Author Topic: jokes (Read 14300 times)

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #25 on:** August 24, 2003, 12:32:22 PM »

Grrr.... you've got this bad problem of not understanding me, Ninja.

I;m not saying profanity itself is bad, and I'm not sure how I conveyed that. What I'm saying is that I don't like it when entire jokes revolve around profanity and I find funny clean jokes to be MUCH more creative, and I admire and respect that more than dirty jokes. Take the comedian Brian Regan, for instance- one of the funniest men alive, in my opinion (I've nearly lost my contacts my eyes were so full of tears), and yet he rarely ever uses profanity. I don't admire him because he DOESN'T use profanity, but because he doesn't have to fall back on it to make people laugh. I feel only when you've proven you don't need dirty words to support your comedy can you move into using those same words to augment your jokes. Yes, profanity can make a joke funnier, but it shouldn't be the only reason the joke is funny in my opinion.

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #26 on:** August 24, 2003, 01:58:56 PM »

Brian Regan is hilarious. Do you know where I can find the rotine he did on comedy central with the "Hooked on Phonics" thing? I'm sorry I'm being this vaugue, but i can't remember much more than "Hook-ed on Puh-hon-ics reelee werk-ed fo me!"

Profanity, meh, don't care.

And Ninja, I believe it's a misunderstanding. mouse-clicker agrees with what you're saying, he just thinks most jokes that use profanity are uncreative.

(I am ashamed at this, but, Grey, when you said "and I could really care less if some 14 year old is giggling while I am while I am ranting about the fart that stunk up my dick." I couldn't help but crack a smile. Mostly because you were trying to prove that it wasn't funny, and laughing would have made it funny that you were actually funny. But you weren't. I'll shut up now)

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #27 on:** August 24, 2003, 03:09:27 PM »

BAM!

There you go, KnowsNothing- I don't know if it includes his hilarious pop-tarts routine, but that's his only album out now. Enjoy.

Ms.Pikmin · « **Reply #28 on:** August 24, 2003, 03:37:13 PM »

Knock knock!

Who's there?

PIE! *smashes pie in face*

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #29 on:** August 24, 2003, 04:29:41 PM »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Best joke i ever heard. :laughfacthing;

pop-tart routine?! POP TARTS ARE TEH AWESOME

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #30 on:** August 24, 2003, 05:07:15 PM »

Ha ha ha, he said fart.

That genie joke is funny. I shall retell it. Anyhoo, I've got get off the board for now, but hopefully soon I'll post that damn joke I keep talking about. Until then, I shall keep you entertained by saying @sshole.

yellowfellow · « **Reply #31 on:** August 26, 2003, 06:21:39 AM »

here's another one since this topic is jokes:

a blonde girl is looking for summer work so she knocks on this guys front door. a man answers and asks what she wants. the blonde asks "is there any work you have for me to do around your house?". the man responds "well. actually, there's a porch around back and paint in the garage, if you can sand and paint the porch, i'll give you 20 bucks". the blonde then agrees and immediately sets off to the garage. the man, so joyful with his deal. turns back into the house to go gloat to his wife, "honey, guess what? i got this nice young lady to sand and paint our entir porch for only 20 dollars!". "20 dollars!?!", the wife replies, "did she see how large the porch is? it will take her atleast 2 weeks to complete that project." the man just shrugged and sat down to read his newspaper. after approximately 1 hour, there was another knock at the dorr. the man answered and saw the blonde standing there covered in paint. "all finished!!!" she exclaimed. "what?" asked the man, "you're completely done? everything? you sanded and painted everything?" the blonde nodded her head and smiled with satisfaction and then responded "yup, i covered it all... oh and by the way, it's a ferrari... not a porche."

it's easier to surprise with this joke when it's recited.

S-U-P-E-R · « **Reply #32 on:** August 26, 2003, 09:09:53 AM »

A baby seal walks into a club

yellowfellow · « **Reply #33 on:** August 26, 2003, 10:11:41 AM »

and another,

two muffins are tossed into an oven, the first muffin wakes up and looks around and realizes that it's getting hot and says, "oh man, wake up... it's getting hot in here". the second muffin wakes up and the first exclaims "we're being baked!!!" ...the second muffin now alarmed yells "holy crap! a talking muffin!"

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #34 on:** August 26, 2003, 03:26:14 PM »

Funny. Ahem, now I have patience to do joke.

Mr. Bunny and Mr. Bear are walking through the woods together. By chance, they stumble upon a magic lamp, which they rub. The genie emerges and informs them that they can each have three wishes. Ecstatic, Mr. Bear says "I wish every bear in this forest would be female" and the genie makes it so. Mr. Bunny thinks for a while, then says "I wish I had. . . a helmet." "A HELMET!?" rages Mr. Bear. "You could have anything in the world and you wish for a helmet?" But Mr. Bunny persists, and he receives a helmet. Mr. Bear then decides to wish that every bear in the entire country would be female, and the genie says that it is done. Mr. Bunny wishes for a motorcycle, which Mr. Bear accepts, though he thinks it could have been better. Mr. Bear's final wish is that every bear in the world would be female! And it is so. Then Mr. Bunny hops on his bike, puts on his helmet, and begins to drive away. As he leaves, he shouts back to the genie: "I wish Mr. Bear was g a y!"

