I almost have to ask myself why I’m writing this quasi-review. If you’ve played Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow and Gold/Silver and decided that just wasn’t enough, you’ve already shelled out thirty dollars for Crystal and are probably insane to the point that you think it was a merited purchase. If you had one of the original games but never tried G/S, I’m not sure if I can even recommend Crystal as a worthy sequel to the duo that started it all. Really, the only group of people to whom I can whole-heartedly, without so much as a shadow of guilt, recommend Pokemon Crystal are those that have never had a game in the franchise before. Stan Jackson, Vince Gonzales, and Sherry Baker: this article is for you.

Ok, no more jokes.

The truth is that despite Nintendo’s constant refinements of this Game Boy Color series, Crystal is still essentially the same game that first hit North American shores in the fall of 1998: a slow, laborious, clunky RPG with almost no storyline or personality. If Pokemon weren’t so inexplicably (but extremely) addictive, no one would care two bits about Crystal, the SIXTH version to be released here in under three years. Sure, you can argue that G/S and Crystal are actually the sequel, but they’re really more like a mission pack. New Pokemon, an internal clock gimmick, and a few very minor gameplay refinements don’t make a good sequel, and the three most recent games unsurprisingly play almost exactly like the first trio. That wouldn’t be quite so bad if the first didn’t have so many glaring flaws that should have been fixed, but like the muddy controls of Resident Evil, it seems that Pokemon’s impossibly slow interface and vapid character development have become as much a part of the franchise’s character as the little monsters themselves.

At least the graphics keep improving...well, kinda. Despite fully supporting the Game Boy Color hardware, Pokemon Crystal has an overall washed-out visual style, and some Japanese screwball artist thought it would be cool to not only name each town after a color, but also paint the entire town in only that color. Compared to contemporary GBC titles like Dragon Warrior 3 or even older ones like Wario Land 2, Crystal seems to be using around ten colors onscreen out of the possible fifty-something. For the newest edition, Nintendo at least added pre-battle animations for the Pokemon; too bad the critters’ action afterwards is still limited to flashing and occasionally sliding towards the enemy for a “tackle” attack. Many of the special moves are really cool to watch though, thanks to reworked attack animations and some new visual effects.

Crystal’s improvements pretty much end there though...unless you count the option to play as a female character, which has zero bearing on the quest. It’s a nice gesture, but why wasn’t it included in Gold/Silver? The biggest upgrade you’ll find in Pokemon Crystal is probably the transparent-blue cartridge it comes in...now that’s sad.

None of this is to say that Crystal is a bad game, or that it’s devoid of entertainment value. Like every other RPG in this series, your enjoyment of Crystal depends largely on whether you have friends who will trade and battle with you. As a stand-alone quest, Pokemon has always been pretty flat and repetitive, and Crystal doesn’t buck that trend in any way. If you’re into the more solitary type of adventuring, check out the other AutumnQuest 2001 games...they’re all more engrossing than Crystal in that respect.

I’d be singing a much different tune if Nintendo had figured out a way to bring the Japanese Crystal’s cell-phone features over to North America. Since they couldn’t, I’m left wondering why the hell NOA bothered to release Crystal here at all...but of course, it’s just another excuse to cram more inane Pokemon junk down your throat. Do yourself a favor this time and hold out for a real sequel on GBA or GameCube.

Jonathan Metts, Senior Editor