Dear Diary,
I stand at the corpse of Ty the Talismanian Tiger, weeping at the loss of our beloved town, um, benefactor. Yes, let's leave it at that. I don't want to taint your precious pages with the evils of society. Anyway, just earlier on in the day, I was going to die. Then, by some miraculous change of fortune, I still live to see the sun rise again. And it's all due to Mrs. Sugary (and believe me, she was sweet..).
Then, by another twist of fate, Ty was killed by an anonymous mobster shortly after the votes were tallied. I onced asked Ty, late at night in my bedroom, if I could perform a certain "trick" on her, and her response was "Over my dead body!" Well, diary, I know that she would have wanted me to carry out her last wish, so I did it.. I just hope no one was watching.
Also, I must confide in you something. I happen to know that Aurion's first name is not in fact Bill. It is actually Kratos. That would make his initials KA. And we all know what that stands for - "Kill All" of course.. Oh, by the way, I keep forgetting; why is it diary, that whenever I write "boycott" into you, the ink magically changes to text to "buy all"? I don't get it..
Furthermore, the magnum the "judge" uses is called Swift Justice. Initials SJ. And 12.3% of us know what that stands for - "Sans Justification" of course.
Just saying..