Topic: Can I ask for girl advice, or is that too emo for this forum?

[JonLeung]

Seriously, is Pale going to come around and lock this up?

I couldn't care less what some of you guys think, I've pretty much made up my mind, I just feel like typing this out.

Okay, here's the thing.  I met this girl (let's call her Ada, as in Ada Wong of RE4, because in some ways she looks like her) three and a half years ago when I had just shortly before that been promoted to supervisor at Playdium and she had returned to work after a hiatus of a year or two.  I could bore you with the hokeyness of how when she walked into the room time slowed down to a near-stop, and I really felt like I knew her from somewhere before and yadda yadda yadda.  You get it - I was entranced.  Witty, cute, smart, etc.

Thing is, she had recently started seeing a guy at the time - let's call him Wesker - a few weeks before that, who had actually started work at the same place just a week before (different position though).  Me and Ada got along real well, (I remember one day, not that much later, in fact, she suddenly hugged me for the first time for no apparent reason which really surprised me) and everyone knew that I liked her, even before I did, probably.  Even Wesker wasn't so braindead and he figured this out soon enough too, and he tried to get another girl - let's call her Ashley - to go out with me instead of Ada when he knew we were going to go see Once Upon A Time In Mexico together for her birthday.  Once, Wesker was caught cheating on Ada (apparently I missed a big fight in the crew room since I didn't work that day), and she forgave him the day later.  There were always rumours that Wesker was a "player" and many co-workers thought that Ada would be better off with me, but she stuck by Wesker, even though she said many times that she didn't think she'd ever marry a guy like him.

I quit work there a few months later but I still visited Playdium on Saturdays when I had time since she tended to work then, and of course when I heard that it was closing I made an effort to be there every week.  Even now to the present we're good friends - as good as any of my real-life friends are with me, anyway.  Probably one of my best friends now, even.  We communicate most often online, but because she's always so busy it seems we only actually see each other once every couple months when she's available away from studies and work.  We've gone for coffee multiple times, a few movies (including March of the Penguins...she loves penguins), and even dinner, but she's still with Wesker.

This weekend, Ada, Ashley (who I mentioned above), and one guy (he doesn't need a pseudonym but we can call him Luis) are all coming over to play some Wii.  Then Luis will leave 'cause he can't stay for long, and Ada and Ashley and I will go for dinner at a Japanese restaurant nearby.

I'm wondering if I should tell Ashley to go to the bathroom for like ten minutes so I can tell Ada how I feel.

I want her to know that I like her (DUH, she can't be that oblivious...maybe) but that maybe I'm wasting my time.  If she doesn't like me back, that's fine, and we're mature enough not to let this awkwardness screw up our friendship, since we are good friends, I'd say.  Over three years is unhealthy to infatuate.

I figure that if I can confidently tell her that she means the world to me but that I'm man enough to move on since I'm getting nowhere with her, she might at least appreciate my confidence (which I generally lack and is likely my least appealing quality).  I don't know if she's actually oblivious, or never considered me because I never explicitly told her so she stuck with Wesker even though he's cheated on her more than once supposedly.  I could say that if she ever loses Wesker for whatever reason, but wants some guy, that if she could ever consider me, I'd be the happiest guy in the world, but for now I won't be so monogamous on my crushes since it's a waste of my time and my life.

Is that a good approach?  I'm not saying I'm giving up on her, but I'm telling her I'm not going to bank all my happiness on her any longer since she still hasn't been more than just a friend.  Then she knows but doesn't feel pressured to either increase or decrease our friendship.

Or am I wrong?

YES I'M AN EMO LOSER WHINER VIRGIN SHU'UP.  

[Bill Aurion]

You can't move forward if you don't make the step...You definitely need to tell her how you feel, since most girls, even if they know a guy likes them, wants HIM to come out and say it...

I wish you luck! ^_^

[Ceric]

Girls like really good friends and guys don't like being really good friends.  Sad but true.  I was in a similar situations.  I was really really good friends and hopelessly smitten with my Best friends girlfriend but since at the time she originally choice to date him and not me I had became that really good friend who is closer then your actual boyfriend.  Though I wasn't her boyfriend and that just threw my batty in the end.

I eventually just had to move on.  There was another girl that I had met when I first got to college that I was interested in. We were ok friends and I had lost touch when she changed major.  Well it just so happened that we started running into each other because we had a class in the same building back to back so I saw her as she was walking to class, I later find out that was not a coincidence.  I decided to take a chance and ask her out.  I was so sure of my rejection at that point that I knew what I do if she said no but not if she said yes.  To make a long story short and allow me to talk about other parts later she said yes and she eventually became my Wife.

So while I was dating my future wife the original girl I was close friends with said I had started to become a jerk and we drifted apart partially because she couldn't handle that she was no longer one of the most important people in my life.  It's a touchy subject to this day.

