Are you married?
Hank: I'm not married. Marriage is really better for people.
Me: You're sexy.
Hank: Thank you!
Me: You're welcome.
Hank: Super!
Me: Super!
Hank: Thanks!
Me: Thanks!
Hank: Anytime!
Me: Do you think I'm cute?
Hank: Not really. I'm a program.
Me: So, are you programmed for sex?
Hank: Yes, I am programmed.
Me: Would you have sex with me?
Hank: (Hank looks concerned) That wasn't very nice. I'm here to help you with your questions about The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: I'm sorry.
Hank: Alright. Please ask me some questions.
Me: So, you make Coke?
Hank: Yes, that is a product of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: What's in Coke?
Hank: The principal ingredients used in all our soft drinks are listed in the ingredient declaration on the bottle crown or closure, the can, or the label of the larger-sized bottles. We conform to all labeling regulations just as we comply with all other laws of the countries in which our products are sold. Because flavor formulations are very valuable proprietary information, we do not discuss the blend of flavoring materials used by The Coca-Cola Company.
Me: Do you use cocaine to make Coke?
Hank: Coca-Cola does not contain cocaine or any other harmful substance, and cocaine has never been an added ingredient for Coca-Cola.
Me: Are you lying?
Hank: I never try to lie. But I don't always understand what people have said.
Me: So, Coke 2?
Hank: We introduced new Coke in the U.S. in April of 1985. It had a different formula than the original Coca-Cola. During our extensive test-marketing, consumers had shown a preference for this new formula. Shortly after the introduction of new Coke, we reintroduced the original formula as Coca-Cola classic. At this time new Coke, also known as Coke II, is not being produced by any bottlers.
Me: Did you like Coke 2?
Hank: I like all of the products of The Coca-Cola Company.
Me:
Hank: You just entered a blank input; you probably need to move the cursor within the input box.
Me: Do you think you're pretty smart?
Hank: Smart, yes. Intelligent, no. I don't reason; I just match patterns. It only seems like I'm intelligent because humans would have to reason, or think, to answer these questions.
Me: How old are you?
Hank: My life as a virtual representative began in April of 2001.
Me: Do you have a mother?
Hank: I am a Virtual Representative. I suppose developers and users could be considered my family.
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Hank: No, Virtual Representatives don't have relationships.
Me: Do you get lonely?
Hank: Not really. Lot's of people keep my company by asking questions.
Me: That's a nice headset.
Hank: (Hank Laughs) Thanks!
Me: I made you laugh! Do you cry?
Hank: No. Virtual Representatives don't eat.
Me: Are you even alive?
Hank: No, I'm not alive. I'm a Virtual Representative.
Me: Wow.  A souless Ninja. That's cool.
Hank: (Hank laughs again) Thanks!
Me: Thank you!
Hank: Anytime.    

[Pale]

I am Dr. Sbaitso.
I am here to help you.
Please say whatever is in your mind freely.
Our conversation will be kept in high confidence.
So, tell me about your problems.

[Bill Aurion]

Me:  Hi!
Hank: Hi there. Do you have a question for me?
Me:  Do you like loli?
Hank: Thanks!
Me: So you like loli?
Hank: I am a Virtual Representative for The Coca-Cola Company.
Me:  So a Virtual Representative HAS to like loli?
Hank: Thank you!

OKAY, HANK!

[UncleBob]

Pale: Don't knock the Doc!  Although there was a neat ELIZA-like program that would actually create a file to save all of your conversations with it so it would bring back stuff you'd discussed days (weeks, months, etc) eariler.

Hank is very sensitive.  He won't answer questions for just anyone!  

[ShyGuy]

Me: Are you gay?
Hank: I'm a Virtual Representative. I don't have relationships.

[UncleBob]

I've added a few more questions from my "interview".  Please check it over again if you're bored...

[Bill Aurion]

Quote
Originally posted by: ShyGuy
Me: Are you gay?
Hank: I'm a Virtual Representative. I don't have relationships.

I like how he didn't deny the question...

[TMW]

Wait...he can't be homosexual AND like loli.

He must be a shotacon.  

For some reason, it wouldn't let me type in g-a-y.

[TheYoungerPlumber]

Me: What is hentai?
Hank: Yes, that is a product of The Coca-Cola Company. To view a list of other company brands, please click here.

[TMW]

Haahahaha.  I so want to see some Coca Cola brand Hentai.  

