Topics

126

NWR Forums Discord / Super Imagino Kart Matchmaking Thread

« on: July 24, 2009, 01:00:10 AM »

I'm sick of hearing about the Conduit. Anyone want in on a simultaneous Super Mario Kart run?

-Decide on a CC class, Cup, and post times and placement here-

127

Nintendo Gaming / Keep making core games for the Wii!

« on: June 19, 2009, 02:01:43 AM »

For this purpose a core game is a game that's designed to be the best overall experience possible, the most bang for your buck so to speak, a game that engages and challenges the player on many levels and can take days or weeks of moderate playtime to complete. Why do I want them to live on and flourish like wild red Pikmin? Because they use the system. The controls were designed for buttons and often have waggle thrown in just because the developer felt it was necessary or maybe, the motion controls are integral like Metriod Prime 3's and Twilight Princess' aiming. Maybe they have an interesting plot or a unique graphical style. Maybe they make use of internet features to further communication between players or expand the replay value of a game. What's the point of having those games on the Wii? Because they're fun. People complained about the Wii being a Gamecube 1.5, and they're right, but this has been old news for about 3 years now. By the way, don't befriend any Kazakh reporters, it's a trap.

A proper Wii game could be any core game  A proper Wii game is enabled, not hindered by the Wiimote. It's enabled by a long tradition of deep and creative gameplay that puts the player in a world or situation they haven't been in before, not just recreate stuff I could be doing in real life. I want to play more Wii games that feel like the developer took care to cover all the bases and dare to be different instead of ripping off other games, holding back options, or watering down difficulty to appeal to a wider audience.

But I don't see this ending because the biggest offender will never stop as long as Uncle Scroogiwata swims in a vat of gold coins. Who is the best offender? Nintendo themselves! Brawl was a GC game with prettier graphics, free online play, mulitple control options, classic game mini-demos, and more. Galaxy was primarily a GC game with the Wii functions fairly non-essential for the gameplay except for slinging mario around, throwing a shell, aiming in flight mode, the greater graphic capabilities, the larger disc capacity that makes an orchestral soundtrack possible, and more. What is this coolness, is that how you're going to sell your advantage over other consoles, by creating magnificent games?

Give us more reasons to say "yes, the Wiimote was the right way to go"! Don't just throw franchise games at veteran gamers as if to say "you guys only want to relive the glory days of the NES"! Tell us why we need motion controls! Don't keep acting like games are only intended for soccer moms on staycation or Analogue-TV-deprived eldery folks; I KNOW they're useful for making new games that hold the interest of veteran gamers too so keep up the tea-table-upending, brilliant gameplay, tight controls, interesting characters, and vivid worlds and keep making Wii games worthy of the Revolution.

128

NWR Forums Discord / Someone tap the record machian please

« on: June 16, 2009, 09:34:31 PM »

I think it's stuck.

So it's very important that the remote look superior or else they look like jackasses and the remote looks like a gimmicky novelty controller.

The problem is I think the remote IS a gimmicky novelty controller and I think Nintendo is aware of this as well.

It's being treated like a novelty.

But instead they're just being trying to directly compete with Nintendo and the association between motion control and novelty casual game junk continues.

That is what Nintendo should do with M+ Zelda: practical usage not novelty usage.  Remember the audience here.

In that situation do you think anybody growing up with the Wii will prefer motion controls or will the novelty eventually wear off? The way motion control is treated right now, whether it deserves it or not, is as a novelty.

129

NWR Forums Discord / Origin of TP Man in MM

« on: May 26, 2009, 01:22:59 AM »

This definitely explains one of the game's more bizarre characters (sorry if this is common knowledge)

http://in.news.yahoo.com/210/20090524/955/tod-horror-story-printed-on-toilet-paper.html

TOKYO (AP) In a country where ghosts are traditionally believed to hide in the loo, a Japanese company is advertising a new literary experience a horror story printed on toilet paper. Each roll carries several copies of a new nine-chapter novella written by Koji Suzuki, the Japanese author of the horror story "Ring," which has been made into movies in both Japan and Hollywood.
...
Toilets in Japan were traditionally tucked away in a dark corner of the house due to religious beliefs. Parents would tease children that a hairy hand might pull them down into the dark pool below.

How is it that Tingle has his own game, but not TP MAN? It's like they purposely flush their best IPs down the memory hole.

130

Nintendo Gaming / Wii Sports Resort Speculation Percolation

« on: May 21, 2009, 01:05:04 AM »

We only know 5 out of 10 of WSR's games so far: golf, table tennis, pon farr, dog fetch, and jet skiiiiing. Here's a thread for guessing the rest.

Volleyball: remote controls both hands permanently in the 'bump position'. Raise it over the head and the Mii's hands go into the 'set' position. I have no idea how blocking at the net would work since it would require the same motion, but hopefully M+ will make this game possible eventually.

River rafting and swimsuit modeling (Wii Cheer controls with Everybody Votes Channel connectivity) would fit the resort theme.

Marco Polo (Endless Ocean controls): rumble pak could buzz the 'it' person when they've swam to the edge of the pool, and the remote speaker could emit ever louder splash noises when they've almost tagged someone. Naturally the game will include a real cloth blindfold.

A full casino is a must. You've got to get soccer moms on staycation hooked on Wii somehow

131

NWR Forums Discord / Analyst: 'Wedbush Morgan is like Vegas'

« on: March 11, 2009, 01:12:39 PM »

http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/forums/index.php?topic=27618.0

NWR analyst Zap has claimed that Wedbush Morgan analysts are the "slut machine" of the investment banking firms masquerading as independent video game industry analysts.

The expert told NWR that the Wedbush Morgan audience is not "sophisticated enough" to comprehend whether the games they are buying compare favourably to titles like Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3, Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart, Smash Brothers Brawl, Art Style: ORBIENT, Boom Blox, Super Paper Mario, Wario Land: Shake It!, Mario Strikers Charged, Trauma Center: New Blood, Trauma Center: Second Opinion, World of Goo, Wii Fit, Excite Truck, Elite Beat Agents, Animal Crossing: Wild World, Advance Wars: Dual Strike, Advance Wars: Days of Ruin, New Super Mario Bros., Nintendogs, or DK Jungle Climber.