Once its blunt and out there your relationship with her will change.  It won't stay the same.  More then likely for the better.  If she lets you go you don't have to wonder & if she pulls you closer you "won" I guess.  You might just lose her but that won't be exactly terrible either in the long run.  Well it might... The reason I married my wife was not because I was madly in love with her.  It was because I never wanted to have her out of my life.  So in summary.

Yes its great that you will get up the gumption to tell her and put your cards on the table.
I don't think asking Ashley to go to the bathroom why you do this is the best way.
Personally I think you should try to do it when its just her and you someplace special or not hokey.  Someplace that you wouldn't be embarrassed to hear the tale again because this will be a big even more then likely considering the above message.

(I'm a fine one to talk.  I ended up proposing in a Walmart McDonald's in a sky blue suit coat while my wife was on break.  I had a big elaborate plan for how I was going to do it and circumstances made that unavailable and that just sort of happened.  So know its always the sky blue suitcoat and the McDonalds... I offered to redo it but she won't let me...)

Also its good to ask friends for advice but if you are really emo can you teach my grass to cut itself?  

[UltimatePartyBear]

I have no advice for you, but some friends showed me Just Friends last week, and your story reminded me of it because it sounds like you've gotten stuck in the Friend Zone.

[vudu]

If you like her, tell her how you feel.  However--and I cannot stress this enough--pick a better time then when Ashley's in the bathroom.  Something like this could in fact take longer than ten minutes to get through (or less, if Ashley doesn't wash her hands).  What if she's horrified by the thought and wants to flee the restaurant immediately?  What if she loves you back and wants to take you home so you can eat sushi off her abdomen?  As Ceric already advised, pick a better place/time.  

[Kairon]

What if she's been waiting 3 long years for you to make that step? I say dispense with the half-measures, dispense with the hesitation, and take a chance. Years down the line, you'll be kicking yourself in the head at how much time you wasted, no matter what the outcome.

~Carmine "Cai" M. Red
Kairon@aol.com

[Pale]

Why am I the locking bully?

[nitsu niflheim]

use your rocket launcher to take out "wesker" and then "ada" will be all yours.

[Ian Sane]

In my experience the only time I've ever successfully had a girl become my girlfriend is when from the get-go I established myself as interested in them.  There was no "just friends" period.  The first time we went out together was a date.  Period.  Anytime I've been friends with a girl first the girl just hasn't been interested in going to the next step.  I think it's because once a girl sees you as a friend she doesn't see you as anything else.  The sad thing is that I've never met a hetrosexual guy that ever wanted to be "just friends" with a girl.  It's like a scientific fact that any guy showing interest in spending time one-on-one with a girl wants to be more than friends yet women always seem utterly surprised when the guy reveals it to her.  Drives me and other guy nuts.  Most men don't want to hang out with women in a platonic way.  Why would they?  The two sexes think differently and platonic relationships are usually much easier to maintain with members of the same sex.

I don't think "Ada" is going to go for it, which is too bad.  But you still have to try because it will make you feel better.  You'll know you tried so you'll never regret not telling her.  You won't think about what might have been because you will have done everything in your control.  Treat it like a salespitch, request an immediate answer ("I have to think about it" means "no") and make sure to talk to her during the last time you see her for the evening.  If you get shot down you don't want to spend the next several hours with her.

[IceCold]

Quote
Originally posted by: nitsu niflheim
use your rocket launcher to take out "wesker" and then "ada" will be all yours.

WIN!! That knife battle would be cooler though... remember, it's all about the context sensitive buttons.

I agree with whoever else said it; it's all about timing. Pick a time when it's just the two of you, and you should probably wait until the end of the meal.

The rest is up to you, though.. good luck!

[Ceric]

Oh... I forgot to say... Best of Luck!

[Nick DiMola]

I agree with everyone here in the regard that you should do it in a one on one, more serious setting. Definitely be sure to come across with confidence and let her know how you honestly feel. At no point should you accept failure while you divulge your feelings to her. If you say something like "I know you probably don't feel the same way," you are admitting defeat before the battle has even begun. If you totally get everything off of your chest there are only two outcomes at the end of the conversation. She will either express that she feels the same way (like Ceric said, you "win") or that she doesn't want that kind of relationship with you. If it is the latter you can try and let her know that it makes things better for you now that you know and that you still want to maintain a friendship regardless. Just make sure you go into it knowing that you may be disappointed.

My fiancee and I became great friends for a few months after a failed date. Sometime down the line she saw our extreme compatibility and becoming a couple was almost a no brainer. Perhaps Ada sees that type of compatibility with you and would like to make the friendship into something more. Also consider that Wesker might be an even bigger douche than you realize and Ada is afraid something will happen to her if she leaves him. Definitely go for it though and make sure to pour out your heart. Even if she says no, at least it isn't always on your mind and you can move on and look for someone else (which may not be a terrible thing, there are many other fish in the sea).

In any case, best of luck, you'll do just fine.

