Judge Wapner was up Poop Creek without a paddle. His name, Infernal Monkey, had been placed on the docket and to add insult to injury, the new Phoenix Wright held so much contempt for him, he didn't even bother to show up to court. Judge Wapner had to die, but he couldn't wait until morning. The idea of a public execution was simply too humiliating. Instead he decided he would end his own life by driving off a cliff into the raging Atlantic.
He did, however leave a note behind, "Tell my children I <3 Katamari. Tell my wife I never cheated on her more than the 4 times she knew about and the other 5 she didn't. I hope everyone can forgive me for what I'm about to do even though I'll be too dead to care. If you happen to see Dave, remind him he owes me five dollars. He doesn't really owe me five dollars, but he'll be so distraught thinking that he never returned my five dollars before I died that he'll enter a severe depression, and that'd just be hilarious."
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Some in town wondered where Dasmos was hiding, having not shown up the previous day for any activities. Truth was that the Pirates had gotten to him. They had connected their own patented Pirate Knock-Out Gas to Dasmos' central air. They then tied him to his chair, handcuffed, gagged, and brought him out to their ship and sailed out to sea.
Dasmos woke up to the dulcet sounds of the Pirate's singing:
"What do you do with a drunken sailor,
What do you do with a drunken sailor,
What do you do with a drunken sailor,
Earl-eye in the morning!"
"Agh fuf margle blech!" Dasmos protested.
"Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Earl-eye in the morning!"
"Blaggle! Arg Derg Fuhduhnah!"
And so it continued until eventually there were no more lyrics left to sing. The two pirates then placed Dasmos and his chair on a tall platform they'd recently built on the deck. Then they grabbed brought around a cannon and aimed it directly at Dasmos.
"This be our Ninja Gun, Dasmos. Arr, reminds me of when I was a wee lad a' the circus."
"T'were special times, they was."
Then they fired their Ninja Gun canon and Dasmos' body exploded in a fury of blood, bone, and flesh. The Ninjas were no more, the town now belonged in the death grip of the Pirates.
Topic: Mafia III: Day Eight (Read 3745 times)