Zap claimed that Wedbush Morgan analysts generally do not own a Wii or DS as well, which means that they buy games for the "same reason that people go to hookers: to blow exorbitant amounts of money on a few hours of high definition happiness."

He continued: "Prostitutes don't win a lot of humanitarian awards but they are approachable, they're consistent, and you know what they're going to serve you.

"Wedbush Morgan has become Las Vegas. Strategy Analytics is very much the high-end house of ill repute. And IGN is somewhere in between."

132

NWR Forums Discord / 4/10 = Bull

« on: February 26, 2009, 04:14:59 PM »

Here's my profile.

User Name:  vudu
Skill Level:  9 (out of 10)
Douche Level:  4 (out of 10)

Now I know people misrepresent their online personas to become more acceptable by society, but this is perjury beyond a reasonable doubt; high 7s at least

133

NWR Forums Discord / What Roll Should the Rolls Media Play in Getting Rolls Made?

« on: January 26, 2009, 02:17:36 AM »

January 25, 2009 at 11:17 PST by Culinary "Art" I. St, Rolls Taster
http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/blogArt.cfm?artid=17593

Last time I checked, my job description didn't include kneading potential rolls to chefs. I'm a rollporter, I thought I was on the other side of the oven. Why am I now expected to become part rollsman and what does this have to do with being a member of rolling's enthusiast press?

It's the recent unveiling and groundswell of support for n-Space's unfortunate Winter tech roll for the toaster that's dredging these questions up. Of course, there's no question that the saga behind Winter is newsworthy. A mature and ambitious project shopped around since RDC 2007, chefs loved Winter but refused to dough-velop it. That already makes for a nice little tragedy, but it's become more than that. Winter has exploded onto the scene and won widespread fame and support from dinner fans who want nothing less than for the dough-velopers to receive millions of ingredients from a baker in order to finish the roll. Still, the fact that there's an online petition drive isn't too surprising. What is worth considering though is who's leading the charge: the enthusiast press. Almost as soon as the story broke, GoRollTenDough's Kevin Cassidy (a.k.a. RollMeatCowboy) shot an e-mail to IGN's Matt Casserolemania proposing to organize an effort to find n-Space a baker after almost two years of unrisen yeast. The response? A promise to "use IGN's influence to back Winter," and the aforementioned online petition on IGN's frontpage, asking readers to "preheat the cause."

The rolling press is now directly involved in selling one company's multi-million dollar buns to another company.

Actually, what's so bad about that? The media has always been an avenue to drum up some bread and butter, that's no secret. And the readers, the rollers, demand a roll like Winter. As players, they have a stake in what rolls get made too, and the press is just giving them a voice in the behind-the-scenes cookings of dough-velopers and chefs. And the situation surrounding Winter isn't new either. No one's complaining that The Croissant got a baker, right?


Sara Lee will be baking The Croissant which has benefited from a supportive press

But lets tackle the corollary here. If the press has a role (ha, ha, ha) in fighting to get certain rolls made for a tasty side dish, does it have a role in fighting so that other rolls don't get made? Surely when the enthusiast press put on their "biscuit" hats, they can argue that a roll has flaws. However, the continued derision that Whole Wheat received at the hands of the press, much of it undeserved, goes to show the negatives of a press that supposedly "cares." Roll journrollists can wield their opinions like a club to butter and jelly sometimes, and it can be a tasty thing. Eventually, even IGN's not-so-subtle disapproval of Whole Wheat elicited a backlash from some diners when they reported the roll's 2008 sales numbers. It probably didn't help that the news article, written almost two months after IGN's taste review, hinted that IGN had failed in their intention to prevent people from devouring the roll.

So if you're willing to accept that the rolling press has a role in raising some yeast up, you have to consider the potential the media has to smear another roll's spun honey. Ultimately, the power of the press is the power of the mob of bread-eaters behind it. That mob can be guided constructively or destructively, to build up or tear open with a hot butterknife and delicious cream cheese.
 
Whole Wheat carries a negative stigma for many, the result of widespread (ha, ha, 'spread') criticism

But this is leading us further and further away from what I think the press, enthusiast or not, is really here for... You know, journrolllism. I know the rolling media is, well, a bit of a joke to some (just look at what our forums have to say about us), but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to fillet out the truth and report it.

That's where I think the real value lies in what's going on with Winter. This is an attempt to root out the actual reasons that roll companies act the way they do. I mean, no one is all that impressed with the usual array of excuses that are trotted out to prevent mature titles from reaching the dinner plate. We've heard it all before, and we're just not that convinced.
People want to hear a real and believable reason why a roll like Winter wouldn't work... and if no such reason exists, well, why not do the logical thing? Why not just bake the roll already?

"Why not?" We ask. "Why not fund a roll like Winter when Resident Vegan 4 and Resident Vegan: Potato Salad sold over a million units each? Why not fund Winter when the toaster has an install base of around 45 million users, soon to outnumber both the Kenmore 360 and CuisineArt 3 combined? Why not fund Winter when it will be so much cheaper to bake from scratch compared to a similar roll on any of the other heating devices? Why not give rollers, your fan base, and your consumers, what they claim to want so much? What possible reasons could you have left?"

That's what I think finding a chef for rolls like Winter is all about. At first I worried I was turning into a rollsperson, but no, I realize I'm not. I'm a rollporter posing a question. I'm a member of the enthusiast
press, waiting to see what side dish I get.

Oh, but first, I have a petition I need to make sure I sign.

