Immediately following the first pics and info on the Revolution controller, several members of the Planet GameCube staff held an extremely informal roundtable discussion about the evening's news. We like to call it "Blah Blah Blah", and you're about to see why.

Note: The following discussion is composed almost entirely of raw opinion, baseless speculation, grotesque hacker slang, and immature tomfoolery. Have a enjoy.

Starring:

Jonathan Metts – "Jonny"

Michael Cole – "TYP"

Rick Powers – "Rick"

Daniel Bloodworth – "Dan"

Ty Shughart – "Ty"

Jon Lindemann – "Jon"

Jonny: So, uh, what do you guys think of the Revolution controller?

TYP: One real plus: I could see even my parents being able to play games with me with this interface

Jonny: Loaded question

Rick: BBB - The Rick Powers Comes out of Hiding to Bitch About Revolution Edition.

Dan: I'm kind of open to it, but it's a real shocker

Dan: not sure how it's really going to work

Rick: I hope it's drool-proof.

Dan: and are we going to get tired waving our arms around and stuff

TYP: The interface makes sense as a concept. But at the same time it doesn't for normal games

Dan: and I can just see konami upgrading DDR with "Baton Queen" or something

Jonny: Yeah, I'm with Dan here. It's not so terrible that I'm going to dismiss it out of hand, because it seems like something you'd have to play yourself before fully understanding. But I think hardcore gamers are going to laugh at this interface.

TYP: I think many games will not go crazy about waving

TYP: Flicking wrists is probably going to me more frequent, which isn't such a big deal

Jonny: One thing's for sure: there won't be many, or any, multiplatform games on Revolution.

Dan: the idea that it's "perfect for FPS" is kind of mind-boggling

TYP: Nintendo's trying to avoid that, but GOOD LUCK

Rick: Definitely, Jonny.

Jonny: Not unless Nintendo has an alternative, more normal controller.

Dan: and if true, really makes it hard to predict

Jonny: Or lets you play Rev games with the GC controller.

Rick: Publishers are too risk-adverse, and there's no way they're going to make games for this ... unless Nintendo launches with a Mario game that is so amazing, it does five million units in the first three months.

TYP: We'll see wavebirds and/or GC/pS2-esque add-ons for the expansion port

Dan: the main issue with multiplatform titles is going to be the huge difference in button count

Jonny: I like that you can turn it sideways for an NES-like controller, but it needs more buttons and triggers to work for SNES games.

Rick: That _may_ convince them.

Rick: My money is on there being a touchpad pod in the first year.

TYP: Yeah, ONE button less was annoying for some developers on the GameCube

TYP: I dunno Rick, you can't do much with a touchpad and one hand

Dan: maybe a trackball

Jonny: you'd have to set the main controller down and hold the touchpad with both hands

TYP: trackball is redundant w/ the 3D mouse feature

TYP: I'd feel better if they showed how we'll play SNES games on our Revolution

Dan: yes, there's certainly more to the story

Dan: N64 games too

Rick: I'm just really concerned that unless Nintendo shows some games that are so amazing that people start clamoring for the machine, it's going to be still-born. This really is a huge risk to take. Still, it only needs one killer app, and Mario was noticeably absent.

Jonny: N64 games should map very well to GameCube

Dan: I'm thinking some attachments will have a groove for the main unit to slide into

Jonny: I'm not so worried about them

Rick: A console version of Nintendogs could be interesting though. Throwing the frisbee, washing the dog, using the controller like a leash ...

Jonny: but the GC controller would suck for SNES games

Jonny: and the Revolution controller would suck for SNES games

Jonny: Rick, you're a prophet.

Jonny: Nintendogs Revolution is so obvious now that we've seen this controller.

Rick: Exactly.

Dan: and they spent half the time talking about the game

Ty: lol smash bros at launch lol

Rick: Zelda will give your arm a workout, though, if they're serious about using this thing. We're all going to look like "The Star Wars Kid" in our living rooms.

Dan: if they could make such realistic models on the DS, the Revolution pups could be amazing

TYP: Yes, I want to know about this smash brothers

Jonny: Launch title maybe? Could be seen as a semi-killer app at least in Japan, if not worldwide by then.

TYP: If it's a pointing contest give me Melee

Jonny: hey, idea

Rick: One of my favorite arcade games was Punch Out ... using two controllers for a boxing game is a given. That could be a lot of fun.

Dan: I think you actually have to fight each other with the controller

Jonny: a drumming game in which you hold two Rev controllers, one in each hand, and bang on drums on the screen

Dan: smash each other on the head

TYP: Honestly I think we'll see the boomerang use the tilting/flicking, but not the sword

Rick: Good Call, Jonny.

TYP: Yup, Samba with two controllers

Jonny: how about a Sonic R kind of game where you and your friends chase each other in laps around the living room?