GoldShadow1 · « **Reply #35 on:** August 26, 2003, 07:14:52 PM »

Here's the funniest link you'll ever click.

rpglover · « **Reply #36 on:** August 26, 2003, 07:17:45 PM »

GoldShadow- that was a pretty funny link

if anyone sees the movie on that link and has watch family guy before- you may get the connection

PIAC · « **Reply #37 on:** August 26, 2003, 10:07:14 PM »

that doesn't make me want a minto...

MUST... KILL... LINCON...

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #38 on:** October 16, 2003, 12:39:30 PM »

Okay...I don't want to get back into the whole profanity discussion again. I actually have a joke. Here goes:

A little boy was sitting in church wondering about god. He had a few questions, and he decided to ask the priest about it.
"Father, is god a man or a women?" he askes.
and the priest replies, "god is neither man nor women"
the boys asks,"Well, is god black or white?"
to which the father responds, "god is neither black nor white."

So the boy thought about this and finally asked, "Father?...is Michael Jackson god?"

Bill Aurion · « **Reply #39 on:** October 16, 2003, 12:42:02 PM »

You brought back a super old topic just for that!?

*shakes fist at KnowsNothing*

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #40 on:** October 16, 2003, 12:46:41 PM »

What?!? It was FUNNY!

And besides, I brought back becasue maybe somebody else had a funny joke they wanted to share. I need a good laugh.

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #41 on:** October 16, 2003, 01:22:02 PM »

Where'd you find that joke? I know a guy that did a GIF animation like that, except it was a girl and a mother, and she also asked if He was ghey or straight. . . and it flashed a picture of him instead of saying it. Hilarious.

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #42 on:** October 16, 2003, 01:41:28 PM »

My friend told me that one a while back, but I just remembered it now.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #43 on:** October 16, 2003, 01:49:24 PM »

I've got a great joke. Here it goes:

A man has a son, and on his son's 5th birthday he told him he could have anything he wanted, all he had to do was ask. His son asked for a green golf ball. The father was a bit puzzled, but complied. On his son's 10th birthday, his father again told him he could have anything he wanted, he just had to ask. His son asked for a bucket of green golf balls. The father is even more puzzled, but again complies. When his son turns 16, once more his father tells him he can have anything he wants for his birthday, he only had to ask. His son asked for 10 buckets of green golf balls. The father has no idea what's going on, but sure enough he complies. When his son completes high school, his father offers him anything he wants as a graduation present, anything at all. His son asks for a car full of green golf balls. The father can't possibly see what they're for, but, as usual, he complies. Later on his son gets married and his father tells him he can have anything he wants as a wedding gift, he just needed to ask. His son asked for a house full of green golf balls. The father is at the limits of his perception, but has no choice but to comply. Finally, when the father is on his death bed with his son by his side, he asks his son why he wanted all those green golf balls. And then he died.

Hostile Creation · « **Reply #44 on:** October 16, 2003, 02:20:23 PM »

Yeah, I know that joke. In your version, I just figure he wanted the car and house. And buckets.

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #45 on:** October 16, 2003, 02:27:12 PM »

That's what I thought too.................BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW!

*sheds a tear*

SO I WILL MAKE IT MY LIFE'S GOAL TO FIND OUT!

*runs out the door*
*smashes into the glass door that he didn't see there, spewing blood everywhere*

SMASH'D.
oh my what a mess....

NotRimmer · « **Reply #46 on:** October 16, 2003, 10:24:18 PM »

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken lacks any reasoning or decision-making capabilities, it seems unlikely the chicken's action was spurred by any particular motivation.

Easily one of the greatest jokes ever

Moonwatcher · « **Reply #47 on:** October 17, 2003, 06:06:20 AM »

BEST JOKE THAT EVER HAS BEEN OR WILL BE.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.

mouse_clicker · « **Reply #48 on:** October 17, 2003, 07:06:38 AM »

Oh my god, moonwatcher, that's easily one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard.

Ok, I've got another one- if quizzes are quzzical, what are tests? I'll let you guys figure it out on your own.

KnowsNothing · « **Reply #49 on:** October 17, 2003, 09:43:34 AM »

MC- that joke started irculating around my school about a week ago. We got the coolest teacher. We can tell her jokes like that, and she won't be like "that's inappropriate (sp)" she actually laughs!

Moonwatcher: I don't get it.:\

*pees soup*

News:

Author Topic: jokes (Read 14300 times)