Excerpt from the website
Hummingbird Post:
Rin Tin Tin Under Fire Over Wrongful Townie Bear DeathA honeyed trap laid out by police has come under fire after it resulted in the wrongful death of a local bear. Winnie the Stratos Pooh Bear is a long time resident known to many locals as a friendly although somewhat dim fixture of the Den region. Although he had many virtues, he also had one vice and it was that love of honey vice which resulted in his death. Following up from their successful bust of Shere Khan's number 1 man, Rin Tin Tin and the Mafia Task Force, appointed by Insanolord the Mule to round up Khan and eliminate his shadowy organization, set up a trap to capture more members of this Khan mafia. Using notes from Jacala the Crocodile on the Khan Honey trade, Rin Tin Tin and his men set up a fake honey den under the guise of working for Khan in hopes of finding other animals involved in the real organization. It was at this den that Stratos met his demise.
Witnesses say that Stratos entered the den to purchase some honey after being overcome with sudden urge and craving for the stuff. After completing the sale and sampling some of the goods, police suddenly swarmed Stratos to put him under arrest. After initial attempts to get Stratos to talk failed, he was put up against a wall where police beat him until one officer went too far and killed the bear.
Local animals on the scene recorded the event and have posted it online. We are about to show it to you now. We warn you the following video may be too graphic for some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.
Khushrenada the Cat has issued the following statement on the matter: "After further investigation, it has been revealed that Stratos was an innocent townie just like you and I trying to make the best of life here in the Animal Kingdom. My opponent has shown what electing him will mean to the great nation of ours. Increased police presence with unchecked power and unnecessary animal abuse. If elected, I will see to it that the Pawtriot Act is overturned and we increase surveillance measures instead. It was months of surveillance beforehand on the Serengeti Strip that lead to its successful raid not the enacting of the Pawtriot act. That should be our focus instead of the entrapment and wrongful deaths we now seeing occur."
As for Insanolord, his staff issued a brief comment on the matter stating that they take the event very seriously and the Pawtriot act does not mean the officers involved won't face disciplinary action. He also stressed that the actions of one or two officers should not be used to define the actions of all officers working in the Animal Kingdom, many of whom are helping keep us safe everyday and have been further aided in this regard by the Pawtriot Act.
With this recent tragedy, Insanolord's approval in election polls has begun to dip causing Khushrenada the Cat's campaign headquarters to launch a new ad for the electorate. Here's an early look:
VOTE KHUSHRENADA! HE GETS THE JOB DONE!
Suddenly hearing a rustling in the bushes nearby, the Man picked up his rifle and steadied it towards the noise. Waiting and wondering if this was his quarry now near to him, he felt his trigger finger get tense. Had it been hunting him? Was this the moment he had been waiting for? He suddenly realized he was perspiring on his forehead as he continued to watch the rustling bushes. Then, from out of the bushes... leapt a cat! The Man fired his rifle taking off a chunk of the cat's tail. It cried out in pain while jumping from the surprise sound of the rifle shot. It took off like a rocket off into the bushes and jungle. The Man was stunned for a moment, then slackened his body. What was a Norwegian Forest Cat doing here of all places, the Man wondered.
Suddenly, there was another roar and shriek that pierced the air. The Man bolted upright and stared out into the distance. Through the jungle growth, The Man could make out some flashes of orange. Then he saw it. A tiger with the Norwegian Forest Cat in its mouth. It seemed to make eye contact with the Man from so great a distance. Then, that brief contact was broken as the tiger turned and disappeared into the underbrush. The Man's eyes narrowed. His prey was here after all. "I'm coming for you," he muttered. With a rage instantly boiling up inside him, the Man then began to yell out into the jungle for every creature to hear. "You hear me?! I'm coming for you, Khan! KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"
In the jungle, Shere Khan turned and walked down an abandoned river bed. He threw the lifeless carcass of the Norwegian Forest Cat named pokepal148 from his mouth and onto the ground. "Sorry old chap but I can't have word getting out yet about the Man in our midst," he said to the lifeless corpse. He then stepped into a nearby phone booth to call in a tip as to the whereabouts of pokepal's remains.
"Hello, officer? I'd like to report sighting a dead Norwegian Forest Cat," mumbled Khan, hiding his voice.
"Dead? Are you sure he isn't just resting?" asked the officer on the end of the phone line.
"Look, matey, I know a dead cat when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now," answered Khan.
"No, no, he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable cat, the Norwegian Forest, idn'it, ay? Beautiful fur!" replied the officer.
"The fur don't enter into it. It's stone dead," said Khan, baffledly.
"Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!" insisted the officer.
"All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!" Khan angrily shot back. Shouting at the body, Khan yelled, "'Ello, Mister Pokey Pally! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you!" He continued yelling while now hitting the body repeatedly, "'ELLO POKEY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!" Khan then took pokepal's body off the ground and swung it towards a nearby tree with the head bouncing off a root. Khan then threw the body up in the air and watched it plummet to the floor and not land on its feet.
"Now that's what I call a dead cat," Khan stated.
"No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!" argued the officer.
"STUNNED?!?" asked Khan incredulously.
"Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Forests stun easily, mister," explained the officer.
"Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That cat is definitely deceased. There's no other explanation," said Khan definitively.
"You know, you're probably right," conceded the officer.
"Thank you," Khan said peevishly.
"He's probably not stunned. He's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords," continued the officer.
"PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?? Look, why did he fall flat on his back just now when I threw him in the air?" Khan angrily questioned.
"The Norwegian Forest prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable cat, id'nit, squire? Lovely fur!" answered the officer.
"Look, I took the liberty of examining this cat before I called and I discovered it stiff as a tree trunk from rigor mortis," Khan replied exasperatedly.
There was a pause. Finally, thought Khan, this idiot gets it.
"Well, o'course it was stiff! If us animal officers don't stiffen those cats up, they'll have been able to get so limp and flexible that they could break in and enter anywhere, steal the valuables inside and VOOM! Meowmeowmeow away with the loot," the officer said defensively.
""VOOM"?!? Mate, this cat wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!" shouted Khan, losing all his patience.
"No no! 'E's pining!" insisted the officer again.
" 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This cat is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-CAT!!" Khan yelled explosively.
There was another pause on the line.
"I see. Well, I guess someone should come down and investigate the matter," the officer muttered.
"Yes! Finally! Do so," pleaded Khan.
"Let me put you through to someone who can help you with that," the officer continued and then he put Khan on hold.
"No no no no no!" Khan shouted into the receiver but it was too late.
After a few minutes, another voice came on the line.
"Hello?" it asked.
"Hello! Hello! Can you hear me?" said Khan desperately.
"Yes, hello. I can hear you. I understand you've found a resting cat. That isn't really a matter for the police, sir" answered the voice cheerfully.
Suddenly, a platypus walked up to Khan. "Alright, alright! Stop this story! It's gotten much too silly," it ordered. Then a stray iguana ran up to them and said, "It's......"
.....ANIMAL KINGDOM MAFIA DAY 3 (boomed a voice from nowhere)