Topic: MYSTERY FUNHOUSE THEATER!!! *31 Days* Halloween Movie Marathon! *31 Movies*

[BeautifulShy]

This is the sequel. House on Haunted Hill I believe was the first one.I think there was one in the 70's I think.Need to double check.

[jrlibrarian]

This is the page for the movie from the 50's.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051744/
 
This other movie of the same title, House on Haunted Hill, is the movie Return is based on.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185371/

[Kytim89]

There is this really hot chick in this film by the name of Cerina Vincent who just so happens to be the former yellow power ranger on Lost Galaxy.

 

[ThePerm]

Cerina Vincent is your modern scream queen, you may also recognize her from Cabin Fever.

[BlackNMild2k1]

You all better VOTE, and give more suggestions too.
Otherwise I'm gonna have to send my boy Diddy to your house





and you don't want Diddy knocking on your door.... trust me.

[Peachylala]

I voted for Yoga Inc., so I voted. No angry black guy coming to my house tonight.

[Halbred]

VOTE OR DIE

[broodwars]

I can do without another Spider movie, thanks.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I just reset the vote today, so if you voted yesterday, please do it again.

....now I gotta make sure to watch RtHoHH sometime tonite.

[broodwars]

I just reset the vote today, so if you voted yesterday, please do it again.

....now I gotta make sure to watch RtHoHH sometime tonite.

Yeah, same here depending on if my Mass Effect audiobooks arrive today or not (they were supposed to arrive yesterday).  Otherwise, I'll watch it tomorrow night.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I find it funny how we always wait until the last day to watch a movie we've had all week to watch especially when we knew ahead of time what that movie was gonna be, when it was gonna start and when it was gonna end.

I've dumped all my extra time into L4D2, so I've barely even been on the forums, but I'll make sure to watch it today at some point.

[broodwars]

I find it funny how we always wait until the last day to watch a movie we've had all week to watch especially when we knew ahead of time what that movie was gonna be, when it was gonna start and when it was gonna end.

We're gamers.  We have plenty of stuff to take up our free time, and honestly I find it hard at times to give up an evening to watch and comment on what is usually a spectacularly bad movie (seriously, we've had what...3 decent movies so far: Rocketeer, Starship Troopers, and Eight Legged Freaks?).  It's just hard to muster the energy for that, especially when commenting on the movie means dragging out the experience by stopping it every 10 minutes or so to write something/post a screen capture + captions.

[BlackNMild2k1]

please, make some better suggestions.

The streaming site seems to have just about every movie we've done so far (except for The Flinstones), and we desperately need more suggestions for movies anyway. There are only 2 at the moment.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I've got the feeling that I've seen this before, but I think I'll have to wait until they actually get to the house to find out.

anyways....


"My sister has been trying to reach me for weeks now and I've been ignoring all her calls, text messages & e-mails. But now that she shot herself in the face I need to know why she was trying to contact me"

I think if you actually gave a damn you would have responded to one of her urgent voicemails. If you couldn't be bothered just this morning, why pretend to give a **** now?

edit: ....Oh, I understand why now.

turns out she was crazy

OH ****!!!

Who's crazy now!? (She sees dead people!!)

Good thing the crazy Professor showed up.

Had to get everyones mind off the fact that someone just died, her sister in fact, and there are much more important things at hand. Like an ancient artifact that is hidden somewhere in an abandoned Insane Asylum. The same Insane Asylum that the sole survivor witnessed people getting murdered by supernatural spirits in.


And incomes the crazy bad guys.... there is a lot of crazy people in this movie so far.

It's a good thing her (dead)sister sent her the missing journal(that leads to the artifact), otherwise those badguys would feel pretty foolish barging into her place like that.


and off to the House on Haunted Hill we go....... again.
Only this time we are apparently splitting into 2 teams.


Team Crazy and Team Crazier!


Who will get to the prize first... and who will make it out alive.
Stay tuned, this story is just getting started.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Thing to note;

This place sure has great lighting for
1) It being an abandoned building that hasn't been used for a decade or 2, and
2) it being the middle of the night
 
OK, so not only does this mansion have excellent lighting in the middle of the night, but it also has electricity and machinery that is still running on it's own without any maintenance.... I guess they really just don't build them like they used to anymore.