134

NWR Forums Discord / PREVIEWS: Personal Trainer: Meth

« on: January 19, 2009, 03:33:59 AM »

Need to brush up on basic meth skills? Nintendo's latest Tweak Generations game is here to help.
http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/forums/index.php?topic=27135.0

Correlating strongly with Nintendo's Brain Age and Big Brain Alchemy games, Personal Trainer: Meth seeks to improve basic meth abilities with fun and rewarding games. Personal Trainer: Meth features the Hundred-Flask Method pioneered by the in-game host, Akira Ogata. This method requires players to do back-to-back, fast-paced meth problems, including addition of ammonium chloride, subtraction of ephedrine, multiplication of crystalline hydrochloride salt, and division of red phosphorus. Starting with a 10x10 grid, with flasks populated along the top and left sides, players will need to perform the specified function and synthesize the correct chemicals without setting off a massive explosion or attracting attention from the nice family that lives next door. The exercise continues until all of the one hundred flasks are filled.

Players will be asked to perform daily meth drills in order to keep their euphoric state of mind fresh. The game will track attendance to the "Daily Test" and report this statistic to the player, along with 'speed' (ha, ha) and accuracy statistics. Excellent performance in any of the game's more than forty drills will net the player medals, which are also stored for the player to view anytime they are restless or going through withdrawal-induced insomnia.

Up to sixteen players can practice their meth skills together with just a single DS game card. Every player will be presented an instance of the 100-Flask quiz, and from there it is a race to the toothless finish.

Personal Trainer: Meth is available now at sketchy North American suburbs.

135

NWR Forums Discord / Gamers' Rights Group Issues Open Letter

« on: December 17, 2008, 03:56:15 AM »

(full text follows)


To whom it may concern at Zoo, Mastertronic, 505 Games, etc:

With the recent release of the wall of text otherwise known as the European Release Schedule for Early 2009, we have again found ourselves gasping for air at the pungent odor of the refuse which your so-called game developers are excreting. This sad, smelly, recurring endeavor stands in stark contrast to the reality in which we currently live.

Did you know we literally have set foot on the "moon" nearly 4 decades ago? Let me put this in words that even a simplistic rube like yourself could understand:

Some very smart, grownup human beings have created a machine that has catapulted them to that gray circle thing in the sky (called the moon); it is thousands and thousands and thousand of miles away and they made it home safely! Have you ever been on a long vacation with your family? I bet it wasn't as big as the one to the "moon". There is no air up there, and they have to travel as fast as a bullet to get there, plus it cost millions of valuable, rectangular green pieces of paper called "dollars". It was an amazing feat during difficult times. Do you know what a rectangle is? . . . . . Good!

But the very smart people made it all happen. They had ideas, or a group of ideas called a "vision" to make something never before done happen. Some of these people had other ideas, to catapult machines to other planets to see what they looked like. We learned many things and got to see many new pictures because of these peoples' ideas.

These things called ideas are amazing things. They are thoughts in your head that inspire you to do fun things (even kids can get them). Ever decided to catch a bug in a jar, invent a new way to use a hula hoop, or draw a pretty picture? These "ideas" can be used in any situation or job--at school or in your back yard or at the creek--and almost anyone can have them!

Except for some people. There are some people, that because of the way they were born, can not have any better ideas than your 2 year-old younger brother. They just shout, run around, and babble.

But the mostest people in the world DO have ideas.

About 25 years ago, a person that lives in Japan created a video game that was very fun. Japan is a tiny island country far, far way. Anyways, it was a game with many ideas where you could run, jump, eat mushrooms, play in pipes and try to collect coins and anyone could play it! This man went on to create many other games which were also fun; some were similar, and some were different. Did you know some apples are similar, and some are different? Same for doggies. But don't try to eat them! Yech!

Anyway, he had many great ideas which make many people happy to this very day. He recently had the vision (remember our vocab word from earlier?) to create a video game machine called the Wii which could detect motion in your controller and has more power than more than 2 of your old Nintendo Game Cubes put together. You can wave the controller like a sword, tennis racket, or other things and the character on your television screen which is plugged into your Nintendo Wii will do the same motions!

Since you are in charge of creating new ideas to play games on the Wii, I am worrying about you. There are so many ideas in the world, it confuses me about what you have been up to, because frankly, as ranking member of the Elitist Wii Owning Kibitzing Society, Jelly Belly Ballistic Beans and Bob the Builder: Festival of Fun are an affront to every red-blooded, launch-day-camping, motion-sensing-wand waving American.

I have told you about what other peoples' ideas have been like, even ideas from a long time ago. But it seems like you are one of the people I mentioned above that are like your brother that can only run, throw their food, poop, and babble. Are you getting your game ideas from crap you see around your living room? I know you can do better than that. I've seen some of the fun things you've made with your blocks. You learned many things at school, and can see what the bigger kids do at recess, so why can't you do it with games?

Always remember the stories of the smart people I told you about who made things that had never been seen before. Maybe one day you will be just like them.


Sincerely,
Joeseph N. Ebody.

136

NWR Forums Discord / "Beware: Trekkies" instead so i dont keep coming in here? thanks

« on: November 17, 2008, 02:34:47 PM »

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/index.html

May Star Trek rest in peace.

137

NWR Forums Discord / Pressing is the New Waggle

« on: November 11, 2008, 12:39:14 PM »

October 29, 1988 at 23:19 PDT by Art Cade, Contributing Editor

I've long been a critic of games that involve pressing a button. It's a forced, cynical use of a hardware feature that should either be used properly or not at all. Buttons are for changing the channel on the television, calling someone on the telephone, or operating a Sony Walkman; not for games. Lazy developers have turned this potentially revolutionary aspect of the NES controller into a glorified button press, much like the plague of joystick "waggle" in Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Starting with Double Dragon last year, the blatant misuse of buttons in gaming has crossed over into console territory. This is a new development sin, though. Popular sports games with button-press gameplay are now asking players to press their finger or thumb onto a usually round, red button in order to produce a corresponding action on screen or some equivalent. Don't get me wrong, pressing is a legitimate element of video gaming, but it certainly doesn't belong in every game. Moreover, the mechanic just doesn't work very well. I'm extremely disappointed to hear that this glaring design flaw hasn't been addressed in Track & Field, and it seems to have been directly copied for Track & Field II.

