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Fave Five... Chesty Heroines on Nintendo Systems

by Zachary Miller - February 24, 2012, 2:46 pm PST
Total comments: 40

What a way to kick off this new feature!

So we've got this new feature that I hope will be repeating, kind of like Extra Life, even though Extra Life is off and on. This new feature will focus on individual staffer's favorite five...whatever. It could be favorite five Mario Kart tracks, Zelda items, N64 games, whatever. The only rule (so far) is that it has to be Nintendo-related. So you can imagine it was kind of difficult (initially) for me to think of THIS topic--and you knew this was coming--but the Nintendo 3DS helped, since it got Dead or Alive onto a Nintendo console. Modesty be damned, I'm going to get website hits here. And eye candy.

Ivy Valentine
Compared to SCIV, Ivy's costume in SCII is downright conservative.

Even though she’s only been involved in two Nintendo games (Soul Calibur II and Soul Calibur Legends), Ivy and her generous proportions left an indelible mark on my juvenile psyche. But it wasn’t just the size, shape, or jiggle—it was the way Ivy seemed proud of them. She wore that tight-fitting garb without fear. If anything, she used that cleavage window to her advantage, offering a tantalizing gaze at the cost of broken limbs and shattered dreams. Unlike the other ladies on this list, Ivy uses her assets as a unique weapon: distracted opponents won’t last long in a fight with Ivy (Ms. Valentine if you’re nasty).

Lara Croft
Nobody's paying attention to the Wii controller, Lara.

It would be difficult not to mention Ms. Croft on this list, and she’s appeared on a number of Nintendo systems: the Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance, Nintendo DS, and Wii have all had iterations of the Tomb Raider franchise—not all of them good. One thing all the games have in common is that they show off Lara’s ever-changing bust size as the franchise switches hands and character design philosophies—a topic I’ve covered before. Even when at its most modest, however, Lara’s cup size dwarfs most other gaming girls, and while she doesn’t usually display the bounce that so many other ladies on this list excel at, one may attribute that to the fact that Lara’s costume is at least semi-practical.

Mai Shiranui
Wouldn't it be great if KoFXIII came to Wii U so I have a valid excuse to post this gif?

Arguably the queen of gaming cleavage, Mai was largely absent from Nintendo systems until the Wii introduced gamers to fossilized King of Fighters games—some of which were compiled into the King of Fighters Collection: the Orochi Saga disc. Mai may not be THE bustiest KoF character (believe it or not), she certainly is on all the Nintendo-released KoF games. And besides, we have to take that costume into account. Exactly how Mai manages to keep her most mammalian organs contained in that loose-fitting garb, I’ll never know. Frankly, her ability to create and control fire is more believable. American versions of the KoF arcade games removed Mai’s infamous “bouncy” idle animation, making her boobs look more like boulders, but the VC and disc-based Nintendo ports retain her hypnotic sway.

Dead or Alive Girls
Kasumi's my favorite. Just so you know.

The Dead or Alive series has long maintained an air of pure, unadulterated cheesecake. However, with some exceptions, the ladies are largely covered up in the series’ only Nintendo appearance. The game’s biggest busts are those of Tina, Lisa, and Christie. On the smaller side, you’ve got Lei Feng, Hitomi, and Kokoro. Kasumi and Ayane are right in the middle. Tina and Kasumi are the only ladies with bikini costumes, and they both display the usual DoA jiggle more than the other ladies. Unfortunately, however, the model rigging on DoA chests is intensely bizarre compared to the more realistic rigging of, say, Mai Shiranui and Ivy Valentine. In other words—that’s not how breasts move! But hey, they're all pretty, right?

Samus Aran
Thank you, Team Ninja.

Ah, Samus: Nintendo’s only busty gal. Her bikini-clad form initially appeared as bonus content for beating the games with certain item collection rates and/or completion times. Eventually, though, Samus traded her swimsuit (Metroid), belly shirt (Metroid II), bizarre bikini (Super Metroid) and short shorts (Metroid Fusion) for an all-purpose Zero Suit—a form-fitting bodysuit that’s worn under her Power Suit. We first saw a glimpse at a bustier Samus in Zero Mission, but the real debut was in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, where our girl could knock Peach or Daisy down just by turning around. Finally, the zenith came in Team Ninja’s Other M, in which Zero Suit Samus displays DoA-like proportions—minus the disturbing “jiggle” effects.