Dan: those attachments are going to take up some space somewhere though

Dan: and could be clunky to transport everything

Rick: I'm betting that some accessories you will plug the controller into as well, rather than letting it dangle. You could easily design a standard controller accessory for it, with the remote popping out of the top.

TYP: ....why did you have to mention SONIC R ugh

Rick: http://www.gyration.com/us/tech/technology.htm

TYP: Nintendo's biggest mistake probably is not showing us a shit-hot game to play it with

Jonny: TYP is exactly right

TYP: Also, anyone remember that "detachable bongo" patent in a forum thread a while back? Looks like that guy called it

Jonny: this thing is supposedly coming out in six months, and they couldn't show us a single game demo for a little proof-of-concept?

TYP: "you could do this" and "flight sim demo" doesn't cut it, Nintendo. It barely worked for the more reasonable DS

Rick: the sensor for the TV I think is going to be like a flat antenna, you'd put it on or under the TV, and there's probably a quick calibration routine.

Dan: Metroid Prime 2 demo put together in a few weeks too

Jonny: the DS had a Mario game at its unveiling

Rick: Transport could be easier than you think. Remember, it's all very small.

TYP: Yeah, I'm not worried about transport or setup

Rick: There were demos, we just didn't see them yet.

Jonny: there were tech demos

Jonny: no actual games

TYP: Especially if the Rev has a place to store its antenna (anyone see anything?)

Rick: I'm concerned that Nintendo didn't want to show this to the public yet, though. I mean, TGS would be the place to find out if the casual gamer will really take to it or not, but they aren't on the floor.

Dan: yeah, but they never are

Rick: It would be wider (but far thinner) than the Revolution, TYP.

TYP: That would have meant forgoing the keynote as an unveiling location

Dan: not surprising

Jonny: The E3 demo stations will have to be HUGE.

Rick: Oh, yeah, no kidding.

TYP: Uh, if that's what it is, Nintendo's in trouble with big big screens

Rick: There's going to be long lines for sure.

Rick: Probably using big TVs, and four people to a machine, to try and save space.

Jonny: I don't think Nintendo is really gunning for the 100"+ crowd.

TYP: 127" projection screens, and people have to sit real close to each other? That's no good

Dan: standard ranting from the forums "but this controller has pretty much destroyed any chance that I'll get the Revolution. "

Rick: No imagination.

Jonny: Yeah, cry me a river and then watch The Matrix for the 1000000th time on your TV/wall.

TYP: Like I said, I like the features. I'm not crazy about the shape of the interface

Rick: This is going to draw a line in the sand between Nintendo fans, though.

TYP: Meh, some third party will probably make a huge "antenna pad"

Jonny: I think this controller would have gone over a lot better if it didn't look like it does. The pointing and tilting stuff, I think most people could appreciate without much convincing.

Rick: Nintendo has quite clearly abandoned the traditional market and is looking to carve out a new niche.

TYP: Right, that's what I mean

Dan: Plus, it doesn't seem like you can easily access all the buttons at once

Jonny: I agree with TYP that Luigi's Mansion 2 seems inevitable

TYP: hehe

Jonny: Just point the controller like a flashlight, bam.

Rick: Sure, we all did that as kids ... my sister played Super Mario Bros. with me when I was younger, and always lifted the controller really high when she made Mario jump. This is an intuitive interface. But there's a problem ...

Jonny: It'll be a lot easier than aiming in the first LM.

Jon: I think the fact that it looks like a TV remote control will turn off a lot of people

TYP: EXACTLY

Jon: first reaction: "Why would I want to play a game with a remote?"

Rick: This has been done before. And what they've found is that while it's intuitive, it's the precision that's a killer. You do the right things, but don't get the result you expect.

TYP: If they made it two prongs of a more normal controller, that were detached, then everyone would be happy I think

Jonny: So now we've got a Boomerang and a Remote Control. Microsoft is the only company going with a semi-normal looking controller this time.

TYP: It can't be a line-of-sight thing, Rick

Rick: I didn't say anything about line of sight.

Ty: hm reading the FIND THE WALDOSAUR thing makes me want to play a camping sn1p3r fps on it really bad now

TYP: It'll have to be a relative motion thing, which I have no problems with

Rick: It's the disconnect between your actions and what happens on screen.

Jon: You gotta give Nintendo some credit, they're risk-takers and innovators

Rick: They're also just a bit crazy. But in a good way.

Jon: Sony and Microsoft are probably laughing in public, but taking notes in the back

TYP: They're going all out (except for graphics, obviously)

Jonny: Rick has a strong point here. It's a problem with some DS games. All game controllers have a disconnect, but the successful ones use such an abstract interface that you don't directly associate the button presses with what happens on screen. You just do them.