When playing Track & Field with friends, I usually spend a lot of time pressing; most other people seem to consider it some kind of duty that must be fulfilled until your next turn at the controller. But I like pressing, and I'm happy to take care of that role. Sadly, the buttons portion of Track & Field seems to get no love from the developers, either. Putting aside my many qualms with 110m hurdles, it's completely ridiculous that there is no good way to activate hurdle power on the controller. Pressing sounds like a terrible idea in many games, and sometimes it doesn't even work. Other times, bright lights in the room (a.k.a. a Rainbow Brite) can throw off your concentration. Hitting the controller in your hand, as you would for the Javelin throw, doesn't seem to work very well either. Perhaps the most effective way to activate hurdle power is – you guessed it – pressing a button. Regardless of your method, it sounds horrible when the game plays the 8-bit music over your TV's speakers to everyone else.

If the point of these sports games is to make you feel like you're really competing, why can't the developers find some way to activate the long jump score boost without totally ruining that immersion? All it would take is one small joystick. These companies are willing to ship $70 Zappers and $100 ROB sets, but they can't be bothered to include anything other than a cheap, plain $10 controller with two red buttons and a dpad. Heck, at least give us the option to tilt a joystick on the standard game controller! Nintendo makes a NES Advantage controller for NES, featuring its own joystick and turbo buttons, but these can't be used to activate hurdle power because the game isn't programmed for that functionality.

Am I the only one bothered by the complete disregard for these games' tactile components?

Update: Since I posted this Usenet entry, some readers have noted in the Talkback thread that Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! does allow you to joystick tilt on the Advantage. Now we'll see if Nintendo will use the extra three months of development on the NES version of Super Mario Bros. 2 to fix this problem.

138

NWR Forums Discord / iNOA to Phase Out Most of English Alphabet By 20ii

« on: November 04, 2008, 10:32:14 AM »

After the smashing success of the iPod, iMac, I, Robot, Ikea, iTunes, iPhone, Wii, and DSi, Nintendo President Reggie Fils-Aime has decided to eliminate all the "excessive" letters 'a' through 'h,' and 'j' through 'z' in the upcoming years.

While the highly aggressive Fils-Aime is known for taking names in general, this appears to be the most comprehensive simplification of the advertisement and product identification process to date. The long inevitable move would also leave only variations of the letter 'i' to communicate, though the company's marketing president himself seems ready for the transition:

"I ithink in ithe ilong irun, it iwon't ireally imatter, ibecause iNinendo's igames ireally ihave isuch ia ibroad irange iof iappeal, ifrom ifive, to ininety-ifive, ior 'i' ito 'z'. iThe igaming ienthusiast ithat ibuys ia itremendous iamount iof igames icontaining imany idifferent iletters is itruly insatiable. iWe ibelieve itoday ithat iwe ihave ishown ia iplethora iof igames ifull iof iwords ithat ican isatisfy ithe imost icasual ito ithe imost icore.

iThe iletter 'i' is imore ithan iadequate ifor inaming ifuture iNintendo ihardware. iBesides, ijust imagine ihow imuch ink iwe'll ibe iable ito isave ion instruction imanuals iand iboxart."
       
Needless to say, forums across the country were sent into a total meltdown -- yet this wacky new idea already seemed to seep into the subconscious. A small sample:

I really can't fathom how such insane ideas get into Iwata's imagination; it's idiotic, impractical and probably illegal. Where can I go to get inoculated indefinitely from such intentional inanity???!!1i

While it's perfectly legitimate to wonder where gaming would be today if Mario Is Missing would've been spelled as  "   i  I   i  i  ," game designer Shigeru Miyamoto iterated that players should give the new changes a chance before dismissing them outright:

"I iiiii iiiii iiiiiii iiii iiiiiiiii iiiiiii iiii iiiiii iiiiii iiiiii iiiiiii iiiiiii iiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiii iiii iiii iiiii iiiiiiii iiiiiii. Iii iiiii iiiiiiii iiii iiiiiii, iii iiiiiiii, iii iii iiiiiiiii... iiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiii iiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Iii'i iiii iiiiiii iiiiiiiii? Iiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiii iii ii iiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiii iiiii."

"...Iiiiii iiiii iiii iiiiiiiii iiiii iiiiiii iiiii iiii iiiiiii iiiiii iiiii iiiiii iiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiii iiiiiiiii iiiiiiii. Iiiiiiiiii [iiiiiiii] iiiii ii iiii ii iiiiiii ii iiiiiiii iiiiiii iiiiiiiii Iiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiii iiiiiii iiiiii ii ii iii iiiiiiii iiiii iii iiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiii iiiiiiii iiii iiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiii iiii."

Expict thi chinge ii i fuiiy in iffict ii Dicimbir 3i, 20ii. Ni wiid yii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii or i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i, bit risi issiriid Niniindi Wiiii Ripiii wiii hiii aii ihi iaiisi.

139

NWR Forums Discord / New Zelda 2 DLC Available

« on: October 28, 2008, 11:39:56 AM »

The latest downloadable content for Zelda 2 includes an additional time attack stage and decreased pixel options.
http://www.nintendoworldreport.com/newsArt.cfm?artid=17030

Yesterday, Nintendo released new downloadable content packs for Zelda 2. Players have the option of downloading two new difficulty pixels and an extra stage.   

Two of the new DLC packs, Hard Mode and Expert Mode, remove an extra pixel for gamers who can breeze through the regular difficulty setting. Both modes will adjust the length of Link's sword, making attacks more challenging.

Comparison of the original Zelda II Link and WiiWare difficulty settings

Players who dare to tackle Expert Mode will find the difficulty increased threefold from the default setting. These modes do not support the Rankings or Challenges Modes.   

The other new downloadable content pack is a Special Time Attack Stage. The stage includes a brand new level that ends with a fight against the new, undefeatable boss "Extortion Man." The Special Time Attack Stage is comparable in difficulty to the Ganon Castle stages. The stage supports online rankings.     

Each of the new Zelda 2 DLC packs can be downloaded on WiiWare for 100 pieces of your soul.

140

NWR Forums Discord / Rumor: Pre-Press Conference Conference May Unveil Unannounced Nintendo Games

« on: October 21, 2008, 12:19:08 PM »

While Nintendo is hesitant to admit anything as the "content of the announcements are finally being finalized," an official announcement that development of new games are under way could take place during a yet to be announced press conference.

