Author Topic: The Funhouse is Hiring!* (Read 7172 times)

WindyMan · « **on:** May 09, 2007, 05:25:14 PM »

The Funhouse wants YUO!*

The Funhouse is looking to expand its operation into the lucrative farm business, and because Internet law prohibits the legal use of foreign child labor, we're going to need some illegal foreign child labor. There are approximately 4765 positions available, so be sure to act fast to take advantage of this exciting opportunity!

To apply for this position, please fill out the following form, in triplicate:

1. The farm business is lucrative because ______.
2. If I had to choose between _____ and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the ______ and the ______ graze ~
4. Why you little ______
5. I cheat on my tax form because ______, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because ______, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. _____er!
8. _ A N _ _ A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, _____!
10. I want this job because _____.

Applicants have six years to apply. Good luck, and may the force be with you!

*No, not really.

that Baby guy · « **Reply #1 on:** May 09, 2007, 05:29:24 PM »

Dang, I don't have room on my schedule until six years and a day.
I guess I lose out on this one.

Shift Key · « **Reply #2 on:** May 09, 2007, 05:57:03 PM »

Haha, its on!

1. The farm business is lucrative because the competition is rednecks. And we all know they make smart business decisions. Fortunately the Amish haven't woken up to the world of commercialisation, otherwise I'd bail out of this get-rich-quick scheme so fast!
2. If I had to choose between Windyman and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the SUPER and the WoW roleplayers graze ~ And by "graze" I mean "lose any remaining dignity and respect that I had for them"
4. Why you little over-used reference that everyone thinks is still cool!
5. I cheat on my tax form because Uncle Sam is an inbred hick, and also because I have six wives. None of them can cook my books or my dinner, so I have to do it myself in order to live my exorbitant lifestyle and not starve.
6. I cheat on my wife because i have five others (duh!), and also because I owe six years in back taxes. How I owe someone else back taxes is pretty stupid but if I'm stupid enough to get into a situation like that then I'm stupid enough to cheat on her
7. BIG DAMN TRUCKer! That one was obvious enough
8. K H A A A A N ! Yes, I just changed this one around to suit myself. Go away.
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, a dead guy?! I'm trying to play the stupid American role but that one just threw me
10. I want this job because I'm not sure any more.

I'll go and resign from my current job because I know I'm a shoe-in after that performance. Eat dirt, Khush!

Athrun Zala · « **Reply #3 on:** May 09, 2007, 06:07:20 PM »

wait, it's foreign on whose point of view?

Smash_Brother · « **Reply #4 on:** May 09, 2007, 06:23:22 PM »

Why is this called the unemployment office and yet Ken Kutaragi's picture isn't in the background?

Khushrenada · « **Reply #5 on:** May 09, 2007, 06:46:26 PM »

Ha Ha Ha. What's this? Shift Key is still trying to compete with me? The fool! Let's see. Well, he did take my answer for number 2 so I'll have to come up with something better. For whatever reason, it's the first thing that popped in my head also. Evil genius thinks alike. But I definitely know the answer to 9 - Gene Rayburn. Ah, I love Match Game. That was a great game show. Anyone who says game shows are boring or awful has never seen Match Game '73, Match Game '74, Match Game '75, Match Game '76 and etc. until it got cancelled in '83 or so.

But I will be hired for the funhouse. Just you wait and see.

In other news, it was hilarious to come to the site and see the big Now Hiring sign. Hasn't anyone noticed the election going on? Of which I'm winning/have won? Trying to subvert Democracy now? Making a whole bunch of requirements now? Must live in California? What? It's like they just want to hire MattVDB. Sadly, this makes things easier for my opponent Shift Key to get a job before me since he just has to live in Australia. I say, screw 'em and move to India as soon as you get the job.

Shift Key · « **Reply #6 on:** May 09, 2007, 07:19:30 PM »

Quote
Originally posted by: Khushrenada
Sadly, this makes things easier for my opponent Shift Key to get a job before me since he just has to live in Australia. I say, screw 'em and move to India as soon as you get the job.

It would be nice to contribute to NWR, but there's a lot of other things I have to work on in the meantime stay tuned.

Let's go over the requirements quickly

Quote
- Be knowledgeable of Nintendo and Nintendo games

What's a Nintendo?

Quote
- Live in Australia for most of or all of the year (native Aussies preferred!)

Well that's a given. And yes, I'm a native. Though I don't hunt koalas with spears or box kangaroos regularly.

Quote
- Possess strong writing skills and enthusiasm to improve them

Does "sarcastic forum posting" count?

Quote
- Write critically and accept criticism and suggestions from NWR editors

I give as good as I get.

Quote
- Be able to play and write about Australian releases on a frequent basis

"Australian releases" and "frequent" do not belong in the same sentence.

Quote
- Be able to attend and cover Australian gaming events

Hahahaha I've got some hilarious cosplayer pics from GO3 that was a couple of months ago.

