Topic: MYSTERY FUNHOUSE THEATER!!! *31 Days* Halloween Movie Marathon! *31 Movies*

[broodwars]

ok, I had many errands to run, but I plan on watching ELF now even though we are technically onto the next movie Troll 2.

I'll post the start for that later.

I'm listening to a Linkara interview right now, but I'll get to the movie later tonight.  Don't know how much I'm going to post, though.  I'm just too damn tired, so I may just stick with a mini-review like my "Rate last movie you've seen" posts.

[BeautifulShy]

Yay Return to House on Haunted Hill is going to be after Troll 2!

[broodwars]

Well, so much for that.  The interview was great, but it was one of those stupid .mp3s embedded in the page (and you're stuck listening to it again from the very beginning) and I accidentally closed the page.  Oh well, guess I'd better start this.

0:03:25

Gee, another monster movie where the creatures were created by someone accidentally dumping radioactive/biohazardous materials into the environment.  I'm sensing a theme here.     On a better night, I probably would have posted a pic of that Shock Jock with some witty quip related to Fallout 3's Three Dog radio host, so just make up your own tonight.  The guy's such a jabbering collection of stereotypes it shouldn't be that hard.

On a surprising note, I didn't know that Warner Bros. made this film.  Huh.  At least the special effects will probably be decent *Ellipses*

[BlackNMild2k1]

Yay Return to House on Haunted Hill is going to be after Troll 2!

Poll doesn't end till Sunday, New Movies on Wednesdays.

|-Sun-|-Mon-|-Tue-|-Wed-|-Thur-|-Fri-|-Sat-|-Sun-|-Mon-|-Tue-|-Wed-|-Thur-|-Fri-|-Sat-|-Sun-|

New Movies = Blue
New Poll = Red

[broodwars]

0:08:24

No, not the parrot!      Seriously, I'm starting to think the actual Eight Legged Freak in this movie is "Joshua", the incredibly creepy dumbass running a Spider Farm (who outside of Hollywood does that?  The damn things survive well enough on their own without us making the situation worse and breeding them) who decides nothing bad can come from suddenly supersized crickets making his spiders grow rapidly.      The moron got what he deserved as a Darwin Award candidate.

Oh yeah, insert a Power Rangers reference here related to "make my monster...GROWWWWWW!"

Ugh, this movie's going to be a chore to sit through, not because it's bad but because I have a severe hatred of spiders.  The thing seriously creep me out, no matter how big they are.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I don't have Arachnophobia(another movie we should add to MFT if it's available) but if I ever seen a spider this big it's every man for themselves.




Oh that right Polly..... that goes for Parrots too

[Stratos]

Spiders make me jumpy. I was going to start it now but my toes get all tingly when I see spiders. UGH

Can't watch this at computer because I don't like my toes being where I can't see them where spiders could get them.

[broodwars]

0:21:23

Ok, that scene with the cat in the drywall solidified what I had suspected for about 15 minutes prior: this is a comedy in disguise, a tongue-in-cheek homage to the "B movies" of old.  You might remember that the big reason I was angry with Raptor Island was because it was incredibly lazy?  This movie goes for a similar target that that movie did, but it is most certainly not lazy.  It's stupid to be sure, but that's kind of the point and the movie knows it.  And if you're going to be a stupid movie/TV show, you might as well run with it.  So far, I'm enjoying this movie far more than I thought I would going in, though this is definitely a "ONCE EVER" kind of movie, because I really hate spiders.

[Stratos]

0:01:00

"Do you know fear?"

Yes, the thought of watching this movie brings me fear.

[BlackNMild2k1]

"Whoooo Doggie is sure is gosh darn hot out here!"

"It's hard work cleaning up this all toxic material and too doggone hot to be wearing these gloves"

"Damn.... Wish I had some Sweet Tea to go with the gentle breeze comin from this here babblin creek"

We gotta take a moment to listen to a few brief messages from our sponsors, but during the break, let's see if you can guess whats gonna happen next


A: Officer Dumbass grows long locks of beautiful flowing hair
B: Officer Dumbass grabs a mop and turns into the Toxic Avenger
C: Officer Dumbass becomes a giant freakin spider
D: I have no clue, lets get back to the movie already.

[broodwars]

0:24:46

Sweet mother of...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, KID?!  You open the door TO A SPIDER FARM, see a solid wall of webbing in front of you, and your first inclination is not to run back to the nearest house and use the phone to call the police?!  Instead, you just brush off the massive webbing and continue wandering inward?  I hope you die, and I hope you die in a particularly painful way!  Characters like you are too stupid to live!

[Stratos]

When I was little, I thought there was an unwritten rule that animals and children did not die in movies. LOL

[BlackNMild2k1]

All the above scene needs is a blunt, a bed & me and there are several fantasies involving a mother daughter combo I could fulfill here.

