Author Topic: My Mario Kart 8 Review (Read 11488 times)

UncleBob · « **on:** May 16, 2014, 08:11:04 PM »

Wow. This game blows chunks, hard core.

There's like, no Mario, no karts, no nothing. There's not even an icon on the Wii U menu to play this game.

Nintendo couldn't even be bothered to put artwork on the disc. Or a disc. Or a case for the disc.

This is the worst Mario Kart yet. At least in previous Mario Karts, I could play something. There's nothing to play here. I can't play online, I can't play battle mode, I can't play online battle mode. I can't chat with people I don't know while racing, I can't chat with people I do know while racing, I can't chat with people I don't know in lobbies, I can't chat with people I do know in lobbies. None of my controllers seem to make Mario Kart play any better. I have A Wii Remote, Wii Remote with Nunchuk, Wii Remote with Wii Wheel, Classic Controller, Pro Controller, Tablet Controller... yet no Mario and no Kart. Not even a button on the middle of the tablet with a horn to honk. Nothing.

These courses are so lame. Hell, Nintendo, up-rez the courts from previous games and throw 'em on a disc... something! This is a prime example of everything that's wrong with Nintendo. They don't even try anymore. This is the least amount of effort possible. Throw up some marketing buzz about Mario Kart 8, then don't even give me a Mario Kart game to play.

I score this game a 0.5/10. I mean, it *is* a Nintendo game, after all - so even if there's no game to play, I have to give it a few extra points for the sake of being a Nintendo title.

Someone submit this review to Metacritic now.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #1 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:15:47 PM »

That just sounds awful. I don't know why anyone would want an experience like the one you're having with Mario Kart 8.

Oblivion · « **Reply #2 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:17:38 PM »

I give your review a 7.5.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #3 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:19:57 PM »

You're only giving UncleBob a 7.5 for shock value. You're taking more points off him than others did for the same criticisms.

Oblivion · « **Reply #4 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:24:03 PM »

Oh god, you're right! I only gave him a 7.5 as clickbate (

) and to lower the Metacritic score of the funhouse.

lolmonade · « **Reply #5 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:39:27 PM »

Unclebob….I think you forgot to take your copy of Pac Man World Rally out of your system. And to take your medication.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #6 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:42:19 PM »

Mario Kart is just old and stale. They're not doing anything new at all. What we really need is a reboot of the Sonic R franchise. Now THAT was innovative.

Stratos · « **Reply #7 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:43:45 PM »

Are you sure this isn't a review of Crash Team Racing? Because that was my exact impression of that game.

NWR_insanolord · « **Reply #8 on:** May 16, 2014, 08:45:40 PM »

You take that back! Crash Team Racing is *LITERALLY* the greatest game ever. Way better than Mario Kart 8, for sure.

Phil · « **Reply #9 on:** May 16, 2014, 10:33:40 PM »

Have you ever reviewed a game by just watching a Let's Play video?
I wonder if anyone here has done that. Well, it wasn't me. Not on THIS site anyway.

NWR_Neal · « **Reply #10 on:** May 17, 2014, 12:08:30 AM »

Quote from: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:45:40 PM

You take that back! Crash Team Racing is *LITERALLY* the greatest game ever. Way better than Mario Kart 8, for sure.

Single-player mode in CTR is totally better.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #11 on:** May 17, 2014, 09:42:04 AM »

I'm pretty sure 7.5 still gets a "would bang" from most people.

Plugabugz · « **Reply #12 on:** May 17, 2014, 12:51:40 PM »

lolmonade · « **Reply #13 on:** May 17, 2014, 02:36:41 PM »

Quote from: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:45:40 PM

You take that back! Crash Team Racing is *LITERALLY* the greatest game ever. Way better than Mario Kart 8, for sure.

I haven't played Mario Kart 8, but can confirm. CTR all day erry day.

Stratos · « **Reply #14 on:** May 17, 2014, 03:16:50 PM »

I prefer Mario Kart ∞. That is the most sublime experience on the planet.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #15 on:** May 17, 2014, 04:42:55 PM »

I give Oblivion's review of UncleBob's review a 6.3 - if it gets any more meta than this we're all going to grow mustaches and spawn fedoras.

UncleBob · « **Reply #16 on:** May 17, 2014, 07:02:56 PM »

I give Brandogg's review of Oblivion's review of my review a 9.0. Great choice of font there.

Stratos · « **Reply #17 on:** May 17, 2014, 07:30:24 PM »

I give this thread an 8.0

UncleBob · « **Reply #18 on:** May 17, 2014, 07:45:07 PM »

It's way too early to review the entire thread. Online Interactions Not Rated by the ESRB and may change the content of this thread.

Khushrenada · « **Reply #19 on:** May 17, 2014, 07:56:36 PM »

Quote from: Stratos on May 17, 2014, 07:30:24 PM

I give this thread an 8.0

How could you? You're a Funhouse user and the Funhouse needs every hit thread it can get right now. Traffic on it has been really slow. That ridiculous score is kicking the Funhouse while its down. Frankly, I think this thread gets a 10 out of 10 and it is the best thread made in the Funhouse ever.

Stratos · « **Reply #20 on:** May 17, 2014, 08:35:53 PM »

Khush has sold out. He was bribed to give the Funhouse a 10 out of 10. He has traded his journalistic integrity for a Snickers bar.

Never compromise your moral compass for click bait. The content should drive the clicks.

Shaymin · « **Reply #21 on:** May 18, 2014, 01:54:49 AM »

I find myself trapped in some madman's game that I give a 1... out of five.

BranDonk Kong · « **Reply #22 on:** May 18, 2014, 09:13:46 AM »

You've got the whole world...in your hands.

Phil · « **Reply #23 on:** May 18, 2014, 10:14:05 AM »

Quote from: lolmonade on May 17, 2014, 02:36:41 PM

Quote from: NWR_insanolord on May 16, 2014, 08:45:40 PM
You take that back! Crash Team Racing is *LITERALLY* the greatest game ever. Way better than Mario Kart 8, for sure.

I haven't played Mario Kart 8, but can confirm. CTR all day erry day.

Nope, nope, nope, nope. Diddy Kong Racing > CTR

Stratos · « **Reply #24 on:** May 18, 2014, 10:30:29 AM »

DKR was made by Rare so it must be terrible. As a Nintendo fan I must reinforce this belief to justify Nintendo having sold the company off.

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Author Topic: My Mario Kart 8 Review (Read 11488 times)