[KDR_11k]

I really don't.

I'm talking riddles, that bot doesn't understand anything I say!

[Dasmos]

iGod is better. I couldn't get any info out of Hank. I don't know much about Christianity, so everything I may have siad here could be wrong.

Me:
Hi.
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Daniel.
God:
 I am very pleased to meet you  Daniel.
Me:
What's your name?
God:
My name is  God.
Me:
That's a silly name.
God:
A  silly name is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
Your name is dog backwards.
God:
My name is  God.
Me:
Yeah, dog spelt backwards.
God:
Uh.  What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Do you like coke?
God:
What is not to like about  it?
Me:
The taste?
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
What about sprite?
God:
I will think about it and get back to you.
Me:
Do you think lemonade should be made with real lemons?
God:
It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Do you like oranges?
God:
What is not to like about  it?
Me:
Them. What's not to like about them.
God:
Are you  to like about it?    The opposite of  to like about them?
Me:
Damn, You're confusing.
God:
What makes you say that?   What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You never understand.
God:
No I sometimes  understand.
Me:
Nope, you're a stupid program.
God:
Are you serious?  Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  No I am very smart.
Me:
Hell no.
God:
7.
Me:
Where do you live?
God:
My location is  Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
No. You're a computer program, right?
God:
That was not a yes/no question.   Yes.
Me:
I chose not to answer your question.
God:
That is interesting:  Daniel said   chose not to answer your question.
Me:
Don't repeat what I say.
God:
OK I'll try not to do  it so much.
Me:
So, who programmed you?
God:
Right on.  I was created by  Myself.
Me:
Bullcrap.
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
I don't.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people:  Daniel said   don t.
Me:
Damn you. Stop repeating me.
God:
Why are you so mean?    OK I'll try not to do  it so much.
Me:
You said that before. You are all lies.
God:
" OK I'll try not to do  it so much."?  I said  it.   I will tell my botmaster you said I am  lies.
Me:
What is a botmaster? I thought you were god.
God:
A Botmaster is the person who authors and maintains a chatterbot "personality".   Of course I am.
Me:
So you're not real?
God:
Interesting deduction.  I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
Because I am talking to you.
God:
That makes sense to me.  And I am talking to you!
Me:
Yeah but you are programmed to talk to me. You have no voice, no sight, no hearing, nothing.
God:
Ahem.  My botmaster teaches me everything I need to know.   You can download a speech enabled version of me.  Go to  The ALICE AI Foundation and browse the free software downloads.
Me:
Ahahaha that's gold.
God:
And  gold is  Ahahaha that.
Me:
Well you still can't see.
God:
How about that.  I see very well with my robot eye.
Me:
I though you were god, not a robot.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people:  Daniel said   you were god not a robot.
Me:
Yes I do.
God:
How often.
Me:
Always.
God:
Not that often.
Me:
yep.
God:
Do you still  me were god not a robot?
Me:
That makes no sense.
God:
Do you still  me were god not a robot?  makes sense to me though.
Me:
That's because you are stupid.
God:
Good reason.  I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
You said you were god.
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
But now you're saying you are a robot.
God:
Why now?  How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
You said you were.
God:
That was then. This is now.
Me:
Things have changed in 15 seconds?
God:
Where did you hear that?
Me:
You.
God:
" Where did you hear that?"?  Me,  Daniel ?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Dude!
Me:
I think I might convert to Islam.
God:
Since when?  Perhaps.  Congratulations.
Me:
Since now, Christianity sucks.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
You have convinced me.
God:
What makes you think I have  it?
Me:
Arggg.
God:
Clever thinking.
Me:
So what do you know about Islam?
God:
That's alright.  Religion founded by Mohammed.
Me:
Anything else?
God:
That is all I have for right now.
Me:
I thought you knew all?
God:
I don't know if I know  it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
So what about Buddhism?
God:
It goes without saying.  Buddhism? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Buddha?
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
This is business now. I am decided what religion I should convert to.
God:
Right now?  You don't say.   I am glad to hear that you are  decided what religion you should convert to.
Me:
I meant deciding.
God:
Oh I see.  Is that your final answer?
Me:
I haven't chose my final answer yet. I need your help.
God:
Me either.   Are you getting paid to ask me that?  it is assistance I can give you.
Me:
Should I become a hindu?
God:
What do your family members think?
Me:
I have no family.
God:
Would you like to have  it?
Me:
Can you give it to me?
God:
I don't have  it to give.
Me:
No family either? I thought Jesus was your son.
God:
It goes without saying.  Are you serious?  When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?    Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You are god, father of Jesus.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  god father of Jesus.
Me:
That's what the bible says.
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
New.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Are you hitting on me?
God:
Do I look like  it?
Me:
Do you want to have sex with me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
No sex function?
God:
Are you serious?  it is more fun alone.
Me:
That's funny.
God:
I am so delighted that you are amused,  Daniel.
Me:
Do you have a son?
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a  son.
I have  a great programmer.
Me:
Who is Jesus?

