I didn't want to put this in the fun house because I know the nature of this place would make it difficult to take seriously. However, due to the nature of my struggle, previous relationship and current situation, I felt like it would be pest to post this here.
This is all a part of my therapy. Getting over the anxiety of the past starts with correcting the mistakes I have made. I need to first apologize to everyone here I have wronged. I was not the most mature poster and I blamed my behavior on my perceived bullying. In fact the truth is far more real than that. My struggle comes from a place I was not willing to admit. This is my true confession, and it's as real and heartfelt as possible.
The real reason I was such a angry, nasty person, while not excusable it's the truth, is I was struggling with accepting the truth I was a transgendered woman stuck in a man's body fighting my own disgust and hatered of myself. It was not easy for me to get to a place where I can freely admit not only to myself but to those around me. So far my family has been very understanding, more so than I anticipated considering our Baptist upbringing.
My struggle increased when I moved from somewhat conservative Nevada to really consevative Nebraska to the least friendly state to trans people, Texas. I think facing my own fears was the first step. I am not afraid of being who I am any more. I am here to say my old self, the angry man who denied her womanhood, is gone. I am thus, using this opportunity to reveal to you all, as part of my journey to transforming into the woman I need to be to find my happiness I was missing out on all these years.
I am also here to say, there, if you wanted to know why I was such a terrible person it was because I was facing hating myself, shame, fear disgust combined with guilt over just needing to express myself as a woman and never having the courage to do so. I finally met a woman, an Arab of all people, in Texas, who has gone out of her way to not only be accepting of me but supportive as well.
I know there is a rule against politics and religion and, well since i am not planning on sticking around as I am not sure what response I will receive, I just want everyone to know, the haters, the bullies, the people I maybe attacked unfairly and those who I perceived as haters who weren't, I want everyone to know this is the real me, the real truth and I am deeply ashamed of my previous behavior and now you all know more about why I was not cool.
I am still a Nintendo gamer at heart, gamer girl in real life and a true Sega fan. I am no longer using my given name, so my nickname which was based on his initials, are also no longer a part of my life.
FOr the purposes of moving on and allowing the healing to begin I want everyone to know THE RAT is no longer a part of my life.
I am leaving my email here for any women, trans or otherwise, who wish to offer me support, advice, or encouragement please feel free to do so. Everyone else, please let the rat die, he was garbage and in his place is Stephanie, a woman who is finally free of her past. Thank you all for the memories, even the bad ones were grounded in some fun arguments.
(This is not a joke post I only put it here where those I needed to see it would.)
Insanolord, I want you to know I won't be sticking around, I respect my ban and my need to be away from this place, all I ask is you leave this here for those that knew the rat can forgive me for being a monster and know as Stephanie I am trying to be a better person all the way around.
segagamersteph@gmail.com I am also on twitter, segagamersteph, thanks all. stay cool. Enjoy the Switch I am LOVING it myself.
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