Images

Talkback

I see that we have become IGN.

MataataFebruary 24, 2012

Dat gif.

ShayminFebruary 24, 2012

Quote from: Jonnyboy117

I see that we have become IGN.

This post blew me away. - IGN.com

broodwarsFebruary 24, 2012

Quote from: Jonnyboy117

I see that we have become IGN.

No, if this were IGN each 30 word entry would have its own page just to drive up ad revenue, and for the same reason it would be a "Top 50" list instead of a "Top 5" one.  Also, each entry would be revealed once a day over the course of a week.

Quote from: Jonnyboy117

I see that we have become IGN.

This is pretty much par for the course from Zach. If we're going to do a recurring Top 5 feature of course he's going to do one about boobs. Stay tuned for my upcoming Fave Five Pikmin 2s of All Time.

shinyray01February 25, 2012

Who else but Zach.

CericFebruary 25, 2012

I looked at just the pictures and I'm not impressed.

AdrockFebruary 25, 2012

I demand that you enjoy boobs more.

Chozo GhostFebruary 25, 2012

Of those five only Samus is truly Nintendo. I don't think multiplatform boobs should count. So with that criteria in place, who would the other 4 be?

AdrockFebruary 25, 2012

If anything, Nintendo could use more 3rd party boobs.

RasFebruary 25, 2012

Don't you mean the other 8?

One obvious choice is Madame Flurrie.  What?  You don't go for Rubenesque?

oohhboyHong Hang Ho, Staff AlumnusFebruary 25, 2012

When did Zach lose his marbles?

supergttFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: Chozo

Of those five only Samus is truly Nintendo. I don't think multiplatform boobs should count. So with that criteria in place, who would the other 4 be?

Well, obviously Peach. Then... Midna, Zelda, Officer Jenny.

Maybe the chick from Ghost Trick? Nintendo's really conservative with their ladies, generally.

Xero!February 25, 2012

Quote from: broodwars

Quote from: Jonnyboy117

I see that we have become IGN.

No, if this were IGN each 30 word entry would have its own page just to drive up ad revenue, and for the same reason it would be a "Top 50" list instead of a "Top 5" one.  Also, each entry would be revealed once a day over the course of a week.

^^ THIS!!

NinSageFebruary 25, 2012

2¢ : Never understood where people got that idea about Samus being made bustier over time.  I think the only things that changed are that the capability of game visuals went from "oh hey... boobs? I guess?" to
"ZOMG b( Y )bies!!!11" and that the thought of Team Ninja working with the family friendly Nintendo must surely result in some kind of saucy, saucy scandal! egad!

I mean come on... just look at those things in their earliest days!
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7ol248nwL1qbnuoao1_500.jpg

Anyway, long-live the most bad-ass bounty hunter.... is a new Metroid game out yet?

Luigi DudeFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: NinSage

2¢ : Never understood where people got that idea about Samus being made bustier over time.  I think the only things that changed are that the capability of game visuals went from "oh hey... boobs? I guess?" to
"ZOMG b( Y )bies!!!11" and that the thought of Team Ninja working with the family friendly Nintendo must surely result in some kind of saucy, saucy scandal! egad!

I mean come on... just look at those things in their earliest days!
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7ol248nwL1qbnuoao1_500.jpg

Samus was actually at her most revealing in the original.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v287/luigidude/Samus_at_the_end_of_Metroid.png

KDR_11kFebruary 25, 2012

You need to seat Zach next to Cookie.

SMWizFebruary 25, 2012

I'm going to agree with Metts on this one. If this type of article was what I was looking for, I'd head to lesser sites like IGN. Zach, I like the concept of a recurring "Top 5" article series, but this was a poor way to start it. Chozoghost has it right--it should be more Nintendo centered.

DasmosFebruary 25, 2012

Oh hey, there goes the remainder of our female NWR readers.

This "feature" is a disgrace.

Chozo GhostFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: Dasmos

Oh hey, there goes the remainder of our female NWR readers.

This "feature" is a disgrace.

I'm inclined to agree. It would probably be better to have something like this in the funhouse or something. Discuss it if you want to, but it might be best not to have it as a main page feature.

CericFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: supergtt

Quote from: Chozo

Of those five only Samus is truly Nintendo. I don't think multiplatform boobs should count. So with that criteria in place, who would the other 4 be?

Well, obviously Peach. Then... Midna, Zelda, Officer Jenny.

Peach I'll give but, I don't see Daisy on that list.  Instant Fail.
Also I find Skyloft has a collection of nice looking girls as well.

KDR_11kFebruary 25, 2012

Vanessa Z Schneider?

leahsdadFebruary 25, 2012

When I saw the headline, I instantly knew it was Zach.

We love you, man.

And it this was IGN, the headline would have been something like "Nintendo needs chesty heroines to beat Microsoft and Sony."  Something far more troll-y.

ShyGuyFebruary 25, 2012

I don't typically go for such tabloid fodder, but I defend Zach's right to be a pervert.

Also someone has to mention Daisy in memory of Pro.

DasmosFebruary 25, 2012

The next "feature" needs to be focused on which Nintendo character has the biggest package. I'll bet Wario is packing serious heat.

house3136February 25, 2012

Zach, how did Jill Valentine not make the list? Her wetsuit has the equivalent tightness of a comic book hero’s costume. 

NinSageFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: Luigi

Quote from: NinSage

2¢ : Never understood where people got that idea about Samus being made bustier over time.  I think the only things that changed are that the capability of game visuals went from "oh hey... boobs? I guess?" to
"ZOMG b( Y )bies!!!11" and that the thought of Team Ninja working with the family friendly Nintendo must surely result in some kind of saucy, saucy scandal! egad!

I mean come on... just look at those things in their earliest days!
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7ol248nwL1qbnuoao1_500.jpg

Samus was actually at her most revealing in the original.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v287/luigidude/Samus_at_the_end_of_Metroid.png

No kidding! Seems like obvious stuff but.... somehow people overlook it.

BlackNMild2k1February 25, 2012

Quote from: Luigi

Samus was actually at her most revealing in the original.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v287/luigidude/Samus_at_the_end_of_Metroid.png

Yeah....but sharpknees.jpg

I personally cannot endorse a list of Nintendo heroines that lacks not just Princess Peach but also Joanna Dark.

KDR_11kFebruary 25, 2012

I'm guessing the list will be changed after Zach plays Xenoblade and Last Story.

...Reeeeeally?

I'm a little surprised by the absence of James of Team Rocket fame and his bountiful bosom. If anything, he deserves an honorable mention.  :-\

oohhboyHong Hang Ho, Staff AlumnusFebruary 25, 2012

Quote from: TalesOfFan

I'm a little surprised by the absence of James of Team Rocket fame and his bountiful bosom. If anything, he deserves an honorable mention.  :-\

And we have a Winner!

Maverick1752February 25, 2012


WTF!!! This article was amazing

JRokujuushiFebruary 26, 2012

Quote from: Halbred

Maybe the chick from Ghost Trick? Nintendo's really conservative with their ladies, generally.

If you're going Nintendo-only, that wouldn't work since Ghost Trick recently came out on iOS.

LithiumFebruary 26, 2012

Quote from: Ceric

Quote from: supergtt

Quote from: Chozo

Of those five only Samus is truly Nintendo. I don't think multiplatform boobs should count. So with that criteria in place, who would the other 4 be?

Well, obviously Peach. Then... Midna, Zelda, Officer Jenny.

Peach I'll give but, I don't see Daisy on that list.  Instant Fail.
Also I find Skyloft has a collection of nice looking girls as well.

no mother brain no deal

TJ SpykeFebruary 26, 2012

Quote from: JRokujuushi

Quote from: Halbred

Maybe the chick from Ghost Trick? Nintendo's really conservative with their ladies, generally.

If you're going Nintendo-only, that wouldn't work since Ghost Trick recently came out on iOS.

I don't think that counts, it's the same reason PC releases are not counted when you say a game is exclusive.

CalibanFebruary 26, 2012

Quote from: KDR_11k

I'm guessing the list will be changed after Zach plays Xenoblade and Last Story.

Quote from: Halbred

...Reeeeeally?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha like candy to a kid.

S-U-P-E-RTy Shughart, Staff AlumnusFebruary 26, 2012

Yeah I saw the headline and knew immediately who had written it

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