Topic: Community Funhouse Playhouse - "The Only Pleasure Treasured is in Map Relief"

[Khushrenada]

Baby Bop was tryin' ta sell us out? When was dis? Isn't she Barney there's sister or sumptin'?

(Everyone looks at Barney.)

[Evan_B]

ONLY ONE MORE REASON YA CAN'T TRUST HIM, BOSS!

[NotΚhushrenada]

(Barney giggles.) You know, this reminds me of A SONG!

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor
Open the door and let 'em in, YEAH-a-ah

[Pro-Khushrenada]

(There is another loud knock at the door. Everyone turns their attention back to the door. From behind the door, a voice calls out.)

Hello in there! I know you're home. I can hear you singing! Will you please let me in for a moment?

(Everyone turns back to Barney and they all give him a dirty look.)

[Khushrenada]

(To Barney) I'm beginnin' ta really think dat ya ain't worth all da air you've breathin' all yo' life.

(To Zechs) Better see what dis stooge wants. Feels free ta intimidate him and gives him da message dat we don't want no visitors round dese here parts.

[Evan_B]

(Zechs cautiously approaches the door)

Ayyy youse, we appreciate the courtesy a you knockin', but unless you're someone important, we don't want no visitors round dese here parts.

...Who dat?

[Pro-Khushrenada]

(The door suddenly swings open slamming into Zechs and then squeezes him against the wall. A dapper looking gentlemen enters holding a vacuum cleaner. He begins talking from the moment the door opens and walks to the middle of the living room to join those standing there already.)

(STARRING PRO-KHUSHRENADA AS DAVID DODGE)

Well, good sir, I won't hold you in suspense. Why, I'll even get the door to let myself in. Ah, what a lovely bunch of people you all are. My, it's so nice to see so many of you taking the time to enjoy a little fresh air and wilderness. I must admit, I love being able to journey around through here and breathe it in myself. Unfortunately, there is a downside to all this scenic nature, if you can believe it! Yes, my good friends, I'm talking about that eternal struggle we all face against leaving Mother Nature behind when we enter our homes. Dust! Dirt! Soil! When we walk along a beautiful trail, we don't plan to take it back with us but darned if some of those rocks and gravel don't get trapped in our soles and find their way onto one's floors when we re-enter our homes. Now that refreshing daily constitutional has turned into back-breaking labour as one must sweep, mop, scrub and wipe the floor to remove that unwanted filth. I'm sure the young missus here appreciates exactly what I'm saying! (David winks at Trixie.)

But, my friends, take heart! You need no longer be dreading the after effects of a trip into the great outdoors because I, David Dodge, am here to bring you the solution to this Gordian knot. You see, I represent the Little Giant Vacuum Cleaner Company from Walla Walla, Washington and I have with me one of the greatest marvels of the scientific age that we know find ourselves living in. I'm talking, of course, about the Big Suck 2000 which is not to be confused with the Big Suck 1000 which was last year's model and the previous watershed mark of human endeavor. Yes sir, it a testament to the human spirit that despite the engineering success we have already achieved in creating one of the most powerful, durable, and desirable machines to aid in our existence, we, as a people, still strove to reach that ever-so slightly more powerful edge, that razor-thin extra level of durability and that elusive perfection of desirability.

And so here we are with the Big Suck 2000, guaranteed to meet any cleaning challenge you may throw at it, including making the Big Suck 1000 obsolete. Ha ha ha! But, from my keen sense of observation, I can tell that you are the sort of people with the smarts to know that talk is cheap. Why, any rube or bumpkin could come along and say that they've got some kind of miracle machine to sell you. The proof is in the tasting of the pudding, is it not? That is why I am proud to stand before you all here today to offer you a demonstration and let this machine provide the true evidence you need to back up my words here today.

[Khushrenada]

(Khushrenada begins clenching his hands into fists and shaking with rage.)

Will youse please kindly SHUT UP?!!!

[NotΚhushrenada]

Awww. I wanted to see the demonstration. (Barney looks down to the ground forlornly.)

[Pro-Khushrenada]

Why, my good man, I do apologize to you. Indeed, I am deeply sorry if I have in some way offended you here today in my haste to let you know about the greatest device designed to revolutionize the way a person cares for their home. I must admit, my enthusiasm for this modern mechanical marvel can sometimes get the better of me because I'm just so eager to let people know about how this super scientific sucker is about to change their lives for the better. Why, thanks to the Big Suck 2000's ease of use, one may now confuse chore time with leisure time because of the pleasure one will get from operating it!

I ask you, sir, how can I possibly hold back and dampen my enthusiasm for something so life-changing? Why, the only thing that can sadden me is knowing how many people out there are still in need of this dreamlike dependable device. But, alas, our supplies are limited because of the rare materials we use to make these machines to achieve the high standards we believe all our customers deserve. So, if I move too fast for your liking, sir, it is only because I have the best intentions at heart for I am one man doing my best to reach everyone I can in this big wide world of ours in the short time I have upon it.