Now it's time for a little game I like to call
GUESS WHO'S FIRST TO DIE!!!!



It's a multiple choice game and you only get to pick one answer. Here we go.
These are your 3 choices.


a) The Midget
b) The Black Guy
c) The Blind Guy with the Seeing Eye Dog


::Jeopardy tune::


if you picked A or C, then you wrong
the correct answer was :drum roll:
B

The Black Guy


I think I like where this is going



Correction; I definitely like where this is headed
[censored]http://i27.tinypic.com/141s7l2.jpg[/censored]
Talk about being touched by a spirit, this chick feels dead people




AHHHH!


That went from HOT to NOT real quick.



Yeah.... thats what I was thinking

[BlackNMild2k1]

Hey, WTF!! Who put this big as puddle of blood here!? It wasn't here 2 seconds ago when we came running upstairs and seen all the blood all over the place.


Yay!!!!! She got out of the house just before lockdown and just narrowly avoided getting shot in the process!!!



Oh No!!! Her BF isn't in the car....


Well it's a good thing the House is a gentleman and opened the door for her again so she could go back in and rescue him....



You mean everyone was 15 feet from the open door and she didn't just call out to her BF to run back to the door?

Scratch that, everyone was 15 ft from the door and she didn't run past her BF on her way out?

Hold up, everyone was 15 feet from the loud ass steel door and no one heard it open again?


After everything that happened, why would this meat head wander off by himself?

Also this movie is all the proof you need that anyone with a gun is automatically a badass motherf'er and should not be toyed with.




52:45
It's such a shame that it took the drowning of someone for the two people on the walkway to think of trying to get them out of the water by using some of the dangling chains. You'd figure a professor might have been smart enough to have thought of that one sooner.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Oh, Look!!! All the furniture is on the ceiling..... why don't I go and stand underneath it all.



Well what do you know?

A secret passage inside one of the cremation incinerator ovens.
I wonder where it leads....


(am I ever gonna finish this movie?)


...Oh it leads to room, deep below this giant Asylum that "The Heart of the House" and made of flesh with an Idol as the central source of Supernatural Power
now why didn't I see that coming?

[BlackNMild2k1]

Look at the way she grips it.... both hands like she knows what she's doing.

Oh no... no NOOOOOO, not so rough, your gonna rip it off!!!!

..........OUCH. Too Late.




Now on to the sure to be lame ass ending, just like most horror movies. Gotta find some ridiculously stupid way to wrap all this up.


fastforwarding...... bad guy incinerated


fastforwarding...... group gets separated


fastforwarding...... girl hold idol up above her head for 30 seconds while contemplating her love for the whole she is about to stuff the thing into as if it was a stake in her hand and she was about to kill her current lover who had just been turned into a vampire or something.
But uh oh, the professor won't let her do it.
::cue badly choreographed fight scene::


3 seconds of outstretched reach as if she couldn't have made an attempt at getting up to reach the idol that was knocked out of her hands and the professor pounces her. This is exciting 


fastforwarding...... fastforwarding...... fastforwarding...... idol down the drain, ghost turn on former abuser, girl and BF make it out alive!! Yay it's over.


p.s. they both drive off in the one car they didn't & couldn't have had the keys to. The one belonging to the bad guys.

[broodwars]

Alright, let's get this over with.  I'm in a really bad mood right now after Amazon and UPS have managed to team up to completely lose a much-wanted package of mine, so I might as well take it out on Return to House on Haunted Hill.   

0:07:05

We start off with an opening credit sequence that's reminiscent of the opening to Condemned: Criminal Origins (only it makes a great deal less sense.  Is some of this footage taken from this movie's predecessor?) and full of "scary" images that just scream "hey, this is a horror movie!  Did we just BLOW YOUR MIND?!", we're introduced to our main cast of whores; slackers; *rhymes with "witches"*; and what looks like the token archeology author/professor.  Man, I'm just so attached to these losers already, because there's definitely someone to cheer for in this lot.  I'd wish for all of them to meet a quick and decisive end, but Psycho is oddly-enough the only horror movie I've ever seen that dared to kill off the main characters at the beginning of the story where they deserve it.