Quote
- Keep tabs on upcoming/current Australian releases and OFLC game ratings

Snail movements would be more active

Quote
- Communicate well with others and attend online meetings whenever possible

Well I'm here, and I'm not banned yet.

Now that you are my sworn enemy, I must ensure that you do not get a job at NWR. If that means stealing a job from you, then so be it.

Spak-Spang · « **Reply #7 on:** May 10, 2007, 03:20:07 AM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because people confuse farming with ranching.
2. If I had to choose between Ron Perlman and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~ (But I always thought it was Play.)
4. Why you little rat infested grunt.
5. I cheat on my tax form because of my two dogs, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I love my dogs, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Wiier!
8. Boobs, A N, Beer A N...
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Scott Bakula!
10. I want this job because the fun house is the only home I can afford the mortage.

nitsu niflheim · « **Reply #8 on:** May 10, 2007, 03:40:25 AM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because worms don't eat the farmers
2. If I had to choose between Hilliary Clinton and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the idiots and the rapists graze ~
4. Why you little "chocking sounds"
5. I cheat on my tax form because money makes sweet sweet love, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because she's a dried-up whore, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Murderer!
8. C A N V E A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Ralph Wiggim!
10. I want this job because I have violent tendencies if I don't get what I want.

Sir_Stabbalot · « **Reply #9 on:** May 10, 2007, 08:54:16 AM »

While I'm Khush's head of Public Relations, I gotta say Shift_Key does fit all the criteria and seems to have answered all the questions well.

This is going to be one heck of a race.

Shift Key · « **Reply #10 on:** May 10, 2007, 11:22:45 AM »

Quote
Originally posted by: Sir_Stabbalot
While I'm Khush's head of Public Relations, I gotta say Shift_Key does fit all the criteria and seems to have answered all the questions well.

This is going to be one heck of a race.

I am looking into lucrative and amusing cabinet positions for the members of the Funhouse government if I win this election. Would you be interested in acting as the Head of Hedonism? Your defection would be another nail in the coffin of Khush's dream.

that Baby guy · « **Reply #11 on:** May 10, 2007, 12:00:00 PM »

How lucrative we talking about? I never have too much busy to go in for lucrose.

Sir_Stabbalot · « **Reply #12 on:** May 10, 2007, 12:22:06 PM »

Quote
Originally posted by: Shift Key
I am looking into lucrative and amusing cabinet positions for the members of the Funhouse government if I win this election. Would you be interested in acting as the Head of Hedonism? Your defection would be another nail in the coffin of Khush's dream.

A very temping offer, but I must decline as I'm not that good of a hedonist. There are many others here much better qualified. Xenophobe is my calling in life. Also, I have the following personality traits that might affect my work:

-I am blindly loyal.
-I am terrible at plotting.
-I'm not a people person.
-I'm paranoid about people I don't know.
-I insult people, forget I did then wonder why they don't like me.
-I much prefer to go in guns blazing instead of using stealth or diplomacy.

I must admit, my current employment is not very satisfying. A better offer from either party might sway my allegiance, but once sold my loyalty will be subject to #1 on my list.

nickmitch · « **Reply #13 on:** May 10, 2007, 02:27:40 PM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because it's a family business.
2. If I had to choose between Ty's mom and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little *choke*
5. I cheat on my tax form because it's easy, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I can and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Filler!
8. S A N D M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because I love the funhouse and secretly hate Khush.

WindyMan · « **Reply #14 on:** May 10, 2007, 04:54:18 PM »

Quote
Originally posted by: TVman
1. The farm business is lucrative because it's a family business.
2. If I had to choose between Ty's mom and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little *choke*
5. I cheat on my tax form because it's easy, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I can and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Filler!
8. S A N D M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because I love the funhouse and secretly hate Khush.

This is the leading candidate so far.

Oh! I'm sorry, you failed to fill out the form in triplicate, so your application is null and void. Next time, read the directions!

Shecky · « **Reply #15 on:** May 10, 2007, 05:14:27 PM »

Quote
Originally posted by: WindyMan
Oh! I'm sorry, you failed to fill out the form in triplicate, so your application is null and void. Next time, read the directions!

Am I the only one who pictured WindyMan as a Vogon?

Smoke39 · « **Reply #16 on:** May 10, 2007, 05:19:55 PM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because cows = free milk.
2. If I had to choose between my dad's anus and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the spleen and the pantaloons graze ~
4. Why you little penis pump
5. I cheat on my tax form because I didn't read the directions, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I'm bisexual, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. F*cker!
8. W A N K V A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Bill Nye!
10. I want this job because I like free milk.

1. The farm business is lucrative because cows = free milk.
2. If I had to choose between my dad's anus and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the spleen and the pantaloons graze ~
4. Why you little penis pump
5. I cheat on my tax form because I didn't read the directions, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I'm bisexual, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. F*cker!
8. W A N K V A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Bill Nye!
10. I want this job because I like free milk.

