Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge fan of the Viewtiful Joe series, so my enthusiasm at another release was pretty easy to sense among my friends. And although I wasn’t extremely pleased that Clover Studios was opting for a side-story fighting game instead of Viewtiful Joe 3, I was sure that they’d take good care of the franchise, no matter what the genre. Well, the votes are in, and Capcom has royally screwed up.

Red Hot Rumble’s story tells the tale of a frustrated director, our old friend Captain Blue, without a star for his latest action flick. At the request of his assistant, Sprocket, he decides to have an open call, with heroes fighting for the top billing. And so, after choosing your character from the roster, you start on your road to uninspired missions and unbelievably constraining bouts.

You see, unlike normal fighting games where you, you know, fight, Red Hot Rumble has missions that you have to carry out in order to get to the next stage. From making sure you have more V-Points than your opponent (which you’ll attain from accomplishing objectives thrown at you in a fight and beating down on random side-enemies) to winning at least two out of the three objectives, you’ll be infinitely annoyed. Also, even though all of your favorite powers will return (as well as a few new ones), they’re simply power-ups that fall from the sky instead of learned abilities. In their place, each character has a few specialties, from Joe’s Dragon Fist to Captain Blue’s Lighting Grab, which are genuinely cool.

The additions don’t end there, though. In the case of a certain power-up, all characters on-screen are transported to a remote arena where they compete in very brief mini-games, from seeing who can button-mash the fastest to hitting a common henchman back and forth like a game of tennis. The developer crammed too many things into the package. I can appreciate that Clover tried to spice things up, but since you’re always either worried about completing your missions or confused by everything that’s being thrown at you at once, you’re never able to spread your wings and duke it out with your opponent. Multiplayer’s not much of a help, either, since it’s just a chance to replay through unlocked missions with extra people.

Fortunately, the problems end with the gameplay. Just as in other Viewtiful Joe games, the controls are spot-on, so you once you get the hang of the new design scheme, you should be just fine. Also, I wouldn’t hesitate to call Red Hot Rumble the best-looking game in the series; the cel-shading is beyond gorgeous. And although a few actors and actresses have changed from the first two games, the voice work is mostly well done; the soundtrack is more of the same, as speeding guitars take center stage.

In the end, Red Hot Rumble is all flash and no substance, something that the Viewtiful Joe franchise has never been about. Gone are the side-scrolling levels and intense action of the first two games; in their place is a bunch of mush that Capcom is trying to pass off as a Smash Bros. clone. To this I say, “Henshin a’no-no, baby!”