Author Topic: The Strange Case of the Irksome Prude by Ogden Nash (Read 7598 times)

Khushrenada · « **on:** November 03, 2014, 01:29:19 PM »

Once upon a time there was a young man named Harold Scrutiny.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #1 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:29:48 PM »

Harold had many virtues and practically no vices.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #2 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:29:59 PM »

He smoked, to be sure.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #3 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:30:12 PM »

Also he drank and swore.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #4 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:30:23 PM »

Moreover, he was a pickpocket.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #5 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:30:34 PM »

But, for all that, Harold was no prude.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #6 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:30:47 PM »

I am no prude, Harold often said.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #7 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:30:59 PM »

But Detective Guilfoyle of the Pickpocket Squad is a prude, the old prude, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #8 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:31:11 PM »

One day Harold went into the subway to pick some pockets.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #9 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:31:21 PM »

There was a man on the platform penciling a beard on the lady on the toothpaste placard.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #10 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:31:31 PM »

Hey, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #11 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:31:40 PM »

Hey who, said the man.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #12 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:31:52 PM »

Hey you, that’s hey who, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #13 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:32:18 PM »

Aren’t you going to give her a moustache?

Khushrenada · « **Reply #14 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:32:28 PM »

Sure I’m going to give her a moustache, said the man.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #15 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:32:39 PM »

What do you think I am?

Khushrenada · « **Reply #16 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:32:50 PM »

I think you’re somebody that puts beards on ladies on toothpaste placards before they put on the moustache, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #17 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:33:01 PM »

Don’t you know enough to put the moustache on first?

Khushrenada · « **Reply #18 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:33:12 PM »

You put the moustache on first, why then you can turn it up or turn it down, whichever you want, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #19 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:33:25 PM »

You try to turn a moustache down after the beard’s on, it runs into the beard, said Harold.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #20 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:33:38 PM »

It don’t look like a moustache, only like a beard grows up and down both.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #21 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:33:50 PM »

Go on, said the man, go on and pick some pockets.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #22 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:34:03 PM »

Harold turned to his work, but his mind was elsewhere.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #23 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:34:15 PM »

Suddenly the lady on the toothpaste placard got off the toothpaste placard and arrested him.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #24 on:** November 03, 2014, 01:34:32 PM »

It was Detective Guilfoyle of the Pickpocket Squad all the time.

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