[broodwars]

When I was little, I thought there was an unwritten rule that animals and children did not die in movies. LOL

Well, actually it is an unwritten rule in Hollywood that the two things you can never kill are children and dogs, so you aren't far off.  Sadly, this little dumbass is protected by the MPAA, so there's a 99.9% chance he'll live through this...and probably make plans to start his own Spider Farm at the end of the movie to end it on an "ironic" note.

[BlackNMild2k1]

I've never paid to watch a fight before, but this is one fight where I think I could get some friends together to get the Pay-Per-View taken care of.


also kinda reminds me of that pic where two people were getting it on on the hood of the car. All that was left where hand and "body" prints in the dust.

fake edit: yeah this pic



and seriously, after watching something put imprints of your cats face, in exquisite detail I might add, why would you still be standing around in that house look like this?

GET THE F$&% OUT OF THERE!!!

[ThePerm]

When I was little, I thought there was an unwritten rule that animals and children did not die in movies. LOL

Well, actually it is an unwritten rule in Hollywood that the two things you can never kill are children and dogs, so you aren't far off.  Sadly, this little dumbass is protected by the MPAA, so there's a 99.9% chance he'll live through this...and probably make plans to start his own Spider Farm at the end of the movie to end it on an "ironic" note.

in Baby Blues OMG, a baby gets drowned, a kid gets stabbed to death with a hand mirror handle(if i remember correctly), and another kid gets stabbed with a pitchfork after narrowly escaping getting ran over by a tractor, and...the dog gets killed too.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0972359/

[broodwars]

When I was little, I thought there was an unwritten rule that animals and children did not die in movies. LOL

Well, actually it is an unwritten rule in Hollywood that the two things you can never kill are children and dogs, so you aren't far off.  Sadly, this little dumbass is protected by the MPAA, so there's a 99.9% chance he'll live through this...and probably make plans to start his own Spider Farm at the end of the movie to end it on an "ironic" note.

in Baby Blues OMG, a baby gets drowned, a kid gets stabbed to death with a hand mirror handle(if i remember correctly), and another kid gets stabbed with a pitchfork after narrowly escaping getting ran over by a tractor, and...the dog gets killed too.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0972359/

Like I said, it's an "unwritten rule".  It's not something they can't do, just something they don't do in American cinema because American audiences don't like seeing children or animals hurt.  The movies that get away with it are usually horror films and dark comedies, but you'll notice they're always killed off-screen.

[ThePerm]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0972359/parentalguide#certification

actually, i dont think the mpaa touched it, the mirror stabbing was particularly bad.

[BlackNMild2k1]

LOL, This kid thought he was so smart.



How many warning signs does one person need before they realize that maybe they shouldn't be there, shouldn't go in, and probably get as far away as possible?



1. Nobody answered the phone
2. When the door was closed, that sign read "CLOSED"
3. When you opened the door, the ENTIRE PLACE WAS COVERED IN SPIDERWEBS


seriously, that is not normal. This is no time to mistake stupidity for bravery, and no time for curiosity because that already killed the cat.


edit:


5. Your friends shoe covered in spiderwebs
6. GIANT SPIDER TRACKS LEADING INTO THE MINES "5X their original size"
7. In his own words "no sign of the arachnids anywhere"


So where does he head?
Into the mines of course....

[Kytim89]

All the above scene needs is a blunt, a bed & me and there are several fantasies involving a mother daughter combo I could fulfill here.

[BlackNMild2k1]

What does it take to get this kid to quit being so stupid?



yes, a 7ft tall spider at the end of the tunnel.




I'm not gonna pretend to understand why you would suck on a hose to unclog a plug, but...

AWWW HELL NAWWW! CHEW BROTHA CHEW!!!!



Atleast he wasn't the first one to die, but that leaves only one more black dude in town.
You know he's already gotta lot of pressure on him to not fit the stereotype, now he's gotta try to survive the whole movie too.
He sounds just crazy enough to do it.

[Kytim89]

Doug E. Doug stars in this movie, right?

[broodwars]

0:58:28

Well, it's on now and it's so intentionally goofy that it's impossible to be creeped out by these spiders anymore.  Lots of funny little sight gags, my two favorite being the spider that tries to kill a stuffed deer head and the Trap Door spiders that use manholes to trap people.  Speaking of the people, it's easy to see how that kid turned out so stupid because everyone else in town is just as dim and deserving of death, just staring in disbelief at the spiders prancing down the streets killing people.  You have to wonder what the population of this town will be by the end, because surely not everyone was "just" spun into a cocoon.

[Stratos]

0:59:00

Did the smaller spider just jabber like a Jawa? *UN-TING*

[BlackNMild2k1]

LMFAO @ the whole Anal Probe speech


"What are they even looking for? What did Skippy do to you?!"