Author Topic: A Businessman's Prerogative: FOMO on News  (Read 2034 times)

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Offline Crimm

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A Businessman's Prerogative: FOMO on News
« on: August 10, 2021, 01:23:24 PM »

A new era of Nintendo analysis has begun; introducing A Businessman's Prerogative.

A brief preamble: I am a gifted businessman. My opinions are the bedrock of great enterprises. You should listen to A Businessman's Prerogative - short free ideas for building wealth.

Today we're going to discuss the day's news: tomorrow there will be news.

The pre-news news is a technique to ensure the maximum eyes see your news. As a note, the business world measures eyes in count, not gross weight. As such, there is little reason to solicit the attention of Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, and their 25lbs eyes.

But this raises a question: how does one ensure the pre-news news is newsy enough to get eyes to the post-news news-news? For Nintendo, it has been to create a culture around their would-be press releases by turning them into ritual. The event—be it a Nintendo Direct, an Indie World, a Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase, a Pokémon Direct, or even the rare SUPER NINTENDO WORLD Direct [emphasis not added]—contributes to this ritual. Down from the Twitter mountain comes news of Dragalia Lost Mobile Direct, and the disciples feign excitement and stop to listen.

But why?

I too am excited to see Summer Chelle enjoying the sun's glorious rays, but I doubt this moves the needle on the global scale a $50 billion company like Nintendo demands.


Fear Of Missing Out. It's a powerful tool to extract money. People see others enjoy a limited resource, and wish they too could enjoy said resource. Over time we become conditioned to dread the experience and instead throw ourselves at anything we perceive as potentially limited and potentially desirable, lest we feel the pangs again. Nintendo has been using this for years, from preorders for Nintendo Switch (OLED model) to gatcha Easter to Target-exclusive pieces of paper with cartoon critters attired with different cartoon critters.

So if you've created a religious fervor for your announcements and primed your audience to fully express a Fear of Missing Out, the only sane thing to do is hybridize your achievements. After all, what good is ascending to godhood if you are only the focus once a month? Can you really touch the divine if you aren't the focus of constant devotionals? I submit, you cannot. So how do you foster the passion of a Direct within the confines of the the original limited and desirable resource - time? How do you get people to trade their time, their eyes, and ultimately their Amazon Prime credits to receive your spectacle marketing: the sacred product announcements?

Limited Edition, Shadow Dropped, Direct.

"New Direct just dropped!"

Before I ask you to partake of the feast, let me set the table.

"Always On" Twitch streams are the answer. These are usually corporate streams that play old video content; rarely is it live. If it is, they're usually just static cameras pointed at animals. As an example, there are currently three Always On streams pointed directly at marijuana grow boxes. Clearly, better can be done.

The vision I'm laying out is of an eternal Nintendo Twitch stream. Nintendo's current Twitch stream last went live for the Kazuya Smash Bros. stream back in June. That's over 1,000 hours of silence. 1,000 hours of missed profit. Nintendo, if they are truly a real business and not just playing pretend, should have an Always On Twitch and whatever the equivalent is on other services.

What would it air? Nothing. A static image of the white Nintendo logo on a red background set to Nintendo music that is not particularly likely to incite the blood. Why? More sedate music can be left up as background noise. But why then would anyone leave it up at all times? That's right, FOMO. Or rather, FOMD: Fear of Missing Directs.

Rather than announcing announcements, Nintendo should politely decline the courtesy. Instead, Directs and the such should drop... when they drop. At any moment, the peace of 24/7 stream of Mario jazz and a static image could be sundered by the onslaught of an Animal Crossing Direct or even a Super Mario Bros. 35th Anniversary Direct. There is simply no way to know. Do you want to see the racoon dog talk about mercantilism? You had better be there, because we're adopting a North Korean-style information blackout after this Direct ends. All rebroadcasts are strictly banned and will be hunted down. If you weren't there, then why do you even exist?


Beyond creating a totalitarian state inside your social media bubble, what does this accomplish? Cash. Amazon cash. Google cash. Facebook cash. I don't know, but definitely the big 3. A single automated ad every hour will generate real revenue from the various streaming services directly into your bank account.

Not Nintendo's, mind. This message was never for them. I'm addressing this directly at the most industrious of Nintendo's social media managers. I've see the replies; even the most innocuous PR tweets will illicit the dumbest of humanity. You're owed this, and so is your Bahamian bank account.

Let's just review replies to the above Indie World announcement.

Isn't that Square Enix's job?

I need you to stop.

Okay, so clearly my plan needs a "Destroy Disney+" phase.

Yeah, Alex! Get up! I want to see the otters!

Alex here illustrates the problem: for some period today he was not only asleep but also presumably enjoying the adorable antics of nature's river clowns. HIS EYES WERE NOT ON THE PRIZE. And you, beleaguered Social Media Manager, were not able to monetize his attention.

Drastic measures must be taken to confront our lost income to not only Disney+ but captive sea life: annoying ads. One ad an hour isn't enough to drive people off, even as they and their friends organize 8 hour watches so that the Horn of Gondor can be blown when the next Direct starts. Enter: the annoying ad. Work with your partners at the Big 3 to get the most irritating ads possible. Why? To foster subscriptions! Subscribers can get through their watch with nary an ad to suffer. All it costs them is the free credit they're getting from Prime or from being a YouTube video subscriber, and presumably Facebook offers credit for spreading Russian agitprop. Get that $2.50 a month from all those tasked with keeping eyes on the pass so that a Direct might not slink by unnoticed. Farm the idle attention of a captive audience for passive income. The only "blockchain" you need is the metaphorical one keeping your audience tied down: FOMD.

And that... is a business opportunity for the ages.

James Jones
Mondo Editor
Nintendo World Report