This thread seems to be part of the "It's all in Link's head and he's insane" timeline. Not that I'm complaining. Now, I'm no big city lawyer like ThePerm has presented himself to be here today before all of y'all and I may not be able to tell where this thread is going but damned if I'm not enjoying the ride. If it pleases the court and you as well, your honor, I'd like to present this thread as Exhibit A in proving true the statement that it's the journey and not the destination that matters.
Now, I recognize that while all you fine upstandin' citizens gathered here today to make up our fair and impartial jury are glad to fulfill your civic duty and wish to do so with pride and honor, you also have other duties and obligations in your life to fulfill and may be a bit antsy as to how long you may be away from them. Well, I wish to assure y'all that I feel for this mental dilemma you face and, as such, will do my part in seeing to it that I conduct my role in this trial as speedily as possible in recognition of that fact. Therefore, I wish to call my first witness. I call to the stand the first of two stormtroopers who were wrongly fired upon in the Death Star Wookie case.
Now, Mr. Stormtrooper, is it true that on a date a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, you and your fellow officer were transporting a Wookie prisoner to a holding cell on the Imperial Death Star that had recently finished construction?
Stormtrooper: That is correct.
And is not also true that while you were performing your duty, you and your fellow officer were fired upon by other imperial stromtroopers that day?
Stormtrooper: Um, you worded that... kind of funny but that is true....
Would you please elaborate to the court what happened?
Stormtrooper: Well, um, myself and my partner, Stormtrooper 411074, were escorting the Wookie prisoner to a holding cell for questioning that day like you said. We had just recently picked him up from a starship we tractor beamed in. However, what myself and 411074 didn't know was that some rebel scum had infiltrated the Death Star that day and they apparently broke into the holding cell area by pretending to have a Wookie prisoner to lock up there. As such, when our fellow officers saw us with our Wookie prisoner, they thought we were the rebels still trying to use the stormtrooper and Wookie disguise and so they...*sniff*... they fired on us! (Stormtrooper breaks down crying.)
I must admit that story touches me deeply as I think it does everyone in this here courtroom today. You and your fellow officers are truly courageous men and heroes and we all wish to thank you for your service. While I do not wish the gentlemen and ladies of the jury to think of me as being callous, I'm afraid I must press on a bit with the witness and ask for a bit more detail on this traumatic time. Why, sir, did you arrest this Wookie?
Stormtrooper: *sniff* Well, sir, we learned that he was planning to release a sequel to The Wind Waker in an attempt to completely crater the Nintendo Trade Federation.
(audible gasps from the jury)
Your honor, I must say that in all my few hours practicing law, I have never heard of a greater miscarriage of justice than the fate that befell these true galactic heroes that day. Who knows what may have happened had that Wookie been allowed to win and proceed with his plans. I, therefore, humbly implore and beg you folks in the jury box to do the right thing and reward these men the full monetary compensation they are asking for in order to make up for, in some small way, the physical and mental anguish they have unjustly suffered in this affair. I rest my case, your honor.