http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/blog/20831
I've never had an Xbox die on me before, so I was understandably concerned. I had a game I was in the midst of playing, and wanted to conclude the game. I shot off an email to the staff about the death of an Xbox. I was told it can take three weeks at the most for the reunion.
December 5: I mailed off the Xbox in a 100 VHS packing box. If you're wondering why I had access to a 100 VHS packing box, rest assured it has nothing to do with adult entertainment. Beyond that I will not make any assurances.
December 9: UPS delivers my package. Sexy.
December 10: Microsoft's support website lets you track the status of your repair. Mine switched to "Repair in Progress". It advised me that "your Xbox should be returned to you in two to three weeks [from this point]".
December 20: I decided I wasn't going to watch the site. I figured it doesn't do me a lot of good. Checked it for the first time today. Still in "Repair in Progress". Fine.
December 25: I sure would like to play some of these fine Christmas games.
January 4, 2010: It's been a month now (four weeks). The site still says "Repair in Progress". I decide to give Microsoft a call. 1-800-4-MY-XBOX. Having a BlackBerry I have to use Google to convert that to numbers. I find that their voice-activated phone tree offers no "Talk to an organic life-form" option.
January 8: The premiere of the new series "James Calls Xbox Support After Coming Home Late Friday Night". For those of you struggling with Xbox support, the phone line is 9 A.M. Eastern to 1 A.M. Eastern. For those of you who enjoy ruining someone's life, I encourage you to call this number nightly after a few beers. I find the best way to contact a human is to mumble through the voice prompts. It seems the voice recognition software gets as cross about it as I was becoming.
January 11: So the January 8 call pegged today as the day it would be "resolved". That didn't happen.
January 15: Episode Two of "James Calls Xbox Support After Coming Home Late Friday". Second verse, same as the first. This one did have a unique twist, as I was transferred to the repair facility. As near as I can tell, this is not standard operating procedure. I was told someone would call in 48 hours. This call didn't come.
January 18: I don't think I need to tell you that it didn't come. I think we can all assume that it didn't. I decide to call them on a non-Friday, maybe I'll surprise them. A lovely Bengali woman named Mary, a common name in the region, seemed unfazed by my asynchronous warfare of the touch-tone. My concern was "promoted to the customer service desk". I assume it is somewhere in India. I asked about the 48 hours, only to hear, "we have no record of that".
January 21: I'm at work, so this one is a bit weird. I see a voice mail on my cell phone. I give it a listen; Xbox support is asking me to call. I got a reference number and a nearly incomprehensible message that did include the phrase "we need to confirm you used the correct shipping labels".
Funny thing that. If I used the wrong shipping label it would be quite the miracle that it was delivered to them.
I'm going to pause here to give a quick update. As of 1/22/2010 it has been forty-nine days since my Xbox was mailed.
Continuing:
January 21 Part 2: I call Microsoft support with the number provided. The man I get does not know anything about the voice mail. I provided him the number I was given, and notes that, "well nothing changed since you called twenty minutes ago". Really? You called me.
January 22: Yet another call at work. This time I intercept their devious attempts to get to my voice mail. At this moment I am asked the stupidest, most confounding, and most mind-blowing question I've ever been asked: "Did you send a pair of shoes?"
When I asked him to repeat himself he offered the same, seemingly incomprehensible, question. I'm not sure I didn't hear him wrong. I ask for yet another repetition. I'm not resigned to the fact the answer is "yes". Of course it isn't, but who doesn't need free shoes?
Really, I said "no" because I didn't need mailed shoes. No shoes please. When pressed on why I was asked such a question, I was told that, "UPS found a pair of shoes attached to the name James Jones". While I won't go into the odd fact that Microsoft is calling, and not UPS, I would like to impress on you how common a name this is. There are 29,929 people with the name James Jones in the United States. I know three myself. Only two are relatives.
I think at this point there is an understandable reason for concern. I decided to ask if my Xbox has become a pair of shoes. After phrasing the question like that, exactly, I was met with a response that echoed the confusion I had expressed early at the initial question. After I let him off the hook I was assured I would be contacted Monday.
January 25: IT'S MONDAY! The phone tree has been altered. I got Rachel. She must be new; I haven't spoken with her before. I altered my strategy, leading with the fact it's been fifty-two days. She seemed taken aback for a second, but gallantly continued on the standard process of asking for my repair number and some form of personal information, and then putting me on hold while she checks on it.
She decided that we should call the resolution specialist. This is my favorite part. Donna Summers' music AND I get to listen to ads for Xbox services that I cannot use! Did you know you can get Xbox Live Gold membership for only $4.17 a month? I do, not that it's doing me any good at the moment. I wonder if I get a refund for the last two months. What's that? I get a free trial of Gold? Well that's aces!
This on-hold session is particularly painful. It went on far too long, and after Ms. Summers I then was assailed by horrible techno beats only punctuated by the stupid Xbox Live ads. I have to give Microsoft credit for the sheer balls it takes to play an ad that asks, "Are you getting the most out of your Xbox?" on their technical support line. I'm going to say no, but I reserve the right to change my opinion at a later date.
Been on hold for about ten minutes. I think I'm being trolled by Microsoft. Shoes, Techno Beats (awful and obviously provided by DJ Jon Lindemann), and seemingly rhetorical questions about the quality of my Xbox experience.
Ten minutes on hold and I'm transferred to the Resolution Specialist. His name is Biff. I really wish I was making this up.
Biff informed me that UPS did not call Microsoft about the shoes. Rather, he says that when the box was received it had shoes in it. He asked repeatedly if I had the receipt for when I shipped it. Of course, being over fifty days ago I do not. I'm not sure the value of it either; it's not like I opened it for the guy and said "LOOK AT MY XBOX!"
There really are no words for how angry this made me, but instead of tearing Biff a new one, I asked him simply what he plans to do about it. He assured me that the situation has been promoted to a "higher authority". Horrifying really.
He informed me that they will be calling in three to five days. I informed Biff that this was unacceptable. I asked if I could speak to this higher power.
"They will call you.â€
I called the entire process farcical; Biff had no reply to that. Either he doesn't know the word or understood that I essentially laid a punji pit at his feet and said "come here".
Honestly, this has been the worst customer experience I've ever had. I'm not even sure I know who to contact now, because the phone line has been utter rubbish and if you email them, oh God it's like you've sent them a mailbomb. "Please use the website or the phone line to resolve this issue".
If anyone has any ideas regarding who I should contact, please let me know. At the moment I'm on the verge of burning every Xbox display I see. I have to say that I strongly discourage anyone from buying an Xbox 360. If you're considering it, don't. You'll have more luck spinning the disk on your finger. More fun too.
Dear Robert Bach,
Enjoy my shoe.
Topic: Xbox Popped My Stressball (Read 17106 times)