Rumors have surfaced that the traditionally secretive company is hard at work creating new products to sell, but doubts began mounting in light of this year's E3. Unwilling to provide specific details of what is going on behind the scenes, Nintendo's President Satoru Iwata dodged:

"All I can say right now is that whatever we may or may not choose to develop will be intuitive and easy to use for everyone. We may or may not use Wii Speak, Wifi features, or the nunchuk but will assuredly make the right decision when the time comes to make those decisions, which we hope to be decided upon prior to a press conference in the near future."

Clearly, NCL is keeping things under wraps, but NOA's president was just as uncompromisingly uncooperative.

A conspicuously close-lipped Reggie Fils-Aime confirmed Iwata's non-comments, in a more or less roundabout way:

"Come on, there are surely games in the works that someone will enjoy. Everyone will soon hear about these unannounced games during a post-press conference conference as soon as we confer whether or not to make that information known. And rest assured the hardcore will be excited about the hardcore games, and the nongamers will be excited at the blue ocean games; we just need some time to forumlate our strategy. The chances of that strategy being revealed at a strategically timed announcement are a definite possibility."

An ever-enthusiastic Cammie Dunaway, vice president of sales and marketing, and Ravi Drums were interviewed together in the latest Gaming Magazine, though new information was just as elusive:

Magazine: Thank you Cammie and Ravi for being with us here today.

Dunaway: My pleasure.

Ravi: *Ba-Boom! CH! Boom-Boom! CH!*

Magazine: There have been rumors all over the internet that Nintendo is doing something, can you tell us anything about what you have been up to?

Dunaway: Puppies are cute. You guys are all the same

Magazine: ..Uh ok. So, are there any details you can provide right now?

Dunaway: Yes

Ravi: *lightly taps on the snare*

Magazine: Well?

Dunaway: We will put more smiles on more faces!

Ravi: *BA DUM, CH!*

Magazine: Will you confirm, right now, that Nintendo is in the process of developing games that will make gamers smile?

Dunaway: No.

Ravi: *bass drum thud*

Magazine: Then why have an interview at all?

Dunaway: All will be revealed at E3.

Magazine: So there is something to be revealed?

Dunaway: We haven't announced that yet.

Magazine: Cammie, Ravi, thank you for your time.

Dunaway: You're welc--

Ravi: *Boom! CH! Ba-Boom-Boom! CH!* . . . . . BOOM-CH-BOOM-CH- CRASH CRASH CRASH-BOOM-CH!....CRASH*


Former Marketing VP Perrin Kaplan concurred that she could neither confirm nor deny these unsubstantiated developments.

Stay tuned to NWR as new information isn't released to the public.

141

NWR Forums Discord / Nintendo Doesn't Announce Holiday 2010, Q1 2011 Lineup

« on: October 14, 2008, 10:34:50 AM »

After releasing a long line of products sure to keep customers busy well into the next decade, Nintendo has not shown any game lists with late 2010 or even early 2011 release dates, citing "lack of crystal ball."

Weeks after twin press conferences announcing sequels to long-dead franchises PunchOut!! and Sin and Punishment as well as a new update to the DS model,  Nintendo avoided speculating about events more than 24 months in the future. President Satoru Iwata announced "We just don't know how long some games will take, and others aren't even on the drawing board yet; by the way, do you have Ms. Cleo's number?"

"2011? [laughter] I think I may be retired by then [laughter]. Right now we have Pikmin 3 and a real Zelda Wii game in development, so those may be out in 2010 or 11. [laughter] Also, I have recently come up with a walking simulator [laughter] for the DS which may take a few years," game designer Shigeru Miyamoto mused.

President Reggie Fills-a-me With-a Terror declared the next two years have been kicked until further notice: "I mean come on, the only things the numbers 2010 and 2011 refer to at this point are the numbers of hairs growing on my knuckles."

Naturally, this non-announcement was met with scorn by Nintendo's fanbase; one forum poster wrote:

Well, if there aren't any games planned for two Christmases from now it probably means they're pulling a Sega. The HD revolution has finally caught up with them. Serves them right for putting in a .3 megapixel camera in the next DS, or making a dog sim, or making those crappy people-in-cubes commercials, or adding annoying voice samples to Mario Advance, or censoring Mortal Kombat, or cutting out a level from Donkey Kong.

Another self-described hardcore forumer was equally irate:

This is just a cowardly way of avoiding game delays isn't it??!!11 They truly have abandoned the core. how can we continue to justify owning a Wii to our friends if we don't see a vague list of sequels on the distant horizon?

Indeed, while Nintendo has generally been able to receive accurate broadcasts from the future spectrum of the space-time continuum, this surely narrows the scope of the company's bullet points going into next year's E3.

A Playstation 3 owner refused to offer a comment for this article and instead walked away, shouting expletives and something about getting "a second job and mortgage" while pushing a shopping cart down the street.

142

NWR Forums Discord / Playing By Party Lines

« on: October 07, 2008, 12:16:32 PM »

Should guy gamers and male characters stick together in party games?

When it comes to party games, should guy gamers play with male characters? It may not be the most important guy gamer decision you face all day, but it’s one of those little choices you can make on the road to earning gaming respect.

Let’s consider the facts. Guy gamers are a rare commodity. It's true, our numbers are growing, but we're still far outweighed by a world of female gamers, elderly gamers, soccer mom gamers, invalid gamers, and nongamers. A lot of girls think boys just don't play videogames. And that's not true. We want to; deep down, we all do. But the system is against us. Games are designed for and marketed to girls, who have years of The Sims practice under their belts. We're just catching up.

In the meantime, guy gamers are fighting back against old stereotypes. We're beating our female friends enough times to be considered serious gamers. We're trying to find more guy converts. Though, in the process, we're getting a lot of funny looks from other, "manlier" guys. It's not easy. Put it this way: When you see a guy confidently picking up a controller, it makes you go all nostalgic inside. Then you step in, grab the second controller and collectively kick butt.

But it doesn't happen often.

