this isn't so much as a secret because i tell everyone who becomes my friend, but i haven't divulged this interesting story into the forums.
A couple of years back I had this friend and her name was, well we'll call her Shirly. When I met her I was dating my Ex, we'll call her Morgan. Anyhow, I was unavailable, and when that happens every single girl becomes interested in you. A couple months later Morgan decides to move out of our apartment and dump me, it kinda sucked but i got over it. So, by this time Shirly and I are great friends. I had grown a crush on her, and was thinking about altering the field of our relationship. I was in the friends zone however. Which is fine, because she's a completely gross looking person now and hangs out with drag queens. At the time however she was cute.
So, we were eating out at Olivie Garden and we really don't know what to do after dinner. She comes up with the idea to go do Karaoke. She calls 411 and gets the address to this karaoke place, but its closed. So we drive around for about an hour until we find this karaoke place on the edge of town called Margarita bay. We park and start to walk in. We get carded by this guy named Rich. However, his shift is ending.
We get in this bar and theres a shitload of old people, and a few younger people. So, we sit around. I'm kinda nervous because i hadn't done karaoke before. I drove, so i couldn't drink. She wanted to drink though. So she buys a long island iced tea(which is for me a personal favorite). She then proceeds to start talking trash about how I'm such a light weight and how she can out-drink me. We had drank before together, but nothing happened. So, she gets up to start singing, and I'm still trying to pick out a song. I end up picking a Beatles song(which in hindsight is a terrible idea, I have a low pitched voice, i should be singing like pear jam to Elton John.) Anyway, she sang Barbie girl, or talked Barbie girl. I can't really say that what she did constituted singing, because it really sucks. By the way Simon Cowell is usually dead on in his assessments on American Idol. After the song was over, Rich comes over and starts hitting on her. they ask if were together and we just say were friends. so he buys her a drink. he buys her shots of tequila and shots of goldschlager.
So i go sing, and she's over at another table chatting up rich and a regular named Addam who works for ATF, we know this because he mentions it about 30 times in a conversation. She gets a Midori, and we all agree to sing Time Warp together. After Time warp i get this phone call from my brother and then walk outside to talk to him, and tell him what im up to. I only talk for like 5 minutes.
I come back and Shirly is puking all over herself, she pukes in wine glasses, on Rich's feet, before i left for the phone she seemed perfectly sober, when i get back she's just gone and drooling puke all over everything. We decide to take her outside and get her some water. she sat on a trash can puking all over herself. The bar owner walks out and doesnt really care, he just tells us that if were outside we have to have closed containers. He finishes his cigarette and soon after i leave i hear this eruption of sound coming out her ass, like some low rumbling grow of some grizzly bear, or frickin mount vesuvious erupting all over pompei. I'm like wtf. so she gets dragged into the bathroom, while im going to get her a water bottle from the nearby laundromat. I come back to see that she had to go to the bathroom because she shit herself. she is carried out of the bathroom by some fat gothic wench and addams wife who just arrived in time to miss him hitting on her and buying her drinks. she was wearing tight white pants, at least they were white until the big shit trail leaked down her pants. t was all over. We all decide that its best to take her home, or at least thats addams opinion. so she's carried into my car, the deal is shelly was wearing tight white pants and a thong, so now the crap that is coming out through her ass cleavage onto my seat and she is continuing to puke all over herself in my car. The smell is horrible.
So, we arrive home. Greeted by her roomate melissa. who tells us that she knew something like this would happen with Shirly. So she hands me some carpet cleaner and i proceed to clean this diarrhea off my car seat until it is completely clean. I get some of it on my hands whilst cleaning, and it was some fowl liquidy stuff. I go up stairs wash my hands in the kitchen, and go to see what is up with Shirly. They had to throw her crap filled white pants away, she is being hosed off in the shower by Addam and his wife.
a couple of weeks ago my brother spilled some cheezits on the seat, he didn't really care so much, but then i reminded him what had happend on the seat whil he was chewing. Obviously he was grossed out.
Topic: Confess your secrets here. (Read 21162 times)
