With all the death that had happened over the past few years, no one was much in the mood to celebrate anything as the year progressed. That is why Mayor Khushrenada was so surprised to receive an invitation in the mail about something being called the Good Buddy Festival. It was being sent by someone many may have considered the spirit of Shady Village, BooOrder.Rss. Intrigued, Khushrenada headed over to his property.
“Welcome to the Festival,” BooOrder.RSS said when Khushrenada arrived. After they sat down in the backyard porch area, BooOrder.RSS then announced, “I’d like you to meet a few friends of mine.” Khushrenada turned and gasped in shock as he saw two villainous figures step out of BooOrder.RSS’s house and also join them on the porch. Khushrenada knew Old Man Winter from when he killed Jamie and Mr. Spring who had stopped by to see him after the death of TOPHATANT123. “W-w-w-what are you doing here?” Khushrenada asked nervously. “Why, we live here. We’re long time friends of BooOrder.RSS,” Winter explained as smiled menacingly. Khushrenada’s brain began furiously thinking hard and connecting the dots as to why no one could ever figure out where the villains came from or why they could never figure out where they were hiding. BooOrder.RSS had been harboring them this whole time. But why? And what was the purpose of now bringing the Mayor into their clutches. Wasn’t there anything that could be done to stop them?
Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking glass and a voice cried out: “WAH-HA-HAAAA! Waluigi Time!!” Everyone turned to see that Wah had leapt out from BooOrder.RSS’s Anemone greenhouse. “I’m a-gonna stop these Mafia cheaters because Waluigi number one and you’re lousy!” he declared and then added, “I’ve trained this pack of raccoons to sniff out and attack lousy cheaters like you because I’m the best! Evil schemes are my specialty! Wah-ha-h…..”
But Wah’s laugh was cut short as Old Man Winter, Mr. Spring, and Order.RSS suddenly pulled out guns from their pockets and fired away at Wah. Yet, the surprised weren’t over yet as nickmitch suddenly also emerged from out of Order.RSS’s greenhouse and provided the final coup-de-grace and shot Wah in the back. “Awww, I lost,” he cried out as he fell to the ground and began to bleed out. Everyone was startled at the sound of smashing glass as Wah’s raccoons now burst forth out of the greenhouse and looked around snarling at everyone. “Is everyone in your greenhouse?” Khushrenada asked Order.RSS while being continually shocked at everything unfolding around. After surveying the scene, the raccoons then rapidly raced to Wah and began attacking and devouring him. “Oh, come on!” he cried out at the irony of the raccoons attacking the lousy cheater like he had trained them to do. Then, after getting their fill, they all scattered off in separate directions. And so another regular townie
, this time Wah, had also now been killed.
Nickmitch then walked over and sat down on the porch. However, the interruptions were not over yet for running around Order.RSS’s house came Luigi Dude. “Mayor, mayor! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. I did it! Id did it! I got a panda and yak to breed and have created a new species!!! Take a look at this,” he spoke excitedly and in a hurry and then pulled out a strange hairy lifeform from out of the box he was carrying. Continuing on, Luigi Dude added, “With this, we can get all kinds of publicity and save Shady Village. No mafia will be able to operate here now with all the media attention this will bring our village. I call it….”
Luigi Dude did not finish that sentence as a knife was lodged in his throat. Seconds later, another knife suddenly appeared in the panda-yak hybrid which let out an ungodly squee before it also died. Khushrenada turned behind him to see Mr. Spring holding a couple knives which he then put in his pocket. He grinned menacingly at Khushrenada and simply said, “You can also call me Throw Galley.” Thus ended the life of Luigi Dude, a regular townie
who did irregular things with animals.
“I hope that’s the last of any more interruptions,” Old Man Winter spoke coldly, “This story is getting much too long already.
You may be wondering why it is that BooOrder.RSS (here’s hoping he gets a better username after this) and nickmitch are so willing to help me out. It turns out that the anemone plants Order.RSS is so fond of actually produce a hypnotic narcotic that can be used to control the minds of other people. I only realized this a couple years ago when I was talking to him in disguise. We were having a disagreement on the price of sweet corn I was selling and I told him to go jump in a lake and he did. Turns out, he’d been around the plants so much they had already affected his mind and there was nothing he could do about it. Thus, I’ve been using his place as a base of operations and have found a way to harvest this hypnotic narcotic to allow me to mass produce it and enact the final stage of my plan for Shady Village. Let’s go to the Dining Room, shall we?”
The five people then rose from the porch and went to the Dining Room. No sooner had they got there then suddenly Mr. Spring cut down Order.RSS and nickmitch who collapsed dead at the table. Yet, they were not the only dead people at the table. Khushrenada was aghast in terror at the scene laid out before him as the remains of various residents of Shady Village lay scattered about the table and room. “Welcome to my Harvest Party,” declared Winter. He then took off his hat and casually tossed it aside to a chair in the room. “You know,” he said chillingly, “Old Man Winter is really more the moniker of my father who first made this into a Mafia Town and it doesn’t really suit me. You can just call me ThePerm. Welcome to Shady Village’s greatest crop: people! It’s not fish or flowers or vegetables. The best thing about Shady Village is the people. Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Spring?”
Yes, sir, I do,” Mr. Spring cheerfully replied as he stuck a fork into nickmitch and cut off a slice, “Mmm. Delicious.”
Khushrenada wanted to scream but all he could do was throw up. This Mr. Spring was some kind of insano-lord! But, lo! ThePerm then also joined him by tasting a bit of Order.RSS! ThePerm then continued, “From now on, Shady Village is going to focus on producing a high population of people which we will then use to make a new foodstuff out of which we alone will control and make billions from. With the hypnotic narcotic, people will be as docile as cattle as we grow them and put them through our farming system here.”
“This is insanity!” Khushrenada cried out in disbelief, “It’ll never work!”
“Oh it’ll work because we’ll have you as the public face of Shady Village and you’ll be able to divert any prying eyes by acting as a shield for us,” ThePerm countered.
“I’ll never do that,” Khushrenada declared.
“I think Order.RSS’s anemone’s say differently,” ThePerm cooly replied as he took out what looked like a cologne bottle and then spritzed the contents into Khushrenada’s face.
ONE YEAR LATER
The next year, Joja Mart’s across the country began offering a new wonder product: Shady Village Soylent Green. A tasty new product designed to give people the complete nutrition they needed that was environmentally friendly. It sold like gangbusters and soon was being featured in stores all over the world. While many wondered what was the secret behind this new culinary marvel, to date no one has yet been able to discover what it is….