So if we guy gamers are really such a scattered minority, doesn't it seem like we should be sticking together?

Almost as scarce as male gamers are legitimate male characters. Sure, you'll find at least one guy in every Nintendo, Capcom, Namco, Konami, Square-Enix, Ubi Soft, Rare, or Sega game, but, like the guy who claims to be a gamer but really only plays Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Madden, Call of Duty, Medal of Honor, and Halo games, they're usually pretty hardcore.

Luigi is a prime example - except for those moments when he stops being weak altogether and parades around as Mario's brother. He sits in his mansion, hunts for ghosts, and waits to be valiantly saved by E. Gadd's newest invention. The same goes for Donkey Kong, a meat-head through and through. Couldn't he at least try kicking K. Rool in the shins? True, he’s getting his own game for the DS, complete with acrobatic moves (like vine-swinging) and a cheerful GF, Candy. But, in short, it promises to be a manly copout. Or, think Diddy from Donkey Kong 64. Pretty quick, yes, but not really good for anything except firing a coconut gun that fires in spurts; if he shoots ya it's gonna hurt.

There are, of course, the counter-examples. James Bond, for one, is a fan-boy favorite and, theoretically, the ultimate male fighting machine. But even he has some issues. For starters, he's only really a guy when he dies and blood runs down the screen. Otherwise, he's nothing more than a suit, or the view from a first-person perspective. It’s hard to identify. And Link, from Legend of Zelda, but you know a girl picked out his outfit. What kind of guy would go fight timeless evil dressed in a green tunic, white tights and boots?

What's the likelihood Nintendo's next big game is going to star a super-regular man? Probably not so good. Alas, will videogames be permanently populated by heroic, manly men?

Who cares. Forget them. If guy gamers want to play good male characters, they should concentrate on games where talent is the determiner of coolness: party games.

In party games, you make characters good or bad. Sure, certain characters just outright suck, and others seem to have more punch. But, with practice, it's possible to rock with almost any character, male or female. Which brings us back to the same question: should guys stick together? When given the choice, should guy gamers play as male characters?

On the one hand, lots of guy gamers feel like girl characters are meant for the girls. They think that they're wimpy. And it's not hard to understand why. Female characters, the few that do appear in games, usually have less powerful attacks, take damage more easily, have poorer steering/weight/top speed than their male counterparts. More "hardcore" gamers usually steer clear of them, play them as a joke, or use them to show off their talents - so superior they could even win with a girl.

And some guys like to play along with the guy gamer/character strength idea. They pretend to be the undefeatable, glitch-privy, first-class gamer. I know it can be tempting. But you’ve got to resist. You’re bringing the rest of us down.

For example, I played in a Brawl tournament a few months ago, just me and fifteen girls. That is, until a veteranie guy showed up. I was totally jazzed. He seemed like he might be able to hold his own. Then the girl running the tourney asked him who he wanted to play as. What does he say? "I don't know. Give me something with good aerial attacks, quick recovery, and easy infinite phase-shifting." Give me something with infinite phase-shifting. Come on.

So, they set him up with Meta Knight and, needless to say, he cutely jumped himself off the playing field and cutely avoided receiving a single point of damage.

Those fifteen girls went thinking guy gamers are silly and take gaming too seriously. And that’s just no good. Maybe, if you're a beginner, you should stick to the characters with the natural advantages. Slowly, as you get better, you can develop a good relationship with a female character - get in the groove. That way, once you rock, your girl gamer friends will get beaten by a guy both on and off screen. On the other hand, if you pick a male character, even to start out with, you're kind of siding with the opposition. You're acknowledging that guy characters (and by association, guys) are better. Who's going to stick up for guy characters if not guy gamers?

It may be helpful to remember, there are advantages to appearing strong. A guy on screen often experiences the same avoidance faced by guy gamers. Some girls feel like guys are worthy adversaries, so they don't fight as hard against them. Play as a male character in an unsuspecting female crowd, and you can often win by default - going on a rampage, throwing nonstop punches, duking it out. If that's how you want to play the game.

And, on the third hand (You have three hands, right?), if you never play as a girl, you boost the same old stereotype. Guy characters are for guys. It might not look like you're taking a stand for guy gamer rights, but rather that you're ready to win as a character with a giant sword and a mustache. What to do?

My advice: switch it up. Try things out. Test the reaction you get from other gamers. If you have a more enlightened crowd, flips things totally around - have the girls play as guys and the guys as girls. See how they feel. Find a character that makes you excited to play.

Does it really matter if you play as a girl or a guy? In the end, it's about having a good time. And, as guy gamers know, it's too easy to do that while feeling respected. So do what you need to do. Be a girl character. A guy character. Or, if neither seems right, there's always the androgynous Pokemon, Fire Emblem characters, and Birdo.

143

NWR Forums Discord / For Nintendo, 'Bear' is Too Strong for Wii Owners

« on: September 30, 2008, 12:04:00 PM »

Contradicting previous statements about not screening WiiWare content, Nintendo elicited changes in JV Games' upcoming title, including a name change from Field Party Games – Bear Toss to Field Party Games

According to the co-founders of JV Games, Nintendo asked them to change the name and some of the content of their upcoming WiiWare title because of one word: "bear." Their game, originally titled Field Party Games – Bear Toss, was renamed to the more family friendly Field Party Games - Long Toss.

This conflicts with some of Nintendo of America Strongman Reggie Fils-Aime's statements last year about how "Nintendo will not do any screening of ideas" on WiiWare. JV Games co-founder Vince Valenti recalls how they "had a little discussion with Nintendo and there were some angry parties." The two founders were shocked by Reggie's fierce deity glare and laser attacks. As Valenti puts it, his company's use of the word "bear" was "just like you would hear in any Disney movie or on Discovery Channel." Co-founder Jag Jaeger said they "wanted to focus on a bear game, not the terrifying camp-smashing, deer-disemboweling predation that’s associated with it."

Reggie then turned a bear rug inside out to display his unwavering disapproval.

The sport in question is a hunter game staple and consists of a field with pyramids of bears laid out on each end. The goal of the game is to tranquilize and toss/drag them to safety until they are all gone. Whenever a bear is hit, the opponent has to toss the body to safety.