Dan: oh my... turn it upside down for mic attachment

TYP: I suppose they figure it's do-or-die

Jonny: When you press a button on the GC controller, you don't think "I'm playing this game by pressing buttons."

Jon: you know they'll bite whatever concepts "work" and put it in their own controllers

Jon: just like they added the mic to the PSP

Rick: I'm just going to say this one last time ... Nintendo needs to launch in a color other than white or black or silver. I'm thinking that hot candy apple red is just attention grabbing enough to get the job done.

Jonny: But when you wave around this thing, you're going to think "I'm waving around a damn remote control."

TYP: We're saying this over and over: the shape of the controller is the biggest problem

Jonny: The red one was sexy at E3.

Dan: well, different though.. this thing looks like a mic already

Rick: The remote is small enough where people will forget about it pretty quickly, I'd guess.

TYP: Nintendo has this remote since it supports DVDs. I really think that's the only reason it is in the shape of a remote control

Rick: Eventually, it just becomes an extension of your hand.

Dan: you just need to flip it upside down and put the actual mic on the end

Rick: If they put a mic in it, Karaoke games will come. They're cheap enough. ;)

Jonny: Yeah, the mic thing will be cool for Karaoke Revolution Party 4.

Rick: Konami will be all over it.

TYP: Yeah, well, DKJB looks silly until you play it. Problem is, almost no one played it.

Jonny: TYP, it has sold 200k in the U.S.

Dan: that's something to think about though

Jonny: Not great but not a bomb either.

Rick: I played it. I got over it pretty quick too. Bongos were definitely a gimmick.

Dan: how jacked up will you look playing a game like this

Jonny: That's a lot more than Geist will ever sell.

Dan: twirling a controller around in the air

Dan: it's not something the mature market will jump on

Jonny: As Rick said, "Star Wars Kid".

Rick: Geist: Feel What It's Like To Be A Bowl Of Dog Food.

TYP: ROB SCHNIEDER IS: STAR WARS KID

Dan: and how about four player? will you get in each other's way more?

Jonny: in a small room, maybe

Rick: Oh shit, Mario Kart Revolution, physically knocking people off the track.

Rick: It's going to be a brawl!

Jonny: OMG you're right.

Dan: ha ha ha

Jonny: You can literally shove someone out of range

Jonny: and their cart will drive off the track

Jonny: BRILLIANT

Jonny: I NOW LOVE REVOLUTION

Dan: Well Nintendo was right about one thing.

Dan: This is the DS all over again

Rick: We're going to see a lot of racing games, I think. The interface is very naturally suited for it.

Jonny: How about a Mario Party game where you have to hold the controller as steady as possible. That's sure to break out in fights.

Dan: Nobody's going to have a clue what to think of it

Rick: Yeah, I agree. But will the games have any length of gameplay, or are we going to see fifty versions of the same three game styles, like on the DS?

Dan: oh c'mon Rick

Rick: Nice, Jonny!

Dan: there's a lot more stuff out for DS now

Jonny: I don't think this thing has such obvious uses as the DS touch screen does.

Jonny: It's just a lot more open and flexible and bizarre than a touch screen, which was already ubiquitous in many devices.

Rick: Yes, now. But not at launch. It was the same puzzle game by like five different companies.

Dan: lol... air traffic control!

Dan: another perfect two controller concept

Jonny: Color guard!

Rick: Of course, there's the PSP which is an awesome handheld, if you love racing games ... because everything else is shit.

Dan: it's a media player, simple

Jonny: There will definitely be two-controller games, too many obvious uses for that design.

Rick: I want my "You're The Conductor" game. My Philharmonic dreams will finally come true!

Dan: The PSP is perfect for guerilla-style auditions at Hollywood parties

Jonny: I don't even want to think about the hentai possibilities.

Dan: just load your reel on the thing

Jonny: But I just made ALL OF YOU think about the hentai possibilities, ahahahaha

Rick: Game Girl Advance will LOVE this new controller ... literally.

Dan: tecmo is coming back then?

Jonny: LOL

Jonny: I wish Dragona had stuck around for this

Jonny: She'd be textually slapping the taste out of our mouths

Ty: the dbg guys had you guys beat to hentai talk by like two hours

Rick: roflcopter!

Ty: don't even start!

Rick: So did I, actually, but we're recapping ... ;)

Jonny: well that seems like a good place to stop unless someone has another big thing to say...

Rick: I will say this ... Miyamoto, from the reports I've read, is VERY excited about this controller. That should be reason enough to get excited ourselves.

Rick: Mario is still under wraps, and if they're holding that back, there's two possible reasons ... one is that it's so far outside of the box, we're not going to "get it". The other is that we're looking at a Super Mario 64 level "revolution" here.

Jonny: It's Super Mario Sunshine 2. Use the Rev controller to aim his water spray. Hundreds of our readers just fainted in terror.