And lady, if you see your voice mail and call list full of calls from your sister, you just may want to call her back instead of just ignoring her.

And hey, Jeffery Combs is in this!  If he's anywhere near as good in this as he was in Enterprise (Shran) and The New Batman Adventures (Scarecrow), he'll easily be the most awesome character in this movie!

0:16:15

Man, these goons are geniuses.  They apparently had the talent to make a murder look like a suicide, yet apparently didn't think to simply ransack the main character's house while she was at work.  No, instead they had to wait till she got home and checked her mail, and then break in and kidnap the two leads.  Brilliant!

[broodwars]

0:21:15

Ugh...they did it.  They actually did it.  The moment they revealed that one of the main characters was an archeology professor I was knew they just couldn't resist ripping off probably Indiana Jones' most famous line: "IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!"  Sure enough, barely even 20 minutes in, they did it.  This movie's off to a fine start already.   

0:24:24

"Aren't you going to even give me a goodbye kiss?"  Hello, sudden and bizarre lesbian undertones.       Oh, and I'm pretty sure that if a series of giant gears has triggered a massive lockdown of the facility, shooting the gears till they stop doesn't do anything to reverse the process.   

0:25:27

Wow, just when I was ready to shout "Let's split-up, gang!" a character actually comes out and asks the obvious question: "Are you really suggesting that we split-up in a HAUNTED HOUSE?!"  Point goes to the movie on openly questioning that cliche.
 

[broodwars]

0:50:14

Ok, how does a grown man get knocked unconscious by getting pushed into a vat of freezing water, yet the girl in the skimpier clothing can dive right in and swim around it just fine?  And crap, my favorite character just bit it.   

And incidentally, the end is in sight and although Combs has shown up a few times, he hasn't spoken a single line yet and I get the feeling he won't.  What a waste of Jeffrey Combs, a guy with an awesome voice....

1:05:06

Let's see...we have a movie featuring an archeology professor searching for lost treasure, and now we have a moment where someone has to take a small golden idol off a pedestal in a room that just screams "booby trap".  Nah, I can't imagine what they're ripping off, though I have a feeling that our heroes are going to start wishing they'd brought bags of sand with them very soon.

[broodwars]

And...done, and as expected the ending was thoroughly underwhelming, though at least they had the dignity to not try to sequel-bait for another movie (which I figured would be a given once the grand plan was revealed to simply flush the idol down the sewer system to get it out of the house).  Overall, it was a pretty standard-issue horror movie.  There were some good creepy bits, some good gory kills, and some good atmosphere.  There's just nothing about the movie that stands out in any way, and it's practically a crime to bring in Jeffrey Combs just to shout "No!  No! NOOO!" at the end of the movie.  It was better than I expected, but my expectations were pretty low.

[BlackNMild2k1]

Vampire's Kiss
Streaming: Hulu or LetMeWatchThis

Year: 1989
Rating: R
Length: 1hr 43.5 minutes (1:43:36)
Starring: Nicolas Cage

Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage, in an all-encompassing performance) is a sleazy literary agent who prowls the bars looking for action. One night he hooks up with Rachel (Jennifer Beals), who, in the course of their evening together, bites him on the neck. The next morning, when Peter is feeling out of sorts, he decides that a vampire bit him. The next step: Buy a real set of fangs, of course ... even though most people don't believe he's a vampire.

Ok, I brought the Garlic Butter Popcorn and ordered an XXX-Large 104oz Holy Water from the concession stand. I had to bring the T-Bone steak from home. I don't think any vampire wants to mess with me right now.

[broodwars]

Ok, Nicholas Cage is in this?  Yeah, this movie probably just got a lot more enticing to watch, though Cage is a bit of a soft target with his "acting."  I think I'll get this one knocked out probably Friday night after work.  Remedy is releasing the first piece of Alan Wake DLC next Wednesday, so I want to make sure my evening's clear that night.   

[BlackNMild2k1]

We also need more movie suggestions people. Thy well runeth dry.




I think I'm gonna suggest Aliens & Nightmare on Elm Street (1 and/or 4)