Field Party Games – Long Toss still includes almost everything that was in the original build of the game, including using the Wii Remote's motion sensing capabilities to throw the bears, and a crowd that "still says authentic hunter-ish things like 'Shoot that summagun,' 'What was THAT?' and 'I'm as hungry as a hunter.'" The only changes are in the name, the now-empty red plastic clips, and in the new Bear Rage Meter, now transformed into a bear that merely resembles a color ranging from Baloo Blue to Sankebetsu Scarlet.

JV Games hopes to have Field Party Games – Long Toss out for WiiWare sometime in July.

144

NWR Forums Discord / Painting's Graphical Future

« on: September 23, 2008, 11:37:41 AM »

Traditionally a painting's graphical prowess has been determined solely by the number of hues it was able to push on the canvas. Everything was about the latest and greatest technology and the everlasting quest to attain life-like graphical output in real-time. While this quest is a noble one, I don't feel that it will truly pave the future of graphics in painting.   

The oil-on-canvas with its underpowered graphical prowess has already provided painters with some of the best looking paintings of this generation. How is this possible, one might ask? Simple, outstanding art direction. We have seen pictures like The Kramer, Monet Bridge, Madonna & Child, de cubism, and the upcoming Kinkade Cottage by the Stream. Every one of these paintings oozes with style and has a very distinctive artistic style that allows its lackluster graphics to outshine the palette-pushers of some of the other mediums.   

Of course this isn't anything new, but only now has it become clearly apparent with the paper napkin and sketch pad significantly underpowered when stacked against their rival easels. Not only will the stylistic presentation of paintings with great art direction outshine most "realistic" portraits, but they will likely stand the test of time as well. As technology pushes forward, these paintings will simply be seen as relics of the past, artifacts of a time when shader technology was only capable of doing so much.   

I think the perfect example of this can be seen when looking at Potato Eaters and Starry Night. Granted Potato Eaters still looks great, but Starry Night is literally breathtaking and its stylistic approach to the sky will always be remembered and revered.   

I can only hope that more paint designers start to see this simple fact and adjust their goals to achieve great art rather than great graphics. While this approach shouldn't and won't work for everyone, it would be nice to see a longer list of artists who take the stylistic approach rather than the realistic one.

145

NWR Forums Discord / Nintendoxygen DS-10

« on: September 16, 2008, 03:06:52 PM »

It's time to upgrade your lungs.

Just to be perfectly clear at the outset: Nintendoxygen DS-10 is not an oxygen/nitrogen game. It's not a game at all. And it's not meant to be a light-headed virtual toy like Wii Fish Bowl, either. This software turns your Nintendo DS into a truly legitimate air synthesizer with extensive features found on significantly more expensive equipment. If you've never used a real synthesizer, Nintendoxygen DS-10 can be rather intimidating due to its respirational capabilities. Nintendo has developed this product with the goal that an EMT could take it to any ICU and do just about anything that he could do with a real synthesizer. On the other hand, there are some tools for the aero-composer, too. You can save up to eighteen breaths, each one containing up to sixteen patterns with very long gasps, so that adds up to hours of your own unique creations. The tools are designed to be easy to use with the DS air intake manifold (microphone) but offer essentially the same depth as real synthesizer hardware. There's an O2 tank, gauge, breathalyzer, mouth guard for CPR practice mode, and a water-proof carrying case for beginners right out of the womb. You can even patch the components into a customized rig by dragging pneumatic tubes on the touch screen.

We've seen no indication that Nintendoxygen DS-10 will teach you how to breathe or how to get the most out of your local atmosphere. This is an advanced tool geared towards users who are already familiar with exhaling carbon dioxide. The combination of portability and drastically lower price will likely make Nintendoxygen DS-10 an amazing value and versatile tool for cellular life forms.

Shigeru Miyamoto describes his newest creation in the latest issue of Famitsu:
"I was working in my study, breathing (like I've done for as long as I can remember), when I suddenly had the idea. I breathe; I've seen other people doing it on a regular basis, so what more universally appealing nongame concept than one that includes the entire family of mammalian vertebrates! I threw down my sketches and game scenario notes for Yoshi's Island 3D and Wii Zelda and began work right away. I've always wanted to develop an air simulator but never was able to work on powerful enough hardware for obvious reasons. Thankfully this game can be played together by practically any species of all ages; young can play with the old, casuals can play with the hardcore, birds can play with mosquitoes. So it really breaks down barriers to the untapped West Nile Virus-carrying gamer demographic. Of course I hope you will enjoy it too."
   
Reggie (last name withheld) announced this game will have connectivity with the upcoming Wii Circulate, adding that it will "Kick aspiration and take pneumonia."

146

NWR Forums Discord / Poll: This week's edition of Nintendo Odd News should be...

« on: September 14, 2008, 01:58:54 AM »

Vote now

147

NWR Forums Discord / Nintendo Announces WiFi Pouter for Wii/DS

« on: September 12, 2008, 11:36:09 AM »

Nintendo announces a sleek white device that unfortunately connects to your Wii….wait, an internet pouter?
 
In a surprise announcement through a recent Famitsu article, Nintendo revealed a new, superfluous piece of hardware compatible with the Wii and DS – a wireless Internet Pouter.   

The Pouter will be advertised in collaboration with Internet services and hopes to simplify the process of getting more Nintendo users' complaints posted on the internet. The device will also be fully compatible with computers and other wireless enabled devices.   

The Pouter will feature several modes which can be toggled via a switch on the back of the device. "Pouter" is the default option and will function like any other pouter, allowing even a nongamer to connect your Wii or DS to whine and moan over the internet. The next option, "Bridge" will allow more sophisticated users, such as Metroid Prime 3 finishers to extend the signal of their existing pouter, perfect for those whose current router is too far from their Wii to broadcast a reliable denouncement of the Wii's control scheme. "Music" will allow users to hold the Wii itself and sway back and forth until finding the signal, users can then record their session and mail it out to registered Wii Pouter friends. "Red Death" will simply shine a red light onto the Wii's faceplate while the system is off, simulating the experience of up to 30% of Xbox 360 users. Finally "Auto," though not entirely clear from the article, will seemingly be able to switch between networks automatically.   