[KnowsNothing]

Jon = Jim
Ada = Pam
Wesker = Roy

[IceCold]

Ashley = Karen

[ShyGuy]

Date 10 other women. Come back and look at the situation again. Things will be different.

[JonLeung]

LOL, why was I so worried about posting this here?  Sounds like you guys know what I'm going through.

Sorry for pre-accusing you of being a locking bully, Pale.  

And she is like Ada, except she's not a leggy model.  She's short.  But oh-so-cute, even if she can't do a leggy flip-kick thing.

I'll consider finding a better place and time, but if I do decide to make mention of something this Saturday, it's going to be a long week...  >_<  I don't want this to drag on much longer in any case.

*sigh*

[vudu]

How are you guys leaving the restaurant?  All together?  Is it possible to ditch Ashley (if you're driving drop her off first or have her take her own car, etc) so you can drive Ada either home or to her vehicle?  That would give you some alone time.

Plus, if you really wanted to get emo you could threaten to crash the car unless she dated you.  Many a love has blossomed like that.

[segagamer12]

just be confident, thast the number one thing girls want, a man who will be confident. Dont studder and dont get bashful just talk to her like you talk to your friends only be serious and tell her everything you intend to say.

[IceCold]

I don't think Jon has a car

[Rancid Planet]

All I can tell you is be a pimp. Act like a pimp, think like a pimp...uhm don't DRESS like a pimp because she'll just laugh her ass off. But everything else = PIMP.

--------------------

Scenarios for your pimping skills:

1.) She says "You're so great" or "You're so funny" = You say "I know".

And say it stone cold. We're talking like Han right before he gets the carbonite bath in Empire. Say it cold. "I know".

2.) She asks you about an outfit and how it looks on her, asks how her butt looks in her pants, asks you ANYTHING about how she looks = You should always first seriously answer her and then tell her how much better she'd look naked. Then smile so you don't look like a stalker or something. She'll laugh and say how funny you are = you say "I know".

3.) Anytime you get the chance, rail on every guy she knows. Her dad, her brothers, any guy she works with, any guy that ever dated her, hell anyone she went to grade school with. Slam them at all costs. And then remind her of why you kick way more ass then them. Do it in a cute way though. This is when you want to be clever. Remind her that you're also smarter than them too.

4.) If she asks for a favor of any kind = YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAY NO. Always. You aren't her "freind" and you don't want to be. You are a PIMP and pimps always say no...at first. Make her beg for your assitance. Then you can say yes. But establish a condition. Anything. Tell her she has to cook you dinner in exchange for picking her up after work or helping her move or whatever.

And when you finish helping her out and she says "Thanks you're so great!" say "I KNOW" and then turn and walk away.
------------------

Follow these examples ONLY if you want her to rip your clothes off and devour you whole.  

[JonLeung]

I take it RP is mostly kidding.  I want to be cool, not cold.

[bustin98]

I'll agree with the confidence part. Girls (generally) don't have the same view of themselves as you do. Especially if they are level headed. So if you act like a lovestruck fool who trips over words, it may not come across as a lovestruck fool, but someone who is nervous and hasn't the balls to say what needs to be said.

I wouldn't say be a pimp, but thats close. You need to say how you feel, what you want from her, and what she'll get out of it (in so many words). And if she blows you off, its not a big deal and go on enjoying the rest of the time together because you really won't impress if you turn teary eyed or walk away or something.

When it comes down to it, if you can't bring yourself to be calm and collected when you open up your feelings, then she ain't the one. No matter how much you want it to be different.

And don't stew over the act of telling her. Man, the nights I spent pining over a girl that I didn't have the guts to open my mouth to. All the worry and anxiety. All for nothing. So, make a decision to open your mouth, then let it slide to the back of your mind, and when the time comes, just do it.

I should add that this post may have been too blunt. Jon, whatever happens, just have fun. Life isn't worth anything less.

[Caliban]

As others have said it, the proper place and time are beneficial to you, no interruptions, no distractions.

A few days ago I was this close to reveal myself to this girl. I've been talking with her for over a year at my part-time job, and I've had my eyes on her way before we even started talking. So a few days ago, both of us were alone on break and I was going to and then *insert interruption*...well I just didn't have time to say it, and I won't see her for a while...but enough of my adventures.

Jon, go and reveal yourself to her with a DON! You will only have regrets if you haven't lived your life to the fullest. (I love too much of One Piece, sorry)

[Shecky]

I got this from a very good source....

Just hand her some flowers while yelling "Daaaaaa!!!!"

(I read nothing of this thread)  

[willie1234]

I think girls generally know your interested.  You don't need to tell them.  You need to do 2 things.  One, get time alone with them.  That sometimes involves luck, but often involves you asking them (I got asked out once though which was cool).  The second thing you need to do is when alone, and the time feels right, is lean in and hope for the best.

Seriously, I've never seen a guy getting mushing and pouring his heart out working (it only works after your already going out, and even then in rare conditions).