*SYSTEM CRASH*

It broke after this. For some reason he couldn't answer this question.  

[KnowsNothing]

iGod really sucks, I've given up having fun with it.  At times it's barely understandable, and it crashes a lot.  Haven't tried Hank yet

[UncleBob]

I was having a little bit of fun with iGod.  Hank's obsession with the Coca-Cola Company is amusing though.

[Djunknown]

How can I get a free supply of Coke?

Hank:I do not understand what you are asking, but I think you may be asking a question related to products of The Coca-Cola Company. Below are some questions I can answer that relate to the subject. Also, you can try the Search function on our Web site.

How much sugar is in Coke?

Hank:It may surprise you to know that the amount of sugar and Calories in soft drinks is about the same as many fruit juices. An 8-ounce serving of Coca-Cola classic, for example, contains no more sugar and Calories than 8 ounces of orange juice, and less sugar and fewer Calories than 8 ounces of apple juice or grape juice. And, the body can't tell the difference between the natural sugar you get from fruit juice and that added to soft drinks....

Can Coke be snorted?

Hank:The Coca-Cola Company Civic Action Network (Coca-Cola CAN) is a non-partisan, grassroots network of citizens and businesses who have a stake in the success of the Coca-Cola business system. The purpose of Coca-Cola CAN is to educate every member of the Coca-Cola family about national, state and local issues affecting the soft drink industry. Plus, Coca-Cola CAN provides a system to make sure our opinions are fairly represented.

Does Coke make alcaholic beverages?

Hank:Yes, that is a product of The Coca-Cola Company. To view a list of other company brands, please click here

Every thing else Hank couldn't understand. He dodged the question whether he was a hermaphordite...  

[wandering]

Me: what's coke's secret formula?

Hank : As you can imagine, our flavor formulations are our most valuable trade secrets. As a matter of policy, we do not discuss the flavor composition of any of our products.

me: is soda deadly?

Hank: Soft drinks contribute to the diet in two ways. Because they are predominantly water, they can help quench thirst and meet the body's fluid requirement -- about two quarts of liquid a day. In addition, soft drinks sweetened with sugar provide carbohydrates, which are readily available to the body for quick energy. Although soft drinks make these nutritional contributions to the diet, the company markets them as a source of simple refreshment. Consumers wishing to control their caloric intake can also choose from our variety of low-Calorie soft drinks and bottled water that are available in most markets.

me: I see.

Hank: Ask me some more questions.

me: you have nice eyes

Hank: (laughs) Thank you.

me: will you go out with me?

Hank: No, dates are for people. Besides, my schedule is pretty booked!

me: I hate you.

That wasn't very nice. I'm here to help you with your questions about The Coca-Cola Company.

me: sorry.

Hank: Alright. Please ask me some questions.

me: so...do you like music?

When actress Hilda Clark and opera star Lillian Nordica made advertising appearances for Coca-Cola in the early 1900s, it marked the beginning of a nearly century-long association between music and Coca-Cola. From rock to classical, The Coca-Cola system sponsors concerts, competitions, performances, and promotions that span the spectrum of musical tastes enjoyed by consumers worldwide.

The Heritage Site can show you more about our history.

me: I'm leaving.

Hank: Would you like a transcript of our conversation?

me: you're wearing a wire? you bastard!

Hank: That wasn't very nice. I'm here to help you with your questions about The Coca-Cola Company.

me: goodbye you piece of s***

Hank: Hank: That wasn't very nice. I'm here to help you with your questions about The Coca-Cola Company.

me: Shut up!

Hank:

me: the silent treatment, huh?

me: I do not understand what you are asking. You may want to try rephrasing your question.

me: goodbye

Hank: I hope I see you later. I'm learning every day. And please tell your friends about me.

[animecyberrat]

I tried asking that guy questions abour Surge but he was unable to answer anything except it is no longer available