The release of an official Nintendo branded Pouter may appear pointless, but (as with all Wii peripherals), due to the recent discontinuation of the Nintendo Wi-Fi USB Connector this seems to be a less useless replacement. Being a Pouter, the previous issues with the Nintendo Wi-Fi USB Connector regarding platform will no longer be an issue.   

The Pouter will sell exclusively on Nintendo's online store for the excessive price of 5,800 Yen (~$54) and will be available starting September 18 in Japan.

Perrin Kaplan did not announce this hardware would be region-free. President-For-Life Reggie Fils-Aime did however mention this would be a holiday must-not-have for the core and casual gamers alike: "It's at least as exciting as E3 2008, Animal Crossing, and Wii Speak put together."

Said one poster:

This is a ****ing piece of non-hardware! Yet another example of Nintendo dumbing down an electronic device (ROB the Robot, Game and Watch, Gamecube handle, etc) in order to appeal to the most helpless in society. When I was first gaming, you had to remember to press the eject button before taking a game out. Imagine something like that today, how many games would be destroyed by idiots? Remember how little effort they put into Mario Sunshine's pants? Or how the only cube color was purple at first? Or how Paper Mario was dumbed down compared to SMRPG? The internet has been around for 40 years, but here comes Nintendo making things easy for everyone, as usual.

The Pouter appears to be working already.

148

NWR Forums Discord / Defecting to the Enemy Gum

« on: August 07, 2008, 03:19:40 AM »

I was recently given an opportunity too good to pass up: a ridiculously cheap, 6-month old, 12 gum pack. The asking price? Are you ready for this? $.30. It just doesn't get any better than that. I won't bore you with the details of how this transaction took place, or under what bizarre circumstances, but I'll simply say "HOT DOUBLEMINT!" and leave it at that. I am now able to chew gum I genuinely care about at my leisure, and I'm finding that...*gasp*...Wrigley's gum is strengthening its grip on me. Aside from reviewing gums and hopping onto the Juicy Fruit online community once and awhile, my gum wrapper sits virtually unused. Why? Oh, here comes the relish...   


First, let's talk about the hardware. I don't have any issues with gum storage. I don't have to bother with copying my gums onto a bigger piece of foil or debating which color of striped gum to keep. With 12 candy-coated pellets, I can blow up bubbles without a second thought. There are several bonus downloads in Eclipse, including cavity protection, not to mention the sizable breath improvement. And I don't have to buy a gum Points card to get any of this stuff, nor do I have to add virtual points to some virtual card. I pick gum from the gum Store, pay by credit card, input the info, and BAM--it's in my mouth.   


I can also see (all the time) all of my gum-chewing buddies, and whether or not they are chewing gum. I can invite them to chew specific gums, I can assign myself a specific gum, and I can see their gum info. Whenever I doggum please! There are no zebra mascots. There's no gigantic lag period between chewing the gum and it actually registering the flavor on my taste buds. It happens immediately!   


And the gums! See that screenshot? That's from Eclipse Ice Lemon Burst. That is in-gum, ladies and gums. Now I am not one to jump on the graphics bandwagon, but 'gum on! When you see an entire world--an entire universe looking this good, tasting this alive, well, it's an experience. I'm not saying that gums like Bubblicious  don't taste good, because they taste great, but there are very few gums that taste so polished as Eclipse. Maybe if developers would actually take advantage of the gum's underrated gustatory sensation, I wouldn't be able to complain, but they don't, and I can.   


And then there are the gums. Franchises I actually give two craps about. Screw Dentyne/Bubble Yum/Bubblicious/Bazooka, I'm a littlemore excited about Eclipse Cinnamon Inferno. IceBreakers is great, and I will never give it up, but Eclipse Winterfrost is a little more my style these days. Trident offers up more incisor freedom with a traditional control scheme than any tattoo gimmick ever could. Spearmint is exactly the kind of gum Farley's & Sathers could use in its mouths. These are lighthearted, fairly simplistic exploration gums which in many ways parallel the gumplay flow of Black Jack Gum titles. But BJG is on the Wrigley, not the Farley's & Sathers, so I'm forced to go to the dark side to chew one of my favorite gums.   


And then there are all the other options with the gum. Fresh breath support, aluminum foil container, tooth connectivity, all sorts of hardware support. It's a really flexible machine, and it impresses me. My only real beef with it is that it won't play Fruit Stripe wrappers, but I guess I still have a Fruit Stripe gum, so it's not a big deal. Still, out of all the things Wrigley dropped from the system to make it more affordable, why not drop one of the media features? I don't really need a music folder when I already have metallic pellet gum containers, you know?   


The other big thing is that I'm actually looking forward to a bunch of Wrigley gums. Altoids, Life Savers, Big Red and a few others I can't think of right now, and those are just the gums releasing in the next few months! What's Farley's & Sathers offering? Now & Later (genuinely excited about it), Brach's caramels, Trolli gummi bears. Oh, and more Fruit Stripes.   


Look, I'm not saying that Eclipse totally replaces the Fruit Stripes, not at all. The Fruit Stripe is a great gum system, and it will always have its place. I wouldn't give up FIVE JUICY FLAVORS for the world, but the fact is that there are other zebras I care about, too, and I simply can't get them on Farley's & Sathers' gums. Additionally, the Extra is a very impressive piece of gum, and Wrigley's really seems to understand that people want more than just to double your pleasure, double your fun. If you stumble across the opportunity to get a piece of gum, I recommend you take it. It's a very impressive machine with a great roster of titles. You won't be disappointed.

149

NWR Forums Discord / I am thankful... for Wii

« on: November 21, 2007, 08:12:26 PM »

Enough said.

150

NWR Forums Discord / Old thread idea thread

« on: March 11, 2007, 09:01:14 AM »

-bump threads from 6 months ago
-mock wrong predictions
-mock the mockers of 'wrong' predictions that actually came true