How to Repair Your Horsehair Wig First, obtain some damn horse hair. Have the groundskeeper or stableman go and shoot one of the older nags. What the hell are they good for anyway, hmm? I swear we keep that old Arabian around just for sentimental reasons. She can't go on the hunt anymore. What's the point? I suppose its fun for the grandchildren to ride her around the pole at Beltaine or on St. Swithens, but other than that, just shoot her already and save on some feed. Keep the hair, tell cook to use what she can, and ship the rest off to the glue factory. No tears, now. Just get on with it. There's a good lad.
Or, if one of the swifties breaks a leg during fox hunt, you could shoot that one and use the hair. That new American Quarter-Horse has got some fine spirit, but he's clearly not used to the countyside 'round here. I'll wager he'll be the first to break his leg when the snow melts off the moors. If you can wait 'till then, you might get some of his hair. And fine hair it is. Might make a decent blanket as well.
Once you've got the horsehair, have the head of household contact the haberdasher or perhaps the milliner. They'll know what to do. No, no, there's no point in taking the hair to that wig shoppe in the village. The man's a complete nincompoop. I won't hear of it, do you understand? If I catch any more of the chambermaids even so much as talking about that infernal man and his idiotic wig shoppe, not to mention his scatterbrained, no-good, temptress of a wife, they'll be sacked immediately. Is that clear? Good. Now let's speak of it no more.
So, there you have it. That's how you repair a wig. A Gentleman's wig, that is. Now, I'll be at the Town House on business for a few days starting Tuesday next. I'll expect full wig repairs to be completed upon my return the following Friday. And I'll be in late that day, so tell cook to just leave a cold supper on the sideboard in the drawing room. And prepare the fire in there and in my chambers. And for God's sake, make sure there's enough brandy in the vessel in the drawing room this time, or there'll be hell to pay, I can tell you that.