Topic: Anyone else deal with depression or knows someone who does?

[Stratos]

Is there nothing you could do to bring in a better income? You could start a business. Buy old games or golf clubs, fix them up and sell them online for a profit. There are a bunch of businesses you can do from your computer at home and even a little bit of extra cash would help, wouldn't it?


Maybe finding something like that you can pour into and receive a benefit from could help you in other ways. Finding a new purpose, passion or mission is a great way to bring vitality to your life.

[MysticGohan]

I suppose if it's under the table stuff, just ssi doesn't allow for much flexibility. Just getting around is an issue. I'm good with the latest gaming info, good with computers and electronics, nothing major, but I make due with what I know. I just don't know what to do or how to go about it, given my situation.

[Stratos]

I would read some books on starting a business. I started reading one by a financial coach, Dave Ramsey, called EntreLeadership (Entrepreneurial Leadershp). It talks about how he started his business in a living room on a card table and now it is a huge national company.


After reading some I would dabble around in it on a small scale to get an idea of how much you can bring in. Who knows, maybe you could become so successful that your income could surpass SSI?


http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/how-to-tech/5-ways-to-make-money-on-internet.htm#page=10


Just make sure to only spend a set amount of money - if any - to start. That way you don't hurt your financial situation. I have an agreement with my wife I can turn "selling crap on craigslist/ebay" into a side job so long as I only use the money I make from selling our extra junk to start buying older games to resell and the money I make after that is all I can use to keep the business rolling. If it isn't sustainable then I'm stopped before I can get to our personal funds.


http://boldanddetermined.com/2014/03/31/top-10-challenges-youll-face-new-entrepreneur/


Another good reason is because studies show people (especially men it seems) are prone to depression when they do not work. Work give so much to a person and creates a lot of meaning in your life. Sitting around all day doing nothing makes you feel you are unsuccessful and that your life is worthless. Go out and find something to do. Work, volunteer, start a business, do something. Just make sure the work is something you can be passionate about so it can come as naturally as possible.

[Ceric]

Ironically I am literally sitting about 2 miles from Dave Ramsey Institution thing.  Why I don't agree with a lot of his non-financial things his plan is relatively solid in most things.

Looking around the internet it looks like you can make $750 or $1040 a month pre-tax and still be disabled.  Its a little fuzzy but, its clear on not logging more than 80 hours.  That's not much to work with is it.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I suppose if it's under the table stuff, just ssi doesn't allow for much flexibility. Just getting around is an issue. I'm good with the latest gaming info, good with computers and electronics, nothing major, but I make due with what I know. I just don't know what to do or how to go about it, given my situation.

I don't know what the income stipulations for SSI/Disability are, but some part time work from home shouldn't violate those terms should they?

This is for some AAA game testing from home. Supposedly $10.50hr a few hrs a week.
https://www.vmc.com/games/Pages/Multiplayer-Gamers-for-AAA-Titles-EGGI.aspx

https://www.facebook.com/VMCRemoteTesting?fref=ts

https://twitter.com/@VMC_GBTN

[Phil]

I'm going to call my psychiatrist today.


I had my first manic episode in over seven years a few weeks ago.
This past Wednesday night I had a mental breakdown, started crying uncontrollably, and was seriously considering ending it all.


I'm so sick of the pain, the sadness, and the loneliness.

[Ceric]

I'm going to call my psychiatrist today.


I had my first manic episode in over seven years a few weeks ago.
This past Wednesday night I had a mental breakdown, started crying uncontrollably, and was seriously considering ending it all.


I'm so sick of the pain, the sadness, and the loneliness.

That would be a good thing.

[Nile Boogie Returns]

i just read through this entire thread, and while I don't have depression, I have dealt with it on a very personal scale.


You guys may or may not have heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Sometimes we just need a push to get started on the right path to a better place. I would highly recommend checking out some of his seminars .


https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=dr+wayne+dyer


You can check him out in your spare time and not have to pay the $$$ to go see him live. Not saying this will fix everything but I truly believe for some of you guys this is the type of encouragement you may like.


Another really dope guy is Eckhart Tolle

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Eckhart+Tolle


I really hope you guys find a path to peace and true freedom of mind.  Universal mercy and love be with you all!

[MysticGohan]

It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.

lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.

No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.

My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.

I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.

I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.

All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.

I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.

I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.

I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.

Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.

I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.

I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.

I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.

I never want to go through that again...

Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.

I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.

[Wah]

I've had close friends that have dealt with depression but me myself? no. I'm to happy a guy to get bogged down.

[Phil]

I've had close friends that have dealt with depression but me myself? no. I'm to happy a guy to get bogged down.

Well, GOOD FOR YOU!

[Phil]

It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.

lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.

No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.

My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.

I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.

I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.

All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.

I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.

I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.

I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.

Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.

I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.

I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.

I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.

I never want to go through that again...

Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.

I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.

Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)

Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.

Otherwise, *bro hug*

[MysticGohan]

It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.

lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.

No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.

My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.

I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.

I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.

All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.

I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.