Therefore, I humbly ask that you do not let whatever ill feelings from any social stumbles I may have committed before you today prevent you from being able to experience the wonder and life-changing miracle that is the Big Suck 2000 that fortune has smiled upon me bringing to you right now. Why, I truly believe Lady Luck herself must be in your pocket for us to have been able to connect here together in this moment of time when we consider how vast the cosmos are and the infinite possibilities and situations that could exist to have kept us from ever meeting each other in our entire lifetimes. And yet! Here. We. Are. Why, I am sure that as a man of great intellect as you strike me as being, that, surely, you can appreciate the gravity and magnitude of this situation and how catastrophic it would be to have missed this one chance to claim for yourself one of these rare and irrefutably ingenious inventions because of a difference in social graces.

I implore you to not dash the dreams and hopes of your loved ones standing around you here today who wish to see the Big Suck 2000's superlative suction power in action. Why not make the slow-witted singing dinosaur's day by allowing him to see a demonstration of this clever cleaner in action? Why, I'm sure all of those in your household gathered here today will appreciate being able to see such an event as this. (David leans over to Khushrenada and puts his hand to the other side of his mouth as though he his going to share a secret yet still talks loud enough for all to hear.) I'm sure the fine young lady you have here would be especially grateful. (He flashes a smile at Trixie.)

[Khushrenada]

(Khushrenada clenches his hands over his ears to keep himself from hearing any more of David's speaking.)

Oh, sweet mother o' mercy, make it stop!

[NotΚhushrenada]

(Barney gasps in excitement.) Oh, could we please see a demonstration, boss? Please? Please? Pretty please? (Barney begins to hop in excitement.) It sounds like it would be the most wonderful fun.

[Lady Une]

(Although Trixie has been rolling her eyes and acting disdainfully towards David Dodge the whole time he has been speaking, a devilish smile curls up on her lips as she sees a chance to inflict a bit of torment on Khushrenada)

Why, sweetie, Mr. Dodge here is right. I would be ever so thankful if ya'd let him provide a demonstration. (She then puts her hands on hips and makes a pouting face.) After all, I'm the one who has to keep our place looking so spotless and it can be a pretty tough job. If this vacuum is as good as he claims, why, it sounds like it would let me spend less time looking after the house and give me more time looking after you. (She flashes a smile and wink at Khushrenada.)

[Evan_B]

(Zechs rises after having crumpled to the floor from the impact of the door. Oddly, his helmet has cracked, and falls to pieces as he nurses his exposed scalp. His revealed face is tranquil and not-at-all-mole-like, the absolute paragon of a man. In fact, he even seems a bit taller now. His accent is non-existant.)

(EVAN_B is ALSO MILLIARDO "The Gentleman" PEACECRAFT?)

W-what the blazes...?

[Khushrenada]

(Everyone now turns in surprise to Zechs/Milliardo's direction. There are gasps from his sudden transformation.)

Holy Toledo.... Zechs, why has youse been wearin' dat mask for so long? Ya look likes a real-life Adonis in the flesh. I didn't think it possible for ya ta be even more handsome and yet here wheeze are.

[Pro-Khushrenada]

What did I tell you, folks? I say again, what did I tell you? This machine is a miracle worker indeed.

(David lifts the vacuum up high for all to see and pats it.)

Already this great gadget has changed the life of this young man here by cleaning up his appearance and making him into the beacon of physical perfection you now see before yourselves. But please, I beg you, keep calm. You, too, can benefit from the excellent effects of the Big Suck 2000 with your purchase of it today. It would be cruel of me to deny you the usage of it any further. Thus, I say we get down to brass tacks and finalize our transaction right this very moment in order to speed along your opportunity at beginning your incredible life improvement from this valuable vacuum.

[Evan_B]

A moment, sir.

(Milliardo steps between David and Khushrenada)

While you seemed to have cracked my admittedly-brittle helmet, I don't want my compatriots here to believe for a second that you are the reason for this sudden revelation. I can only assume that your next move will be to engage in attempts to push this overpriced model, which has been thoroughly reviewed in several publications by experts in the field and deemed vastly inferior to the readily-available Large Inhale 3000, upon them at absurd price points, as is the nature of charismatic, yet seedy individuals in your field.

Moreover, I am more concerned with your sudden appearance here, seeing as this is a secluded cabin under close watch. Soon to be the playing stage for a secretive meeting, as well. While my associates have been disposing of Baby Bop by the docks, they would have most certainly returned to their posts by now, meaning you would have had  to bypass their watch whilst carrying a cumbersome vacuum cleaner like the Big Suck 2000.

I mean to say, it seems as if you have made it to this point through a great number of conveniences.

I don't believe in such coincidences.

[Wah]

Lucario stumbles in being drunk from he's own produce again.....


WHAT THE **** IS THIS!?

[Wah]

Mr. Lucario stumbles back to his tavern wondering about what this world has come too....