Topic: Cockpit jokes here please

[oohhboy]

I am a licensed, card carrying fixed wing pilot. Please begin harassing me as to how I like to handle my stick.

[Maverick]

Will you train me?

[EasyCure]

don't pilots make good money? i thought about looking into training but i hear its expensive... (though i havent looked into that either so i could be hearing bull)

[Maverick]

From my understanding not only is it a lot of money, it's a lot of time before you can fly commercially.

[UltimatePartyBear]

Congratulations oohhboy, but the lack of cockpit and stick handling jokes so far is disappointing.  I was hoping to learn a few.  The only thing I can think of is that bit from the opening movie of Wing Commander IV.

[Maverick]

"...Or did you have some Sand-Princess back there to hold it for you?"

[oohhboy]

I won't train any of you, but I will happily scare the brown out of you given the chance.

As for the bill for my training... I try not to think about it. I expect it to top 75000 NZD. Still better than Med students and none of the Goatse.

As for money, I will more than likely be rolling in it as long as I don't fly in the U.S.A.

That joke is, I don't use a stick, I have a yoke for double the pleasure.

Here is a free one. Why is a cockpit called a cockpit? Because it is full of males.

[EasyCure]

that was a lame joke, but i'll still take you up on your offer..

I won't train any of you, but I will happily scare the brown out of you given the chance.

[oohhboy]

I'm a pilot, not a comedian. What the hell do you want from me. 

Lets see what you got.

[Shift Key]

I'm a pilot, not a comedian. What the hell do you want from me. 

Lets see what you got.

Do the pilots lean out the window when reversing the plane?

How do you pick up women in restricted airspace?

And what the hell is yaw control anyway?

[TheYoungerPlumber]

I just wanted to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

[EasyCure]

I'm a pilot, not a comedian. What the hell do you want from me. 

Lets see what you got.

"Landing on the ship during the daytime is like sex, it's either good or it's great. Landing on the ship at night is like a trip to the dentist, you may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable."

from Airplane:

"Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."

one more:

"The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Oh ****!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"

I just wanted to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

who is the second person that became a pilot?

[oohhboy]

one more:

"The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Oh ****!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"

I just wanted to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

who is the second person that became a pilot?

hahha. That is a good one.

The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"

It's happens a little more often that you think.

Who is the second person out there?