I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.

I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.

Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.

I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.

I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.

I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.

I never want to go through that again...

Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.

I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.

Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)

Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.

Otherwise, *bro hug*

I've tried talking, but I sometimes feel that they do not care as much as they claim.

There's really been no one, I have trust issues and it's been really hard. Somethings are just too personal, and have a wish of somethings to remain low key instead of being just blurted out.

I wish I was more... comfortable, but I don't feel attach emotionally and it's hard to relate when speaking to them, as they couldn't imagine what it's like to be so emotionally and physically attached to someone who was your world in every sense of the word.

I tend to break down when he pictures slip out or if i'm somewhere we've been.

I've always been socially drawn, as everyone in my life has hurt me, doesn't help that I tend to have high anxiety.

I don't care much about therapist, as I had a few during traumatic events in my life growing up.

[Phil]

Well, if you ever need someone you want to vent to or just want to talk out stuff, feel free to PM me.

(And I totally forgot I even made this topic. haha)

[MysticGohan]

Well, if you ever need someone you want to vent to or just want to talk out stuff, feel free to PM me.

(And I totally forgot I even made this topic. haha)

will do

[TofuFury]

I haven't read every post in this thread, but as someone who struggles with depression (and has for most of my life), I totally understand. Some days, I'm my normal, goofy self, then the littlest thing will send me down a dark path.


In 2014, I was in a pretty bad state. I felt like a failure, letting everyone down around me for no good reason, and was disappointed with where I was in life. I'd be at work, look over the edge of the huge stairwell that had a lengthy drop, and think what would happen if I just climbed over and jumped. It was never something I was serious about, but the fact that I had those thoughts at all spooked me into talking to my wife and deciding to see a counsellor every other week to talk about my problems. I was never taught how to deal with depression, and I'd let it simmer inside of me until it consumed me.


I'm glad I did that, too. Earlier this year, I was laid off from my job, and a week later my grandmother passed away from a difficult battle with cancer. We had her funeral on my birthday, and that was a rough experience.


However, through it all, I can say I have a good support system with my wife and some close friends. I went to counseling until my insurance for the sessions ran out two months later. I'm happy to say though that I'm one month into my new job, and things are doing better.


I definitely don't have all the answers. Everyone deals with depression differently, and needs different things to help overcoming it. But I do know that hearing stories about similar people who struggle with depression can encourage others, so I hope to do that with this.


If there is any way that I can help you, let me know. I know I'm just a stranger on here that posts on occasion, but if you need to talk to someone, let me know. I always look out for PMs from this forum, and I get back to anyone who messages me.

[Wah]

It's been sometime since I started this post, and in that time not much has change.

lately I'm feeling lost, depressed frustrated. I simply just miss her as she was the only person who understood me, and enjoyed everyday with her. I just feel such loneliness, and it's more than just words that can say just how I feel about her.

No woman has ever been this close to me other than Mom, who passed away when I was 15, and I never knew why until years later. And then I had a family to take care of and went on a road to depression to maintain everything.

My history is drenched is a lot of heartache, I was born pre-mature by 3 months, I've dealt with blood transfusions, to under developed lungs, going through therapy both physical and speech. I did not walk until 3 years old, I did not talk until 4. I weighed only 2lbs when born.

I had people who made promises, but never kept them. My parents had issues and thus other people would interfere in my world and cause harm, this was a constant theme.

I've dealt with bullies at school, I was always picked on as I was different. Wither it was at school or on the street.

All throughout school from elementary to highschool, and my own father never had patience with me as a child, and I would get yelled at, simply because I did not know what tool to bring him, as I did not know what a ratchet or socket sizes are at 6yrs old.

I tried helping my dad after almost nearly losing my brother in a car crash that left him brain damaged, but my father got remarried and decided I was no longer needed.

I feel hurt, I feel pain, I just love her and miss her. She was all I could ever asked for.

I try doing what I can to make others happy, but I'm finding I can't make myself happy. Just a lot reminds me of how much I miss her.

Last year I thought it was over, I nearly collapsed after going outside to take the pets outs, things just didn't feel right, I tried sitting down. But I started to feel queasy and dizzy, buzzing sounds where starting to ring in my ears, I knew I wasn't going to last long, I yelled at the dogs to get them in, I started to lose balance and everything started to go black, I tried getting inside to the house, walking was difficult, I was finding it hard to breathe.

I got in the house, barely had the energy to shut the door, climbed on the couch and went fetal position and tried to breathe. It was hell and scary, I thought it was game over.

I was too tired to do anything and I'm alone at that point.

I did went to the ER, but they couldn't find anything. The next several days I felt tired and sick.

I never want to go through that again...

Just so much throughout the years that just weighs on me and I've never felt as alone as I do.

I know there's been advice and support, I just find it very difficult.

Well, first of all, just ignore Lucario's inconsiderate, insensitive need to say he's never had depression and is a happy dude in a topic where people are sharing their struggles with depression. (Seriously, Lucario, what the hell?)