1. The farm business is lucrative because cows = free milk.
2. If I had to choose between my dad's anus and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the spleen and the pantaloons graze ~
4. Why you little penis pump
5. I cheat on my tax form because I didn't read the directions, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I'm bisexual, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. F*cker!
8. W A N K V A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Bill Nye!
10. I want this job because I like free milk.

Sir_Stabbalot · « **Reply #17 on:** May 11, 2007, 01:48:56 AM »

Quote
Originally posted by: Shecky
Am I the only one who pictured WindyMan as a Vogon?

For some reason, the only character in the Hitchhiker's Guide I really liked was Zaphod Beeblebrox. He seemed like such a simple character at first, but turned out really complex.

nickmitch · « **Reply #18 on:** May 11, 2007, 07:32:16 AM »

Quote
Originally posted by: TVman
1. The farm business is lucrative because it's a family business.
2. If I had to choose between Ty's mom and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little *choke*
5. I cheat on my tax form because it's easy, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I can and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Filler!
8. S A N D M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because I love the funhouse and secretly hate Khush.

Now, do I get the job?

that Baby guy · « **Reply #19 on:** May 11, 2007, 07:35:03 AM »

Quote
Originally posted by: TVman
1. The farm business is lucrative because it's a family business.
2. If I had to choose between Ty's mom and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little *choke*
5. I cheat on my tax form because it's easy, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I can and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Filler!
8. S A N D M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because I love the funhouse and secretly hate Khush.

Quote
Originally posted by: Spak-Spang
1. The farm business is lucrative because people confuse farming with ranching.
2. If I had to choose between Ron Perlman and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~ (But I always thought it was Play.)
4. Why you little rat infested grunt.
5. I cheat on my tax form because of my two dogs, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I love my dogs, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Wiier!
8. Boobs, A N, Beer A N...
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Scott Bakula!
10. I want this job because the fun house is the only home I can afford the mortage.

Quote
Originally posted by: nitsu niflheim
1. The farm business is lucrative because worms don't eat the farmers
2. If I had to choose between Hilliary Clinton and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the idiots and the rapists graze ~
4. Why you little "chocking sounds"
5. I cheat on my tax form because money makes sweet sweet love, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because she's a dried-up whore, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Murderer!
8. C A N V E A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Ralph Wiggim!
10. I want this job because I have violent tendencies if I don't get what I want.

Hey Windy, I was able to find time for the application. Pretty nice, huh?

I just touched it up a little bit. I hope you enjoy!

vudu · « **Reply #20 on:** May 11, 2007, 10:09:08 AM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because of government subsidies.
2. If I had to choose between Tipper Gore and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little ack, ack ack!
5. I cheat on my tax form because I claimed wandering_nintendo_fan as a dependent, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I may go back west soon and don't know how quickly to move forward, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. bud - weis - er!
8. H A N G M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because wandering made it look like fun.

1. The farm business is lucrative because of government subsidies.
2. If I had to choose between Tipper Gore and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little ack, ack ack!
5. I cheat on my tax form because I claimed wandering_nintendo_fan as a dependent, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I may go back west soon and don't know how quickly to move forward, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. bud - weis - er!
8. H A N G M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because wandering made it look like fun.

1. The farm business is lucrative because of government subsidies.
2. If I had to choose between Tipper Gore and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the deer and the antelope graze ~
4. Why you little ack, ack ack!
5. I cheat on my tax form because I claimed wandering_nintendo_fan as a dependent, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because I may go back west soon and don't know how quickly to move forward, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. bud - weis - er!
8. H A N G M A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Gene Rayburn!
10. I want this job because wandering made it look like fun.

Athrun Zala · « **Reply #21 on:** May 18, 2007, 08:05:51 AM »

1. The farm business is lucrative because people suck.
2. If I had to choose between you and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the sharks and the manatees graze ~
4. Why you little ****
5. I cheat on my tax form because she's a bastard, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because that way I have 6 lovers, and thus 12 women!, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Joder!
8. C A N - C A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Germany!
10. I want this job because the Funhouse rules, being a fascist moderating is fun, and already have experience on that! .

1. The farm business is lucrative because people suck.
2. If I had to choose between you and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the sharks and the manatees graze ~
4. Why you little ****
5. I cheat on my tax form because she's a bastard, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because that way I have 6 lovers, and thus 12 women!, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Joder!
8. C A N - C A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Germany!
10. I want this job because the Funhouse rules, being a fascist moderating is fun, and already have experience on that! .

1. The farm business is lucrative because people suck.
2. If I had to choose between you and a pig, I would kiss the pig without hesitation.
3. ~ Home, home on the range / Where the sharks and the manatees graze ~
4. Why you little ****
5. I cheat on my tax form because she's a bastard, and also because I have six wives.
6. I cheat on my wife because that way I have 6 lovers, and thus 12 women!, and also because I owe six years in back taxes.
7. Joder!
8. C A N - C A N
9. And now, the star of Match Game '74, Germany!
10. I want this job because the Funhouse rules, being a fascist moderating is fun, and already have experience on that! .

News:

Author Topic: The Funhouse is Hiring!* (Read 7172 times)