Secondly, I'm glad you wrote all this out and confided in us as a community. We're definitely here for you in case you don't feel that no one else in your life is. Do you have someone in your life that you can confide in as well, like a therapist? I think that would be extremely beneficial for you if you don't have someone like that already.

Otherwise, *bro hug*

no I just meant, ugh nevermind...

[lolmonade]

I don't have long term depression, but have been struggling with it over the last 4-6 months due to my wife and I separating, and the emotional fallout I've been reconciling since then.


The immediate thought a lot of people seem to think is that depression is defined as a deep, neverending sadness.  Might be true for some, but for me, it's manifested as brief periods of that deep sadness or anger, along with a sustained loss of passion or interest of anything in life, with exception to my kids.


Food loses its taste, or more specifically, I stop caring about how good things taste.


Hobbies don't provide me with any joy or entertainment like they used to.  Gaming has all but stopped with exception to a few rounds of Rocket League if just to keep my mind occupied from idle thought.


I pile all my expendable energy into necessities or project you need done, not because I'm motivated, but because I need to occupy every waking moment with something to keep me from having time alone with my thoughts.  Mercifully, I've bought a fixer upper house to move me and my boys into, which has provided me with a healthy outlet in the evenings and weekends.  When not doing that, I try to go running or exercising in some fashion and exert whatever excess energy I have left because I want to wear myself out completely and be able to just pass out on my pillow at night.


When that doesn't work, I find myself in bed at night lost in my thoughts and feelings of heartache, loss, anguish, resentment, etc.  Music sometimes helps with sorting these all out, but just as often I find myself sinking into the floor, walls feeling like they're collapsing on me.  It's hard to elaborate beyond that, but it's a horrible feeling that doesn't go away until I fall asleep and can start the routine the next day.


And yet, despite all that, I don't want to be around anyone.  I want to be alone, am sick and tired of keeping the appearance of being an even tempered, rational adult who has their **** together.  But I have responsibilities/commitments to keep, and an obligation to keep my kids as well taken care of as I can and limit the impact this all has on them, even though I know it is. 


My therapist likens it to me going through the different stages of grief, as if there was a death i'm mourning.  And in some ways, I am mourning the relationship I had with my wife.  I just don't know if there's anything to salvage at the end of this mourning process. 


Don't take this as me downplaying or likening my personal turmoil to the actual tragedy you've been dealt, MysticGohan, only another person's perspective.  I know you've got the longer measuring stick, it's just that for me, all this pain and hurt is relative.

[Wah]

To all those peps who have friends with depression the best thing you can do is well smile, be there for them and be their councillor!

[Wah]

^^^ is what I meant to say

[Phil]

Oh, you're fine, Lucario!  :

[Wah]

As fine as that sexy avatar? XD

[supermario2k]

To all those peps who have friends with depression the best thing you can do is well smile, be there for them and be their councillor!

Actually as someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety, that is the worst thing you can do. It patronizes them and makes them feel like you don't really care. Even if you are sincere just, smiling at someone and reminding them of how unhappy they are doesn't really help.

Also unless you are a fully trained, properly licensed counselor you should not even try to counsel someone with depression, you might do more harm than good. Be a good friend, listen to what they have to say, listen don't try to fix, and don't push them away when they come to you in need, that is better advice. Your heart was in the right place, I think, but your advice was not that sound, just FYI in case you actually do have friends with depression.

[Phil]

Yeah, very much agreed, supermario2k.

[segagamersteph]

Wow, okay so looking back on my past accounts made me realize just how much I did struggle with depression and anxiety. Ever since I found myself back in Nevada I have been fighting it off again. When I started telling people about the secret life I was hiding it was a weight off my shoulders. It felt like so much of what was eating me alive was because I couldn't be true to who I was inside. Then I moved back in with my parents. They live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. I can't tell them yet out of fear they would kick me out. I know they say they love and support me no matter what, but based on things they say while watching cable news makes me reluctant to share too much right now.
This has put me in a weird position where I am not only living with my parents, a nightmare for anyone in their 30's that struggled to get out on their own in the first place. Its even worse knowing what they would think of me or do to me if they knew I was different than they raised me. It's even harder still being back in the town I went to high school. Where a lot of my problems began. I tried to make the most of it, being optimistic about starting a news site, talking to people about forming a Rotary Club, etc., then it hit me, all I am doing is planting my feet in a town I want desperately to leave again.
Either I dig myself in and make this my home, which would push my depression beyond the point where I could ever get back out. Or I cut and run leaving the people behind with high hopes and nothing to show for all the work I am doing just to get out of bed each day.
The job search has improved but again, every time I get good news something happens that pulls the rug out from under my feet.
It was hard enough when I kept things secret and just dealt with the anxiety of hoping nobody would find out. Telling people has been a double edged sword. The relief of getting it off my chest was a stress release I needed. But it's such a small town, the more people who find out the harder it will be to keep from my parents. I've considered just rippng the band aid off but I feel like I would be wiser to wait till I have a job and get into my own place first.
Or, I seek counseling and go back to living a lie.